Meating Monsters: Chapter 12


Sans stared long and hard at the water.

He really, really, didn't want to go back out there. All he could hear was the faint churning of dark pools as smaller monsters skittered around in the darkness.

If Sans fell again into that void of water, his bones would break apart.

He grunted in amusement, as he imagined his bones being washed away into Waterfall's garbage heaps….just like the trash he was

Trash.

Trash bag.

The word was a bit too familiar.

Sans rolled his eye inward a bit snidely. Flowey was still huddled in his skull, and by some miracle he'd avoided being washed away. Or cooked in that fire.

Still, Sans couldn't remember how he knew this flower before.

He dared to poke in a claw, and to touch one of Flowey's petals. It wiggled. For a moment it seemed the petal had wilted and would break away...instead…

It did fall and become detached, but the injury stirred Flowey.

His stem twisted around and he shot Sans a glare, but it was half-hearted.

In fact, Flowey didn't seem to be around. His beady eyes scowled, but looked right past Sans, as if he were dreaming.

Flowey then twisted back around and curled up with glazed eyes- a look of death, perhaps.

Sans huffed. A puff of magic left his nasal bone in what he could only define as relief.

Flowey was alive...for the moment.

If a little flower like him could survive what they had been through so far...well, Sans could continue on.

He managed a kick in his step, the thought of Flowey provided just enough inspiration for Sans to walk on.

Sans deftly ignored his missing hand and how lopsided he felt when he stood up. It had been his left, his dominant hand that had wielded the ax. It's loss was much more potent and lingering than Sans could've anticipated, so he looked past it...pretending he'd never had it.

Sans leaned against a tree, as dead and dry as he was. All was quiet...until…

*Ssssnap*

Sans spun around, arm raised for a fight!

Slowly, his arm lowered. He chuckled.

The tree had simply burst into flames.

"Gah haha!" His voice cracked. It was the first time Sans had genuinely laughed in a while.

Sans stumbled backwards. That fire certainly had caught his attention.

He stared in admiration at the tree, partly because he had nothing else to do; and, that fire itself was likable in comparison to the water surrounding him.

Sans also suspected he was developing some sort of Stockholm relationship with the fire. It reminded him of better times: the comfort of the old lady's fireplace, the glow of Grillby's bar, and the sweet satisfaction of hearing the snap of meat as it charred over a campfire.

Of course, fire was also weighing him down. Grillby's cursed armor would be the death of him.

He smacked the armor's cuirass, which sent out sparks with each impact.

Sans hummed idly. Good, hopefully the armor wouldn't lose it's magic anytime soon.

And, the sparks also gave him an idea.

He snapped off a branch of the still-roaring tree. He held the branch out like a torch, through it was entirely aflame, like a giant, burning baton.

The branch was thick enough, Sans figured, that he could get use out of it before it crumbled into charcoal.

Sans had no fear of burning, he noted, as flames traveled freely along the armor; unlike the water he loathed to cast the light over.


To his dismay, Sans found himself walking a familiar path-literally, as he saw the past imprints of the armored boots along Waterfall's rocky mud.

Sans sighed. He turned away, intending to find another path to Hotland.

*Squish*

But.

Something "squished" behind him.

"G'day."

Quickly Sans cast the fire over where he heard the noise. There was just water, at first. A circle-shaped silhouette bobbed closer...

After a moment, a small, fuzzy creature stared back at him. It's beady eyes just barely broke the surface.

"I have a proposal," It gurgled though its mouth, half-full of water.

"I saw what happened ta yah." The tone was strange and not unfriendly, as if it cared, and had the luxury of eating something other than dust.

The creature did another remarkable thing, and poked more out of the water.

Didn't it know that it was inviting Sans to attack? That his teeth quivered as he looked over its finely oiled coat, with grave want for the hidden salted meat?

Apparently not.

The creature was bold. It had only two fuzzy, nubbed-shaped paws in which to grip the land. It couldn't hope to outrun anything.

Sans remained frozen as he watched the creature slowly heve itself up. With a wet flop, its fuzzy tail twisted around its muddy, flailing body.

There, clasped tightly against the tail was...his ax.

"I believe this is yours. It's a most wonderful tool, mate! While I loath to give it up, yah certainly can make better use of it."

