Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter. See, I told you this would be up sooner! Enjoy.
Second Chances Chapter Twelve: Not Myself
For the second time in a day, Alexis Stokes felt very strange. Her back was stiff and her nose sensed unfamiliar smells. She was supposed to be in the comfort of her own bed, sleeping under freshly bought sheets. She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling tiles. The harsh light made her squint and she remembered where she was: the lab. She had hidden from her parents for a juvenile reason. She knew it was stupid, of course her father loved her, but she couldn't make that sinking feeling go away. She sat up and checked her watch. The graveyard shift had already started.
Warrick stood at the sink rinsing out a mug and looked over his shoulder at the stir of movement. "Hello, sleepyhead," he said.
"I cannot believe I slept this late. I didn't mean to make everyone have to tip-toe around me."
"Don't worry about it. We've all slept in here at one time or another."
She ran her fingers through her mildly tangled hair, trying to get the knots out. "Hey, Warrick, do you know where my parents are?"
"Nick is in the layout room, but I have no idea where Sara's at. You could always call her."
"Okay, thanks." She watched him leave and reached for her cell-phone. The stiffness in her back caused her to flinch. She had dialed the first few numbers when Sara walked in the door. She ended the call and shoved the phone into her pocket. "I was just going to call you."
"Hmm," responded Sara.
"I'm sorry I didn't sooner."
"I'm sure you had your reasons."
Lexi pulled a ponytail holder from her wrist and wrapped it around her hair. She assumed her mascara had rubbed around her face, but now wasn't the time to fret about her appearance. "I just didn't want to be a fourth wheel."
"What?"
"You and dad were singing to the baby. I didn't want to interrupt."
Sara sat next to her daughter. "That's what upset you?"
The girl bit her lip. "You talked to Greg."
"Briefly. He let us know you were here. It's probably a good thing we talked to him; we were about ready to send out the cavalry."
"That seems to be my calling card, doesn't it?"
Sara nodded. She was surprised how much the girl resembled her parents. Lexi's cheekbones were identical to Sara's, but the eyes were all Nick. Sara also recognized Lexi's silence as being like her own.
"Everything is going to be different now, isn't it?" Lexi's voice quivered enough to make anyone's heart break.
Sara pulled her close and stroked her head. "You don't need to be afraid of anything. Your dad and I are always here for you. You have to know that."
"But what about the baby? What about all the cool new things you'll get to do? Isn't the most rewarding experience of someone's life being a parent? Now you get to do that together."
"I want you to look at me right now. This baby is not going to push you out or make us forget about you. You are our daughter. You've been a part of my life for twenty years; I'm not going to cast you off. Nick may have only known you for the last three, but he doesn't love you any less. You're going to be home and you're going to be involved. Nothing will ever take you away from us. I want you to understand that."
She knew this was the time to say something. She knew she should at least pretend to agree with her mother. Security, that's what Sara needed to be assured she wasn't making a mistake, but Alexis couldn't deliver it. She was too wrapped up in the delusions of what life was meant to be like to understand reality.
Sara gave up waiting for an answer, and forcing one out would just strike up an argument. With one last kiss on the forehead, she rose from the chair and left the room quietly. Perhaps Catherine could provide her with a bit of insight.
Alexis took her bag into the women's restroom and changed clothes. She fixed her makeup and ran a brush through her hair. She glanced at the mirror from time to time, but was careful to not look herself in the eye. She didn't think she could bear the shame.
She found the locker room with relative ease. Locating her mother's space was even less difficult. A crayon-drawn slip of paper bore her name in red and blue. Lexi had created it at the age of eight. Sara had put it up not long after everything had spilled out. She spun the lock with the combination she had had memorized since she was six. She threw the bag made of bright yellow fabric in the locker and managed to barely close the door.
She wandered aimlessly around the lab for a few minutes. A couple of the techs gave her strange looks, but most knew who she was. She came to a room with the window shades open. Gil Grissom sat inside reading a forensic journal. When she was thirteen, ten-year-old Lindsey Willows had told her that Sara Sidle had a massive crush on this man. Grissom, with his wire glasses and graying hair looked nothing like her mental picture, but then, people rarely did.
She had only had conversations with him in passing. She had always assumed that he was a bit bitter on the whole situation of Sara having a daughter. While that was now considered old news, she doubted he had completely gotten over it. Still, she needed help from someone who was unbiased. She knocked on the door and waited for the signal to come in.
