A/N I do not own TMNT, but I am forever grateful for their existence!


Protect

Chapter 12: Differences in Mourning

There is little comfort to be gained when a loved one passes. No matter how expected or unpredictable, it is never easy.

Grief.

An emotional swelling that extends beyond the realm of the intangible to be a palpable mass of unbearable pain. So searing, cold, and overwhelming it leaves a person feeling as though their mouth is jammed full of cotton while their stomachs are hopelessly hallow.

It was no different for the four mutant turtles when their Sensei passed, and the only potential remote silver lining that Raphael could glean from the entire experience, was that at least their Father would not bear witness to his sons' simultaneous external and internal decay.

Those first few days saw the brothers silently wandering around the Lair as though they were searching for something. Perhaps they all sought new purpose now that their Sensei was no longer there to guide them. Whatever it was, it soon became evident none of them would find it.

Between Leonardo and April, a burial had been arranged at Casey's old farmhouse in North Hampton. It was a short trip with the group arriving the afternoon following Splinter's passing and leaving the next morning once the ceremony had been completed. Of course words were spoken and stories were shared. Tears were shed and cries were wept.

It was a blur.

That first week, Raphael felt as though he himself no longer belonged within his body; his brain felt so detached from the external world.

Time rolled on and with it ran life, and maybe that was why eventually Raphael managed to find his way to Donatello's lab.

None of the turtles had spoken much to each other in days. Michelangelo had holed himself up in his room – undoubtedly painting away his grief – while Leonardo – wanting to delay facing the truth of his reality for as long as possible – could be found with his headphones jammed on and his music blaring as loud as it would go as he plowed through book after book. Raphael sought his usual refuges: working out until he collapsed by day and pounding the tar out of criminal lowlifes by night. Shamefully, the night previous he had found himself on Mrs. Morrison's front mat with a hell of a gash on his forehead. Blessedly, she had helped patch him up and did not give him a lecture upon his revelation of Splinter's death to her. Meanwhile, Donatello was camping out in his lab, and Raphael was a tad worried his brother had not actually left said room in days based on the stale smell of coffee and somewhat pungent mutant turtle body odour that assaulted him every time he entered the vicinity.

Leaning in his usual position against the doorframe, Raphael tried to keep his tone as nonchalant as possible, "Hey Don, you got a sec?"

His brother glanced wearily up from his monitor. With his purple mask dangling around his neck, Raphael could clearly see Donatello's dark puffy bags under bloodshot eyes. Between the smell and his brother's God-awful appearance, Raphael had no doubt that his brother had not slept in days. Trying to pretend nothing was off, he played with the knot in his red mask, "So uh… I was thinking… The weather's supposed to be pretty good tonight. You want to go out to the woods again?"

Brown eyes blinked in surprise before he replied flatly, "I thought you were mad at me."

"Yeah well…" Raphael moved down from his mask's knot to its tails, "All that doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore."

"If that's the case," Donatello folded his arms, "Why haven't you talked to Mikey about it yet?"

Amber eyes narrowed in his brother's direction, "That's kind of hard Don when the guy keeps locking himself in his room."

"That hasn't stopped you before."

Under his sibling's scrutinizing stare, Raphael sighed, "I don't know what to say to him."

"Hmmm…" Donatello hummed before speaking, "What about Leo? I doubt he'll just let the two of us take off."

He raised his eye ridges at his brother's quick topic jump, "That mean you want to go?"

The sitting turtle shrugged, "Sure. Why not? I'm game – if you clear it with Leo first."

"I don't need Leo's permission, Don." Raphael snapped.

"Maybe not," Donatello calmly retorted, "But I don't want to stress him out any more than he already is. Besides," he gave his older brother a knowing look, "Mikey's not the only one you've been leaving in the dark."

All too aware of what his brother was referring to, Raphael pinched his eyes closed, "Apparently you're the one I should have kept in the dark."

The younger gave a weak smirk, "But you didn't."

