Guess who's back, back again? And I'm already working on the next chapter and the second chapter of Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood. Thank you everyone who didn't give up on this story. I'm sorry for the long hiatus/break, but I got a break from work and I decided to take advantage of it. As usual, mistakes are all mine.

Also, (if you want) please see my semi-long authors note after the chapter!


CHAPTER 12 - I DON'T THINK ABOUT YOU ANYMORE...

Dean didn't notice it while they were together, but Roman had become a big part of his life. Now that he was gone, Dean felt a bit lost. He knew that it was weird to feel so empty after breaking up with a guy he'd only been dating for a few months, but he couldn't help it. Breaking up with Roman made him feel awful. It made him feel hollowed out like something had gone missing from inside of himself.

At first, he couldn't talk to Roman after they broke up. Despite saying before that he wanted to be friends, he knew that he couldn't. He couldn't just be Roman's friend. He couldn't be a part of his "crew". He couldn't even listen to Roman's show anymore. He tried one day after classes and had to turn his radio off after hearing how happy Roman was. Dean honestly didn't know what he expected. Did he expect Roman to sound as down as he was? Roman wasn't attached to Dean like Dean was to him. It wasn't hard for Roman to let go.

Dean stopped talking to Daniel, Brie, and Seth as well. He didn't know how to handle being friends with his ex's friends, so he did what he usually does when he's uncomfortable: He pushed them away. Brie's last Facebook message to him came a few days after the breakup. It wasn't long, but it was filled with a lot of reassurances that she liked him and wanted to continue being his friend. Dean was going to respond, but he kept putting it off. A week turned into two weeks and it eventually became too late to respond. Or at least that's what he told himself.

Dean kept her message. He deleted all of Roman's, though. He deleted his text messages, too, without even reading them. He was too afraid of what Roman had to say.

Avoiding Roman was an easy task. He didn't have to worry about running into him on campus since Roman wasn't in school anymore and was only on campus late at night to go to work at the station. By then, Dean was already at work or at his apartment which were both off campus.

And Dean didn't have to worry about running into him anywhere else because Dean didn't go anywhere else. Before he knew it, he was back to his regularly scheduled hermit life. Before, Dean was content with loneliness and solitude. Now it just felt weird. It felt weird not to just call him up and ask him if he wants to go to a movie, or text him several times a day, or meet up with him and Daniel at the studio.

Dean had let himself get too used to him. He'd gotten a taste of what he'd been missing in his life and now that was all gone. It was unpleasant. And it hurt. It hurt really fucking bad. All Dean could do was bury his pain and focus all of his attention on work and the finals coming up soon.


Roman's birthday came about three weeks after the breakup. While they were together, Dean had already planned to get him the special collector's edition of the Dark Knight Trilogy. The Blu-ray version was about 60-something dollars on Amazon and Dean bought it when they came back from New Mexico. It was now sitting in the closet while he debated how he was going to give it to Roman.

It shouldn't have been a big deal, but, at the time, Dean had still been ignoring – or more specifically, avoiding – all of Roman's attempts at communication for three weeks and probably would have continued to do so if it weren't for Roman's birthday.

Dean didn't even bother asking Kofi for advice since he knew already what Kofi was going to say. He was going to tell him to stop overthinking it and just text Roman 'Happy Birthday'.

Just text Roman 'Happy Birthday'.

It sounded easier said than done, but Dean didn't want to let Roman's birthday drift past without a word from him, so, despite his nerves and second thoughts, he picked up his phone and started a new conversation between him and Roman.

i just wanted to say happy birthday

He sent the message and stared at it anxiously until the 'Delivered' notification changed to 'Read', then he promptly closed the message window, and waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Roman didn't respond.

So that's what that feels like.

Dean figured it was only fair since Roman had messaged him every other day for about two weeks and got nothing but silence from Dean in return. Just as Dean was about to start blaming himself for fucking up whatever relationship he had left with Roman, his phone started to ring. Roman's name and beautiful, smiling face popped up on the screen and, for some reason, Dean's body went on autopilot and answered the call. He slowly lifted the phone to his ear and just waited, his breath stuck in his throat.

"Dean?"

Roman's voice immediately put Dean on edge.

"Hi, Rome," Dean said quietly.

"Uh, hey." Roman replied, and then there was a chorus of laughter in the background. "Sorry, hang on. Let me go somewhere more quiet."

