A/N: Wow, eleven was long. Here is twelve for you guys. I'm loving your reviews.
Genre: Humor/Romance
Pairings: Grif/Tucker
Rating: T
Summary: Grif tells Donut the story of why Sarge really, really hates him. It's a short tale of lust and boredom. Both teams have been out there a long time…
Warnings: The usual; slash and language. Oh, and mentions of sex.

There's a Reason for Everything
(…Sometimes…Maybe…)

"So," Donut asked out of the blue one morning at breakfast (though only he and Grif were in the room), "why does Sarge hate you so much, Grif? The Older man sighed, not taking his eyes off his oatmeal.

"Actually, Donut, I don't know. I really don't know…"

"Are you sure? I mean, you have to have some idea why."

"Well..." Grif began but trailed off.

"What?" Donut asked, eager for the answer.

"He didn't like me at first because I hate the military, refuse to do a lot of work, and I really just don't give a damn." None of this was news to Donut. "Then, let's just say he caught me doing something he didn't like. That's when he really started hating me."

"Come on, I want to hear this," Donut begged, leaning towards the soon-to-be storyteller.

"We were in the middle of a battle with the Blues when all of a sudden these two monsters come out of nowhere and start chasing us. Everyone scattered, because why the hell would we fight them?"

"Uh-huh."

"One of the monsters was chasing me, because God really hates me for some reason, and I ran into one of the caves. The monster couldn't fit through the opening so it just gave up after a while and left. Before it did, it knocked down a lot of rocks and blocked off the only exit.

"Next to me I heard someone exclaim 'holy fuckberries!' I turned on my night scope and aimed it at the guy. It was one of the Blues."

"Yeah? Which one?" Donut asked, interested.

"The teal one, Tucker. But I didn't know his name yet."

"Didn't you ask it?"

"Tch. Yeah, right. Anyway, I suddenly got this call from Simmons on the radio and he told me that the monsters had…"

"Had what?"

"You know, I don't know what the fuck he said. He wasn't speaking English. Not Simple English anyway. Either way, we were stuck in that cave for what was going to be a long time."

"Mm-hm. And?" Donut urged.

"I told Tucker that we'd be there for a while. We got really bored and started talking."

"About what?" Donut inquired curiously.

"That's not important," Grif told him.

"Aw, but I want all the details," the pink soldier whined.

"I don't fucking remember, Donut! It's been over three years; why the hell would I?"

"Because it was interesting and you liked him…?" Donut suggested weakly.

"Oh, my god! Donut, shut up or I won't tell the rest of the story!" Grif threatened.

"Sorry."

"Okay. So, after a while we got bored, and somehow our armor came off."

"Somehow? Wouldn't you know how your armor came off?" Donut interrupted.

"Donut, one more time and I'll fucking kill you, without telling you the rest of the story."

"I'll be quiet," he promised, mimicking locking his lips with a zipper.

"Good. Then," Grif continued, "somehow we started making out. I don't know how."

"Mm-hm," Donut nodded. "That happens to me a lot."

"…I'm just going to ignore that… Anyway, after like several minutes of that, our clothes were ripped off-"

"By magic?" Donut snickered.

"Don't try me," Grif warned. "So then I pushed him up against the cave wall and we began to fuck."

"Are you sure you did him?" Grif growled and he gulped.

"Right as we were about to come, the boulder shifted and bit and Sarge popped his head in. Then he went straight back out."

"Ooh. Now it makes a lot of sense why he hates you. I mean, you slept with a Blue."

"Donut, I know for a fact that you have a hand and blow job to Church. Not to mention your little crush on Caboose."

"Well, that's when we were working together. Besides, he was really stressed."

"Whatever. I'm done with my story. You'd better not bother me for the rest of the day, Donut."

"Fine. I'm gonna go talk to Simmons. Maybe he has a good crock-pot recipe."

"Yeah, good luck with that."

Donut got up and left the kitchen and Grif went back to his now-cold breakfast. Damn he hated mornings…

"Grif! We're under attack! I need my human shield!"

He really hated mornings.