"No," Raphael met his brother's gaze, "I didn't."

Donatello turned back to his monitor, "I accept your apology and gratitude."

"Yeah… Yeah…" Raphael pulled himself from the doorframe, "Whatever you say Brainiac."

The soft clicking of keys was the younger's answer, but before he left, Raphael approached his brother and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Donnie," Donatello's fingers froze as he glanced up at his brother's gesture, "I'm glad I told you."

Before a flabbergasted Donatello could respond, the larger then released his hold and departed the younger's lab in search of Leonardo. It was not difficult to find the eldest turtle. Spying the light on in his brother's bedroom, Raphael ascended to the Lair's second floor. At the doorway, the red-clad turtle paused to gauge his sibling's mood. Unsurprisingly, Leonardo was sprawled on his bed just staring at the ceiling blankly. It was an activity Raphael observed the elder doing frequently since their Master's passing. Frowning at what his brother had been reduced to, Raphael called, "Leo?"

When he did not respond, Raphael continued into the Lair's largest bedroom. He approached the bed and yanked off his brother's earphones, "Yo, Fearless!"

Leonardo immediately jolted upright to land a ferocious glare onto the source of his interruption. "What Raphael!?"

Irritated by his brother's reaction, he snapped back, "Obviously I want to talk to you. Forgive me for disrupting your moping!"

"Oh so now you want to talk to me? God forbid you want talk to me before you do something stupid."

Raphael's mood was rapidly deteriorating, "You're the one being stupid Leo! You won't even give me a chance to explain myself."

"There's nothing to explain Raph!" Leonardo pulled himself from the mattress to meet his sibling at eye level, "You completely compromised the safety of our family to a stranger!"

"She's not a stranger Leo!" Raphael glowered back, "I've known her for years!"

This statement only infuriated Leonardo more, "What is wrong with you?! Don't you realize how much danger you've been putting us in?"

"Sure Leo," the red-clad turtle snorted, "Because of all the millions of humans in this city, only April and Casey are trustworthy."

"I didn't say that."

"You may as well have."

Leonardo did not let the brief impasse deter him, "Fine. I get it. You wanted to make some new friends outside of our little circle – stretch your wings – but you know what is really bothering me? What's worse than you visiting this woman? The fact that you didn't have to tell her the truth and yet for unknown and undoubtedly insane reasons, you did."

Raphael felt his spine stiffen, "Don't go there Leo."

"Why not?!" Leonardo hissed, "Please tell me you didn't think of it as the obvious solution until now. If you had to make new friends, why the hell did you have to do it as a mutant turtle and not as a human?!"

Amber eyes flashed dangerously before Raphael released a savage growl. He barely registered the pain as he launched his newly forming frame at the elder. Naturally, Leonardo tried to evade the assault, but he was less than at his prime and unable to dodge the large green hand as it lunged at him.

Raphael retained his typical shape as he rapidly grew. When his hand was large enough to easily encompass the majority of his prey, the transformation ceased, and a very disgruntled Leonardo was left helplessly pinned up on wall. The trapped reptile fruitlessly tried to loosen his brother's fingers for several moments before coughing from having the air squished out of him, "Can't… breathe…"

At Leonardo's choked words, Raphael's eyes still held their anger, but he did not hesitate to deftly adjust his grip so that the smaller could breathe once more. Well accustomed to such outbursts from years of working with his temperamental shape-shifting brother, Leonardo calmly took several deep breaths before returning Raphael's glare and jeering, "Overkill much?"

"Not when you're being such an ass," Raphael growled.

"Says the guy who always seems to try grabbing me whenever he loses his temper."

Raphael bared his large white teeth at his prisoner, "Only because it's the only way to get you off your high horse."

Undeterred by his sibling's now monstrous canines, Leonardo snorted, "By manually lifting me off the ground?"

"By making you helpless." Raphael snapped.

"Uh huh." The elder rolled his eyes, "Fine. You win. Put me down."

Amber eyes narrowed devilishly, "You don't get to call the shots right now Leo."

