I very much apologize for the long wait on this chapter! I hope the content can make up for it. My heartfelt thanks go out to Frozen Peaches, who once again has helped me to get the best out of this chapter.

And I wanted to thank you all, who read, like and comment on this story. I don't know if you know it, but it really helps me keeping my spirits up and keep writing it. I thank you all very much for that. That this story exists and continues to exist is all thanks to you.

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, possible OoC-ness, yaoi in later chapters.


It was odd, Judar concluded, that he couldn't find any of the generals or Sinbad. It wasn't as though he needed something from them or there was something urgent. It was just…strange, that when he for once decided to ask Yamuraiha something about transfer magic, she wasn't around.

Sinbad also was neither in his study nor in his office. And no matter where Judar went, none of the generals crossed his path. Maybe he should have attended breakfast, instead of making it a game of sneaking into the kitchen to get himself something sweet – after everything that had happened yesterday, he really felt like eating sweets. They made him feel better after particularly stressful events.

So when he returned from sneaking sweets out of the kitchen, Sinbad and the generals were…well, not around. At least nowhere Judar could see or find them.

That is, until he rounded a corner and caught a glimpse of Yamuraiha and Sharrkan in the gardens, standing beside a small fountain. But what really caused Judar to halt in his tracks, was their Rukh. He usually – if he's honest – didn't really pay that much attention to the Rukh of other people, all he saw was if it's black or not.

However, the Rukh between Yamuraiha and Sharrkan … it looked somewhat pink. What the…

Judar stepped closer to the window, leaning slightly out of it to get a closer look. It was true, the white Rukh had a pink glow about it…however, what was just as surprising was that Yamuraiha and Sharrkan actually and quite normally talked. No fights, no arguing, no childish quarreling.

Judar hasn't lived here as long as the other generals did, but he very well knew that those two idiots argued more often than not. And just what did it mean that their Rukh was…pink?

"Judar?" The raven was drawn out of his confused thoughts when he heard Sinbad's voice. Seriously? Here Judar had been prowling through the corridors for what felt like hours – even if he did know that it really hadn't been that long – without finding anyone, and now Sinbad was just casually coming towards him? Something is seriously wrong with this castle…

"Is everything alright?" Sinbad stopped in front of him, his golden eyes watching the Magi closely. And Judar was…relieved that things seemed so…normal between them. It wasn't awkward or weird to meet with Sinbad, just a little bit tenser maybe. However, Judar found himself involuntarily relaxing and calming, as he realized that the king is still treating him the same as always.

"Yeah. I had been looking for Yamuraiha." He pointed down to the fountain and Sinbad leaned a bit forward to look out of the window. A sudden yell told them that the magician and Sharrkan started arguing once again. Judar glanced down to them and slightly furrowed his dark brows. Why in the Seven Seas were the Rukh still a light pink? How weird.

"Do you want to talk with her now? Or do you have time for a bit?" Judar looked up when Sinbad addressed him again.

"I guess I have time. Why do you ask?"

Sinbad smiled and pointed over his shoulder. "What do you say, would you like to choose your new room? I told the servants to get ready and to clean some rooms, so you can take your pick. If you want, I can show you what we have to offer."

Judar perked up and moved away from the window. "Sure." He still looked forward to getting his own room and he was also secretly happy about it. He even found himself smiling at the king.

Sinbad gently smiled back. And after following the older man down the hallway for a bit, Judar realized that the king wasn't in the company of any of his generals. That didn't happen so often.

"Hey, did I miss something? Why are most of the generals not around?" Judar chose to watch his black Rukh fluttering about, instead of looking at Sinbad and making the impression that he actually cared about the generals. However, the truth was that…he somewhat did. Even if they weren't that close, or if he didn't trust them as much as Sinbad.

"Well, as far as I know, Pisti is hung-over from a party, Spartos is down at the docks, and Masrur should be somewhere in the gardens. And…" Sinbad scratched his cheek. "Hinahoho and Ja'far went to visit a grave."

Judar paused at this, looking at the king questioningly. "A grave?"

Sinbad grew serious for a moment, a silent and slightly solemn expression in his eyes. "Yes. Today is the day Hinahoho's wife died. It is a tradition that they go visit her grave every year."

Judar didn't know what to say. If he was honest, he had never lost a person, since his parents had died before he was even old enough to remember them. Even though, because of Aladdin, he now knows what they looked like. And he also knows what had happened to them.

The young raven didn't know what to feel, other than hollowly empty and wonder what it was like to have a family. The thought brought forth an unfamiliar and yet somewhat known ache in his chest. Quiet and barely there if he didn't pay attention to it. And Judar chose to ignore it. There was nothing he could do anyway. His family was dead.


