Thanks to xSanurax, garra-chan, pirateXfangirl, LuLu606, Clarissa Avila, Gaara-frenzy, and Micky-Moo for your wonderful reviews! Thank you everyone for being so patient with me! Life is crazy! Crazier than this fanfic! Enjoy!
Lyrics used in this chapter: "Breathe No More" By Evanescence
Chapter 12: Sing For Me
I saw the smile that was on Temari's face as she watched Gaara grab my bag from me and motion for me to follow him up the stairs. Both she and Kankuro seemed to be happier than the last time I had been there. They were probably used to the red head bringing home skanks. I brushed the thought aside, not really wanting to think about how many girls Gaara had been with, or what he had done with them.
"So, what's the plan for tonight?" I walked into his bedroom, but didn't approach the bed where he had set my bag and then sat down himself.
That sexy smile began to curve his lips and I knew I was in trouble, but then he pushed my bag to the end of his bed and lay down, grabbing the remote to the television.
"Law and Order?" He asked, switching the TV on.
I shrugged, not quite sure what else to do and walked over to the bed, "Wanna move over?"
In one fluid motion, the red head dropped the remote and pulled me down on top of him, trapping me flush against his body, "I thought we were going to watch television." I grumbled against his mouth that pressed itself to mine.
He drew back, smiling, "I wanted a kiss first."
When he loosened his arms, I moved off of him, really confused as to his change of mood. He was so pissed at the theater, how come he's so calm now? There was no way what I had said could make him completely forget what had happened. I had barely blundered my way through that one.
I was glad that Gaara had good taste in TV shows, because SVU was about the only Law and Order series that could hold my attention. Unfortunately, it wasn't doing a very good job tonight. That wasn't SVU's fault though; it was mostly because I could feel Gaara's eyes on me every time he glanced over. It was often enough that I knew he wasn't really watching the television.
I finally turned to him, "Would you stop looking at me like that?"
He frowned, but his eyes still held some of that heat. I realized that unless he was angry, when Gaara looked at me, there was almost always something sexual in his gaze. It made me uncomfortable, especially since he had made it quite clear that he was only in this relationship for one thing.
"You're too far away."
"If I move closer we probably won't end up watching much TV." I pointed out, knowing that even with the whole promise going on; we were teenagers, and too much messing around with hormones led to bad things. Gaara and I were on a little more equal footing now; he couldn't just toss me around if we were actually going to play out this relationship the correct way.
A smile curved his lips and the red head reached over to pull me close to him, "So?"
His arm looped around my waist and I ended up with my head tucked against Gaara's chest. Nestled up against him like it was the most normal thing in the world, I was suddenly gripped with fear. For me, a relationship was supposed to mean something. I had been taught that you date to find the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Gaara was trying to trick me into thinking he was the one, just to take advantage of me. I'm a girl, my emotions are easy to play with, especially if he could continue to act as good as he was now, I was totally screwed unless I kept myself heavily guarded.
The red hand ran his hand down my arm, "What's wrong? You're tense." There he went again; acting completely unlike himself, pretending to be concerned because he knew it would get to me. That did it.
I pulled away from him and faced the red head, "What's wrong? Oh, I don't know. Maybe there's this guy who basically blackmailed me into a fake relationship, who is trying to make me fall in love with him so I'll have sex with him. Absolutely nothing wrong with that picture."
A smug smile formed on Gaara's face, "But you also have equal opportunity to make me fall in love with you." He leaned in and caught my hair with one hand, pulling me towards him. Our lips crashed together and he dragged the rest of my body against his with a hand on my waist. I ended up clutching at his shoulders just to keep from completely falling against him. He kissed me roughly and the red head's fingers dug into my waist in that painful way that didn't quite hurt. I was left gasping against his mouth, helpless to stop him, but not really caring. It seemed I ended up feeling like this so often. Gaara caused so much inner conflict in me.
He drew back, stroking his hand down my side, "That's not fake." There was a very satisfied light in his ice blue eyes.
"Lust isn't something to base a relationship off of, Gaara." I told him, pulling away from his touch.
The red head lay back on his pillows and turned off the TV; hands folded behind his head, "Then let's talk."
I just looked at him, wondering what the hell he was trying now.
Gaara sighed, "Get to know each other talk." His blue eyes suddenly looked piercing. Like he was actually serious about what he just said.
