Chapter 11

Dean considered speaking, alerting Cas and Sam that he was awake, but despite the fact that he'd clearly been asleep for a while Dean was exhausted and fell into a restful sleep.

When he awoke Dean felt the pounding in his head as his memories returned to him. Charlie, the impending second Apocalypse, the trials, it all flooded back to Dean and he couldn't help but smile. No wonder Jackie didn't tell him the stakes; they were higher than he'd ever considered. Instinctively Dean looked around for Jackie before realizing she wasn't here anymore. His conscience was back inside him. Yet, if she was gone that meant his trials were done right? So why didn't he know how to find God?

"Oh my God Cas. He's awake." Sam cried making his way over to Dean who'd tried to climb out of bed and fallen on the floor. "Careful buddy. You're muscles are a bit out of practice even if Chamuel promised they wouldn't atrophy."

"How long have I been out?" Dean asked trying to get out of the bed Sam had just thrown him back in. Cas placed his hand on Dean and Dean wondered if he'd wasted all the time he could have searched for his grace on watching over Dean.

"Dean... it's been 3 months," Sam said clearly feeling awkward. The authorities in Jerusalem thought you had some weird disease so they shipped you back here. Instead of bringing you to a hospital we came here figuring there would be less explaining to do."

Three months? "No. It can't have been 3 months. It's only been a few days. You're kidding me."

"He's telling the truth, "Cas told Dean quietly, "Time passes differently where you were a day in there could be a month out here."

"What happened?" Sam asked and Dean looked at him but saw not his Sam but the dying Sam he held in his arms after he stabbed him to death. Shaking the image from his mind Dean avoided the question and instead turned it on Cas.

"I don't get it. Jackie said I was done. But I don't know how to find God any better now than before."

"Who's Jackie?" Sam asked but before Dean could explain the swishing of an angel's invisible wings sounded and Chamuel appeared.

"You d*ck. They didn't work. I went through all that. I did all of that and I still don't know where God is!" Dean yelled.

Chamuel stared at him coldly before responding, "You don't know how to find God because you're not done. In the you passed the test for lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, and envy. All of those happen in alternate universes. The test of pride happens right here in this Universe. It happens for real."

"What about wrath?" Sam asked before Dean could get a word in edgewise. "It's the seven deadly sins right so why doesn't he have to take a test of wrath?"

Cas answered that one for them, "God has been called wrathful before, but in reality his anger isn't wrath as it stems from love not hate. Dean, guilty as he is has never acted out of hate or revenge, but love. You get to skip that one because it's the one sin you've never been defeated by. God's wrath is okay because when he's killing he's destroying evil for those he loves. You get angry far more than anyone else I've ever heard of, but you always do it because of love. You kill monsters because you love the people you're saving, even when you don't know it. That's the good in you that has kept you out of the darkness. You love more than anyone I've ever seen."

Dean didn't know how to react to that because he knew it wasn't true. Who did he love that wasn't dead? Sam and then Cas, his brothers. He didn't love the people he saved... did he? But then why do you save them? If you don't love them, if you don't care about them then why do you risk your *ss to save them every day? Why do you risk Sammy's life to save them? Maybe you do love them. Maybe love isn't just romantic or brotherly. It's when you care enough to die for any stranger.

"Castiel is right. You do not have to face the test for wrath because you are not wrathful. But you are prideful and time is running up. It's been three months Dean and I'm sure Sam and Castiel could share wonderful stories about how they pushed Charlotte even closer to Lucifer and Hell."

"You what?" Dean cried and instead of yelling back Cas and Sam just looked guilty. What had happened while he was out? "Whatever you can tell me later or not at all. What's the last test what do I have to do to overcome pride and speak to God?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Chamuel asked, "You have to humble yourself and go to Confession."

"Confession? Like sitting down and telling God all the things you've done to scr*w up your life and others? I thought God was all-knowing shouldn't he know all that stuff already?" Dean asked but Sam's face was different.

"I don't know Dean, Confession is a pretty powerful thing. I didn't even do it in front of a priest and my confession was powerful enough to almost cure Crowley, the most demonic demon."

"Sam is right." Chamuel said with a nod, "Your final test is to see if you really can humble yourself and realize that you've done a lot of wrong and the only way to start to fix it is by realizing just what you've done. There is a church down the street and hurry Dean or even god will be too late to stop Charlotte."

Chamuel disappeared and grimacing Dean made his way out of bed and out of the bunker. "Wait Dean we can come with you. you don't have to do this trial alone." Sam called to Dean.

Looking back on his brother Dean smiled weakly but knew he was wrong, "I have to finish this the way I started it. I'll be back and maybe God will be with me. Congratulations Cas, you might just get your wish of meeting your father."