A/N: For those of you waiting on an update for Counting On You don't worry. I will be updating that soon. I want to try something new with this chapter. If you want some effects to go with the story it would be awesome if you guys could go to this website called Rainymood(.)com. Basically all it does is give you the sound of rain. I thought it went perfect with this chapter but that's just me. ENJOY! :D
Thunder crackled through the night sky with the occasional flash of lightning as the pitter-patter sound of rain drops hit the window. I was at my house, laying down with Bruno Mars' song It Will Rain playing on a low volume. The song wasn't really that close to my situation but it was the song that came on. I realized it was on repeat but was too lazy to go change it. It had something to do with rain and that's what it was doing now.
It had been about three weeks since Logan was taken to the rehab facility. When I told my mom she was in shock and wanted to see him. Everyone had at least visited him once except for me. James and Kendall would tell me how he was progressing at a fast pace and was almost looking like himself. They also told me that he wanted to see me. My mom told me the same thing and repeated it when she came home today. I didn't want to go see him because I was afraid he wouldn't look the same or act like the guy I fell in love with. Like the drugs would change him or he would show his true self.
Every time I got the courage to go see him that big 'What If' popped into my head. I would think of different scenerios that could happen when he first saw me after all of this time. Not to mention that my stomach has grown since then. It wasn't that much but it was noticable to people who knew I was pregnant. I got up when the song was over and looked outside. It was about 6pm and I was thinking about spending the weekend at Logan's house. I don't know why. It just didn't feel right laying in my bed by myself. I'd rather be in his bed and the least I could have was his scent around me. Something is better than nothing.
By this point my mind was screaming at me to go visit him but I was scared. I didn't wake my mom up from her nap because I knew she would discourage me from going. I slipped on my jacket and grabbed an umbrella before leaving. I drove in silence over to his house and parked my car of to the side before getting out and walking to the front door. I knocked and took a step back. I had a small flashback to the first time I did that. The smile on Logan's face when he opened the door. I felt tears blur my vision and I quickly wiped my face before the door opened.
The butler let me in and I made my way to Logan's room. I slowly opened the door and walked in, putting down my coat and umbrella. I had a flashback to the last time I was in this room. When I found Logan. But now the room was cleaned but it lacked his personal touch. I felt a tear slide down my face. I looked back out into the hallway when I heard someone come pass and sighed when I realized it was one of the servants. I remembered what happened in that hallway. After I got off of the phone with my mom James and Kendall questioned me and led to me getting the papers from the hospital.
I turned and looked at the bed. The spot Logan was when he found out I was pregnant. He told me that he loved me and wouldn't leave me. In a way he broke that promise. But it wasn't intentional though. He just lost control, I knew that, everyone did. Instead of him talking about it he tried to deal with it himself.
I closed the door before I walked over to his bed. I undressed down to my underwear and tank top before I climbed into the bed. I let my tears fall when I was enveloped by his scent. I buried my head into the pillow to muffle my sobs. I remembered one part of what he said when he found out and it played over and over in my head.
"We are in this together and I love you as well as this baby with all my heart and this is, without a doubt, the greatest thing to ever happen to me."
I clutched the blanket and tried to calm myself but the more those words replayed the more my heart would tear. I soon found myself drifting off to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of thunder. I looked over at the window and realized that it was sill raining. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was 11:56am. I had been sleep for so long. This had to be the longest I've ever slept. It was more than twelve hours. But I still felt tired. Despite that, I sat up and more memories came back flooding my head. My first time with him in this bed. The way he held me so close to him. I clutched the blanket and pulled it up to my face to cry into it. I laid back down and wanted to sleep.
Sleep until my Logan came back to wrap his arms around me. I moved around trying to find a comfortable spot but now the blanket's warmth wasn't enough for me. I just laid there, longing for his touch. I missed him so much but the fear that he didn't miss me as much kept me in this bed. I sat up when there was particularly loud crackle of thunder. Since I couldn't go to sleep I decided to take a shower. When I walked into the bathroom I didn't look at the mirror. I already knew I probably looked terrible. I climbed into the shower and after making sure it was at the right temperature.
When I reached for the body wash I tried to fight back the tears. There was a bottle of Axe and a bottle of Lavender body wash. It brought back the memory of when they took a shower together that led to them having sex. I wrapped my arms around myself as I let the water cover me, mixing with my tears. I felt utterly miserable without Logan by my side. After standing there for a while I took a little bit of both body washes, mixing them together, before cleaning myself.
After I was done washing up I found myself sliding to the floor. I lost track of how long I was there. I began to move again when the water was starting to run cold. I climbed out and wrapped my towel around my waist.