"Ok," Dean said and listened as the voices in the background faded away.

When Roman came back on the line, he sounded a little clearer. "Hey, Dean? You still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here!" Dean said quickly.

"Good," Roman said. "I was afraid if you hung up, I'd have to go another three weeks without hearing from you. I was surprised you answered the phone." Roman laughed, but it sounded fake. Dean cringed.

"I'm sorry, I just… I had finals and I…" Dean trailed off. His excuses sounded pitiful to his own ears.

"You needed time." Roman cut him off, thankfully. "I get it."

"Yeah," Dean muttered. "I'm sorry."

"I just miss you, is all." Roman said. "I'm just glad I'm getting to hear your voice."

"Me too." Dean admitted softly. "I've been thinking about you a lot. I wanted to call or text you, but… I don't know. I couldn't. But I thought it would be horrible if I didn't at least tell you happy birthday."

"You've been thinking about me, huh?" Roman asked. "I've been thinking about you, too. I was actually this close to coming to your house when you stopped responding to my texts."

Dean smiled. "What stopped you?"

"Brie." Roman said. "She told me to give you space. That's what I've been doing, but it gets hard, you know?"

"I get it. I'm sorry for cutting you off like that."

It sounded like Roman was about to respond before he got cut off by more, louder noise in the background.

"Sorry about that. Party's getting started early, it seems like." Roman said sheepishly.

"Oh, I forgot about you and Seth's party."

"Yeah, it's not until tonight, but… you know my friends. They get the party started early." Roman said with a laugh. "Hey, um, I gotta go finish get stuff ready, but if you wanna stop by later, you can. I know how you feel about parties, but if you do want to come, you have an invite. I… really want you to be there. I miss you."

"Thanks, Rome." Dean said quietly. He let the I miss you too die on his lips because he knew his voice would do that lame cracking thing it does whenever he was morose and getting choked up.

He probably wasn't gonna go to Roman's party. Roman probably wouldn't even miss him if he didn't show up, but he was glad he got an invitation anyway. "Enjoy your birthday."

After Dean had hung up, he let out a deep breath he didn't even know he was holding. Hearing Roman's voice, knowing that he was thinking about Dean as much as Dean was thinking about him… It made him feel weird, for lack of a better word or description.

Dean rolled over on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He definitely wasn't going to go to the party that night, but he knew it was time to stop ignoring Roman.


Dean's life returned to some semblance of tolerable in June. Classes were over and summer break had begun. Kofi had gone off with Alicia to meet her parents in Massachusetts, so Dean had the entire apartment to himself because it wasn't like he had anywhere to go during his breaks.

It wasn't so bad being in the apartment alone. He got lonely, sure, but he FaceTimed with Kofi every other day and text Roman as often as he could manage without getting sad.

At the time, Roman's lease on his apartment was up and he was currently living with Seth, which meant that they were together more often than not and were also usually off doing weird adrenaline rush shit together. Whenever Roman texted him about he and Seth's warm weather activities or whenever Dean poked around on Roman's Instagram or Facebook out of habit and nosiness, Dean couldn't help but wonder if he would have been doing those things with them if he and Roman didn't break up.

Dean knew he would be scared shitless to bungee jump or kayak down rushing waters, but it was something he would have liked to experience with Roman if they were still together. He always thought Roman looked most beautiful when he was doing something outdoorsy and in his element and Dean thought that it sucked that he would have to see Roman like that through pictures on social media.

Fortunately, though, Dean wasn't holed up in the house, sulking about Roman all throughout summer break. He began meeting up with Paige regularly after she initially pressured him into coming out to get drinks with her as a graduation present. Dean really couldn't say no since he didn't get her an actual present. He didn't even know she was a senior and had graduated.

Dean saw Paige once a week. Paige had been living in Colorado for ten years, so she knew a lot of the places of interest. She took Dean to a new bar every time they met up and promised to do so until they found one he was comfortable with. On their third outing, she took him to a bar called Blake and Murphy's in Denver. Her on-again/off-again boyfriend Blake co-owned the place with his longtime friend Murphy and Paige insisted that Dean had to meet them.

It wasn't until later into the "get-together", however, that Dean realized that Paige was definitely trying to set him up with Murphy.

