Grigori Rasputin: You'll always fail because your soul is dead.

Dr. Botkin: I have performed many autopsies in my time, but I've never located a soul.

Grigori Rasputin: How many memories or emotions have you found?

Rasputin (1996)


The screams could be hurt throughout the ocean and the cold air was mirrored in his breath. How many of these unfortunate creatures were still alive? How many had died? Was Rose one of them?

Cal had grabbed an oar firmly trying to prevent the boat from capsizing.

"Come back…"

"In god's name help us…"

It was heart-wrenching – more than that.

A few men tried to come closer, but Cal shoved them away.

"Go away – you're overturning us," he shouted at them.

Truly he hadn't meant to sound angry or vile. He had never intended anything of what he done on the Titanic to Rose and to Jack Dawson as well. He had just wanted to preserve his dignity – and hers.

He could see little children floating around in the water, his heart temporarily stopping at the side. Children? Babies? Why hadn't they been able to get to a boat? Why had nobody tried to save them? He dimly remembered telling Rose that the better half wouldn't die.

Cal looked back at the ship, half absorbed by the water.

I don't see what all the fuss is about. She doesn't look any bigger than the Mauretania.

For sure – NOW – she didn't. The grandest ship of all times, sunk during its maiden voyage.

How grotesque!

How outrageous!

How unbelievable!

And yet the Titanic had been – was – a ship like everyone else, made out of steel and iron, so technically speaking there was no reason why she of all should've reversed the basic rule of iron being cut in half by ice.

Not the better half…

Was he really the better half? He had thought so, only an hour ago. But now – was he indeed feeling guilty? What had Rose told him that he was – ah yes an unimaginable bastard! And maybe he really was. But was it his fault that his bride chose to cheat on him with some steerage boy that the ship's crew ignored all warnings that they hit an iceberg?

Hardly!

For a moment Cal thought that he saw Captain Smith himself swimming around in the ocean. He half wished it to be true conversing in his head all kinds of things – curses – he would've liked to say to this idiot.

The shouts and screams for help had almost died down and Cal placed the oar back its lock.

Was Rose one of them? Had she made it to a boat?

Where are you going to him? To be a whore to a gutter rat?

I'd rather to his whore than your wife!

Cal mechanically touched the spot on his face where Rose had spit at him – in a strange way feeling closer to her as he did so. A few women in the boat had started crying – more whimpering in fact – and Cal's old former self came back – somehow he wished there was a way to get rid of them. Exchange them with the dead people in the water maybe?

He blew against his hands in an attempt to warm himself up, pulling the little unknown girl next to him closer.

"You alright?" he asked, but she didn't answer, probably didn't understand him.

Corpses were floating everywhere around in the water. Cal took a quick glance at them. The ship had long since sunk into the ocean, swallowed by the dark water and yet – taking a look at his watch, he found that it had been only minutes ago.

In the distance he saw some other boats with one of them obviously about to turn back to – capturing the dead bodies? Cal pressed out an uneasy laugh at the thought.

How many people had died tonight? How many would still on the rescue ship? How many children had lost their fathers, how many wives their husbands?

So many souls going to heaven in just one night, so many of their loved-ones probably wishing theirs had too.

For a second Cal now did feel guilty and remorseful.

…..

On the Carpathia Cal had seen the bodies being covered by blankets.

As if people couldn't guess anyway…he thought bitterly, gritting his teeth.

And Rose?

Parts of him wanted to find out that she had safely made it through the sinking, wished that they would marry now and pretend that nothing of this ever happened – his other half knew better – knew that after this night no one of them would or could ever be the same again.

"Oh Sir, I don't think that you'll find anyone of your people here. It's the third class."

Cal gazed at him, his eyes blank.

Did he really want to find someone?

Come on…move Rose…faster we've to get away from here…!

I hope you'll enjoy your time together!

I'm not one of your foremen at your mills you can command. I'm your fiancée, Cal!

Frankly he didn't want another confrontation with her – he wasn't prepared for it – never had been.

He noticed a woman pulling a cloth tighter around her head and shoulders.

Rose?

It would've been so easy to go over and…

"Found someone, Sir?"

Cal shook his head, slightly aware of the stares he was receiving from the people around him.

…..

A new starlet rising up in American cinema!

Rose Dawson to conquer the world…!

The actress Rose Calvert was holding a press conference…

Cal had collected every article he was able to get about her, carefully placing them into a hard leather wrapper – ordered by dates and in between – as book marks – where the one things that had started it all – the tickets for the Titanic.

Though she was smiling in most of the pictures there was a certain kind of sorrow behind every laugh, which Cal had long ago not been able to place. Rose had never looked like this ever before not even, when he had placed the Heart of the Ocean around her neck.

He had not wanted to admit it to himself until now, what it was the scared him so much - at last he did - it were her eyes - they didn't give out the emotion of sadness - they gave out no emotion at all.

Now looking at those photographs again, he knew that her soul must've gone to heaven as well during this night.