A/N: A lot of people are starting to read this. It's freaking me out a little. Guess what! I got second in the Jasper contest!! Thank you so much for voting and for giving non smut a chance. I love each of you hard.

Thanks to the Burn Unit: Twike, Daisy, Profmom, LTR, and LMC.

Characters are not mine.

Controlled Burn Chapter 12

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" I asked a crying Alice.

"When I woke up, his blankets were put away, this note was on the coffee table, and his truck was gone." Alice held up the paper to me. I took it from her and read:

Alice,

I've been planning to get away. I didn't plan to leave like this, but something happened that made it necessary. I don't know exactly where I'm going or when I'll be back. I just need time to be alone and think. I know you will be upset, but please respect my need to do this. I have to do some soul searching and make some life changes. It's time. We both know that. I'm going to call Dad from the road, and I promise I'll talk to you soon.

Love, EAC

My heart sank when I read the words. I'd been the one to encourage him to try something different. It was my fault Alice was crying. I was also disappointed that he hadn't told me. There had been plenty of chances yesterday for him to confide in me. Instead, he kissed me. What did that mean now? He kissed me, just once, for just one moment, and now he was gone. For me that kiss meant everything, but maybe the Cullens were just kissy. Maybe they kissed each on the lips all the time, and I just hadn't noticed it. Maybe they were some sort of sick freaks. I was pretty sure it wasn't a brotherly or a friendly kiss, but maybe I was stupid for thinking it was something more. It was foolish to hope that someone like Edward could have feelings for someone like me. It was probably just a passing infatuation for him. I, on the other hand, was in too deep, and it hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry, Alice." I handed the letter back to her and tried to hide my own emotions.

"I know he hasn't been happy. I just don't know why he didn't tell me what he was going to do."

"Probably because you would never have let him go. You would have tried to talk him out of it, and made him feel like you were disappointed in him if he went anyway."

She looked at me like I'd just hurt her and started crying harder. "Alice, no… I mean, he probably just needs some time away. He'll be back. You left the country for three months when you were close to his age. Remember, how much you grew up in Egypt.? He needs a chance to experience something like that." I put my arm around her, and she cried on my shoulder.

Jasper walked in the door. "No luck," he said.

"No luck with what?" I asked.

"Alice made me go try to chase after Edward and get him to come back. I finally got him to answer his phone, but he was already in Idaho."

"Alice, don't hate me, but I think you've got to let him go." I knew I was giving myself the same advice. I had to let Edward Cullen go. He was a fantasy, a fairy tale, but Prince Charming wasn't going to comeride up on a white horse and take me away. Our road wasn't going to lead to happily ever after. I was too old, and he was too young. People would find it creepy. I even found the idea a little creepy.

"I know. It's just hard. I've always felt responsible for him. This is all my fault." Jasper sat on the other side of her, and she moved to lean into his embrace.

"It's nobody's fault, Alice. It's just something he needed to do," Jasper said.

"I'm sure he'll be back before you know it," I tried to reassure her.

"He's gone, and tomorrow you'll be gone, and I'll be all alone," Alice whined.

That was a little much. Alice had never been alone in her life. She had no idea what it was like to have a flat tire and have no one to call. She could probably count the nights she'd slept in a house all by herself on one hand. She didn't have to depend on her friend's brother's blog to keep her company. Alice had never been alone.

I felt my eyes starting to sting, and I needed to get out of there. "I'm going to get dressed."

"You look fine, Swan," Jasper said, but then he looked at my face and knew I was upset. He nodded his head toward the hall and told me with his eyes to go.

I went into the bedroom and noticed Edward's guitar was gone. The notebooks on the desk weren't there any more to taunt me, and when I looked in the closet, some of his shirts were missing. He'd come in here and packed while I slept. I wondered if he'd watched me like I'd watched him. I prayed he was really asleep last night when I kissed his cheek. I plopped myself down on the corner of the bed and stared at the closet. I didn't want to cry for him. That would be ridiculous. We weren't anything, but possibly just barely friends.

The more I thought about what Alice said, the more frustrated I became. She had everything. She had Jasper and her family and Lucy who would love her forever and change her Depends when she got older. I didn't like the situation I was in. It wasn't how I pictured my life turning out. I'd tried to make something out of it, but to be honest Mike only made matters worse.

The false sense of companionship I'd built with Mike, pretending that something was better than nothing, wasn't working. Edward and this trip had been a fun little escape from the monotony of my daily life, but it was time for me to face reality. Being here had been wonderful. It made me realize how unhappy I'd been. It was time for some things to change. Some things like Mike, to start with. Was it really worth being with someone if I volunteered at a soup kitchen once a month to get out of spending a night with him? I preferred flirting with homeless men over flirting with Mike.

