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Chapter 12
Decision
It's been almost been three hours since I've woken from my relapse to darkness. I stood alone by the window in Edward's bedroom, searching, praying for their safe return. My dull eyes stared non-observantly at the scenery before me. The bedroom was dark due to the sun's departure and lack of lamp light. The darkness matched my guilt and anxiety. Esme had offered food several times but how can I eat when they're fighting on my behalf. Just the thought of not seeing Edward burnt a fury of anger at Patrick. Edward briefly explained the transformation and at this point I would love nothing more to become a vampire and rip Patrick into shreds for the disaster that he brought upon this family.
At this moment, the worst part was the anticipation and anxiety. Those feelings swelled in my chest almost sent me over the edge. My conscious continued to repeat accusing words that brought about salty tears. I hated to cry but now, it felt good to release some tension in me. The salty tears burned my chocolate eyes until I blinked away heavy tears of guilt. My cheeks felt tingling along with my throat tightening uncomfortably. I began to tremble unconsciously as my breathing shuddered.
How can I possible stop that already started? I contemplated how to end this dilemma. Thoughts and ideas passed through my mind until I was rewarded with a headache. Perhaps if I gave myself up, the fighting will end. But would Edward come for me?
I dejectedly closed my eyes while I hid my face in the palms of my hands. Everything was crashing down, falling part before my eyes. My heart sank deeply into woe until the pain ached dramatically in my chest. Under pressure from my suffering, I struggled to breathe. My breathing was incoherent as my knees became abruptly weak until I had no choice but to sink down to floor. At the moment, I didn't care if the cold floor sent chills throughout my body or how uncomfortable it was. My back slumped droopily on the large window. Slowly and disconsolately, I drew up my knees to my chest to hug myself like a lost child. Tears flowed liberally from eyes that stung continuously; no doubt my cheeks burnt crimson and damped. My throat was sore from my emotional pain which made it very difficult to swallow.
I couldn't help reminiscent about the clearing. The event flashed incoherently in my mind as several imagines were no more than a blur. Everything was hastened and I was too dazed to comprehend the battle in the field. I briefly remember Robin and how she was determined to seize me from the protective arms of the Cullen's. The look on her face was frightening; those teeth were sharpened, glaring at me with ache to bite. And those eyes, I couldn't remove the look in her eyes; they were fierce, malevolence almost similar to a crazed animal. After I woke from my sudden slumber, I begged Esme to explain what happen. She told me I've been asleep for two hours screaming for Edward and begging Patrick not to hurt him. I don't remember my dreams but after hearing the way Esme explained, I don't think I want to. I spent hours worrying over his wellbeing as she told me that he stayed behind to prevent Patrick from taking me.
I sighed hard and deeply but the comfortable stretch in my lungs didn't sway the tension that swelled inside of me. I dipped my head forward to allow my finger to softly brush through my hair. In shame, I kept my head down, my mind relentlessly taunted me. At the moment, I didn't try to stop the tears nor did I have to strength to do so. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted, I feebly prayed for Edward's return. Dejectedly, I rested my head on my knees to cry freely to myself until the bedroom door abruptly opened.
With a shocked gasp, I gazed up into darken golden eyes. "Edward!" My voice was weak, breathless almost completely a whimper. To my dismay, redness covered my eyes and cheeks from my emotion break down. I hate the fact he saw me as a weak human that cried over a vampire. Immediately and unsteadily, I rose to my feet and ran speedily into his arms. My small form clouted with his hard cold body and I was left with a twitch of pain but it was easy to ignore. I wrapped my arms around his neck before realized my actions. Before I had the chance to pull away due to his lack of control, Edward returned the embrace. Strangely, his muscles tightened around me, being utterly cautious while I contemplated whether or not to move away.
Edward gingerly pulled me away but kept his cold hands on my shoulders. The touch was so cold yet blazing hot and very electrifying. The sensation he sent me made my legs weakened but it was tolerable, for now. I hesitantly glanced at his searching eyes that bored in mine with concern. "Are you crying?" He inquired, suddenly worried, his voice slightly shrilled in protectiveness yet alarm. "Why?"
