Brother Mine

"What do you know about Cailan?" Alistair asked almost in an offhanded manner, they were lounging in their tent late in the evening, getting ready to sleep.

Cailan, what could she possibly tell Alistair about Cailan? That he was a giant flirt, and a bit of a womanizer? That he had tried to seduce pretty much every woman in Highever, and succeeded more times than not?

She remembered them sparring during one of the King's summer visits to Highever. It was hot out and they were incredibly bored so they decided to see who the better fighter was. Cailan was good, but he was so slow. She bested him again and again. He was getting so frustrated that his face was red with irritation.

He came running at her, sword in front; she easily ducked and rolled out of the way tapping him on the back with her sword in the process. Cailan almost went sprawling to the ground, he caught himself and spun around. He seemed to decide to let her come to him then.

He held his sword at the ready and watched her carefully, she circled him slowly. She was clearly looking for a weakness or an opening. She was taking forever, just circling him and not attacking. She watched him closely; saw that his mind had started to wander. She waited another minute before she attacked.

Lightning fast, she ran forward and kicked his sword from his now loose grip, and used her shoulder to knock him to the ground. This time he did go sprawling. She stood over him her training sword pointed at his throat. "Do you yield?"

He smiled at her and replied. "To you? Always."

Sareyna shook her head and moved her sword, as she was about to step away from him he grabbed her leg pulling her down on top of him. She shrieked in surprise at being pulled down. And then again when she felt that he was hard.

She started laughing then. "So that's where your mind wandered too. You're always thinking about sex. One of these days it going to get you killed."

He held her still on top of him, even though she wasn't fighting to get away. "I just get distracted with daydreams." He ran his finger lightly across her forehead tracing her tattoo. "I love this tattoo; I love what it means about you, that the Dalish respected you so much that they graced you with Vallaslin. If I made you queen you would fight for them wouldn't you?"

Exasperated Sareyna replied. "Cailan we've been over this, you are promised to someone else. Not to mention I don't love you. Why do you keep filling your head with these ridiculous thoughts?"

Cailan sighed. "I know but can you blame me? You may not love me, but you can at least respect me right? Can you respect the fact that I would like to marry someone I can respect? And maybe love will come later? I don't want to spend my years with a woman who has the personality of an icicle and all she cares about is paper work and tax documents and blah, blah, blah. Sure, she's beautiful but I'll be ready to kill myself inside of a month. Just let me talk to my father?" He smiled his most charming smile at her, brilliant and lopsided.

Sareyna shook her head no. "What's done is done Cailan, I'm sorry you're so unhappy, but friends is all we were ever meant to be."

Cailan begrudgingly let her go and she stood up and strode out of the training area and disappeared into the armory.

She had thought being around Cailan was dangerous. He was a good friend, but he always wanted more. She had almost felt bad for Anora when the rumors reached Highever of Cailan's infidelities less than a month after they married.

Sareyna's family had visited the castle a couple times after Cailan became king. He would invite her into his sitting room and they would talk late into the night. He said he felt isolated, and he could not even have a decent conversation with Anora. He was so unhappy. Sareyna wished she could help him, she could never have married him, court life wasn't for her and she didn't love him but she wished she could help stop his pain.

She watched over the months and years as he retreated more and more into fantasy. Anora either didn't notice or didn't care. Stories of great heroes, Grey Wardens and griffons filled his head. And a legion of nameless girls slid in and out of his bed. Kingship and Anora killed the laughing, teasing Cailan she had known. Thinking back Sareyna wondered now if that had been Anora's plan all along. So she could rule Ferelden without Cailan interfering.

Sareyna looked at Alistair, he was watching her intently. "That must be some hell of a memory, you totally zoned out. Were you two…" His voice trailed off and he swallowed nervously, he didn't want to even voice the rest of that thought.

She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "No, we were never together, in any way. Cailan was my friend. I was remembering when I used to beat him whenever we sparred."

Alistair tilted his head a bit. "And what about that memory made you sad?"

Sareyna pressed her lips together; sometimes it frustrated her that Alistair had gotten to know her so well, she couldn't hide anything from him. "After he married Anora, he changed. He was sad and lonely and retreated into fantasies for comfort. I don't know if it was Anora or being King that did it, but something sucked the life right out of Cailan. I was happy at Ostagar to see that he had gotten a little of that spark back. Yes, he liked his women, but he cared about people. All of them, even elves."

