Angels May Laugh and So May You

D—

Nuclear Warheads will detonate in 5 minutes. All personnel please report to Fallout Bunker. (5 minutes later) VVVVVVVVWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM………

(From inside bunker, static engulfs the screen)

Uh, We, we seem to be experiencing, uh, technical difficulties…yeah…anyway, we have a prebomb recording of Chapter 12 of AMLASMY. Uh, it seems to be unaffected by the Radioactivity from out side…which is good. Now, I don't own Dino Crisis…or anything else, like Diablo. Enjoy. Now I have to clean up the remains of the disclaimer…(Sound fades out to static.)

CHAPTER 12: Big-Ass Angel Guy

Dante's Dad's Old Sword, Force Edge, reacted to the Complete Gem.

After a short shining of bright-ass light and Force Edge was no longer in Dante's hands…instead, there was Sparda.

"Saweeeeeet!!"

Happy about this new toy, he checks out the features...

He swings it a few times, and Does Alastor's "Stinger" technique. The Sword stretched into a spear.

After a few more swings, he does a boomerang technique, and Sparda turns into a scythe. After a few more moves, he sheaths Sparda onto his back.

"Eh…?" Sparda begins to speak, "Where the hell am I?"

"Hell." Alastor and Ifrit said simultaneously.

"How so?" Sparda looks to Dante. "Oh, dear sweet, heavenly mother of Jesus Christ…I'm a sword…even worse, I'm a sword wielded by my son…"

"Hi, Dad! How's life?" Dante said smiling.

"It was fine…then you showed up. Now it's going to be hell."

"But Alastor and Ifrit you're already in hell, Silly!" Dante, still smiling attempts to make a step. Unfortunately, he trips over his own two feet, onto the floor, and eats a shitload of pain. Even more unfortunate, is that Dante was totally unprepared for the loss of 2 of his teeth. Sparda, Ifrit and Alastor were totally unprepared for the loud noise.



Dino Crisis 2, Dylan, Paula and Regina are just about to escape, and everything was going well, as they were just about to escape, and, the ending was replaced at this very moment due to the scream.

YEEEEEEAAAAAOOOOWWWWWWWWSSSSHHHIT!!

The scenery collapses on Paula.

The scenery supervisor was about to get up and help, when the director, liking this new idea, waved his hand, keeping the scenery supervisor back.

"This seems like a good ending!" The director said. "Keep the camera rolling!"

Over near Regina, Dylan, and Paula, things were looking pretty grim.

"(Uhh, Dyl?)" Regina said. "(What do we do?)"

"(I don't know, uh…improvise!!)" Dylan said, looking at Paula, grinning.

"(Uhh, Dylan, your father and Daughter…you can't have a 'relationship' with your daughter!)"

"(Huh?…Oh!…Uh, ahem, of course……right…)"



Dante, holding his two teeth, started to cry.

"My…my teef…..I fell and Smasthed! my teef…!" He said.

"Good god…why did my son have to be a friggin' retard…hell, why did we get stuck with him?"

"Bad luck…" Ifrit said, smirking.

"Don't feel left out. It managed to nab us too."

Dante stopped crying, as a moth had caught his attention. He chased it around, laughing all the way, he followed it through the portal, and into a floor filled with water.

2 hours later…

Dante had chased the freakin' bug throughout the whole damn castle, and it finally stopped flying. But did it have to stop flying at the top of the damn tower? He remembered the insignia on the wall of this tower. After messing with it, the thing released a whole bunch of water. He swam to the top of the tower, where the insignia wore off, thus dropping the water, and him, though he landed on the walkway. He picked up the Philosopher's Egg, and heads outside into the Fountain Area.

After tossing it into the fire the subtitle saying. "It will take a while to finish", the letters H, I, L, E, and T were stabled to Dante's back. After a little trouble (and a little snickering from Sparda, Alastor and Ifrit) he manages to tear the letters out of him. Nightmare, bored, oozes up from under the ground.



"Heeyyggghhh, Shhhhparda…..wanna play a ghaaaaamegh?" Nightmare said, with his Bile-type fluids flowing around on him.

"Sure, Nightmare." Dante, having nothing better to do, decides to play along.

After 10 minutes of playing Dice, the Elixir pops out of the Flame, like a microwave.

"Well, I have to say, Nightmare, that was a pretty good (although very rigged) game. You now owe me an 'inflatable toy', 3900 Red Orbs, The Biohazard Game Set, A Bill Clinton Dart Board, A PS2, and an Xbox…and a bag of Doritos." Dante said, checking his list of New Toys. As he walked off, his dice hopped out of his hand. It landed on 5 and 3. The same numbers that Dante called

Nightmare became suspicious of Dante, who grabbed the Elixir and ran. He messed with the dice a little bit, and they always landed on 5,3.