It was also time to stop believing that I had to have the perfectly prescribed life with two kids, a husband, and a dog to be happy. Being alone didn't mean I had to be lonely. There were plenty of things I could do. I could adopt a child; I could adopt a dog; I could become eccentric and spend all my money on big shiny purses that made a statement. I could write a book or try and get the most dangerous assignments around the world and live life on the edge. There were plenty of things I could do to be happy that didn't involve a husband or starting to take in stray cats.

It was time I focused more on my career. I think in a way I'd been waiting for everything else in my life to work out first, afraid that if I was too into my work that my potential relationships would suffer. It was silly to put my life on hold waiting for something that might or might not even happen. I was going to start working on my portfolio, and I was even going to take Edward's advice and call Dr. Cullen.

All of my future- oriented thinking was good and healthy and positive, but there was one thing I couldn't get out of my mind. Edward. He kissed me. He'd been nicer to me the last few days, and; there were even a few moments where I was amazed at our chemistry and could practically feel the sparks flying between us, but I'd just dismissed it all as the workings of my always healthy imagination. Still, if I'd imagined those things, then why did he kiss me? What was he thinking? Why did he leave without explaining? Part of me was frustrated that he didn't tell me anything, but even more of me missed him.

I would miss the rest of Alice's family when I went home, too, but the way I missed Edward was different. Even if this little day dream was endingould have ended when I left to go back to Boston, I still would have liked the chance to say goodbye and to thank him for letting me get to know him. He was the only one of the Cullens I didn't feel like I knew before I got here, and now I knew he was just as wonderful as the rest of his family. He was also the star in at least three naughty dreams I'd had in the last week, but I planned to keep that information to myself. I didn't need to thank him for everything.

There was a light knock on the door, and Alice peeked her head inside. "Can I come in?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Dad just called. He talked to Edward. My dad actually thinks this is a good idea. Can you believe that? I'm done. I'm tired of trying to help him. If he wants to ruin his life, that's up to him. He never listens to me anyway." Alice threw herself down dramatically on the bed next to me.

I looked down at my friend, and I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh at her or slap her. In the end I knew it was useless. Disagreeing with Alice is like telling a squirrel in your front yard to sit. It's pointless. It was probably better that I didn't talk too much about Edward anyway. I wasn't sure how well I could hide my feelings from her if we did.

"Let's not let Edward ruin our last day together. I want to have fun with my best friend, not cry over your brother."

"By fun do you mean makeovers, shopping, or watching chick flicks?"

"Little Pixie, can we please try and make you a little less cliché? How about we read books together and discuss them or paint or try andto find a cure for cancer.?"

Alice gave me the most ferocious look someone so small could muster. I was willing to admit she scared me. "Let's go to the mall!" I laughed, grabbed a pillow off the bed, and slung it at her. She was too quick for me and ducked.

Two hours later I was regretting not fighting harder to find a cure for cancer. My feet were already aching as Alice went from baby store to baby store, looking for sundresses for Lucy. It wasn't that I hated shopping with Alice all the time, but when we were only looking at clothes that were clearly too small for me, I was bored.

We were walking through Gap for Kids on the way to Baby Gap, when I heard a child say, "Mommy, that's Edward's sister."

Alice and I both snapped our heads in the direction of the voice. An adorable little blonde -haired girl was pointing at Alice. She was probably about five, or six, or maybe 12. I really had no idea. The woman looked in our direction, and recognition flashed across her face. She started over toward us. She looked familiar to me, but there was no way I could have known her.

"Hi, Tanya," Alice practically sighed. Tanya. The girl from Alice's wedding who Edward was sucking face with. I wanted to cut her, but not in front of the children.

"Alice, I'm so glad I ran into you. Do you know where Edward is? He was supposed to come by this morning, and he never showed up. I tried calling his phone, but it went straight to voicemail."

Alice rolled her eyes rather obviously. I wanted to throw up, myself, but I didn't think blatant rudeness was Alice's style.

"He went out of town," Alice said.

"Oh… um, he didn't mention it to me, or maybe he did, and I just forgot."

"It was kind of last minute," Alice said while she looked through some boy's t-shirts. Tanya looked painfully uncomfortable. I couldn't stand it anymore. This called for an intervention.

"Hi, I'm Alice's friend Bella."

"Oh, Bella!" A smile appeared on Tanya's face and she shook my hand enthusiastically. "Edward told me about you. I'm so glad to meet you."

Huh?

"Oh, well it's nice to meet you too."

"This is my daughter, Chloe." Tanya pointed to the little girl.

"Hi." I smiled down at her, and she smiled back.

"Well if you guys hear from Edward, please tell him to call me," Tanya said and smiled at me again.

Alice let out some sort of grunt. I said goodbye and pulled Alice over to the girls' section. "What was that all about?"

