Chapter 12: Preamble
When Garrus woke up from dreams of the happy ending he'd been denied for so long and remembered what had prompted them this time, he raced out of the room to find his proof that it was real. Echo was already awake and sifting through a box of levo supplies when he entered the room. He didn't give himself a chance to think before he rushed over, put his arm around her waist, and kissed her.
She made no effort to question or fight him, dropping everything to lean into the embrace. After a moment, she did push him away so they could breathe, giving him a curious look. "What, did you just wake up from a nightmare or something?"
Looking in those silver blue eyes, he found it hard to think straight, so he gave her the only answer he could. "Yes. We were in the war together and I lost sight of you in a fight. I turned the battlefield upside down looking for you after it was over…but I lost you anyway." It was the truest thing he had said to her since that day at the transit station, even if she didn't realize that he had not dreamed it but lived it.
She offered a look of sympathy, moving closer to him. "I'm here. The war's over." She smirked playfully as she took his hand. "And you couldn't get rid of me that easy if you tried."
Those words turned the last three years from a painful memory into the real nightmare he was waking from. This was the only reality he wanted to live in. Just to prove that, he quickly pulled her in to kiss her again, even more joyously when she returned it. In this one moment, all the loneliness and yearning that had plagued them both so heavily for three years melted away, totally overcome with passion and belonging. They were together, unreservedly, and that was all either of them needed to know.
Echo laughed softly as she pulled away. "Careful there, Vakarian. A girl might get the impression you like her."
He laughed with her, even as his mind raced with what he longed to tell her—I do, I love you, more than anything, I can't live without you—but he set the words aside for now. It wasn't time yet. He would just have to show her how much she meant to him. And she meant a lot.
He felt freer than he'd ever been now that she was here, the war behind them for good. The selfish truth underneath it all was that he needed to forget those days as much as she did, and this was exactly what he needed to accept that. He could simply make her his whole world, spend every moment offering some gesture of adoration he longed to fill her days with, claim his purpose in life to be loving her and nothing more. She seemed the slightest bit concerned at first about his sudden vigor for affections toward her, but she didn't take long to warm to the fact that this was just how he felt about her and rarely made any effort to make him slow down. At the quieter moments, she was a beacon of hope and belonging to a turian that had known like none other what it means to be truly lost; during the moments when she returned his affections, she was the symphony that drowned out the galaxy, the air that sustained him, the only thing that mattered or existed, the reason he was alive despite a lack of Reapers to destroy. This was either a dream he would do anything to live within rather than wake from or a life he had every intention of cherishing while he could. So his every moment was spent with her in his arms, each of them a victim to the other's every desire.
Though he knew deep down that nothing lasts forever, Garrus felt like he'd finally found true peace, true happiness, with the one he'd do anything for. What they had now was the very definition of perfection in his mind, the kind that nothing could ever penetrate—
"I was wondering," Echo warily requested out of the blue, "if…I could meet your family?"
… …crap. He had forgotten all about that. In all the excitement of the past two weeks, he hadn't even really been talking to them that much. Of course, if she was living with him, she was going to have to meet them eventually. It was only going to keep going, like that old human story about the man rolling a boulder down a hill (or something like that, human myths weren't exactly his specialty). He really had no excuse to say "no" except that, since he'd all but told them everything that happened, they might say something they shouldn't. On the other hand, if Victus managed to go almost two weeks without giving anything away, surely Castis and Solana could manage as well for one night, right?
Right?
"I understand if you're not ready, honest," Echo tried to diffuse the situation when she saw he was tensing, "It's just…well, I've never done this before and I know it's important. I…don't have my own, so…" She could see the sympathy and sorrow worming its way into his eyes at those words, but she also saw that his tension wasn't easing. "…oh. Oh no. They wouldn't have a problem with you dating a human, would they?"
Garrus quickly snapped himself out of it. "No! No, they wouldn't have a problem with it. I mean, Dad was never particularly fond of Spectres, but he knows we couldn't have won the war without you, so…"
She nodded. "Right. So…what's the problem?"
For the first time since her arrival on Palaven, she had asked a question he outright couldn't answer. The struggle to compose a comprehensible explanation without lying to her somehow was almost painful.
