Wow... Wow. Okay, guys, I have a lot to say here this time. First, this chapter is longer than the rest have been... not by much, I realize, but it's a page longer in Word than the rest, so I'm trying to make them longer for you! Next, I start film school tomorrow, so I know I'm not exactly speedy poster now, but my updates may take a little longer. I'm not putting it on hold though, I promise! Third, I think you lot gave me more credit for that last chapter than I rightly deserved. I still don;t like the last chapter, but thank you for the kind words and the assurances that you all liked it as well. I greatly appreciate all of your reviews, as always! So, here it is, chapter 12. Please enjoy.


Remus looked like he hadn't slept in a while, his hand in his hair as he was holding his head up, pouring over his Potions text. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was already trying to study for his NEWTs next year. James had found out, and teased him mercilessly for it. He doubted reactions from anyone other than Lily would be much different, which lead to his own silence and James' sworn silence on the matter.

He decided to take a beautiful Saturday to open up the books, but more than that, to get out of the castle. He had settled down under his tree by the lake (well, actually, it was the Marauder's tree by the lake, but the others usually let Remus have first dibs on it, so he called it his own), and leaned against it, letting the slight breeze in the leaves relax him as he read.

Suddenly, a pencil smaller than his pinky finger was set in the crease of the book.

He picked it up, then looked at who put it there. Sirius looked down and shrugged.

"What, was this made in Lilliput?"

"What?" Sirius asked, the reference going completely over his head.

"Gulliver's Travels, never mind. What is this?"

Sirius took that as an invitation to sit down, and he took a spot next to Remus. "I forget what they called it… but you write down notes and things, and it helps you remember. Not allowed to use it on exams and things, of course… but it could help until then."

Remus gave a soft, unguarded smile. "Thank you, Sirius."

The black haired boy shrugged. "Not a big deal. Thought it would buy me a couple of answers on the exam from you," he said, a twinkle in his eye.

Remus laughed and shook his head. "No, you are not cheating on any exam between now and the end of seventh year."

"Well, not off of you, obviously," he retuned with a laugh of his own. "You look terrible, Remus." The full moon was approaching, and no matter how much Remus refused to use that as an excuse, Sirius knew it was a big part of his friend's ragged look.

"Oh, well thank you," Remus said. "Wonder how I manage not to blush with such compliments."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius added, "It's not good to study too much."

They were talking more amiably now, but Sirius was careful with what he said, careful not to touch Remus. Remus in turn was careful to be more forgiving of any mistakes Sirius did make. Things weren't perfect, and more often than not, they were yelling rather than talking… but it was a start.

"I study for the both of us," he answered with a little smile, his eyes back on the book, though Sirius could tell he wasn't reading.

"And what good does that do me if I can't look at your answers?"

"Yeah, yeah. Get out of here. You're distracting me."

Sirius sighed. "Can I stay if I promise to be quiet?"

Remu's head lifted and he regarded Sirius for a long moment before he nodded. Sirius smiled, leaning back against the tree and closed his eyes. Remus watched him, watching that easy, knowing smirk spread across the boy's lips, which, for whatever reason, made Remus look away quickly… down at the pencil in his hand.

It was a cute gift. Thoughtful, he supposed, was more the word for it. Sirius and thoughtful, of course, did not often make it into the same sentence. But lately, Sirius was really trying.

"You're still distracting me," Remus said quietly.

Sirius didn't even bother to open his eyes, but he said incredulously, "I haven't even made a sound! How am I distracting you?"

The question went unanswered, and Sirius peeked out of one eye at the boy, who was silently going back to his books. For as much as Sirius teased Remus about his studying, he enjoyed it. It gave him time to really look at Remus without being noticed, to watch and memorize the subtle details of him. One day… one day, he was just going to grab Remus and kiss him.

"What are you looking at me like that for?"

Sirius' eyes focused again, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind. He smirked and winked at Remus before settling against the tree again and closing his eyes. He heard Remus let out a soft sigh, and then the unmistakable sound of papers rustling.