Sans gaped. His nostrils buzzed as they radiated red. He...struggled to compose himself.

His ax! His ax! It was there, right there!

"You can call me Catface. I used ta ferry folks round' here yah know-"

"Give it." Sans grumbled. Catface bristled at the interruption. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Roight." Catface struggled to wield the ax. His tail was slimy and the ax trembled against the grasp.

*Frrrip!*

The ax slipped suddenly. It cut into the mud as if it were sweet chocolate.

Narrowly the blade had missed coming down on top of Catface's lanky middle.

"Oi...ey, there yah go." Catface's eyes had widened considerably, akin to pearls twinkling in the dark. Was that the look of fear, embarrassment-both? Sans couldn't place it.

Sans never took his eyes off Catface as he placed the torch between he teeth.

He bent down to grab his ax and Catface gasped at the flames licking at Sans's cheeks.

"What's the catch?" Asked Sans. Nobody did much for free anymore.

Catface straightened and his ears perked. He seemed offended, like he wanted to say something against it, but then closed his mouth as he reconsidered.

Surely, he'd noticed how much larger Sans was in comparison. Perhaps the dust and blood that clogged his jacket and stained his face? No?

Catface's features slowly took on a guilty look. His smile grew thin and needle-like.

"Well...since yah asked...I do got an idea...a good one!"

Sans didn't like how hesitant Catface sounded.

"I...I need yah to kill Onionsan! Please! Please! He's nuttso, gotta go!"

"So, you are ax-ing me to kill someone?"

The pun was lost on Catface. Any mood for good conversation seemed to have left him.

"Yes, yes! You gotta! He's eaten almost everything! The fish, me friends, even all the shiniest rocks."

Sans shrugged. "What's the problem in that? Monsters gotta eat, right? It's the rules down here…"

Sans crouched down so he could be eye level with Catface. His eye flared red and he smiled when Catface smartly bounced a few paces backwards.

"Yes, true..." With a flick of his ears, Catface put on a brave show. "But it's different with Onionsan. I swear it!"

Catface kneaded nervously in the mud. "But, the deal is...don't you want revenge?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yah know, revenge?" Onionsan is the who attacked yah down that path, roight?"

"...What?" Sans couldn't believe it...

Catface cocked his head. "Sure as it's wet down here, mate. That slimy noodle-limbed freak became a roight pest. Can't even enjoy swimming no more."

"Fine...I'll do it."

Catface smiled cheekily. "Excellent! What's your name friend?"

"Sans." There was a pause.

A glimmer of recognition passed over Catface.

"Oh…" Faintly, he twitched in terror.

"Good luck." He squealed as he slinked back into the water.


The torch was burning bright between Sans's teeth. His confidence grew as the path literally opened up to him. He was no longer stuck bumbling blindly into a pitch black void.

'Disgusting.' Thought Sans as he held back a grimace. The smell and taste of the torch was disorientating. It was swampy and mildewy.

Flames flickered in and out of his vision. The branch almost snapped in half as he clenched his teeth in frustration.

Stupid fire...stupid water...stupid darkness…

Sans didn't like his situation one bit.

His remaining hand swung the ax with every step and the armor squeaked as mud had caked between the joints.

What Sans hated most of all was that he had to stay glued to the disgusting mud path, retracing his footsteps.

Numerous monsters lay in pieces and bones poked out from the muck. Ha had almost become one of them.

This Onionsan had never met him formally, when the world was right; but, Sans suspected he'd never would have gotten along with the monster to begin with. Not even he, left his prey in such a messy and disrespected state.

"Fucken'...stupid." Grumbled Sans. He stared up at a huge fish carcass, not even eaten and left to rot.

The fish would've been big enough to last a month or more. Sans sighed. What a waste.

He ran gauntlet-claws over the dried scales. A pattern of odd dots ran across the fish's length-tentacle markings.

No doubt, the mess was the work of Onionsan.

Catface had mentioned "noodle-arms."

Though Catface had been a little odd, he certainly was right. Sans normally wouldn't have accepted Catface's request, but he was right.

This Onionsan had to die. He was a fool to waste food.

Any doubts Sans had about killing the monster immediately vanished as he stepped into another partially decayed fish.

"Gross." He mumbled.