I made my way out of the bathroom, across the room, and into his closet. I walked through and got a pair of underwear and pajamas before going back to his room to put them on. I didn't bother going to the top of the bed when I was dressed. I just laid across the bottom of it. A few minutes later my phone vibrated from my pants on the floor. I reached over and grabbed my phone out of the pocket.
Opening it, I saw that I had several missed call, a voicemail, and a couple of texts from Kendall and James. The missed calls were from Kendall, James, my mom, and Mrs. Mitchell. The texts from Kendall and James were asking me where I was. I saw that they had sent them last night so there was no point in me responding. I checked the voicemail and it was my mom she was freaking out and asking me where I was. She was almost hyperventilating. I was about to call her and tell her I was fine but then I got a call. It was from Kendall.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Oh sweet Jesus! Carlos, where the hell are you?" Kendall asked me.
"I'm at Logan's house, in his room." I told him.
"What?" I heard a voice. It sounded like Mrs. Mitchell.
"The butler let me in." I said.
"How long have you been in there?" I heard James ask.
"Since yesterday." I told him.
"I was working late yesterday and when I got home I went straight to bed. I got up and came over here when I found out that Carlos was missing." I heard Mrs. Mitchell say.
"The butler let me in." I said.
"Well we're coming to get you." Kendall told me.
"Can only you and James come? I don't feel like talking to a lot of people." I asked him. There was talking in the background that I couldn't figure out what was being said.
I heard Kendall sigh before he said "Okay."
When they got here I heard them talking about something before they opened the door to the room. They came over to me and both gave me hugs.
"Carlos, why are you here?" Kendall asked me.
"Because I miss him soo much." I told them.
They just both gave me a hug. They gave me the warmth I needed but it just wasn't the same. It made me realize something. I laid down back on the bed while James went to call someone. He was telling them that I was alright. I'm guessing it was my mother. Kendall was sitting in the chair on his phone. When he put his phone down he looked at me just as James walked back into the room.
"I don't want to live anymore." I told them, finally letting my thoughts out to them..
"What?" Kendall said, getting up from the chair he was in.
"Carlos please don't think like that." James said, standing next to Kendall.
"Why shouldn't I Kendall? I mean you have the love of your life standing next to you. Where's mine?" I don't know what it was but I suddenly got angry at them.
"Carlos please." James said.
"Shut it!" I yelled at him.
"Both of you have each other to hold at night. Where's mine? Huh? Let me tell you where he is. He's in some fucking rehab because he thinks that he won't be a good father. Well what about me? Does he think that I'm going to be the perfect dad? I'm going to be just as experienced as he is. Does that give me the right to do drugs? Huh?" I asked Kendall.
"Carlos."
"James shut the fuck up. I want Kendall to answer me, since I shouldn't be thinking like this."
"You know what Carlos. You sit here and you say that you don't want to live anymore but you're not thinking. You're just going off of emotions. Look at your stomach. You have the ability to bare children. Just because Logan isn't here right now you think that it's the end of the world. News flash, it's not. Logan will be back and you and him will raise this baby to the best of your ability. You have something worth treasuring. Not only is that your life but it's the life growing inside of you. So don't sit here and say those words just because you feel lonely. If you want me and James to stay here with you, we can. We are here for you Carlos. We may not be as good as Logan but we will fucking try to be." Kendall said to me.
I was utterly speechless. I began to cry for the simple fact that he was right. About everything. He knew exactly how I was feeling. I covered my face as tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt someone wrap their arms around me and I looked up to see it was Kendall. I wrapped my arms around him and broke down. I felt someone else wrap their arms around me and I knew it was James. They were here for me. They are trying to help me.
"I-I'm s-sorry." I said to them.
"Shhh, It's okay. We know things aren't good right now." Kendall said.
"But don't worry because we are here for you, Carlos." James told me.
James POV
We were sitting in Logan's room and I was on the couch watching Tv. I looked over the back of the couch to look at Kendall and Carlos. Kendall was sitting on the bed, watching the Tv as well while Carlos slept on his lap. Every so often I would see Kendall rubbing his back when he got uncomfortable. Carlos had fell asleep a while ago but Kendall had stayed back there.
"I'm really worried about him James." Kendall said to me.
"I know. That whole 'I don't want to live anymore' thing scared the crap out of me. I'm glad you were able to talk some real sense into him." I told Kendall.
"Maybe we should calm down with the whole love dovey stuff. At least until Logan comes back. That way Carlos won't feel neglected and think those thoughts." Kendall said.
"Alright." I said.
A/N: This chapter isn't much but it does tell you how much Carlos loves Logan. I hope you guys liked this chapter. REVIEW PLEASE! :D