The sound of his voice sent a wash of relief throughout my body. I let out a huff of liberation before breathing calmly. Quickly and non-objectively, I shook my head with the remaining tears slid down my cheeks, "It… was hard…." I struggled to explain in a whisper, my voice broke in emotion that slowly faded but leaving soreness in my chest. I took a deep breath, deliberately expanded my lungs to release spare tension in my torso. "It was hard not knowing if you're ok."
I took a deep look into his eyes as I noticed that they were almost black, the liquid golden nearly became solid. Unconsciously, I momentarily glanced at his form to see that he was completely tensed. To the sight, my chest sank but not of fear but of fear of his thirst. I knew Edward needed to feed soon, but with everything that's been going on, he's been delaying it without my knowledge.
"This is my fault, I should have taken you." Edward said in blameworthy tone that was low and deliberately slow. The sound of his chime voice snapped me out of my daze and I swiftly glanced up at his eyes. His face was tensed with guilt.
"No, I understand."
I placed a comforting hand on his as I couldn't help but gaze stupidly at him in awe. Even with his tensed features, he was absolutely beautiful. For a moment, my breath was ensnared by my lungs when he drawn up he freed hand to gently brush my right cheek. His cold thumb gingerly created circles on my cheekbone as his touch left a burning sensation. My heart clenched almost painfully as my body became abruptly weak. I found little strength to hold myself up on my feet, luckily Edward put around my waist or I would have fallen. I found it difficult to look away from his eyes nor did I want to. I'm not completely sure how long we gazed at each other but I wanted to feel closer, closer than I should. My emotion wanted more than he was offering.
With every brush he created on my cheeks, it brought new overwhelming desires. And what shocked me the most was when Edward slightly leaned his head in. The very action had me completely breathless along with my eyes widened. The urge to close the gap between pushed me to the brink, but I forcefully remember his self-control. However, I worried if he knew his own self-control.
Slowly and gradually, Edward drew closer to me with one hand on my cheek. Our faces abruptly close that I can feel his sweet breath on my lips. I welcomed his scent by slightly opened my mouth to inhale. The smell and the scent fogged up my mind but unlike Patrick, I trusted Edward. The anticipation of his lips about to mine was unbearable. My breath was shuddering as I waited for that moment. Without giving second thought, I leaned up to gently brush my lips against his. I trembled beneath his mouth as I mentally yearned for more closeness. My body was tingling along my stomach fluttering with excitement. I felt the coolness against my lips in a blazing fire as his breath entered my mouth. I was about to give him a peck, but suddenly Edward pulled away.
I opened my eyes as my upper body fell forward until I grasped my knees for support. I breathed heavily with my heart beating rapidly and I was left disappointed. My body was still shaking but slowly I regained my bearing. I glanced up to search for Edward but he was gone. My heart beat in fear as I gained the strength to stand up. Quickly and fearfully, I searched around frantically for Edward but he was no where to be found. For a moment, I thought my worse fear has come, the fear of Edward disappearing. My heart sank deeper in disbelief. Unconsciously, I looked over at the door to see it slightly ajar. I sighed before leaving the room.
I gentle closed the door behind myself while feeling the cold air that lingered in the hallway. When I turned, Carlisle stood in the middle of the hallway beneath a hall light. The lightness of the room radiated his pale skin as the shadows on his face were well defined. He stood beside his office door with a book in his hand. It seemed I've interrupted his reading time for his office door was wide open along with a simple light on, probably for my benefit. "He's out side, Bella." His voice was calm but a sense of caution lingered in his tone, however his fatherly tone never wavered. Leisurely, Carlisle lifted his hand toward the hall, gestured me to follow his direction. But I wasn't sure if I should go to Edward yet. He seemed so tensed in the room due to my scent.
Carlisle's eyebrows lifted encouragingly as I hesitantly walked down the hall. "Bella?" Carlisle voice suddenly broke the silence that loitered between us. I looked at him plainly but curiosity swelled in my chest. "Give him time, I sure Edward will learn to control himself…." The tone of his voice was slightly dithered in his confidence in his son's self-control. I simply nodded as I turned away as I heard him say, "I hope." It was barely whisper; I don't think it was meant for me to hear so I continued on.
