12.
Katie kissed me again, longer this time, more passionate. I knew where it was trying to go, and I wanted it more than anything. But, I forced myself to pull back. "Your arm."
She frowned. "Is that the only excuse you have?"
"You just started physical therapy last week," I reminded her gently. "You still have to take painkillers."
"Not as frequently," she argued.
"But enough," I replied, reaching out to stroke her hair. "And your parents could be home any minute."
She sighed. "Grant…."
"Technically," I said with a smile. "Shouldn't I be the one that wants sex and you be the one that wants to wait? I mean, you're the one with the purity ring and everything."
She bit back a smile. "I told you, the purity ring isn't necessarily an 'I-want-to-wait-for-marriage' kind of thing. It's just that I wanted to wait for the right person."
"Wanted?"
She leaned in closer to me, her mouth only centimeters from mine. When she spoke, I could feel her warm breath and practically taste the grape Powerade that she'd had only minutes earlier. "You're it," she said in a whisper. "You're the person that I want to have my first time with."
Did I mention I'm an assassin?
Did I mention I've been keeping MAJOR secrets from you ever since we first met?
Did I mention that I'm not who you think I am?
I'm an assassin.
Did I mention that?
I don't think I did.
No, I didn't.
"What led you to that decision?" I shifted so that we were lying side by side, our faces only inches from each others, our bodies pressed together. I loved her warmth and her smell. Like vanilla.
She drew figured on my shirt with her finger as she spoke. "Everything. You in general. The kind of person that you are. My family really likes you. I love you. I want us to have something special that no one else in the world will be able to take away. I want us to make it."
We can't make it, Katie. I've been lying to you and deceiving you. You should hate me; you should see right through me. But of course, she couldn't, because I had been trained to lie and deceive. And I was good at it. There were times, though, when I thought that Katie could see right through me.
Like when she whispered, "What aren't you telling me, Grant?"
Just tell her now.
No, you idiot! That'll ruin everything. Lie.
Great, fix a lie with more lies. Nothing smarter than that technique.
Before I could answer, she asked, "You don't feel that way about me?"
It had never been spoken aloud, but Katie and I had some sort of agreement to always tell each other how we were feeling. Of course, I could never tell her that I was feeling horrible because I'd just gotten back from killing someone.
See? You even break unspoken agreements. You're a horrible person.
I know.
I've always known, I suppose. But being with Katie brought that good part of me out. It made me want to be a better person, if only for her.
You in general. The kind of person you are.
She really meant it, and it was sort of true. I was a good person….to an extent. I was nice to people (except the ones that I killed), I tried to help people (except for the ones that I killed), and above all, I had gone through changes with Katie. I had fallen in love, and first love always changes someone; molds them into something different while still keeping part of who they were before. The changes weren't instant, but rather, they happened over time so that I didn't realize it until I thought about it.
"Grant?"
She was waiting for an answer. "Katie, I want you, and you should know that. I love you; you know I do." I didn't have to lie at all when I said those words; they were completely true. Nothing was more solid or concrete in my life than those two simple, yet powerful facts.
"Then why won't you sleep with me?" she asked.
Any guy would love to be in my position. Katie had extraordinary beauty and she was perfect in every single way. She was basically – but not to the extent of begging – asking me to sleep with her. Guys are supposed to only think about that; day and night. But my concern was for her. "I just want you to be okay, and I'm not sure that you can handle it with your arm."
And I would feel guilty the whole time.
She rolled her eyes. "Stop being so concerned for me. The physical therapist said that it was a miracle that I could move it as well as I do. It doesn't cause me so much pain anymore. I can dress and shower myself and everything."
"Sex is a lot more complicated than dressing or showering," I said with a smirk.
She rolled her eyes. "Dr. Jacobs said that working it out is good. We should listen to him."
"He also said that you need to do those exercises he showed you every day. Still think we should listen to him?"
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Just think about it, okay?"
"Of course," I replied, kissing her forehead, glad that the discussion was over. I didn't mind talking to Katie about anything –even if it was serious- but sex was just a really gray area for me. I was already attached to Katie more than an assassin should ever be attached to anyone. I was already on dangerous ground. Sex would make it so much more difficult.
And if she got pregnant…..
"Are you on birth control?" I asked suddenly.
She looked up at me, puzzled as to why I was blurting out that random question when the discussion had seemingly been over. "Yeah," she replied. "My dad put me on it in ninth grade."
"Oh, just wondering."
She gave me a knowing smile. "We can be safe."
I sighed and smiled as I kissed her forehead. "I love you."
"I love you, too," she replied.
Did I mention I'm an assassin?