"Fine then." I gestured to the painted walls around us, "You do artsy stuff other than draw on your walls?"
If he had eyebrows, he would have raised one, "We're going to ask questions of each other?"
I nodded, "Now answer me."
He closed his eyes, "I like you more when you aren't afraid of me. It's sexy when you tell me what to do." He was smiling as he said it.
"Just answer my question Gaara." I ignored the heat that rose in my cheeks; he couldn't see it anyways so I would be fine.
"I have a few sketchbooks." Gaara opened his eyes and looked at me, "Maybe I'll show some of my work to you later. Now it's my turn to ask a question." He looked past me for a moment, then slowly smiled, looking back at me, "When was your first kiss?"
I looked away, the damn bastard knew exactly what the answer was, "That's none of your business." I mumbled.
"I like that I'm your first." His tone was smug, then he made a frustrated noise and I looked at him, his eyes were dark, "I'm going to kill that fucking mutt for touching you."
"Leave him alone Gaara."
Gaara turned those dark eyes more fully on me and sat up, "There had better not be anything going on between you and dog breath." His voice was low, almost a growl, and let me know that I was treading dangerous ground.
"What the hell Gaara? I'm dating you! I may not enjoy it very much, but I'm not going to cheat on you or something. I have a little bit better morals than that." My words came out clipped and angry. He was not going to insult me like that.
He smiled slowly, "Good, because I don't share at all."
"I know." I grumbled, semi glaring at him.
"It's your turn to ask a question." Gaara told me, lying back again.
"What do you like to do besides beat the shit out of people, torment me, and draw?"
He glanced at me dismissively, "Work out, sometimes I play video games with Temari and Kankuro."
That was why he was so damn strong. He probably lifted weights like everyday or something. Although he wasn't built too big, so it was probably a lighter workout. I could imagine him boxing or something too, Gaara seemed to like hitting things.
"Why do you harm yourself?"
I looked at him sharply, "That's none of your business."
He sat up against the headboard with his arms crossed, looking like he was going to stay sitting up this time, "Oh really? I'm your boyfriend; shouldn't I be concerned about something that is obviously a very poor habit?"
"You hurt other people, I hurt myself. I think my habit is better." I said in a hard voice.
Gaara uncrossed his arms, blue eyes going icy again, "You can either answer my question or we can do things you're going to regret later."
I looked down at the bed, really weighing my options in my mind. Gaara had promised not to force me to do anything I didn't want to, but like he said, we could do things, and at the time, I would enjoy it, and not have many objections, but I would regret it later. Is it really that bad telling him why? Yeah, it's damn embarrassing, but at least you won't get into a very bad sexual situation.
"I enjoy pain." I said quietly to my lap, heat rushing up into my face and making my whole body warm. I gripped the blankets under my hands and shut my eyes, I had never told anyone, it had taken me long enough to admit it to myself, let alone tell another person who might judge me for it.
"I already knew that." There was definitely something smug in his voice.
My eyes met his through the hair that had fallen in my face, "Oh yeah?"
Gaara let out a short laugh, "You think I haven't noticed? You like it when I bite you and pull on your hair." He paused, then added in a lower voice, "It's sexy."
I looked down again, "It's not sexual when I cut myself. I don't masturbate or do anything gross like that when I do it." I muttered, I wasn't some kind of sicko that got off on cutting myself.
"But it's easily translated into sex with the right person." I glanced at him sharply and saw the smug smile, "I guess you're kind of lucky you caught my eye, other guys might be weirded out by the whole pain thing."
"Do you like pain?" I asked, mostly in anger. His smile mocked me, degraded me, and even if his words weren't judging, the look on his face was.
"You haven't finished answering mine yet, wait your turn." His blue eyes lost a bit of that mocking light, but it didn't make me relax any more.
"I told you that I like it, now answer mine."
"You told me you like pain, but not why you cut. There are lots of ways to get pain, physically and emotionally, why cutting?" This was a different Gaara, this interested, serious, but still dangerous and untrustworthy boy. He knew he was on to something that he could use against me, that would embarrass me, another thing for him to trap me with, and while I had made the decision to tell him, I wasn't quite sure if it was the lesser evil any longer.