Sinbad silently watched as Judar looked around the last one of the rooms he was showing him. They had spend the past two hours walking around the corridors from room to room. They were mostly similar in the style of decoration. Fluffy, taller beds, light colors and furniture made of lightly colored wood. The floors mostly consisted of white marble with a carpet in front of the beds. The room they currently were in was held in the same style, the colors were just dipping more into a light, warm red. Out of all the other rooms, it seemed like the Magi liked this one the most, taking everything in with attentive, ruby eyes.

If Sinbad was honest right now, the swirling ball of feelings in his chest is not particularly pleasant. And yet, he also didn't mind it. It was simply how it was for him at this moment.

These feelings were because it felt like Judar was suddenly growing away from him by getting his own room. It didn't feel like a huge gap opened up between them, however…there was now something between them. There now is a way for Judar to hide away from him and keep suffering silently.

Sinbad secretly worried about that. He knew about the Magi's tendency to keep things to himself, to fight through nights of nightmares and not speak a single word about it. He worried that Judar would stay quiet should he hurt again.

Sinbad also felt…lonely, thinking about how he would go to sleep alone from now on. It felt cold, more muted, and empty. The spot that had belonged to his Magi would be vacant from now on, and it hurt to think that Judar may never step back into his life like this.

That thought kind of…ached, in a deeper way that sat way to close to his heart. Sinbad knew he would have liked to persuade Judar, to try to get closer to him in a more intimate sense. However, with this sort of past that his Magi had, there was just no way Sinbad could just prance into his life and try to flirt with him. It didn't work that way – and quite frankly, right now, it would most likely backfire badly.

And yet, as Sinbad watched Judar test the bed, he also felt…glad for his Magi. Judar was taking a step into his own independence by getting his own living space. It meant Judar had more choices like this and if he still came to him, it would just prove that the trust between them had grown and strengthened. And maybe, if luck was on his side, the new space between them allowed something else to grow. Maybe it would allow Judar and him to become closer in a way that was comfortable and safe for the Magi.

Besides, Sinbad also understood that Judar really needed his own space. Everyone did, and especially when it came to touchy subjects like the Magi's past. Judar needed a place he could hide in, if things got too heavy, if he needed to work through things on his own and find his balance again.

Still, Sinbad would always be there for him, in any way the Magi needed or wanted him to, even if it would never turn into more. The king once again felt that ache in his chest, however, it wasn't strong or biting, just silently pulling his heartstrings as he watched Judar turn to face him. Ah, so this was what it felt like to love someone. It was bittersweet, really.

"I think I'll take this one." Judar nodded slightly to himself, his stance far more confident and content than just a while ago. Just alone seeing this change was enough for Sinbad to forget all about his conflicted feelings. He really just wanted his Magi to be happy and to get the chance to heal.


Judar was lying awake, staring at the dark ceiling. He had been sleeping in his own room for a week now, and it had been peaceful so far. Peaceful and yet different. Without Sinbad, his bed sometimes seemed colder, like it took longer for his body to warm up the sheets. And sometimes, the night was too…quiet. Still, having his own room was good, it also made Judar realize that he had walls up, even around the king. The sort of walls that hid away his hurt and allowed him to pretend to be fine when in reality, he was not as fine as he wanted to be. Being alone in his room was okay and the quiet was also somewhat soothing.

Yes, except for yesterday, when he had woken up, gasping and trembling, his hands fumbling for his wand and his eyes raking over his surroundings.

The nightmare had been bad, even if, after waking up, his memories were blurred and only fleeting shadows and unclear, suffocating images remained.

And now, Judar was unable to fall asleep. Or rather, a part of him silently worried what he could do to avoid dreaming badly again. He was so sick of it, so tired. There had to be a way to actually stop this, right? There had to be a way to get rid of his nightmares, right?

There had to be.

Watching his dark Rukh fluttering through the darkness of his room, Judar listened to the gentle chirping and lifted a hand, one of the little black birds quickly and shortly landing on his index finger. It calmed Judar and with his other hand he briefly searched for his wand, which was lying beside his pillow.

It was alright. He was alright. He could do this and he was safe. There was nothing to fear.

Closing his eyes, Judar felt how his body slowly started to grow heavy, sleep stealthily claiming his mind.

It wasn't a very peaceful night. If anything, Judar was glad that his nightmares weren't keeping him forcefully in their claws. He awoke far too often, though. And his mind felt frazzled with the frightening feeling waiting for him in his dreams.