Dante was now in the Bedroom. He was thinking about where to go now. He couldn't go back, as Nightmare would be waiting for him, and the Door outside was molded into the wall, thus making it PART of the wall. So he placed his hand on the mirror to think things through…

Though through the mirror wasn't his idea.

Dante, looking around, realized he was in the Mirror World, and the door outside was unsealed. So, he headed outside. There in the center of the area, was the Philosopher's Stone. Dante knew somehow that this thing was important to stopping Mundus. Dante picked it up, and followed the crumbling walkway back to the Bedroom and into the real world.

Two minutes Later, 3 Nobodies appeared.

"(Hey! We're only two minutes late! Dante couldn't have come by yet!)" One said. The other two nodded in response.

Dante now has what it takes (The Elixir and Philosopher's Stone) to enter the Underworld. After stepping onto the puddle, he stated to sink. This totally freaked him out, and he soon found out that clawing at it was useless, and that the stuff was acting a lot like Crazy Glue. Now that he's lost his arm and both legs, he just gave up.

In the Underworld, after Dante got all the "Crazy Glue" off him, he looked at the huge hole that was most likely the entrance to the Underworld. He used the Elixir and Philosopher's Stone, opening the thingy, and allowing him access to Mundus's Lair.

In Mundus's Throne Room…

As Mundus plays Roulette with Irenicus and The Slayer (Bhaal), along with Diablo, a Sin Scythe appears.

"Uh, sir?"

"Not now, I'm winning!"

"But sir!! Dante's in the Underworld!!"

"WHAT??! FIND HIM!! BLOW HIM INTO 6 RED, BLOODY PIECES! DON'T LET HIM DISTURB MY WINNING STREAK!!"

Bhaal rolls the ball, "Red 6."

"WHAT?"

"Sorry, Mundus, you called it."

"But I—I mean he—it's MY Rigged Roule—I mean MY Roulette Wheel!"

Irenicus looks at Mundus. "Silence, and let the fool make his Judgement."

Bhaal ignores Irecnicus, and slows the Roulette Wheel. "…………..2 Black…again."

"I'm beginning to think, Mundus," Irenicus said, looking at the 2 Black, which was always what it'd landed on. "That this game was rigged."

Irenicus soon disappears from a Beam shot by Mundus, and dust is all that remains of him…Bhaal takes this time to scoot away. Diablo just sits there being quiet as usual.

"…………..Mundus, wanna play Rock, Paper, Scissors until Bhaal gets back with a Resurrect Scroll?"

"Hell, yeah."



Dante looks around the huge chamber, and sees Trish.

"Dante! Help me!"

"Hiya, Trish! How are you?"

"Help!!"

"I found the way into the Underworld!! Isn't that Great?"

"Dammit Dante, get your retarded ass over here!!"

Dante didn't like Trish yelling at him. So he started to look sad. Nightmare oozed in from behind, and swallowed Dante.

Dante is now in an evil world within Nightmare, so he kills the laughing skulls and turns to see his enemy…

…Michael Jackson.

Dante, goes DT, and Blasts the hell outta Mike. After defeating him, Dante is telported out of Nightmare.

"Nice job, Nightmare! I have to say that was impressive." Trish said, patting Nightmare on the back, then wiping the goo onto her jeans.

Nightmare feels something wants out. So either he is going to be sick, Nature is calling, or Dante wanted out. Dante smashed out of nightmare, dealing a crippling blow.

Trish zaps Dante, just for the hell of it.

"Dante, you fool, I can't believe you trusted me didn't you dumb old dad tell you not to talk to strangers?"

Sparda looks annoyed. "Dante, kick her ass."

Dante was too busy getting his ass kicked himself. He did manage to pull of a DT. But he mostly used it to run around Nightmare, he the tripped just before Trish zapped at him again.

As Trish mumbled something along the lines of "Oh holy F—k!" Nightmare started to expand, with evil lasers shooting out of him, slicing through stone pillars, and nearly through Trish and Dante. Well, it missed Trish, but Dante was watching the same Moth from earlier, and failed to dodge the laser. After he lost interest in the Moth, he noticed the large, outstanding hole in him.



Some where in a distant Galaxy, known to some beings as XNaHAZXAlaXA'HaexXA (prounounced Zana-ah…er…Zonaha-zix…ah, hell with it. Two alien races were trading insults, and soon found that it wasn't working well for either of them. So, they decided to negotiate a peace. Seconds before they both agreed on it, Dante intervened…his voice managed to bend through time and space into this part of the universe.

"OW YOU STUPID DAMN BOOT LICKING PUS EATING SCUM BAG FROM HELL, I'LL RIP OFF YOUR ARM AND BEAT YOU INTO THE GROUND WITH IT, YOU SHIT-EATING F—KING BLOB OF BILE!!!!"