Murphy was attractive. He was fit with red hair and a killer Australian accent that Dean honestly think attributed to his overall attractiveness. Plus, the attraction was mutual. Every time Dean came to the bar, Murphy had a Jake Rose waiting for him and he always rejected Dean's money when he tried to pay. He was funny as well, and had a crass and borderline rude sense of humor which made him seem like more of a fit for Paige than anything, but they were just close friends.

Murphy would have been a great candidate for Dean to try to build a relationship with, except for the fact that he couldn't see himself with anyone but Roman. At least not right now. Not while Roman was still fresh in his mind.

By the end of June, Dean and Murphy had gotten to know each other better and Dean had grown comfortable enough to visit the bar without Paige. He always left when it started to get too crowded, however, and Murphy had taken to walking him to the bus stop a few blocks away or standing with him outside the bar as they waited for Dean's Uber.

It wasn't long until Dean was starting to like Murphy. Like, LIKE him. And Murphy was interested as well, although, he was very passive with his flirting. He seemed content with just being Dean's friend, but, if Dean wanted, they could maybe be more. It made Dean feel comfortable. He felt as if he was definitely in charge of where things were headed, if they even went anywhere. He didn't feel the same overwhelming sense of neediness and nervousness he'd felt with Roman, which was a relief. However, no matter how hard Dean tried to, he couldn't get over Roman enough to even entertain the idea of moving onto someone else.

Dean wondered if speaking to Roman didn't really help his "moving on" situation. If it did, it wasn't like Dean was going to stop talking to him again. He wanted desperately to hang onto whatever he and Roman had, even if it was an awkward, sparse mess that held him back from moving on.


In July, Blake and Murphy offered Dean a job as a bartender after giving him a few friendly lessons over the span of a few weeks and seeing how quickly he picked up the skill. Dean declined at first because of his fear of change and his even greater fear of interacting with new people daily, but Murphy convinced him with the higher pay and less stressful hours. Not to mention, his flirting helped as well to change Dean's mind. Dean immediately turned in his two weeks at the grocery store and started at the bar as soon as he was able.

After closing on his first night, to celebrate not fucking up any orders and raking in big tips from women who he somehow managed to charm, Paige pushed shot after shot into his hand and then made him take a picture with Blake, Murphy, and the other bartenders. Murphy, who'd had a few shots himself, draped himself all over Dean from behind and wrapped an arm around his chest. It was a bad picture and everyone looked tired and hammered, but Dean smiled at it when he saw it on Paige's Instagram later. It was his first group picture. When Dean was younger, he saw all of his classmates take pictures like this and it made him feel left out, now he was finally in one. To most people, it wasn't a big deal, but to Dean it felt like he was experiencing something new and his life was changing, one small step at a time.

Becoming a bartender forced Dean to coexist with a lot of people and it helped his anxiety somewhat. It wasn't a miracle cure and some nights Dean felt like quitting, but most of the time he was happy. He was shying away from people less, he was missing Kofi less, and the pit in his stomach that formed when he broke up with Roman was slowly filling and becoming less painful.

Things were looking up, until one day after work while Dean was watching Buffy reruns, Roman text him an ominous: "we need to talk in person. when are you free?".

Dean hadn't seen Roman face to face since May and that was because he was afraid of the inevitable pain he'd feel. However, since he was feeling so good lately and had a big boost of confidence backing him up, he agreed to see Roman on his next day off.

sure. tomorrow? im off.

yeah we can do that. can I come over or do you want to meet up somewhere?

you can come over. anytime is cool.

See you then. I'll text before I show up lol.

Lol. see ya.

Dean felt an overwhelming sense of panic as he looked around his dirty apartment. Shit, now he had to clean up because he'd be damned if Roman showed up to a dirty apartment after not seeing him in so long.

Dean sighed and rolled off of the couch and got to work. He kinda missed Kofi at times like this because there's no way Kofi would have let the apartment get this messy so if and when they did have company, they didn't have to clean.


Later, after Dean had done some halfway cleaning, he settled back onto the sofa to finish his paused Buffy marathon. He was half paying attention to Spike profess his love when his phone chimed in his lap.

He half expected the message to be from the group chat he was in with Blake, Murphy, and Paige, but when he looked down at the screen, he saw that the message was from an unknown number. The area code was local, but he didn't recognize the digits at all.