If he was surprised to see her, she didn't notice. With a flick of his wrist, he told her to sit at the chair adjacent to his desk. The walls of his office were covered with books and jars of dead bugs.
"What can I do for you?" His question reminded her of the way one would speak to an employee. She appreciated the fact that he didn't treat her differently because of her age or who she was related to.
"My mom is having a baby," she said. She might've started off by complimenting the fact that he was obviously very literate, but she believed he was a business man who wanted to get straight to the point.
"So I've heard."
"And my dad is the father."
The corners of his mouth curled up slightly. "I gathered as much."
"And I'm unbelievably jealous."
"You want to have a baby?"
She let his question sink in a moment. It was plausible that someone could assume that was her problem. She was close with her mother, so why wouldn't one think she wanted to share the same experience? "Not exactly. I want to be the baby."
"I see." Grissom felt that it would be best to just let her talk. She was very much like Sara, who liked to vent. On a more scientific level, she was living proof of genetics. He could very easily divvy up the parts of her that belonged to Nick and Sara. She had the physical and mental aspects of her parents.
"My mom and I have practically told each other everything my whole life, with the exception of who my father is, of course. I've been her confidante and she is mine. And I've had the full teenage experience with my dad. He's threatened shoot my boyfriends, let me drive his car, and cooked me breakfast. I always knew where I stood with both of them."
"And now you don't."
"Exactly. They are going to be so busy with the new baby that I'll be like a roommate. Maybe I should get a dog."
"Do you want a dog?"
"Not really. I really would like a baby brother or sister. Family reunions would be so much more fun. Not to mention the fact that Dad will be well on the way to catching up with his brothers and sisters. Oh, my gosh!" She had completely forgotten about her father's side of the family. They had originally hated the fact that they had not been given the opportunity to watch Nick's only child grow up. Now, they too were getting another chance to be full-out family members.
"I'm the tester kid," she continued. "They tried me out, realized they liked having a kid and thought they'd give it another go. They'll have a lot of messes to deal with, but they've got each other."
"Hmm."
Lexi crossed her legs, placed her elbow on her knee, and rested her head in her hand. "What's wrong with me?"
"I'm not sure I'm qualified to…"
"No, it's okay. I came in here looking for help. Be as brutal as you want. I need a wakeup call."
"You've only had three years to be with both of your parents. Most kids get more than that, at least at the beginning of their life. And now that you've finally gotten the rhythm down of being this match-making daughter, it's going to be destroyed. It is human nature to want to be number one. People are instinctively competitive. They want love, attention, and acceptance. Why should you be any different?
"I've known your parents for several years now. Even before I knew they had a child I knew what kind of people they were. Both of them are extremely caring. They often attach themselves to victims, so much so that I have to tell them to back away. They don't like to hurt the feelings of others. In the past few years, I've come to learn that they love you. They would take bullets and worse for you in a second, no questions asked. Having another kid isn't going to change that. If anything it is going to make their love for you stronger. You're going to be their extra limbs. And, like most parents, they will probably shower you with affection just to make sure you don't feel unloved. If you ask me, you're very lucky."
"Thank you," she said and shook his hand. Without another word she strolled off to the layout room expecting to find her father. The room was empty, but she heard female voices down the hall and figured one of them had to belong to her mom.
"Everything about this case tells us it's a murder-suicide. There don't seem to be any discrepancies with that theory, so why don't we run with it?" Catherine asked. They had been staring at the same evidence photos for days and it was getting on her nerves.
"I agree, but it still feels like we're missing something," stated Sara.
"I am not going back up that hill. I just bought new shoes and I plan on keeping them clean for at least twenty-four hours."
"Relax; we'll send—." She was cut off by a tall girl with dark brown hair that was pulled into a ponytail.
Alexis embraced her mother, who stood stunned for a second before returning the hug.
Sara caught a glimpse of Catherine, whose face glowed with a smile. She patted Lexi on the back, who gave her a kiss on the cheek and scurried out the door.
A moment later a hand was back on the doorframe. Lexi leaned her head in and grinned. "I'll see you at home."
No one would believe that Gil Grissom had helped her through her little dilemma. She knew his reputation for being detached from normal human communication. She figured he was comfortable with all of this and didn't want to cause him any embarrassment. So she kept everything quiet, but went back and thanked the man one more time before catching the bus to the Stokes house.
Please let me know what you thought. More to come!