Seeing him at a loss for words was stunning, to say the least. So Echo sighed, taking his hand, and said what she had to say: "Garrus, listen to me. You're important to me and I want to be a part of your life. But I can't be all of it. I know you have other people that matter to you. And I know you matter to them, so I want to…I don't know, prove I'm worthy of you." Saying this out loud proved to be nearly too much for her. It was all exposing what she was so deeply missing. "Because there's no one out there I matter to but you. Not in the ways that count. And I want you to be my life, all of it and then some, but I know that's too much to ask—"
"No, hey, Echo…" He drew closer, his talons softly stroking her hair. Inside, he was raging that there were other people out there who cared about her but they'd been taken away from her—for good, he was now convinced. But the need to be there for her when no one else could overcame everything else. "It's not too much. I'd do anything for you."
For a brief second, she was on the verge of smirking and offering some mocking chide about how he should be careful what he offered. One look in his eyes silenced the comment before it was formed. She couldn't even imply that she would abuse what he was willing to give to her. Not when she knew to the depths of her soul she would just as soon do anything for him. It was a strange feeling, belonging to someone, especially after she had vowed more than once in her life that she would never "belong" to anyone. With him, though, she didn't want to be anything but his, wholly and completely.
Garrus finally drew back. "OK. We'll go by tonight."
"What?" She took a moment to remember what they'd been talking about before her sudden realization. "Oh! Garrus, no, if you're not ready—"
"No. I have three good reasons to do this. First, and probably most importantly, you asked, and I won't say 'no' to you."
She smiled softly at him making good on his word. Now more than ever, she was sure of what she meant to him.
He smirked. "Second, you're mine and I want to show you off."
She scoffed, shaking her head at the urge to laugh. "And third?"
He shrugged. "I'm pretty sure they already want to meet you anyway."
She looked at him, utterly stunned. "Wait, you told them about me?"
"…I didn't have to."
That night…
Solana sat on the couch, eying her omni-tool. Nothing was happening, but every five minutes, she'd consider sending a message to Garrus only to persuade herself not to. In between those five minute intervals, she'd try to find something to distract herself only to somehow be reminded of her brother and his recent…obstacle. Which would bring her back to considering and refusing to contact him.
"I see there's still no word from Garrus," Castis commented as he entered the room.
"Honestly, I'm a bit worried," Solana sighed, "He's come by once since he heard the news and he didn't seem like himself."
"He'll be alright, Solana," Castis assured his daughter, "He just needs a little time."
"He's had three years, Dad, and it just got tripped up. I don't think time is all that helpful right now."
Suddenly, her omni-tool beeped. Turning to check it, she found a message from Garrus waiting there. Curious, she opened it.
I'm almost there. I'll explain later. Don't say anything.
Curiosity immediately gave way to confusion, which prompted her father to see what was bothering her. She was about to openly question what the message could mean when there came a knock on the door.
She answered it to find Garrus there. With Echo Shepard.
Obviously, Solana was shocked. "Garrus, is this—?"
"Commander Shepard?" Echo cut in, "Yeah, that's me."
Garrus took all of two seconds to give his sister a pleading look, as if to silently remind her of his message, before leading Echo in so the door could close behind them.
Solana responded with an equally brief look that demanded explanation.
Garrus ignored this—he had promised in the message that he would explain later—and turned to Echo. "This is my sister, Solana."
Echo smiled. "Oh! Hi. I'm Echo. I've heard a lot about you."
This was exactly what Solana needed to hear to turn her attention from incredulity to amusement. "Oh, have you?"
Garrus smirked to himself. These two he knew would get along well.
"Commander Echo Shepard?" Castis stepped in, "The Spectre that won the Reaper War?"
Garrus dropped the smirk. These two he wasn't so sure about.
Echo, not even noticing his reaction, simply nodded as she turned to face Castis. "And I take it you're Garrus' father?"
Castis took a few seconds to send his son a glance that even another turian would find hard to read, somewhere between curious, dubious, warning, and wary.
Garrus attempted to give the same pleading look he'd given to Solana but it came out more nervous and concerned.
Castis seemed to consider. Then he gave the commander a respectful nod. "It's an honor to finally meet you."
While Echo exchanged pleasantries, Garrus sighed with relief. The worst of it was over (aside from the explanation he was going to have to give his family afterwards…). Now they just had to go the rest of the night without letting on how he originally knew her.
