Chapter 12 - Weight
"Oof," she had said when Daryl first placed the crossbow carefully into her arms. The weight of it caused her shoulders to sag. "It's a lot heavier than it looks."
"Guess I'm just used to carryin' it around," he replied, nodding a little. He'd never really thought about the weight of his crossbow before – it had always just been a part of him. As if his shoulders had been molded in a particular shape to make carrying the crossbow easy. As if he knew how to aim by instinct alone. As if he came into this world ready to fight.
But he wanted to be supportive – wasn't quite sure how to do it, but he was ready to try his best. He wanted to give Beth a real fighting chance – he owed it to her. Hell, he owed her a lot of things; she'd brought him miracles while he'd done nothing but accept her gifts with nothing to show for it. But this he could do – he could teach Beth how to survive, how to make it on her own, as much as this thought terrified him to his very core. This would be his 'thank you', it was his 'I need you,' it was his 'please don't leave me all alone.' Maybe this time actions could speak louder than words – he never had the right words, anyway.
It had taken a few hours before she tired of holding it. Daryl was impressed – and he made a point of showing it. Her strength was there, hiding in plain sight. Beth had been pleased with herself. Her aim hadn't been too shabby either, although Daryl had already figured she'd be a good shot – she was a farm girl after all.
That night, they roasted a squirrel that Beth had caught herself over a roaring fire. She was exuberant – her energy practically radiated through the forest, as if she had turned into a force of nature. Who was he kidding, Beth Greene was a force of nature – one of the strongest he had ever encountered. She didn't even bat an eyelash when he taught her to skin and gut the small animal. She was all curiosity and excitement, pointing out how beautiful its heart was, even when it lay bloody and completely still upon her flat palm. She saw beauty in everything – Daryl wondered what she saw when she looked at him. The thought frightened him.
She asked him questions – so many questions. No one had ever taken an interest in his hunting before. He decided he liked it – hunting was the one thing he found confidence in. He knew he was good at tracking, at stalking, at killing. But Beth was the perfect admirer, the perfect student. She asked him about interference from the wind when looking for tracks, she asked him about footwork and aim when confronted with larger animals, she asked him to remember the funniest mistake he had ever made. He talked openly for hours. She didn't seem to care when he fumbled his words, she only inquired further, picking his brain, challenging him.
If Daryl had to pick one of his favorite days, this would be one of them. Their understandings of one another had deepened to a newfound level. Although he had always considered Beth his equal, he saw her confidence rise over the next few days as they continued the lessons. Beth no longer allowed Daryl to carry the crossbow – she wanted to train herself, to learn to bear the weight, to become accustomed to it. Daryl was happy to let her. There was something about the way Beth Greene looked with his crossbow strapped to her back – occasionally she would be framed by sunshine, utterly blinding him.
"Have you ever thought about naming it?"
They were strolling through the woods, about five days into the lessons. Beth had suddenly stopped and looked at him, all the while grasping the strap at her chest.
"Whatdya mean?"
"Well… ok, maybe this is stupid, but I always gave names to the things that were important to me, you know, before it all began. Daddy used to get mad at me for naming my favorite chickens… 'You'll get too attached to them,' he used to say. But I liked naming them. I named my car, too. I was so proud of myself for saving enough money to buy one, so I named it… I sound silly, don't I?"
Daryl shook his head. He was trying not to grin. Of course she had named her car – it was a little silly, but not in a bad way. It made sense. Beth liked to personalize things that were important to her, just like she still wanted to document her daily life in her journal, even though the world had practically ended. It was her way of maintaining a sense of normal.
But Daryl didn't think he had never really felt a sense of normal to begin with.
"S'not silly… but I never thought about my crossbow as somethin' else. It's just me. Part of me."
Beth looked at him curiously. "Yeah, I guess it's kinda weird seein' you without it."
They continued walking, silent for a few moments until –
"What'd you name your car?"
She glanced at him, a blush creeping up her face. "Paul McCartney," she said hurriedly.
Daryl let out a snort. She nudged him in the rib playfully and kept on tracking.
…
Daryl awoke to absolute darkness. It made him uneasy. For a moment, he forgot where he was – in his sleepy delirium he wondered for a moment if he had died, at last. He felt at peace with the thought. Until a whimpering Judith brought him back to his senses.
He was in a house – he and the rest of his group. It was technically their house – bequeathed to them by the leader of Alexandria – Deanna. Daryl wasn't sure what to make of her. She didn't seem too sure of him either.
In the darkness – they had boarded up the windows (old habits die hard) – Daryl reached out for one of the flashlights he knew was resting somewhere near his head. He was on a sleeping bag on the floor in the middle of the living room. Two weeks, they had been here, yet no one wanted to sleep anywhere else.
He flicked on the flashlight and slowly pushed himself out of his sleeping bag, trying to be quiet so as not to wake up everyone around him. He made his way over to the crib they had been given for Judith. She was sitting up, chewing on her fingers, and whimpering. Teething, Rick had called it.
"What's wrong, lil' ass kicker?" Daryl outright refused to call the kid anything else.
Judith whimpered again, tears pooling in her giant eyes. She reached her arms up towards him, her little hands stretching out. His heart melted at the sight of her – he couldn't resist that little face. So he bent down to pick the kid up, and slowly brought her up to his chest. He looked down at her and tried bouncing her a little bit to try and distract her from her incoming teeth. It wasn't working. She cried as her little fists grabbed at his face.