He opened the message and was immediately met with an audio waiting to be played. Who the fuck would be sending him an audio message at 1am from an unknown number?

Dean mute the TV and hit play. He was immediately met with what was a lot of movement and rustling, but no voices or anything. Dean frowned and raised the volume, straining his ears to hear anything else. Just as he was about to chalk to message up as a wrong number and accidental recording, he heard a long, drawn out feminine moan followed closely by, "Yeah, babe, just like that."

"What the fuck?" Dean said as he leaned back to stare down at the screen in confusion.

There was another high pitched moan followed by a low voice talking. Dean couldn't make out anything being said by the guy but he heard the female respond clearly, as if she was closer to the mic.

"It's fine, Rome. Just relax,"

Dean froze. He knew that voice. He fucking KNEW that voice.

Dean stood up so fast that his vision swam, but he forced himself to concentrate.

Rome? Did she just fucking say Rome?

That couldn't be Roman there with Eva, could it? There was no way that could be Roman. Not after Roman had promised that he was over Eva. Not after he'd mildly implied that Dean was a paranoid mess for even thinking he still wanted her. That he still loved her.

The breathy pants picked up again followed by more exaggerated moaning like she wanted to make sure Dean knew she was having a good fucking time. Dean felt sick. He felt bile rising in the back of his throat. He wanted to stop the audio, but he was stuck. Suddenly, the audio cut off and a new, simple message appeared.

hes back where he belongs :)

Dean's shock gave way to anger really quickly. Without even second guessing himself, he called the number. Eva picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?" Her voice was as sweet sugar, but Dean could hear the mocking tone underneath it.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Dean questioned, hoping for an honest answer. He really wanted to know what was wrong with her.

"I don't have a problem," Eva said simply. "I just wanted to let you know that Roman and I are working things out, so if you ever decide to try to worm your way back in, it won't work."

Dean started to pace. His blood was boiling. "Roman and I are never getting back together! Whatever you two do is your business, lady. Leave me out of it!"

"I'm just trying to break the news before he does," Eva said innocently. "I wouldn't want your feelings to get hurt, Dean. Roman did mention that you had… issues."

Dean suddenly went stock still. "He told you that?" He didn't mean to ask because he knew it would make him seem weak, but the question slipped out.

"Oh, sure." Eva said airily. "Amongst other things."

Dean swallowed as much anger and shame as he could before he straightened his posture as if Eva could actually see him puffing out his chest. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. He's a dick and you're a desperate bitch and you two deserve each other."

"EXCUSE ME, ASSH-"

Dean hung up before Eva could finish. He stared down at his phone for about five whole minutes before he threw it across the room. It definitely cracked when it hit the wall and fell face first on the floor, but Dean couldn't find it in himself to care.


The next day, Dean stood in front of Seth's house, his hand raised, hovering oh so slightly over the door. It had been pouring rain since last night and Dean was soaking wet because of his lack of a car. A normal person would have stayed in, but Dean had to make this trip.

He could hear his own blood rushing in his ears and he stared at the door in front of him. He didn't remember the trip here. It was like he was in a daze. He didn't even know what he was doing here, exactly. What would this visit accomplish that a phone call wouldn't?

"Calm down, Dean." The rational part of his mind said. "This is crazy. Turn around. Hop back on the bus and go home."

Before he could take his own advice, Dean knocked and then rang the doorbell for good measure. A few seconds later, Seth opened the door and blinked at Dean blearily.

"Ambrose?" Seth asked, yawning and stretching. He smiled brightly at Dean, his eyes sparkling, even under the low overcast light. "Long time no see, man."

"Is Roman here?" Dean didn't mean to be rude. He hadn't spoken to Seth since he and Roman broke up and, while he did miss talking to the guy, he wasn't in the mood to do so at the moment.

Seth looked at him with a bewildered expression for a while before he smiled. "Yeah, dude. Come in, you're drenched." He stepped aside so Dean could enter and he watched him closely as Dean pulled off his wet hoodie and balled it up. Seth was checking him out, as usual, and usually Dean would blush a little, but it didn't affect him at all this time.

"Hey, man, are you ok?" Seth asked as Dean dripped water all over his hardwood floors.

"Where's Roman?" Dean asked, trying his best to hold his shit together.