I walked past Esme who smiled sweetly at me while, Rosalie didn't even acknowledge my presence. I returned the smile to Esme and walked out to the porch. The cold wind was dull but enough to make me shiver for I had no jacket to protect my sensitive skin. Hesitantly, I stood on my porch as I gazed at Edward who had his back to me. He stood quietly beneath the moonlight and on the dirt ground, his head tilted up to the bright moon. His body tensed up to my scent but didn't turn. The way he stood was almost depressing, I nearly felt a somewhat sadness from him. I bit my lip nervously, "I'm sorry, Edward."
I barely manage to say beneath my shame, but Edward didn't falter his pose. Finally, after I spoke a long silence erupted until Edward sighed. He dipped his head along with his shoulder drooped. Deliberately slowly, he turned to me as he hesitantly breathed deeply with his body tensed. "I just need…. a second." His voice was strangled, but slowly his tense body relaxed. Obviously, it was easily for him to be around me outside while he was thirsty, he became stronger over time. If he was content with his thirst then it would be much easier for him to be in my presence with a fault.
I noticed a small smile on his lips before he approached me. I was very cautious, "Edward…" I protest about him testing his self-control but he quickly diverted me.
"It's ok, Bella." Edward assured with a confident voice as he purposely pressed his weight against the porch step to create a squeal of protest. The sound of his feet thumbing lightly on the wood porch grew louder until his came to halt in front of me. "Its easier outside when I am like this….when we were in that room…your scent was too appealing. I should have known better." The repentance in his voice was sincere that made my heart clench. I gave him a smile of forgiveness for his benefit as he placed a hand on my cheek. Once again my skin was nearly on fire yet so cold. "I need to hunt. Which means you'll stay with Carlisle and Esme."
I nodded, unable to speak at the moment. Abruptly, Alice and Jasper appeared where Edward once stood with their eyes watching us. My cheek blushed for they were watching a personal moment between Edward and me. I heard Jasper lightly snicker to my expression. The blush forced Edward to remove his hand from my cheek as he took a step back. "I need to go." I heard him say but it was faded words for I was stun to find a bite mark on Jasper's neck. The mark noticeably deep and red along with a little discoloring.
Immediately, my eyes soften with worry along with guilt increased in my emotions. Obviously, Jasper was astonished by my feelings for he frowned at me, not understanding my emotions. At the corner of my eyes, Edward glanced at Jasper to find his battle mark on his neck. He didn't seem surprised, "He'll be Bella." His voice was soft as his replaced his hand on my cheek to snap me out my daze. Reluctantly, I looked into Edward's worried eyes as his dark eyes swelled with emotion. "Bella…"
"I'll be fine." I immediately said to prevent him to say any farther. I surely didn't want him to worry about me. Even though, I was completely mortified to the battle mark on Jasper's neck because of a fight that was over me. "You should go…I'll be fine." I reassured with confidences and I gave him a weak smile. Edward prolonged a gaze at me contemplated whether or not to leave but soon he turned away. Edward casually told me he'll return soon.
I faked a smile as I returned to the house. I non-observantly walked up the stairs as my eyes were dull for I was completely lost in my mind. The mark on Jasper's neck bothered me more than it should. The idea of him and his family at battle for me was overwhelming. They shouldn't get hurt over my wellbeing. The guilt in my chest swelled as my mind went in circles. I returned to the question that I asked myself before. How do I end something that's already begun?
I bit my lip nervously before I head to Carlisle's office. I asked for his cell phone to talk to my dad briefly and I convinced him I wanted to check up on my father. Thankfully, Carlisle understood. Quickly, I retrieved his cell phone before retreating to Edward's bedroom. Quietly, I closed the door behind me before I head towards the couch. My weight created a dent in the cushion as I stared fearfully at the phone.
My fingers twirled the object around in hand while I contemplated carefully. Occasionally, my eyes darted toward the door in anticipation; I couldn't help but nibble on my lip. The indecision ached in my chest almost to the brink. My stomach twisted uncomfortably. Suddenly, I remembered Alice's objective vision. I was instantly worried but I swayed my thoughts to a different decision on contacting with my father after my first task. While I opened phone lid, I constantly repeated, 'I'm calling my father…I'm calling my father', and hoped it worked. The very sentence started to annoy me but I refused to falter. I chose to look through recent calls as I hoped Carlisle had unlimited texting. Finally, I found what I wanted. I quickly and shakily texted two words…
"Hello, Patrick?"
To be continued..
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