"Sirius is going to kill us," Peter said, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood behind Lily and James, who were both pouring over Remus' journal.

James waved him off. "I can handle Sirius."

"And I can handle Remus," Lily said, as if she knew that would be Peter's next point.

"Sure," Peter said, and he kept looking over his shoulder as if he expected one or the both of them to walk through the door at any minute. "But both of them together?"

"Pete, if you don't want to do this, you can go and they'll never know you were a part of this." James said, and the irritation was easily heard in his voice. He pointed to something, indicating Lily should read it.

"I just don't understand, James. They're talking to each other again… so why are we trying to get them to make amends?"

James raised his eyebrows, giving Peter a clearly confused look. It wasn't that he hadn't thought of it before. He had, extensively, and he didn't know the answer either. But it was an excuse to be shoulder to shoulder with Lily… and he wasn't going to give that up because Sirius might yell at him. Sirius yelled at him all the time, and they were still best mates.

Lily looked at him sideways, expecting him to explain, but his eyes seemed very focused on part of the page. She read a little over his shoulder, and explained to Peter at the same time. "Just because they're speaking again does not mean that everything is fine between them. Poor Sirius is walking on eggshells around Remus… I have never seen him so careful with what he says. And for the first time… Remus isn't comfortable around Sirius. He doesn't trust him. We're hurrying up five and a half years of trust and friendship so that they're friends again by the end of term."

"And what do you hope to find in Rem's journal?"

Lily licked her lips and didn't quite answer right away. She knew exactly what she was looking for, but she wasn't certain she'd find it. Remus was secretive, probably even with himself, and even more so with something like what she was looking for. "I'm just looking."

"And you think that's going to be a good enough excuse for Sirius or Remus?"

"Pete!" James hissed, turning to face his mousey friend. "If you're going to keep lecturing us on the morality of what we're doing, you can leave."

Peter raised his eyebrows as if to say, 'You'd like that, wouldn't you?' James, in return, gave him a dangerous look that said not to verbalize what those eyebrows were suggesting.

"I'll stay," he conceded at length.

"Without complaining?"

"Without complaining."

James, however, had to agree with Peter. He didn't think this was right, and he didn't know what he was looking for. Lily had just told him to point out anywhere that Remus had mentioned Sirius. For the first two months after the Incident, he hadn't mentioned Sirius at all. James thought this was odd, but Lily almost smiled at it. This left him thoroughly clueless, as he remained today. When Remus still refused to talk to Sirius, he could justify this… but now, he just didn't know.

"Found it," Lilly announced, pushing the book towards James and pointing out a paragraph on the right side.

The thing about Sirius is that he does know when he's made a mistake, and he is sorry for it. But sometimes, I don't think he understands the difference between being sorry, and learning from his mistakes. I'm not even angry at him, any more. But how can I explain to him that I don't trust him? He says he'll never do anything like this again, and I know he thinks he won't. But Sirius loses his head too easily, and that's just it: Sirius is a passionate person. In the heat of the moment, whatever the moment is, he doesn't think. He just acts. And every time this happens, I will forgive him, but it will get harder and harder to deal with the betrayal. Maybe I think too much, and don't act enough. How can we reconcile that? Still, I know that I can't ignore him forever. It's childish and petty… I just don't know how to do this.

"What does that prove?" James asked after he read it, causing Lily to roll her eyes.

"Are you really that thick, Potter?"

"Apparently," he muttered, hating that he wasn't seeing something that was so obvious to her.

"It proves that Sirius needs to act passionately."

"What?" James asked again, still not following her logic.

Lily did not answer him. She rolled her eyes and closed the diary, tucking it into her book bag.

"Remus will notice it missing," Peter said softly.

"Then we'll keep him occupied tonight," James answered, his eyes not leaving Lily. If she was on to something, he'd go with it, whatever it meant.