It wasn't long before the muddy path grew thinner and thinner. His footprints became more erratic...until...the prints ended in a muddy blurr.

This was the spot where he'd been attacked.

The light from the torch was a life saver. It opened up the area more than Sans's magic ever could have, even at full strength.

No doubt, the bright glow gave away his position to any monster that could spot him.

He decided to let the prey come to him for once.

"Onionsan!" He called out. No use in being sneaky when Onionsan was hiding comfortably in a watery void.

*Sssqueash*

Sans grinned as he heard a hard slap against the ground, then another, and another…

Soon the entire mudpath was covered in butter-yellow tentacles, which wiggled in the mud like worms.

"I hear yah~!" The voice was high pitched, and if Sans thought back hard enough, did match the voice that had flung him into the water…

"Ooooo. Ooooo." Onionsan coed as his large bulbous head peeked from the water.

"You're small, a tiny munch n' crunch. But should be good, y'hear?"

Sans heard loud and clear. His eye glowed intensely, as he struggled to reign in his anger.

He'd almost been done in, by a...by this...goofy abomination!

Onionsan's eyes were big, comically so. And creepy, so very creepy.

No doubt the eyes could see Sans's every move with accuracy. He observed how Onionsan's pupils dilated back and forth if he so much as shuffled his feet.

"I like yah armor, so shiny. I'll put it with my shinies collection~!" Chirped Onionsan.

And then the battle commenced.

Sans didn't dare let Onionsan make the first move!

Just a single, aimed swing from a tentacle would send Sans back into the water.

Already he was regretting his decision to fight. As Onionsan splashed around, the torch had almost been extinguished by stray droplets.

Sans dropped low to the ground. He'd have to finish the fight quickly!

The torch between his teeth was crumbling.

The fight would be over if he got stuck in the dark

With reluctance he placed his ax to the side and pulled the torch out.

"Onionsan, look! Look at this shiny...stick!" It was the loudest Sans had talked in awhile. He felt ridiculous as he waved the torch, slowly, back and forth.

Onionsan's tentacles seemed to calm. For a few seconds there was peace, no splashing or squeaking of mud.

Slowly, Onionsan's face grew close. His huge eyes widened as he took in the sight of the fire.

The torch had made for the perfect lure.

Sans suspected he might not have seen anything like it before.

Onionsan smiled. A single tooth was as big as Sans.

Between the rows of teeth, a tiny familiar gleam caught his eye.

The armor seemed to react, and embers glowed in the engraving of the metal.

The tip of a tentacle edged closer to the torch.

Sans dropped further into a crouch-aiming.

"Gahh!" With great effort Sans sent the torch flying, right into one of Onionsan's impossibly huge eyes-the perfect target!

Unfortunately, the torch didn't stick, instead it crumbled on impact, making a black cloud.

Onionsan's reaction was instantaneous!

"Yahhhhhhhhhahhhhhh!"

The scream was enough to shatter glass.

Tentacles flailed randomly. Most wiped at the blackened eye.

For a moment, it seemed Sans would be pulled under, as a tentacle snaked around a boot-but then he remembered the ax.

He held it proudly and the armor's magic charged the blade into a red-hot glow.

As the tentacles grabbed at him and flung mud, the blade cut through Onionsan as if he was a creampuff!

Soon the ground underneath Sans began to flood from Onionsan's great thrashing.

The armor burst into flames, as Sans's full anger was let loose.

He jumped in a great jet of flame, onto Onionsan's head.

The boots melted onto his skin and allowed Sans a good grip.

He struck fast and hard into Onionsan's flesh, the ax still red and molten hot.

Each strike caused a burst of steam.

It blinded Sans, but Onionsan as well.

"Ahhhhhhyahhhhh!"

Blindly Sans hacked away at Onionsan, smirking wider and wider as tentacles stopped making grabs for him as he burned the tips off.

Finally, in a great swing, the ax ripped into the white of Onionsan's last eye.

Things became eerily quiet then. Onionsan made not a sound as he stopped moving... tentacles still thrashed, but didn't change position.

His bulbous head sunk considerably into the water, especially when Sans yanked the ax out of the socket.

Sans grabbed hold of a strange little horn that protruded from Onionsan's head.

He leaned against it and took a well deserved rest.