"Upstairs." Seth said, then he smiled lazily, the sleepiness on his face becoming more apparent. "You come to profess your love or something? I knew one of you would eventu-"

"Not exactly," Dean grumbled cutting him off as he brushed past Seth and made his way to the stairs.

Seth's house looked completely different than the last time Dean saw it. Dean guessed that was because the last time he saw it, he was drunk out of his mind and the rooms were filled with equally drunk young adults gyrating on each other.

The house sans party was pretty minimalistic, open, and modern, though, so Dean had no problems navigating and finding the guest bedroom on his own. It was rude to just barge into Seth's house like Dean did, but Dean didn't care. He felt like this once - just this once - he was justified in being an asshole.

Dean knocked on Seth's guest room door and a muffled "Come in" rang out from the inside.

"This is your last chance to turn back." His inner voice warned. "What if it's not even him on in the audio clip? You'll just look crazy."

Dean hesitated, but only for a few seconds. He opened the door and entered the room.

Roman was at the computer desk, back to the door, staring at the computer screen intently. He was dressed in sweatpants and a tank top and his hair was damp and cascading down his shoulders. Childish Gambino was playing on the nearby speakers and Dean was hit with a weird and sad sense of deja vu. A lump formed in Dean's throat and he swallowed it before he closed the door shut behind him.

"Dude, the minute this rain is over, I'm heading out," Roman muttered, assuming it was Seth behind him.

Dean pulled the phone out of his pocket and clenched it tightly in his hand. Here goes nothing.

"Hi, Roman."

Roman spun around so quickly that Dean thought he was going to fly out of the seat. Roman stared at Dean in disbelief for a few seconds before his face broke out into the warmest, happiest smile Dean had ever seen and his heart broke. It broke so hard that he momentarily got dizzy. All the work Dean had put into getting over Roman had just been washed down the drain and all the guy had to do was smile at him. Pathetic.

"Dean," Roman exhaled softly as he rose out of his seat. He padded across the carpeted floor until he was in Dean's personal space. Dean couldn't make eye contact so he just stared at the vacated computer chair behind Roman. "I thought we were meeting at your place?"

Roman leaned forward as if he was going to hug Dean, but Dean flinched and Roman immediately stepped back and composed himself, his smile falling slightly. Dean wanted nothing more than to hug Roman and bury his face in his chest, but...

"What are you doing here?" Roman asked, frowning. "You're soaking wet. Let me get you a towel."

"No!" Dean said, a little louder than he was planning to. "I'm fine. I'm not gonna be long. I just... I need to ask you something."

Roman's frown deepened, but he nodded. "What is it?"

Dean held out his cracked phone. He brought up the message from last night and handed the phone to Roman with shaking hands, who took it hesitantly.

"What's this?"

Dean didn't reply. He just gestured for Roman to read the message. Roman looked down at the phone for a while before his eyes widened and he looked back up at Dean with apologetic eyes. "Dean..."

"Play the audio," Dean gritted out. The anger was building up again and his heart was hammering in his chest. When Roman continued to look at him with that guilty fucking expression on his face, Dean felt whatever patience he had left snap. "Play it!"

Roman winced and tapped on the screen. Immediately the same moans Dean heard last night echoed throughout the quiet room. It seemed louder this time, more aggressive, and Dean finally looked at Roman's face.

"Is that you?" Dean asked, although, judging by the look on Roman's face, he already had his answer. He had to hear it out loud, however. He had to hear Roman say it.

Roman cut the audio off and now it was his turn to avoid Dean's face. "Yes."

Dean was expecting a lie or a denial. He was also secretly hoping for a "no". For confusion to come over Roman's face. For Roman to say he'd never fuck Eva. Not after all of Dean insecurities. Not after he promised he was over her.

Dean's eyes burned and his anger hit a critical stage. He huffed out a humorless chuckle before he snatched his phone away from Roman's hand and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Roman yelled as he maneuvered his way between Dean and the door. "Dean, please-"

"Fuck you!" Dean snapped, pushing forward. "Get out of my way or I swear to God, Roman!"

"Let me explain, Dean!" Roman said, using his strength to try to stop Dean from overpowering him on the way to the door.

"There's nothing to explain!" Dean yelled. Roman's hands came up to grasp Dean's shoulders and he pushed them off as if his touch burned him. "Don't fucking touch me, man!"

Roman let Dean go and held his hands up, but he refused to move away from the door. He regarded Dean like he was feral animal that needed to be calmed down. "Dean, just... Please."