A sigh escaped me, either I told him, or I got myself into a heap of trouble that I would hate myself even more for, "I like the scars. I can make any sort of mark on myself that I want, and get the relaxing rush of the pain all at the same time." I let it fall out of my mouth. Then I watched his face, watched his eyes widen slightly, and watched him as he closed the distance between us.
The red head pushed up my left sleeve and looked at the still healing wound from the week before, the one he had caught me with. His fingers gently traced the letters, then moved to the other lines, symbols, and words carved into my skin. Summer was the hardest, not getting to go swimming, feigning fear of the water, no tank tops around people who might try to get me to get help for it. I'd been hiding it for almost two years now.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn't quite notice Gaara dip his head down until I felt his lips on my wrist, and then his tongue running along the ridges of white scars. I jerked my hand away from him, "What the hell?"
He shrugged, a small smile on his face, "I think they're cool. You have them anywhere else besides your arms?"
I almost smiled, "You have to answer my question before I answer that. So I'll say it again, do you like pain?"
That slow, sexy smile that I saw for the first time last week after Gaara had come up with his plans for last Friday night made a return on his face, "Maybe you'll just have to find out."
For a moment, I froze, staring at his face that was only inches away from mine. Gaara had invited me to be the one in control, for me to go after him, instead of him coming after me. I had never pursued a guy in my life, let alone tried to kiss one of my own volition. What was I supposed to do? Especially since it was an experiment. Dammit Kagami, he's letting his guard down, jump in there, he's playing a game, and you had better win it.
So I leaned into him and shoved my hands into his hair, I had to give it everything I had, or I wouldn't get him with this one. He was expecting me to back down, to let him stay in control, but there was no way that was happening. Gaara was not going to drive this relationship in any direction he wanted, we were going to do it my way. My fingers found anchors in the few inches of that brick red hair and I pulled his head back, hard, exposing the line of his pale neck. I heard the noise that he tried to suppress, deep in his throat.
"I don't think I have my answer yet." I breathed along the side of his neck, absolutely and completely uncomfortable with what I was doing, but forcing myself. If I could do this, I felt like it would somehow change something. Earn his respect? Maybe not that, but something would happen, and I was going to make it happen, because it was going to work for me.
I could see his hands balled into tight fists as I look down, he was restraining something. Maybe his urge to take over, the red head probably wasn't used to letting anyone have any iota of control over him. My lips met his skin before he could decide whether to let me continue or not, and I did what he did to me that first time in his car.
With one hand tightly fisted in his hair, and my lips on Gaara's smooth neck that smelled of his spicy scent, I made the only move I had ever made on a guy before. If the scent of his skin had been intoxicating before, now, with my lips drinking in the taste of it along with the scent, I was lost. I forgot that this was Gaara's skin that I was sucking and licking, the boy who had been so in control of me. I forgot that I really didn't know what the hell I was doing, and that my plan was most likely going to backfire on me.
I gave in to the feel of his fragile skin under my lips, teeth, and tongue, and was only brought back down to earth, and who I was holding onto when Gaara clutched at me with his hands. His fingers dug into the bared skin at my lower back, my shirt having risen up an inch or so, and I gasped involuntarily against his skin. Then one of his hands went to the back of my head, and he was suddenly holding me to him. This was it, I had him. My teeth closed around the spot on his neck that I had been giving so much attention and I bit down quick and hard, smiling fiercely against his skin when he let out a sound that was very happy.
His breathing was heavy, hot in my ear, and the next thing I knew, I was flat on my back and Gaara's lips were taking advantage of my own. He held his body above mine, his lips the only part of him touching me. The red head trailed those sinful lips down my jaw line and to my neck. I was glad I had worn a shirt with a very proper neckline. I had been smart when dressing to go out tonight. We were not going to have any accidents like last time.
Gaara moved down, his mouth hovering just over my clothed upper body. I was careful to keep my breathing shallow, no matter how my lungs screamed for air. His hands pushed the hem of my shirt up, exposing my stomach, and I was not going to let this happen.
"Gaara-"
His mouth closed over my skin and I jerked involuntarily beneath him, my hands clutching at the blankets. My mind couldn't even form the words to get him to stop, or command my hands to control his head. My stomach was even more sensitive than my neck, and Gaara had all of that at his fingertips. I made small noises that I couldn't keep from coming out as he bit his way from the top of my jeans to my pushed up shirt. I woke up a little from the exquisite sensations that were running down my body from my reddening skin to the base of my stomach when he didn't stop at my shirt.