Apparently, this was one of the worst, most horrid thing Insult they have heard, and since they both believed the other said it, they both agreed on one thing: WAR. They attacked in their spaceships, blowing the others away. Again, they realized they were getting nowhere, and joined forces to attack the Earth, and a common household dog soon ate them.



Dante soon healed up. And noticed Trish was about to be smashed. Dante was going to run past her, but he accidentally tripped, again, and slammed into her.

After the Dust settled, Dante got up off Trish, and brushed himself off.

"Dante…you saved me…" Trish said.

"Yeah….uh…..I guess I did, huh?" Dante said, smiling. The smile was soon replaced with a bright red cheek from a slap to the face.

"DON'T EVER TRY THAT AGAIN YOU GODAMN PERVERT!!"

Dante, pissed off, walked away,

"Wait!! Why DID you saved me?"

"………….Because you look like my mother."

Alastor and Ifrit, stare before speaking…well, not speaking. "…EEEEEEEEWWWWW!!!!"

Alastor looks at him "Your Ma looks like a Downtown hooker that has been hit in the face with a bat several time Really hard??"

"WHAT?" Trish shouts.

"Oh shit!!"

Trish take a run at Dante, and immediately stops, due to some loaded Squirt Guns.

"Back, Lady Lame!! BAAAACK!!"

After an annoying conversation, Dante walks to the unopened goo-gate.

Trish doesn't turn around to notice Mundus.

"TRISH. YOU…HAVE MY STEAK QUESADILLAS, YES?"

"Uh, no sir."

"THEN YOU HAVE FAILED. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO FAILURES….YES?"

Trish Gasps in complete horror.



"Ding, Ding, Dinnnnng!" Said cheap scientist special effects guy number 1.

"Oh my, this is quite scary." Said CSSEG#2



After Dante goes around, killing Plasmas and Nobodies, and releasing some organs from eternal damnation. After entering Mundus' Angelic Throne Room. A big Booming voice called from the stone statue.

"AGAIN I MUST FACE A SPARDA…STRANGE FATE, ISN'T IT?"

"Two…two!! TWO you damn rock! I'm down here too!" Sparda shouts.

"Uh, yeah…uh, shutup dad." Dante says, "We don't want that mean King of Darkness to force us to do anything Drastic, like save a girl that looks like my mom."

"Dumbass kid! She looks NOTHING like her!! You Mother, MY wife, was beautiful."

"LOOK BEHIND YOU SPARDA."

Sparda turns around.

"Ahem, hey, son. Look over there."

Dante turns around, and sees Trish hung over the huge ass door, twitching every 2-3 seconds, and her eyes wide open.

"Trish??"

"STAY WHERE YOU ARE. BLINK…….AND SHE DIES."

"…Uh, you sure she's not dead?"

"She's not dead…just, mentally scarred from all those Barney videos."

"OOOOH!! LEMME WATCH!!"

Dante steps toward Mundus, causing him to fire sharp pointed sticks into Dante. Skye and Chibi Sephy appear one last time, with her armed with an AK- 47 and Sephy armed with an MP5. They waste all the ammo on Mundus, cuss, then switch to TAU Cannon and Gluon Gun, both run out of ammo AGAIN. They pull the sticks out of Dante, and throw them at Mundus, and disappear through a portal…well, Skye did. Sephy was stuck out of the portal.

"Heeey!! I need ESCAPE!! HEEEEEEEEEY!!!" The Chibi shouts. A small portal appears, and a hand comes out and grabs the Chibi Sephy and pulls him in, and the portal closes. Mundus looked mildly battered.

Dante stumbles around, and Trish who somehow recovered, from the Mental scarring, and managed to get down from the huge ass door, stumbles into Dante, knocking him out of the way of a beam…which happened to be filled with reruns and reruns of Barney. Trish goes back into a state of shock.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Dante screams. He starts to shake. He rummages through his bag, looking for meds.

"Dante, hurry up!!" Alastor shouts. "The shaking is getting more violent every second!!"

Ifrit breaks in. "…and Mundus is charging something NASTY."

"Guys, I'm out!!" Dante says, still rummaging through his pack.

"Well, hurry up and be un-out—WHAT?!?"

"I have NO MEDS!!"

"What, what does that mean?" Sparda asks.

"He's gonna be 'Demonified'!" Ifrit shouts.

Alastor takes cover. "LOOK OUT!! HE'S GONNA BLOOOW!!!"

Mundus releases his energy beam.

Dante's eyes glow red, scaring the hell out of the beam, sending it into the huge ass door.