Dean folded his arms around himself and stared at Roman's hands as if they had offended him. All he kept thinking about were those hands on Eva's body. It made him sick.

"It was on my birthday," Roman started. "I'd had too much to drink."

"Don't you dare give me that excuse!" Dean snapped. "Don't you dare!"

"It's not an excuse," Roman insisted. "It's an explanation, ok? I'd been drinking all night and I was... I was in a bad place."

Dean laughed. "Oh, really?" He asked. "Why."

Roman was quiet for a while and he looked away. "I'd spoken to you earlier. I wanted to see you, but you didn't show up."

Dean opened his mouth and closed it. He stayed quiet so Roman went on. "I knew there was a chance you weren't going to come, but I still hoped. When you didn't show up, I was bummed out."

"Bullshit! So this is my fault?" Dean snarled, marching closer. "You know how I feel about parties! You knew I wasn't going to come!"

"Yeah, but like I said, I still hoped!" Roman said. "It's not your fault. I'm not blaming you!"

"Why didn't you ask to hang out or something?!" Dean accused. "It's not like I have a fucking booked up schedule!"

"I thought you wanted space!" Roman yelled back. "I wanted to give you space."

"So, you decided to give me space by fucking Eva?" Dean scoffed. "Makes sense. You could have literally had sex with anyone else, Roman. Why her?"

"She was familiar," Roman said as he looked down, shame and regret creeping up into his face. "I was drunk, Dean, and I was sad, and she was... she comforted me."

Dean recoiled at that and started to renew his efforts to push his way past Roman to the door.

Roman tried to block him again. "Dean-"

Before Dean could stop himself, he swung on Roman and decked him right in the face. Roman stumbled back against the door and his hand came up to hold his jaw. Dean's whole body was shaking with adrenaline and his fists clenched dangerously at his sides. Roman stared up at him with wide grey eyes and Dean wanted to hit him again. He hated him. He hated Roman so much.

He loved him so much.

Roman staggered up and nodded solemnly. "I deserved that."

"I knew it. I knew you weren't over her." Dean said, rubbing his sore knuckles. "I kept saying you weren't and you insisted... You swore that you didn't love her anymore!"

"I don't," Roman insisted.

"Obviously you like her enough to sleep with her," Dean grumbled. "Obviously there's something still there. There'll always be something there!"

Roman hung his head and shook it. "I made a mistake, Dean. I fucked up."

"If it was anyone else," Dean said quietly, his chest tightening. "If it was anyone else, I would probably be able to forgive you, especially since we're not even together, but it's Eva, Roman. You told me I was a paranoid mess for even thinking you'd look at her like that again."

Roman nodded. "I know, Dean."

"You really fucking hurt me with this," Dean said, too close to tears for his liking. "You know that, right? Not being with you was hard enough, now I gotta think about you and her. I gotta think about how fucking smug she must feel. How you guys are gonna probably get back together and go live happily ever after on a tropical fucking island-"

"I'll never get back with Eva, Dean," Roman said, halting Dean's ranting. "Not after this. I can never forgive her for this."

Dean rolled his eyes and one annoying lame ass tear escaped and SHIT this is not what he wanted to happen.

"It wasn't her place to tell you. She was wrong for sending you that. I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry. I'm a piece of shit." Roman said as he stepped closer. "She did it to hurt me, Dean."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Dean snapped again. "Hurt you?! I'm the one who got the message!"

Roman took in a deep breath and let it out in a heavy sigh before he explained. "Eva and I…. We had a long talk about our relationship yesterday. I told her that what happened on my birthday was a mistake and that I didn't blame her. I blamed myself for how I handled our relationship. It was my fault for giving her mixed signals and it was my fault for sleeping with her despite the fact that I swore I never would cross that line again." Roman paused and bit his lip before continuing. "I told her that I was going to ask you to give me another chance. That I wanted a relationship with you again. I hurt her. I led her on again and that was wrong. She messaged you to hurt me."

Dean shook his head to clear it and process what he'd just heard. Before the message, if Roman would have asked for another chance, Dean would have tripped over his words to say yes, despite the fact that his dependency on Roman was unhealthy and despite the fact that Roman was still leaving. Now, however…

"She still recorded you guys fucking," Dean said bluntly. "She was planning to send it to me anyway. Who knows when."