My hands went to his head in panic, "Gaara, we are not doing that." My voice was breathy as I spoke, and he looked up at me with dark heat in those light blue eyes.
"I thought we just weren't going to have sex." His tone was very matter of fact.
I pulled his head up a little ways from my body, "Doing that sort of things lead to sex, Gaara."
He sighed, and I dropped my hands from his head, expecting him to move off of me, but he didn't. Instead, before I could latch my fingers back into his hair to protect myself, Gaara's teeth found their way around me through my shirt and bra. If I had thought that my stomach was sensitive, it was nothing compared to that more intimate part of me. His teeth closed around me just the tiniest bit harder and I cried out, not too quietly. I couldn't help it; the feeling of his teeth sinking into my skin, even through layers of cloth, just did it for me.
"God Gaara, can't you shut the door before messing around? I don't want to see that." Kankuro's whiny voice brought me back down to earth and I shoved the red head away from me, using the minor distraction to move as far from him as possible.
Gaara's ice blue eyes shot towards the door, but Kankuro was already gone, and I thought I heard a trail of laughter down the hallway. He hadn't shut the door. The red head shot me a hot look and walked over to the door, shutting it. With a devious smile, he turned back to me and stalked towards the bed.
"No, we are not doing anything else." I said firmly, putting my back against the wall, "Besides, you had some sketches you were going to show me."
He shrugged, a slightly disappointed look in his eyes, but he walked over to a bookshelf and pulled a notebook off of it. Gaara tossed it to me on the bed, "That's a fairly recent one that I filled up."
Gaara was an amazing artist. He drew everything. Birds, people, water, scenery, houses, clothes, you name it, he had drawn it, and it was all beautiful. Every single thing he had chosen to draw was something beautiful, or he had somehow made it beautiful in the way he had captured it.
I looked up at him and he was standing at the edge of the bed, "These are amazing, Gaara." I didn't hide the wonder in my voice. He could sell some of this stuff.
He shrugged and took the sketchbook from me, "They're just drawings."
I stared at his back as he walked back over to the bookshelf, "Are you kidding me? You could be a famous artist with the pencil drawings you do. Do you paint at all?"
Those ice blue eyes turned on me, "Do you have any hobbies?" His question was clearly asked only to change the subject, but I answered it anyways.
"Yeah. I play guitar and video games." I shrugged, "Not much of anything else."
Gaara sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes locked on my face, "Guitar?"
I glanced away, "Yeah, I sing a little too. For my church mostly."
"Do you write your own music?"
My head jerked up and I saw the genuine curiosity in his eyes, "I'm not very good at it, but I try." I said quietly.
"Would you sing a song for me?"
I froze, locked in those light blue eyes, not sure what to say.
"It doesn't have to be something you've written." His voice was soft, and his smile was too.
"I—uh-"
"Please."
Gaara had said please. How the hell was I supposed to resist that? Paired with the eager look on his face that had nothing to do with anything sexual, I was lost.
"Okay." I said, my voice barely there, "Uh, are you familiar with Evanescence?"
"Familiar enough."
I sat up and fought the burning in my cheeks, I really didn't want to sing for him, but at the same time I couldn't really say no, unless I faked stage fright. So I took a deep breath and sang.
"I've been looking in the mirror for so long that I've come to believe my soul's on the other side. All the little pieces fallen, shattered, shards of me too sharp to put back together. Too small to matter, but big enough to cut me into so many little pieces. If I try to touch her and I bleed, I bleed, and I breathe, I breathe no more." Having Gaara's eyes watch me so intently was too much for me to take, so I closed my eyes as I sang the rest of the song, shutting out the image of ice blue orbs absorbing only me.
"Beautiful." The red head breathed when I stopped singing. He reached out to touch my face, a soft look in his eyes, a soft look, in Gaara's eyes. Then his lips curved, "You look sexy when you sing."
I rolled my eyes at him, "I don't believe that."
The red head closed the distance between us in a fraction of a second and crushed his lips to mine, stealing my breath away with his kiss, "Believe it."
Author's Note: Arrggg! I couldn't resist these two! They just walked right into my head the other night and wouldn't stay out! So here I am, writing fanfiction when I should be writing the last few chapters of my novel! ^.^ I hope you loved it!