Daryl started to panic. He didn't know how to take care of a baby. Hell, he could barely take care of himself.
Beth would have known what to do, he thought to himself, feeling a rush of sadness. He thought back to all the times he'd seen her taking care of Judith. Back at the prison, she and the baby were practically joined at the hip. Beth was constantly singing to her, cooing at her, picking up that damn plastic sucker when Judith tossed it to the ground…
That was it! The plastic sucker! Daryl felt pride for a moment – he couldn't believe he'd actually thought of something useful. He turned on the spot, Judith still in his arms, and headed toward the kitchen. He kept bouncing her gently – remembering all the times Beth had done this – it seemed to help, but only a little.
When he reached the kitchen (which was spotless and unnerving – he had avoided it for a long time), he flicked through the many cupboards and drawers in search of the plastic thing. He grunted in victory when at last he found it, hiding in plain sight next to a couple of forks. Judith giggled.
Daryl looked down at her in surprise. He made a low growling sound again, just out of curiosity. She giggled again. He stared at the baby in shock. He had actually made her laugh. He couldn't believe it. He growled it again, just for kicks. Judith practically screamed with joy – apparently she found him hilarious. Daryl quickly stuck the plastic sucker in her mouth, worried she might wake the group.
For the next few minutes, Daryl walked in circles around the kitchen holding Judith and rocking her back and forth as she slowly started to calm down and fall back to sleep. He spoke to her soothingly, and before he knew what he was doing, he was humming the tune to Joni Mitchell's "My Old Man" (badly). Judith was heavier than she looked – no wonder it hadn't taken Beth long to get used to holding his crossbow.
As Daryl looked down at the sleeping child in his arms, he felt himself break out into the very first genuine smile he could remember having since everything had happened. He couldn't help himself. Lil' ass kicker had tugged at his heartstrings.
As he turned to take Judith back to her crib, he noticed a sleepy Michonne leaning in the doorway, her arms crossed. She was grinning at him.
"I never knew you had any kind of musical bone in your body," she said with a light grin.
Daryl felt himself turning red. "Shut up," he replied quietly, careful not to wake Judith.
"I think it's nice that she likes you. And I won't tell anyone, y'know, if you're worried about your image," Michonne smiled wider at him, and he knew it was just a friendly tease. "Hey, are you going out to scout with Aaron again tomorrow?"
He nodded, slowly inching his way back into the other room.
"Could you look out for some comic books? I think Carl would appreciate something new to read."
"Sure thing," he replied. And then he headed back into the dark living room, placed Judith back into her crib, and sat beside it, waiting for the sun to rise.
….
As it turned out, Daryl and Aaron had become friends. Sort of. Daryl wasn't sure 'friend' was the right word, but he certainly liked Aaron a hell of a lot better than the rest of the idiots in Alexandria. And Aaron seemed to understand him. They had gone on two scouting trips in the past week together, and had grown to trust each other as partners. It was Aaron's idea to make Daryl a scout in the first place, and Daryl was grateful for the chance to get outside the walls of Alexandria. They could communicate nonverbally now, stalking prey, watching out for people, driving through the country in search of supplies. They picked up on each other's habits quickly.
Daryl preferred being out in the woods than being stuck in that cage they called a 'community.' It felt like they were playing pretend – like everyone had reverted back to their kindergarten selves and were playing 'house.' Daryl remembered that stupid game, mostly because he had been one of the only kids who refused to play it. He had preferred burning ants with a magnifying glass and terrorizing the other kids by carrying around live spiders.
Daryl was brought back to the present as he noticed a spider trying to crawl slowly up his sleeve. He flicked it away. He was standing next to Aaron, binoculars in hand, trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to be looking at.
It looked a lot like someone had killed a bunch of deer, thrown them all together in a heap, and left. In fact, it looked exactly like that.
"What a waste," he heard Aaron say next to him. It was true. As much as Alexandria had plentiful resources, it was always better to have more meat to bring in and cure. But this pile of deer was useless and already rotting. Daryl felt sadness course through him – what kind of person did something like this? Especially now? Why waste food like this?
Daryl nodded his head at Aaron, and they both crept closer to the sad pile of dead animals, each heading on opposing sides to take a look.
"This is disturbing," Aaron said from the other side. "I think I'm gonna go back to the car and grab the camera, maybe take a picture to show Deanna, just in case. She wanted to know about anything unusual…"
Daryl nodded in his direction again. He was getting a sick feeling in the bottom of his stomach. Something wasn't right. He heard Aaron ambling off in the direction they came.
Daryl circled around the pile of carcasses a few times, trying to figure them out. It seemed like something done to attract walkers. But who would want to attract walkers? Why bother?
He heard a snap of a twig off to his left, and his head spun in the direction and he crouched low to the ground. But there was nothing there. At least, it looked like there was nothing there. He headed slowly in the direction of the sound, noticing that he was walking straight into a thick patch of trees and shade. He approached, slowly, cautiously. He felt his heart beating faster and faster as he made his way into the cool shade of the trees. His heart was beating out of his chest.
Then suddenly from behind him, he heard a whack, and everything went black.
….
I finally updated! Sorry again for taking so long. I was distracted by the finale and everything. Which I thought had some good moments, but mostly didn't feel like a finale... Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I really liked writing the Daryl and Judith scene. And I definitely have some crazy (good) plan in the works for Beth and Daryl's reunion, so get excited! Please like and review if you feel like doing so! I always appreciate it :)