Alistair was surprised to hear so much passion in her voice. He understood now her tears at Ostagar when they had found Cailan. She had cared for him. Alistair was a little jealous of Cailan that he had known Sareyna before he had, before she had been through such tragedy. He was also a little jealous of Sareyna because she knew his brother.

He felt terrible that the loss of her family was ultimately what had brought her to the Grey Wardens and was the reason they had met. But he was glad she was there, he loved her and she was giving him a family after a fashion, letting him get to know his brother through her. It was the best present she had ever given him. He wondered what else she might be able to tell him.

"So you must have known my father."

"I did." She replied cautiously. She wanted to be honest with him, but was worried he would get upset.

"Did you like him?" He didn't really know much about his father other than that he had been king.

"I did, he was always very kind to us, even kind to the servants. That's pretty rare. He wanted to do things for himself. I liked that about him, although it drove the servants and the guards crazy. I remember I liked it when he smiled or laughed. He never did either often. He seemed very sad. I assume it was because the queen had died." She finished, wondering if she had said too much, he had never shown any interest in his father before this.

"Maybe it was because she loved Loghain." He nearly whispered.

Sareyna was suddenly sitting up, staring at him. "What?"

"I..uh found my father's journal. It was with Cailan's things in Ostagar." He looked at her sheepishly.

"Oh" She said and then "Oh" in understanding this time. "That explains some things. But why would Cailan have that at Ostagar?" she asked with sudden interest.

"It talks about my father running into Darkspawn. Did you know he went into the Deep Roads, twice?" He sounded incredulous.

"I know he went during the war. My father told me about it. He was in Gwaren when the king came out with Loghain, Rowan, and an elf…what was her name?" She was still trying to remember it when Alistair spoke up.

"Katriel." He replied blandly.

"Yeah her, was that in there?"

"Yes, he killed her. He loved her and he killed her. Loghain made him do it. She deserved it in a way, but he was different after that. His writing changed, so I'm guessing that he did too." Alistair looked a little sad. "I almost feel bad for him, but it reinforces to me that I don't want to be the king; arranged marriages, hiding love, hiding your half elven children."

Sareyna actually gawked, her mouth opened in a big O of surprise. "What are you saying? You're half elven? Is that why he hid you?" Sareyna was startled, this was all so weird.

"I don't know. I think so. I haven't read the whole journal, I've been kinda skimming through it and there are no dates so I can't be sure. He fell in love with another elf. They had sex in the Deep Roads. Apparently, he had a thing with elves in the Deep Roads. Anyway, she was a Warden and a mage and she gave the baby to him and asked for it to be raised away from court. She said her heritage would be a burden and she saw how miserable he was so she wanted the child to have a 'normal' life. Weisshapt apparently was going to keep her there indefinitely." He paused and then looked at Sareyna. "So, my mom might be an elven mage Warden from Orlais. No wonder Loghain wants me dead." He laughed softly before adding. "I wonder if she's still alive."

Sareyna sat in stunned silence. She had no idea what to say to that. Alistair didn't seem to mind, he mused to himself. "Maybe after the Blight we can look into it."

Sareyna took his hand. "I had no idea."

Alistair shook his head at her. "I don't think the Arl even knew. It would be a very dangerous secret. Sorry, that was a lot to dump on you all at once, I've been reading it for a little while and I've had a hard time absorbing it all. Not to mention his penmanship is terrible. Maric had a very complicated life. Actually, the part I'm having the hardest time digesting is the stuff about Duncan."

"Duncan?" Now she was thoroughly confused, what would Maric have to say about Duncan?

"Maric says Duncan was a cutpurse and a murderer. That he murdered a Grey Warden. Then he was saved from execution by being conscripted, by the Grey Warden's fiancé. She was a Grey Warden too. I don't know if I believe it, it seems crazy and so out of character." Alistair seemed miserable and Sareyna had no words to comfort him. Alistair sighed, pulling her down to snuggle against him again. "We can talk about this more later. Let's get some sleep. Shale can keep watch tonight. Not like she needs sleep."

Sareyna mumbled a confused agreement before trying to sleep with a jumble of confused thoughts in her head.