"Don't like her." Alice shrugged and kept looking at clothes.

"You didn't have to be so rude to her. Are she and Edward, um still hanging out?" I tried not to be too obvious about wanting to know.

"I guess so," Alice huffed. "I wish she would stop manipulating him. She's probably trying to make him her baby- daddy."

"He's not her baby daddy, is he?" I might have been panicking just a little bit. It was bad enough that Edward apparently had a long -time girlfriend, but if he had a kid, I was going to die.

"Oh no, that was some loser named Sam. He's my age, and he ran off and joined the army right after she got pregnant. I hear he's back in town, but I really couldn't care less about any of them. If my brother wants to be an idiot, that's his problem."

"Maybe he left town to get away from her."

Alice froze. "I bet you're right. She's probably crazy and stalks him or something."

"She's probably blackmailing him."

"I bet she's not even human."

Alice looked at me with horror in her eyes. I looked back at her with equal shock, and we both started laughing. I needed to keep laughing. It would be the only thing that would keep me from crying.

I didn't know what was going on, but I was starting to think I had misread Edward even more than I originally thought.

The rest of the day and the next morning were bitter sweet. Nothing in me felt like going back to Boston. Jasper made fun of Alice and me for being too clingy with each other, but I knew the clock was ticking and all the fun would soon be over. And then it was.

Walking away from Alice at the airport was like walking into a cloudy day. I wiped away the tears and knew I must look especially ridiculous when the woman at security hugged me. I sat on the plane, dabbing my eyes with a tissue. An older woman sat down next to me. She looked warm and kind, and I had the urge to ask her to hold me and brush my hair.

I noticed her looking at me. I must have been quite a sight with mascara smudged around my eyes and snot wiped on my sleeve.

"Sorry," I said. "Rough day."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry." She patted me on the arm and then bent over to put down her magazine. Oh good, she wanted to know about it.

"Yeah, I've been visiting my friend in Seattle. She just had a baby, and I wanted to meet her. Her name is Lucy. She's cute, but Alice doesn't think I would make a good mother. Alice is married to Jasper, and I used to have a crush on him back in Cairo, but this is the first time I've ever admitted that because all the other girls liked him and there's nothing worse than being a cliché. So anyway, I used to joke about wanting to date Alice's younger brother Edward, but he was 14, so I guess it wasn't that funny, but now he's 22, and wow he is so good looking, but he never brushes his hair, and that's a little gross, but I never did mind a fixer upper. Anyway, I don't think I'm joking anymore, I think I like him, but he's kind of moody, and I usually think he hates me, but then he kissed me after his little brother asked me out, and then he just left after I watched him sleep, and and, I just don't know what do." I started crying again and laid my head down in her lap. "He's so wonderful, and I'm, I'm so old," I cried.

The woman slowly patted me on the head. "Um, your hair is in my trail mix."

"Oh, oh! I'm so sorry." I lifted my head, looked down at her lap, and there was a smashed baggie of trail mix there. I looked up at her face, and she looked like she was scared of me.

I tried to straighten her clothing where I'd rumpled it and thought I heard her mumble something about boundaries as I sat back in my own seat.

I slammed my head against the headrest a few times. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I pretended I was asleep for the rest of the flight, trying to avoid another awkward moment with my neighbor. By the time I walked into my house, I was exhausted. Pretending to sleep had worn me out, and I had to be at work the next morning. I threw a load of laundry in the washing machine and powered up my laptop to email Alice and let her know I was home.

I glanced at the toolbar with my favorites and told myself no. There was no point in obsessing over him. It had been months and months since he'd posted anything new, and I had practically had every entry memorized. I told my hand to stop moving the mouse toward the link. I told my eyes to stop looking at the screen. My hand and eyes ignored me as I clicked on Edward's blog.

I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and looked again.

He updated.

8.23.09

dreaming. thinking. waiting.

The End.

fire. burning. scorching skin.

I need her.

decay of vision. want. expectation.

the Phoenix rises. alive.

one kiss. I die.

-by EAC

One kiss. One kiss? It couldn't be. He probably wrote that ages ago. If ithe was referring to our one kiss, did he mean it killed him? I was the kiss of death? Figured.

A/N: Let me know if you still want to read any of the previous EPOVs. I'm not stingy. But I am miserable. I've been sick for three weeks, and I've been to the doctor four times. Your review may be the only thing that gets me through. It would be like a get well card. I'm too weak to even do a good job begging. Cough… cough… sigh.

If you are looking for good stories to read, I suggest Finding Home by Jennde for a freaking HOT Edward in uniform…yum, Rabbit Hole by Profmom72 for the most freakishly brilliant mystery ever written, and WriteOnTime writes the funniest stuff ever, and she has a new fic called Breaking News.