So, when morning finally came, he got up and went to meet up with Sinbad and the generals for breakfast, even if he had no appetite whatsoever. And later on in the day, during lunch, he once again noticed the pink Rukh fluttering between Yamuraiha and Sharrkan. The woman sat beside Judar, talking with Pisti, while Sharrkan sat across from her, joking with Drakon. Then suddenly, a large hand appeared beside Judar's plate and offered him some cut melons. Looking up, the Magi was surprised to see Hinahoho smile at him. Even though there was something in the giant's eyes…

"Do you want some?" Hinahoho offered quietly, his blue hair falling over his shoulders like a river. "You haven't eaten much today. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, fine, thanks," Judar mumbled, carefully picking a small melon slice. It was only then, when Hinahoho set down the melons again, that he realized what he had seen in the older man's eyes. Concern. Hinahoho was worried about him. Despite everything, Judar couldn't help the quiet feeling of…something warm in his chest. Like he was happy about that. And he probably was. Someone cared. Someone who wasn't Sinbad. Suddenly, Judar felt much more at home than before and that feeling kind of floored him.

Still, the raven felt tired through the rest of the day and his mood stayed more on the darker side, despite his short conversation with Hinahoho, causing him to keep to himself as much as possible. He wasn't…he didn't feel like he had the capacity to talk much to others today. It was too tiring, too draining.

Sinbad, of course, noticed his mood change, and the fact that he only ate as much as he needed to keep others from worrying or bothering him during lunch. The king, however, chose to stay silent for now. Maybe it was just a phase, maybe it was just a bad day. Everyone had these and everyone was entitled to have them. It didn't stop him from dropping a few hints though, gently reminding Judar that he was there for him, be it to listen to his worries or to just vent everything out.

Judar realized the meaning behind Sinbad's words and the seemingly offhanded, small comments. However, he found he just couldn't say anything yet. He at least wanted to try to solve this on his own, to tackle this problem and see if he was strong enough to take it on.

And on the very same night of that day, Judar found himself standing in front of Sinbad's room, staring at the door while one of his hands tightly held onto his wand. A few seconds ago, he had been shaking, leaving his room after a particularly nasty nightmare.

It wasn't even a nightmare with many memories or images, but it had been enough that things had been so dark and suffocating. And the feeling of just helpless panic that he awoke with had caused him to move before he could even think straight.

Now though, he had regained his wits and he hesitated. He knew, he very much knew, that Sinbad would welcome him. But…was Judar really that weak? He didn't want to think so. Oh, by all the Rukh in the world, he just had to be stronger than this!

If he wasn't…what use was it to fight this, what good did it do to try to stand up to his fears and nightmares? If he couldn't even do this…how could he ever escape from this clinging darkness?

Turning around, Judar quickly walked away, his head spinning slightly with his racing thoughts. His mouth felt dry and he needed to get out and away. Get some fresh air. Breathe.

Jumping out of the first window he reached, Judar floated down towards the gardens. He won't go too far away, but he wanted to feel the wind completely on his form, and he had always liked to spend some time up in the trees. So, if he maybe found something like a suitable tree, he could start calming down on his own.

And maybe the fresh air would soothe him enough that he would get tired again.

Carefully eyeing the surrounding darkness, Judar maneuvered himself as quietly as possible down to the ground. A second later, a soft glow emitted from his wand, illuminating the woods in a gentle, quiet light. It was just strong enough so that Judar could see shapes and silhouettes, and to alert him of anyone who decided to walk up to him.

For a long moment, there was nothing but the surrounding rustling of leaves moving in the wind and the quietness of the night. Judar felt some of his tenseness ebbing out of him, allowing him to take a deep breath and relax a bit more.

He can do this. He can be strong enough. As long as he didn't lose control, there had to be a way to keep this in check and to start to make his nights calmer. He just couldn't give up.

Since, if he did, then there would be nothing left that could ever save him again.

A sudden rustling and the snapping of a dry twig caused Judar to tense up and whirl around, the light from his wand brightening up. To his surprise, he saw Masrur emerging between the trees, looking as serious and sharp as ever. Why was the Fanalis out here?

"What are you doing here?" Judar found himself asking involuntarily, his tone slightly harder than usual. He didn't like getting surprised like this. And he liked it even less if he was this high strung and with his mind still slightly reeling from his nightmare.

Masrur eyed him for a moment, before he answered. "I sleep out here."

Judar blinked. Seriously? Well, it certainly was a lot calmer and far more deserted out here than in the palace, but was it really better than sleeping in a room with a bed? Well, not like it made any difference, Judar thought bitterly. He himself couldn't sleep in his own room after all.

"What brought you here?" Masrur stepped past the large tree beside him and sat down, leaning against the thick and broad trunk, crossing his legs. Judar was secretly a bit taken aback that the Fanalis had asked him this. Had asked him at all.

It still didn't change the fact that Judar had no answer for a moment. He sure as hell wouldn't tell Masrur what had brought him out here. So, he just shrugged. "Needed some air." The words 'couldn't sleep' practically clung to that offhanded sentence, though it still was better than telling the whole truth.