"I'm sorry, Dean," Roman said again. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't mean for you to get hurt again."

Dean shook his head again and looked away. More tears were coming now and Dean didn't even bother to hide them. What was the point?

"Please, just shut up." Dean said quietly.

Roman stayed quiet for a long time, staring at Dean as if he was trying to get a read on him. Dean's mind was running a mile a minute and the tears were coming faster now, leaving his face hot and burning. After a while, Roman hesitantly chanced another punch and pulled Dean in for a tight hug. Dean wanted to hit him again, but he suddenly felt exhausted. He felt emotionally drained. He couldn't do anything but stand there.

"I never want to be the cause of the look on your face right now ever again," Roman's voice rumbled through his chest and into Dean's ear. "I'm so sorry, Dean."

Dean pulled back to catch Roman's eyes. Roman looked wrecked. He looked guilty and ashamed and, for a second, Dean started to feel sorrier for Roman than himself and how the fuck was that even possible? Roman was in the wrong. Dean shouldn't feel bad for him. Why did Roman fuck up his rational thinking?

They stared at each other for a while, reading each other's faces. Suddenly, as if acting an impulse, Roman surged forward, pulled Dean in by the back of his neck, and kissed him. Dean closed his eyes and just melted for a few seconds. He wondered if they could really work this out. If he could ever forget that Roman slept with Eva. If he could pretend that Roman wasn't leaving in a little over a month.

No. Maybe in a fairytale world or one of those shitty romantic movies starring Rachel McAdams or Katherine Heigl or something.

Before he was ready to, Dean pulled away and clasped a hand over his mouth, staring at Roman in shock. Roman was panting, staring at him with wide pleading eyes. Dean sniffed, his entire body thrumming with the need to kiss Roman again. To crawl into bed with him and act like everything was ok.

"I have to go," Dean said suddenly. Roman's face fell and Dean had to look away. He unbundled his hoodie and slipped it on. It was cold and still wet, but he needed something to do to avoid looking at Roman. This time when he walked towards the door, Roman let him go.

Roman stared down at the floor, his hair forming a blanket around his face.

"Dean..." Roman tried one last time. When he finally looked up again his face was crestfallen. "Can you please just stay? Let's talk about this some more."

Dean hesitated at the door for a while before he opened it. He wanted to say a few parting words, but nothing came to him. Not knowing what else to say or do, Dean walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. He almost walked right into Seth since the man was obviously eavesdropping outside. Dean walked past him as quickly as he could and ran down the steps. He could hear Seth following him down stairs, but he didn't dare turn around.

When he reached the front door, he pulled it open and was met with high winds and rain beating him in the face.

Perfect. Just fucking perfect.

"He really does care about you, you know," Seth said from behind him over the sound of the heavy rain. "He won't shut up about you. He'll always think of you as the one who got away or some other lame shit."

Dean pulled his hoodie over his head and shrugged as if he didn't care, when in reality, those words were probably gonna stick with him for the rest of his life.

Seth sighed. "See you later, Ambrose."

"Bye, Seth." With that he stomped out into the rain and didn't look back. Not even once.


I'm gonna post this note on tumblr, but I'm posting it here as well to make sure everyone who reads this story sees it:

I got an anon message on tumblr a while back from someone who told me someone else on tumblr wrote a post about me basically saying that my portrayal of Dean as a virgin was offensive because I wrote him as being more than ready lose his virginity to Roman. Also the post also said something along the lines of "virginity isn't a gift to give someone" and "virginity shouldn't matter." TBH, they're right and I apologize if I offended anyone. However, I tried to handle Dean's virginity realistically and even though, in an ideal world, virginity shouldn't matter much, in the real world, it does. Especially to young adult males. I tried to write Dean, Roman, and Kofi's discussions of Dean's virginity realistic, but respectful and lighthearted and I'm sorry if I failed at that. To that person: I'm sorry that it made you give up my story and I apologize if it upset you.

To the rest of you, I apologize for leaving this story hanging due to RL stuff. I got a nasty review saying that I pretty much wasted yall's time, but I then got some nice reviews telling me it was ok and to take my time. I just wanted to thank those nice and understanding reviewers. This story only has about two chapters left and I'm still deciding on an ending. Like I said before, I am working on he next chapter, though so bear with me!

Love yall!