A couple hours later Jane was lounging on the couch with Maura cuddled up against her. The screen said Next up: Becoming Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey.

"Yeah, no, I'm gonna have to pass on that one." Jane paused her absent-minded stroking of Maura's hair to grab the remote and return to the Netflix home page.

"Thank you for watching that with me." Maura shifted her body, snuggling in closer to Jane, and placed a soft kiss on her neck.

"Yeah, you know, it's been a while since I learned anything about the Russian Revolution so it was nice to get back into that." Jane felt Maura smile against her skin.

They lay like that for a couple more minutes in silence, as if they were still watching the movie. Jane was so content just being close to Maura. She realized it wasn't all that different from how they always were—sure, she hadn't kissed her neck before, but they were always cuddling on the couch watching movies and goofing around and talking. Not talking about everything though, it had been made clear.

"So you and Frost are close, huh?" Maura nodded. Jane wasn't jealous—she had always wanted Maura to have more people (that treated her right)—but she was sad that she felt she had to keep secrets from her and go elsewhere for support. "Has that always been a thing?"

"Well, we've always been quite friendly, you know that. But he noticed I was really sad one day and offered to take me out. This was back when you were talking to Casey constantly. Jane closed her eyes in guilt. I was quite obsessed with him, wasn't I. "I told him I was in love with you. I was so sad because I thought I was losing you to Casey. He said he wasn't surprised. It was so great to have someone that knew, that I could talk to about how I felt, and thought about things."

Jane couldn't see her face, but as Maura continued her voice became tighter, like tears were welling up.

"I talked to him about how I thought that nothing I ever did would be enough for you to love me like I loved you. I talked to him about thinking about seeing other women. I guess I was kidding myself that it would be good enough…that I could satisfy my need for you by, I don't know, pretending these other women were you, in bed."

Jane's throat was burning. Of course the dream made sense. She felt terrible, thinking about how much pain she had caused Maura. She wished she could go back in time, this time not just to before that night, but months ago. So she could have that time being with Maura like this. So she could prevent the time Maura spent watching her while she was loving Casey, believing that that love could never be hers.

"You were actually the biggest reason why I didn't marry him."

"You mean it wasn't because he was a giant jerk?"

"Even if he was perfect, he wanted me to follow him around the world and I couldn't leave you."

"Really?"

"I've loved you so much Maur…I just didn't know I wanted to be a couple until now, and I'm a total idiot—"

"You want to be a couple?" Maura sat up a little bit and made eye contact with Jane.

Jane responded with a slight shrugging expression. "Well we already are, aren't we? We just get to kiss now."

Maura laughed, and her cheeks flushed with a tinge of pink. She leaned in and kissed Jane, sliding her tongue across her bottom lip, and Jane felt the now familiar warmth come over her as Maura made a soft, contented sound against her mouth.

"God Jane, I've dreamed about kissing you for so long."

"Well, I hope I can make up for lost time. I hope I can live up to your fantasies."

It was true. Whatever Maura wanted, Jane wanted too. She knew it wouldn't be quick and easy to live happily ever after, especially with how vulnerable she knew Maura was right now and with the people who hurt her not in prison where they should be.

But she wanted to try, more than anything. Now she was in a daydream again—just another simple one, with Maura twirling their ring on her finger as she racked her brain for the answer to some outlandish science question that Jane didn't really want the answer to but asked just because she liked to watch Maura think. She would rarely admit it to anyone that she really was just a big softy, whose innermost thoughts included sweet images of people just enjoying life, safe and happy—even Maura. But of course she knew.

Her train of thought was interrupted by Maura's lips on her neck again, and she gasped in a sharp shallow breath that she didn't realize she was holding until Maura spoke against her skin. "Breathe, Jane." A kiss on her jaw. "If you hold your breath every time I kiss you—" Another. "You might damage—" She was trailing towards her ear. "That beautiful brain."

"I'll uh…I'll have to remember that." The feeling of Maura's lips on her skin was mind-numbing. Those lips, that she always thought someone would love to kiss.

Maura placed a final soft kiss on the corner of her jaw. "I love you, Jane."

"I love you too," she breathed out happily. "And your lips."

Maura pushed herself up so she was looking down at Jane. "Yeah?" She said with a smile.

"Oh yeah." She returned with a small, close lipped grin.

Maura leaned down to kiss her again. This time Jane hummed in approval. "I've always wanted to do that," Maura said when she pulled back.

"Kiss me? Yeah we've established that."

Maura crashed her lips into Jane's. "Specifically, kiss the cocky smirk you do, like when you make some stupid sarcastic joke like that one."

"Hey now, my jokes are not stupid!" Maura raised an eyebrow with her own smirk. "Okay…not all of them."