BORING CONVERSATION INTERLUDE

This week: Half-Life w/ MPHLS



Black Mesa Warm Apple Pie Research Facility…

4 scientists and a Guard Conversation… (in main lobby)

Walter (sci w/ Glasses): Would you be offended if I told you that you had sexy thighs?

Barney (Guard): Got me…...Wanker.



Simmons (Dark-skinned sci): My pen, my pen! Somebody stole my pen!

Einstein (old sci): Uhhh….errrruh…uhhmmm…could…you…repeat that?



Black-haired sci: I've been taking screaming lessons. Would you like a demonstration?

Walter: You are a silly person and I'm not going to talk to you.



Barney: Ever wish you were an Oscar Meier Wiener?

Einstein: If you want to say yes, and you want to say no, just say… 'Nes'.



Simmons: Did you just partake in flatulatory activities?

Barney: Ah-ahem…..blow me.



Einstein: This is all within your imagination, right boo?

Walter: I'm afraid I can't answer that, based on religious reasons.



BHS: Have you heard of the guy from Nantucket?

Barney: In the words of the great Barney…'I love you, you love me.'



Walter: Does anyone have the Analysis of my samp—uh, the new sample?

Simmons: I don't think so, and there's no Santa Clause, either.



Einstein: Have you checked…the…thingy?

Walter: My god, man you're such a little bitch!



(Gordon "Gordo" Freeman walks by)



BHS: Ah, Freeman, are you done with the inflatable sheep I gave you?

Barney: S'up, G?

Simmons: Greetings—I mean uh, 'Yo, home person, what's up?"

Walter: Hidy-ho, Gordo.

Einstein: Howdy doody.

END INTERLUDE…









We pick up where Dante is following Mundus, and due to his lack of meds, changes into…SPARDA!!!!

"Whoa…" Ifrit says.

"I gotta hand it to ya, Dante, you look kickass." Alastor said.

"HE LOOKS LIKE ME!! THE DAMN BRAT TOOK MY FROM!! GIVE ME BACK MY FOOOOORM!!" Sparda shouts. He pathetically attempts to struggle from "his" grasp.



Now SparDante is flying at Jet speed toward Mundus, dodging all the beams, rocks etc., while firing his own at Mundus, releasing the usual DT Beam. After the third DT beam, Mundus, goes berserk firing enough red lasers to scare the hell out of the NRA. SparDante dodges two, but the last one nailed him in the chest, forcing him to plummet onto a conveniently placed Volcano.

Some red-capped kid walks up to Dante. "Hey, you're messing up my Pokémon Battle!!"

Some old bald guy calls over from the other side of the Volcano. "HEY, ASH!! STOP TALKING TO YOUR FRIEND AND CALL OUT A DAMN POKÉMON ALREADY!!"

"SHUT UP BLAINE!!! I'M WORKING ON IT!!"

Dante breaks in. "Um, guys why don't you take this battle somewhere else? There's a huge ass Demon King out for destruction, and I'm the only one who can stop it."

"DAMMIT SON, I KILLED HIM OFF FIRST!!"

"Shut up, dad."

Ash interrupts. "Hey, unless you have a REAL reason to get off this Volcano, we aren't going NOWHERE."

Blaine calls out Magmar. Ash calls out his rare-ass Mew.

Mundus comes out of nowhere, and lands into the Volcano.

"There's your reason." Dante said.

"That's a damn good reason." Ash said, looking at the size of Mundus. "Hey, Blaine, how about you give me the Pokémon Badge and we call it quits?"

"I'm all for that…Magmar return to me!"

"Return Mew!"

Both leap off the Volcano. Misty and Brock are too busy making out to notice.

Dante proceeds to use Sparda's new DT.

"TIME TO DIE MUNDUS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

Sparda's ranges and power increased with his new DT. Mundus died within 30 seconds.

After a short death scene, Mundus finally disappears. And Dante appears next to a supposedly dead Trish. After Dante cries over Trish for not letting him watch at least one Barney episode, Sparda pokes fun at him.

"Look, the Devil is crying! Let's all point and laugh at him!"

"That's it dad! I'm tired of you always pushing me around!! Trish is dead and you don't even feel sad??"

Trish's eyes open. "But I'm not dead." Dante drops Trish on the ground, knocking her out again. He picks her back up again.

"So I've decided to leave you here dad!"

"….But…but I'm not dead!" Dante accidentally drops her again, and knocking her out, again.

Dante stabs Sparda into the floor. "Mother, my father is here now. Rest…in piece."

As Dante walks away, Sparda calls out, "Hey, hey, hey!! What the hell're you doing?? YOU NEED MEEEE!"

Trish calls out again. "Dante, I'm not dead!! Just Paralized!"

"I can still hear Trish's voice in my mind…"













"I'M NOT DEAD YET!!"













CHAPTER 12 is completed!! Now wait for the ending!!!!!!