"So what brings you here?" Solana asked the commander.
Echo hesitated. "Well…we, uh…"
Garrus saved her the trouble of answering by reaching over to take her hand.
She smiled, clutching his talons tenderly and taking a tentative step closer to him.
Solana caught on then. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!" She turned to nudge Garrus in the shoulder. "You finally got a girlfriend?!"
Garrus just looked at her. "I…what? 'Finally'?" While Solana ignored the question and promptly pulled Echo aside for what could best be described as a spirited interview, Garrus turned to his father. Three years ago, he would've expected a barrage of inquiries into why he was with a human and what he was expecting to come of such a pairing. But after they all saw what the past three years had been like for him, knowing even without explanation what the cause of it was, there was no questioning what this particular human meant to him.
So Castis asked only one thing: "Are you sure about this?"
Garrus simply looked over at Echo, thinking of what his dreams had offered him and the chances of making them reality in place of the chaos that originally brought them together. "…I'm sure that I'm lost without her."
For the next half hour, Solana and Echo were peppering each other with questions that drove conversation for all four of them. Echo's curiosity about turian culture and Vakarian family history was largely rewarded, though Garrus and Solana finally insisted she stop asking questions when she asked Castis about his time in C-Sec ("We'll be here all night, really," Solana shook her head.). So Solana took over with questions about human culture, about what it was like being hero of the galaxy these days, about how Echo and Garrus had met (the answer to which drew her to send some curious yet knowing glances in Garrus' direction), and even about how human mating customs related to turian ones, which was the question to which Garrus promptly put his foot down. However, after a moment of silence, Solana found another question plaguing her.
"If you don't mind my asking…what's it like? The memory loss?"
"Sol—" Garrus started to step in.
"No, no, it's fine," Echo cut him off, "No one ever bothers to ask." With a sigh, she considered how best to describe it. "It's like…everything's clear and normal until a few weeks before Eden Prime. Then things start sort of…running together. I still remember what happened, but I don't remember doing any of it. It's kind of like watching a vid with only one character or something. The only other person I really remember from those days is Admiral Anderson and the last thing I remember from the war before it all goes black and resets is that he died, though I'm still not clear on how. Honestly, all of it's kind of choppy after Harbinger came down in London, it's…hard to explain, I guess."
Solana simply nodded. "Makes sense. And no one knows how to fix it?"
Echo scoffed. "No. Believe me, I checked. I went to at least four different doctors in the first two months just trying to figure out if there even was a solution, but it's not a normal amnesia and even the most normal is a bit difficult to treat. Besides, it's been three years. If they were gonna come back, they would have by now. I've accepted it. …well, not accepted it, but you know what I mean."
Garrus, impressing himself, remained perfectly stoic through all this. Even inside, he took each word in stride, as if he had expected them all. It was strange to hear from her what it was like, but it was a comfort to hear that she didn't mind the loss, even though there was no denying that it was a loss. Hearing all this, however, was making it difficult to properly put the past behind him. With a sigh and a brief excuse, he got up and walked out, searching for some solitude with which to process it all.
Echo watched Garrus leave the room, barely able to hide the concern that rose inside her. They had barely talked about her memory loss. He had been so evasive about it, as if he thought talking about it hurt her. Was it really that it scared him? …was she hurting him somehow when she mentioned it?
Solana smirked in Echo's direction as Castis also left the room. "He really likes you."
Momentarily forgetting her concerns, Echo looked at her curiously. "Garrus? How can you tell?"
"The way he looks at you. The way he talks about you. He's distracted and happier. He's usually a bit antsy when he's not shooting something or tinkering with something, but he's hardly fidgeting at all when you're in the same room with him. When you're the one he's talking to, there's a trill of attachment in his sub-vocals. And quite frankly, I've never seen him smile like that for any female turian."
Echo smiled but also turned away. Something about how obvious they were seemed…off-putting.
Solana, to her credit, seemed to notice this. "You clearly mean a lot to him."
Echo nodded. "I hope so." Setting her concerns aside entirely, at least for now, she turned back to Solana. "You two are close?"
Solana scoffed. "Hardly. …or…we weren't. I mean, we obviously care about each other, but we haven't always gotten along… Let's just say we're a stereotypical brother and sister."