Xx

Holding Maura in bed had been something Jane did occasionally when one of them was upset, or hurting, or scared. But right now, lying in bed with her arm around her, Maura's head on her chest and leg bent over hers, this was the first time it had happened when they were both in a happy mood already. And it just felt right. Part of Jane thought it seemed odd how quickly she was jumping into this. Being romantically intimate with a woman. But as she realized with Frost, it didn't matter whether or not she was "into women"—she loved Maura. And the love she felt right now, feeling Maura's chest rise and fall against her with slow, sleepy breaths, wasn't just protective, or grateful…it was desirous. She liked how the curves of Maura's body felt against hers, and how her wavy golden hair fell on her cream-colored neck. As they were both falling asleep, she mumbled "You're beautiful, you know that?" Maura just gently squeezed her body where her arm was draped over her waist and placed a soft kiss on Jane's chest above her tank top.

Xx

Jane had a stupid lousy couple days, and when she finally got out of work on Friday she told Maura that if it was alright with her she would be coming over to chill after she went home to shower and grabbed some beer from the store. She unlocked the front door to find an empty living room, and then an empty kitchen, so she headed towards the bedroom. She pushed through the slightly open door. "Maur, you in here?"

Maura was indeed on the bed, and as the door opened she immediately scrambled up from her relaxed position and pulled her knees to her chest. Her eyes were full of fear and Jane realized that someone coming through the closed door while she was on the bed was triggering her conscious and subconscious memory of that night.

"Maura, I'm sorry, you're safe, it's me." Jane cautiously went to sit next to her on top of the covers. Her eyes were now squeezed shut, and it was clear that she wasn't breathing. Tears were threatening behind Jane's eyes. She wished she could take away all her pain. Where was that magic wand?

"Breathe, sweetheart. Try to breathe, okay? I'm gonna put my hand on your back, okay?"

Maura didn't respond, but with Jane's touch she finally gasped for air. Jane sat quietly with her as she worked to take in enough air and then stop hyperventilating.

"I—I really couldn't breathe...I—I felt…his hand around my throat again—"

Jane swallowed and tried not to let that image overpower her. As Maura's breathing returned to normal, she was able to just cry. Her face scrunched up slightly and she lowered her head and buried her face in her arms.

Jane wanted to help so bad, but she didn't know what to say. "It's okay" came to mind, but that was dumb. Yes, it was true that she was safe, and her flashback wasn't real, but Maura knew that. In the time right after she was attacked by Hoyt, when she was still jumpy and triggered by certain things, the whole "it's okay" thing bothered her. Yes, she knew "it was okay", but that didn't mean she was okay.

What came out instead was "I love you." She wanted to hold her, but she knew she shouldn't touch Maura further until she established that she wanted the physical comfort. So she just stayed still, with her hand on Maura's hunched back as it softly shook.

A couple minutes went by like that, before Maura raised her head and sniffed into her stuffy nose. She rested her chin on her folded arms, her body still condensed into a ball. "Do you want to talk through what you're feeling?" Jane offered. "Talk through what happened?" She waited with bated breath. She didn't actually want to hear what that might be…she hoped Maura didn't take her up on it.

"No." Maura replied simply through her congestion. "That's what I have a therapist for."

Jane kind of sighed in relief. She was glad she was seeing someone. "How's the therapist been going?"

"As well as can be expected, I suppose. I'm sure it's a slowly but surely kind of thing. We'll see."

"Yeah." It took Jane a while to get back to normal after Hoyt, and she still wasn't always completely okay, as her own flashback the other day showed. And what Maura went through was so much worse. She shook her head slightly, involuntarily-she didn't want to think about it.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, I don't think so. Thank you."

They continued to sit like that for several minutes. Jane was content sitting there with her, and she would sit in silence for hours if it helped Maura feel better.

"I think it would be helpful not to close doors. Or at least speak through them before opening them. In order to prevent this from happening again." Maura spoke in a more formal, steady tone.

"Of course, Maur. I'll definitely knock next time…I'm sorry I didn't."

"Can we just…get changed and lie down? I know it's early but…"

"Yeah, definitely." Lying down with Maura was something she never would have said no to, even before all of this.

They were laying silently on their backs in bed when Maura spoke up softly."I hate how scared I am all the time now." She sighed slightly. "I'm jumpy, and whenever there's a sudden noise or movement, my first reaction is that it's them." Again, a pause to breathe. "It's like… I'm afraid one or both of them could be anywhere at any time. I know it's irrational…"

"No, I get it." Jane had been the same way with Hoyt. She was sure Maura remembered the night she stayed with her when he had escaped prison. How hearing the unfamiliar sound of Bass moving in the kitchen made her jump in the guest bed.

A few minutes more of lying quietly had passed when Maura turned on her side to face Jane, and made eye contact. "Thank you."

"For what?"

She gave a small smile. "For loving me. For being patient with me."

Jane was generally not good at being patient. After she shot herself outside of headquarters, she was entirely frustrated with how slowly she healed, and had been antsy to get back on the streets. When Maura wasn't talking to her, she was going bonkers until she finally initiated contact herself. But when it came to being what Maura needed right now—and really ever, she noted—she didn't care how long things took.

She smiled back.

Maura pushed herself up so that her face was hovering above Jane's, and leaned down to place a soft, chaste kiss on her lips. As she moved back down, she took Jane's left arm and wrapped it around her so that they were lying on their sides, Maura leaning back against her.