Masrur inclined his head slightly, stretching out his legs and getting more comfortable. Judar, meanwhile, felt a little at loss on what to do. Should he just leave? He didn't want to return to his room just yet, but he also didn't want to wander around through the dark garden either.

Resisting the urge to sigh, he wondered if he should just get a bit away from the Fanalis to sort his thoughts. Maybe he could mess a bit around with his magic to clear his mind, before he attempted to sleep again.

"Do you want to sit down?" If Judar hadn't been surprised before by Masrur's inquire earlier, he sure as hell was surprised now. He eyed the Fanalis, who just stared back calmly and unchanged, his face just as unmoving and stoic as ever.

Why would Masrur ask him that? Or rather, why would he invite him into…well, his personal place? It was pretty clear that the Fanalis had no real intention to move again too soon.

Hesitating, Judar found his gaze wandering to the ground. Having some company didn't sound too horribly bad right now. But then again, things could slip past his lips that he didn't want out, even if he was careful. He needed to clear his head…or distract himself.

Feeling torn for a moment, he just shrugged and pointed to a thick, broad branch over his head. "I'll sit up there." Sitting on the ground just sounded too…vulnerable to him right now. Being in a higher place gave him the feeling he had a bit more of an advantage – especially emotionally.

Masrur didn't answer as Judar levitated himself up onto the branch and just closed his red eyes. It was getting pretty late after all. And really, the huge man had noticed Judar coming into the garden only because he still had been awake. Otherwise, he might have just been sleeping where he had been sitting a few moments ago.

Stretching himself out comfortably, Masrur found himself listening for any moves of the Magi. There was the creaking of wood, the rustling of leaves and clothes and then…it was quiet, aside from gentle breathing.

Judar stared at Masrur a moment longer, before placing the hand with his wand in his lap. A nice, calm silence settled between him and the Fanalis. Judar was also very relieved that Masrur just let him be and didn't ask him any more questions he wasn't willing to answer. However, the Fanalis didn't look like the type to really do so.

Maybe he had looked more shaken up or more pale than he thought if Masrur had already asked him two things anyway. And more precisely, offered him the opportunity to stay around. He is practically in the big guy's bedroom for crying out loud – even if the Fanalis had a room in the palace, Judar knew by now that he slept out in the gardens.

Leaning back against the bark of the tree, Judar closed his eyes, feeling the tenseness in his shoulders seep away with every quiet second and he found breathing so much easier again. His thoughts had cleared up again, and he had calmed down enough that the feeling of exhaustion slowly crept up on him again.

He felt his body starting to grow heavy against the tree he was resting on, his mind however, stayed sharply awake, listening in on any sounds there might be around. Then he suddenly heard the sound of movement and snapped his tired eyes open, looking down.

Masrur had moved to lie down on the grass comfortably, his back towards Judar, lying halfway between their two trees. He rested his head on his left arm and his shoulders were rising and falling in a calm, even rhythm.

Before he really could realize that Masrur had startled him wide awake again, he already started to relax again, his body sagging back against the tree. Only when he closed his eyes again, did Judar realize that he didn't even have to think about calming back down.

Did that mean, that to him, Masrur was becoming…okay? Okay to be around him? …maybe. The Fanalis had a calming effect on him ever since the birthday party of Hinahoho's sister. Sighing quietly before taking a deep breath, Judar contemplated if he should just stay here a bit longer or head back into the castle.

However, as the moments trickled by and he found himself feeling more and more comfortable in Masrur's presence, Judar couldn't find the will to move yet.

"You can sleep here, if you want to." Opening his eyes, Judar looked towards the Fanalis. The redhead hadn't really moved, only rolled onto his back, his eyes still closed.

Judar hesitated, then wondered, then hesitated again as the silence once again enveloped them. And before he knew it, he stayed, his exhaustion catching up with him.

And before he felt himself starting to nod off, he wondered just since when he trusted Masrur enough to just start dozing while he was there.

But somehow, it wasn't frightening. It wasn't threatening either and it didn't make him feel…vulnerable. It was foreign, a little bit weird, and unfamiliar, but it…wasn't bad. And it even felt somewhat…alright.

Like things that could harm him were suddenly miles away and not right behind him, not waiting to pounce on him the second he dropped his guard.

Maybe it was because he wasn't alone. Maybe it was because he got the slight feeling that whatever, or whoever wanted to harm him, first had to get past Masrur. Maybe he was just too exhausted to keep worrying.

Had Judar stayed awake just a second longer, or if Masrur had the ability to see the Rukh and had he looked at Judar, they would have seen one of the small black Rukh turn white. And they would have seen it touching upon Judar's forehead for a second, before it flew up to the other, even smaller white Rukh that hovered over the Magi, watching out for him just as much as their black brethren.