Echo laughed briefly. "Let me guess. The war changed that?"
"Didn't it change everything?" Solana took a moment to consider that. "No, not necessarily for us. I think we started getting a bit closer after Mom died."
Echo grew a bit more sullen at those words. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. State she was in, she probably wouldn't have made it through the war anyway. Better it happened when we were in a position to mourn. But, yeah, it changed things. Not for long before Garrus had to run off to be the big, brave hero, but they still changed. After Earth and all, he just…wasn't the same person. I've been trying to be there for him where his old friends couldn't."
Echo understood. She hoped she was somehow doing the same.
As if she knew this was what the human was thinking, Solana folded her arms and came out with it: "So you know it's for his sake and not just because humans are hard to read when I ask if you really care about him."
Echo glanced at her. "Humans are hard to read? I figured we were the easiest species in the galaxy to get a handle on."
"Maybe for asari. Not so much for turians."
Echo thought that over. "…he hasn't had any trouble." She smiled as she thought of how Garrus had been with her. He had taken the time to get to know her, even to get acquainted with her species' customs; he had been there for her when she needed a friend; he had cared about her. It seemed too good to be true, especially coming from a turian to a human, but it was real. And it was something she intended to hold onto as long as possible. "Your brother means a lot to me. I would never do anything to hurt him."
For all her apparent difficulty with reading humans, Solana couldn't deny the conviction and fondness behind Echo's words. She almost smiled as she realized that this human was actually worth all Garrus had felt for her. "Good to hear. I'm holding you to that." She let those words hang between them until Garrus came back into the room, Castis not far behind. "It's getting late. I'm sure you two want to be on your way."
Echo nodded. "Right. It was nice to meet you. We'll have to talk again sometime."
Garrus smiled to himself as he stepped over to take Echo's hand. "Why do you have to be so good at everything?"
She scoffed. "Careful. You haven't seen me dance yet."
He just winced when she wasn't looking. No, no, I have.
After a few goodbyes, Garrus led Echo through the city and back to the house. He glanced at her a few times on the way, noticing that she did seem a bit happier. He tried to push it from his mind, but he knew she had made it her purpose in the war to keep as many families and romances together as possible, mourning what she didn't have and what she couldn't lose, mourning every farewell message from every fallen soldier she had to deliver to every shattered widow and orphan. He clung a bit closer to her, marveling one last time at the wonder that had given her heart to him. She didn't seem to notice as he watched her go to bed that night, as he watched the love of his life breathing softly and enjoying a rest she had long ago earned but could only now have. Once he was certain she was asleep, he dragged himself from the hall and made his way outside to send a video-call to Solana.
She was clearly waiting for a call because she answered almost immediately. "Explanation," she demanded over the line, "Now!"
Garrus sighed and began to give her the whole story, glancing at the house every so often to make sure there was no chance Echo would overhear. With every detail, Solana's impatience faded to shock. By the end, she was watching him with a disbelieving look, not even sure how to respond. "I know it's a lot, but…if she really can't get her memories back, then…" He groaned, leaning back against the nearest wall. "I don't know. I just…I couldn't lose her twice."
Solana looked at him in amazement. "I knew she meant a lot to you, but…you really love her, don't you?"
Even though he already knew it, it meant something to hear his sister say it. "I do. More than I thought possible."
Solana smiled. "It is good to see you happy again." She sighed as she came to a resolution: "…don't let her go."
This statement meant even more. After fighting so hard for so long to do exactly that, he had still been questioning if he was doing the right thing now. Hearing someone else tell him what the right thing must be was exactly the bolster his resolve needed. And thinking of Echo, of the life he wanted with her…to think of letting that slip away… "…never."
After Solana hung up to relay the story to Castis, Garrus went back inside and made his way to Echo's room. He smiled as he looked in at her sleeping form. For three years, every time he thought of her (which had been quite a lot), he had felt hollowed out inside. Now he looked at her for one second and that hollowness filled with elation and warmth. She was here and she was here to stay. Careful not to disturb her, he took her side just long enough to run a talon through her soft brown hair and silently declare how much he loved her. When he closed his eyes to sleep that night, the ensuing void was consumed with thoughts and memories of her. He realized something else just before he drifted into dreams.
He didn't need to put the past behind him. He just needed to remember that she was his future.