"Oh for the love of-" Leonardo gave his brother a searing look, but before Raphael could respond, a new rage-filled being entered the room, "LET HIM GO!"

Then, to both Leonardo and Raphael's surprise, Michelangelo launched himself in the air to land a powerful kick on Raphael's wrist. Leonardo crashed to the ground while Raphael cursed in pain. With nunchakus in hand, Michelangelo meanwhile had swiftly repositioned himself to act as a shield for his eldest sibling. For several seconds the three remained perfectly still before Leonardo spoke, "Uh Mikey, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Michelangelo snapped, "I'm saving you from him."

Leonardo responded flatly, "I didn't need saving Mike."

"I'm not stupid Leo." The younger retorted while continuing to keep his eyes fixed on the giant turtle, "I saw everything."

"No you didn't," Raphael frowned, "If you had, you'd know I was releasing our Fearless Leader the instant you decided to go all heroic."

Michelangelo was silent for a moment before suddenly storming towards the room's exit, "Fine whatever. Leave me out of the loop again. Just don't come crying to me Leo when he kills you."

Raphael narrowed his eyes before lunging forward to use his size to block the youngest mutant's path, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what you think it means!" The orange-clad turtle sneered, "I'm sure a big boy like you can figure it out."

Gawking at his baby brother's tone, Raphael failed to further inhibit Michelangelo's departure. Shortly after he left, they heard the unmistakable sound of the younger's bedroom door slamming shut. Raphael glanced down in confusion at Leonardo, "What's his problem?"

"Besides you trying to choke me?" Leonardo smirked up at his brother, "Because frankly, I'm not pleased about it either."

The giant turtle's cheeks darkened in embarrassment, "For all of two seconds!"

Seeing his younger – yet much larger – brother's obvious discomfort, Leonardo rolled his eyes before walking over to him. When he lifted his eye ridges under his blue mask expectantly, Raphael sighed before lowering his palm onto the ground. The eldest turtle jumped onto his hand and assumed the lotus position while Raphael lifted him to eye level. The two brothers shared each other's gazes for a moment before Raphael ground out, "Sorry."

Leonardo could not resist rubbing the salt in, "You're going to have to be more specific. Are you sorry for manhandling me, for being an ass, or for being an idiot?"

The larger muttered a string of incoherent curses before eventually muttering, "Would you be less of a pain if I introduced you to her?"

Clearly surprised by his suggestion Leonardo responded, "She's that important to you?"

"She's a good person Leo."

Seeing the adamance in his brother's amber eyes, their blue-clad leader sighed, "Go get Mikey and Donnie."

"Huh?"

Leonardo dramatically huffed, "If she's that important to you, I'm not meeting her alone. We'll all go."

Raphael grinned at the turtle in his hand, "You serious Leo?"

"When am I not?" The elder smirked, "Besides, Don really needs to get out of that lab and shower."


A/N I don't know how I feel about this chapter…


Anyways, to my lovely reviewers:

flikaroo: Haha I love brotherly fluff as well. Not much Mike and Raph fluff here, but we did get some with Don and Leo. As for Mikey… well there's some work to be done there and that's all I'm going to say. ;)

Nikale: Surprises are nice right? Thanks for reading :)

Mr. E: Yay! Three cheers for question answering! I actually kind of love those types of questions because then I can go crazy writing about my headcanon/explaining my 'verse in ways that would never get covered to the same extent within the story itself. I suppose if I had tumblr I would do it more, but then I'd have to get tumblr… XD Also, I did come up with it myself – so thank-you! You can't see it, but I'm blushing right now lol.

Raigon: Yes, he did. Leo, Don, and Mike were with Splinter all day so he did talk to them then. I just didn't go into because I felt I couldn't do it justice. So, I opted for a short scene where although Splinter's comment appears to be directly solely at Raph, it's actually meant for them all. I'm glad it turned out well in the end! Thank-you :)

PhGim.7: :( I know…