A/N: Ami's prompt: Sam can't get over an instinctive fear of Castiel in the aftermath of s11. (It's not the first time Lucifer has worn the face of someone he loves, but it's the first time topside and in reality.)
CONFESSION: I have not watched season 11. Or 12. I'm the worst spn fan ever, I know. So this is largely based on what I sort of heard? Life's been so crazy I didn't even have time to research how this prompt should go so this is VERY VERY AU. Ami I am so sorry if this is the exact opposite of what you wanted. Feel free to write a nasty review!
That said, I am enormously proud of writing some actual interaction between Cas and Sam so there. :P
And Once Again
"You want to . . . what?"
"Come with you." Cas shuffled a little. "On a hunt."
Dean blinked at him. "Uh, why?"
Irritated by the questions, Castiel looked away. "I do not want to be left . . . after Lucifer was gone, I didn't . . ."
"Stop your yammering, whatever. You can come with, just don't get in the way," Dean said, gesturing impatiently.
"Thank you." Castiel kept his face impassive, to avoid revealing his relief. He hadn't wanted to be left alone, not with his thoughts.
Sam came into the room, preoccupied with his phone.
"Hey, Cas is coming with us," Dean said.
If Castiel hadn't been looking at Sam, he would have missed the flinch. As it was, Sam's reflex was quickly stifled, and he looked as calm as always. "Do we need Castiel on this one?"
"I imagine you two could handle it yourselves, but I would merely be grateful to . . . assist, in any way possible."
Sam's glance was sharp and assessing. "Alright, then, Castiel."
To put it kindly, the hunt was dull. Castiel spent most of it bored, barely paying attention as Sam and Dean interviewed witnesses of a ghost that liked to scare children. It was easy to get lost in his head during those times, and he barely snapped himself back into the present. Dean, caught up in the case, didn't seem to notice, but a few times Sam seemed to be watching Cas when he managed to look back up. Sam would instantly look away again, but his attention was still there. If there was a word to describe him, it would be . . . wary. It made Castiel feel even more on edge, which was strange. Usually Sam's presence was a bulwark of calm, never an irritant.
Castiel began paying more attention to Sam, and noticed that Dean always was between the two of them. When Cas stepped around Dean to get a cookie one of the witnesses was offering, Sam took an over-large step back to let Cas by.
Cas was beginning to think it may have been a mistake to tag along on the hunt.
"Cas, since you're here, you could take a turn to dig."
"Is that really necessary?" Sam asked Dean.
"Sam, he'll cut our time. Angel mojo, right?"
Annoyed at being talked about instead of to, Castiel snatched the shovel from Sam's hands, ignoring Dean's snort of laughter. Sam backed up a few steps, nearly tripping over another gravestone.
"Sammy, what's up with you?" Dean asked.
"N-nothing." Sam turned away. Castiel shoveled awkwardly, unsure the way to hold the tool.
"Duck!"
Castiel ducked, unsure if it was directed towards him or not. He saw Sam flying through the air a second later, a ghostly entity throwing him into a nearby tree.
"Sam!"
Castiel turned to his task, knowing from what Sam had taught him that the ghost would only get more vicious as time went on. His angelic strength made a difference, despite his struggle with handling the shovel; Cas reached the bottom of the grave, breaking through cheap wood.
The shotgun boomed overhead. "Dean, I'm through!" Cas called.
"Get out of the grave and take this."
Castiel scrambled out, taking the shotgun thrust at him as Dean turned to the grave. He shot at the ghost once, before noticing that Sam was frighteningly still at the base of the tree.
The ghost went up in flames with a screech, leaving Cas free to run over.
As he drew near, Sam began to stir.
"Sam, are you injured?"
Sam's eyes were at half-mast. At the sight of Castiel, however, they opened wide, and he scrambled backwards.
"Don't touch me, don't—"
Dean jogged up behind Cas, dropping to his knees next to Sam. "Hey, Sammy, are you hurt?"
Sam shook his head a little, and then gasped in pain, arm going to his ribs.
"Broken," he bit out.
"Cas, can you heal him?"
Castiel hesitated, searching Sam's face. Sam gave a nearly-imperceptible nod and he cleared his throat. "Yes."
Cas didn't miss the tremor in Sam's hands, or the flinch as Cas' fingers approached his forehead.
"Well, so much for our easy hunt," Dean groused.
"Let's get back," Sam said shakily.
"We need to talk."
Castiel felt something inside of him twist at the way Sam jumped at his voice.
"Wha-what is it, Castiel?"
Cas blinked. Both Winchesters mainly called him Cas. Sam had switched to his full name, and strangely emphasized it. "What's going on? Why are you afraid of me?" he asked baldly.
Sam shifted a little on his bed, eyes darting around when Cas took a step into his room. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"No?"
Cas disappeared, and reappeared at Sam's other side. Sam's mad scramble away might have been funny except for the stark terror in his eyes.
"Don't do that," he snapped.
"I don't remember very well. But something happened. When . . . when Lucifer was in me, I—"
Sam stood, violently shoving away from the bed. "Nothing, Cas. It wasn't you, it's fine."
"But you still feel like it was me," Cas surmised. The flicker in Sam's expression told him he was right.
"It's not . . . I know it wasn't you. I know that. I just . . . Lucifer, I can't—" Sam's eyes glazed over a little. "You let him . . ." Sam trailed off. Castiel felt something akin to what guilt might feel like.
"I am sorry, for my part in it."
Sam smiled, but it looked pained and small. "I thought he was gone, y'know? Forever. And even though I remember all of it, I figured it was worth it, because he would never be free."
Castiel sat down on Sam's bed, staring at his hands. "I never understood when you talked about possession. It was a distant concept. Now . . . I can understand why you loathe it. Being out of control. If Jimmy Novak weren't in heaven now, I would vacate this body and never possess another vessel."
The bed sank a little. Castiel glanced over to see Sam sitting next to him, head bowed. "We've all gone through so much. Doesn't seem fair, does it?"
"I don't suppose the world is ever very fair." Castiel hesitated, and then reached out and placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. While the muscle under his hand tightened a little, Sam didn't flinch; Cas took comfort in it.
"I'm sorry for how I've been acting around you. I'll do better," Sam murmured.
"You have no need to apologize. Your reactions are perfectly normal."
Sam turned a little, a tiny smile hinting at the corners of his lips. "Cas, I don't think any of us ever deserve to use the word normal."
"True enough."
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Are we okay?" Sam asked softly.
Castiel let his hand fall. "I suppose as 'okay' as we ever are."
Sam stood decisively, and Castiel was the one to flinch as he loomed over Cas. Despite their conversation, he couldn't help feeling like he still deserved a punch or some form of violence for what he had done.
Instead, Sam pulled him up and wrapped his arms around him. Cas did his best to shove back the human desire to cry, but he did let himself return the embrace.
"Thank you," he murmured.
A/N: LIFE THO
Right so yeah. Fic writing has been terrible lately, if you guys can't tell. Add onto that I've been struggling finding any kind of inspiration with your lovely prompts, and I feel terrible for that. I am chugging away with a few more, but I'm worried they're going to fall flat. IDK. Feeling overwhelmed with everything, y'know? SURVIVAL.
