DEAR READERS:
I'm not evil. I do not enjoy being cruel to Jasper, Edward and most of all, Bella. I'm just giving you a glimpse of how hard REALITY is. This is what real people feel when faced with the same situation. It really is that painful, especially when no one has really done anything BUT try to live on and be happy. This story is based on a REAL story. So I'm sorry if you think I'm too cruel and all but when you're nineteen or older, you'll relate well and understand. Not everything is roses and lilies. All the good people suffer the most. The world isn't fair, I know. But there's a reason good people suffer, it's because they are the ones that can take the pain and still live on. So Sorry for the rant. I just don't want to be misunderstood as a sadistic writer who torments characters. Thank you.
Still marble stiff, I watched the scene unfold, dying with each second… then… it happened… and my whole being shattered into bits and pieces and poured with acid as my eyes bulged almost out off their sockets, my mouth ajar at what I witnessed…and felt…
Finally mustering all the ounce of strength I had…and all the remaining self-preservation I kept…
I jumped out and ran.
"Jasper!"
-Jasper
Chapter 12: Juxtapose
Bella's POV:
I wrapped a towel around myself and took my time in changing into my night wear. I had to make good with my time as Jasper was still out hunting and my abandonment issues were going to drive me up the wall. I was anxious when I'm left alone.
So I decided to lather myself with some lotion, blow dry my hair then finally change into a green large shirt (I smiled. Green was Jasper's favorite color) and black sweat pants then plopped down on my bed.
I glanced at the clock, it was still early. It was just nine in the evening. Jasper won't be here for at least thirty more minutes. I sighed. I missed him already. I really am in love with Jasper, but I still had so much time to myself.
So then I grabbed the sole book left on top of my lamp desk. It was my battered copy of Wuthering Heights. I frowned remembering that… that I last read this when… Edward was still here, complaining that it wasn't a love story but a hate story. Then I laughed a bit. I was laughing at that memory. This was good. Meaning I have moved on and I'm not affected my feelings before and I have dealt with what happened as a natural human experience… well hardly human, oh what the hey. Maybe Jasper and I were really meant to be. I grinned to myself.
So while waiting for my blonde angel, I curled up on my bed and started to read.
Thud.
I heard the faintest thud coming from my window and my mouth quirked a bit upward. Jasper must be here already! Hmmm… I won't run to him this time. No, I'm going to tease him like he did yesterday. I love how comfortable I was with Jasper. He was so human.
Still no movement. I chuckled in my thoughts. He must be waiting for me to go and hug him. Not this time, Jasper. So I didn't look up from my book for a while then I finally straightened up, my back still to him, put down my book then slowly turned to walk up to him while saying,
"Glad you're back." I smirked and added, "Sure took your sweet t-." I stopped talking and gasped at who was standing before me. My eyes grew big and my mouth was left hanging. I was completely and unmistakably surprised. "Time…" I finished my sentence in the last ditch effort of stalling to analyze everything. This was probably a dream because right here in front of me, looking like a Greek god, bronze hair, beautiful crooked smile and the undeniably distinct sweet smell… was Edward.
"Yes. Yes, I am back. Hello…Bella." He said in that same gentle velvet voice of his. And I only became more confused as ever. Sure I was prepared to face the greatest amount of pain to become immortal, sure I was prepared to face a coven of vampires… sure I was prepared for all the bad luck in the world that has me in and out of the emergency room on a daily basis… but nothing, nothing had me prepared for this.
"Edward?" I finally said in disbelief. I was so confused. I knew on some level that he was coming back but I don't know. If this happened two months before I would not feel weird about feeling the relief of seeing him right now… but no… feeling relieved that he was here made me so guilty… because shadowing my relief was disappointment. Jasper was the one I was waiting for at this time. I already waited for Edward for the longest time but this wasn't the time. This time, it's Jasper. Oh Jasper…
Then… my emotions went on overdrive as he rushed and took me into his arms. I just stood there, frozen. I didn't know what I was supposed to feel or what I should be doing.
The one you called your one true love is finally back here. He came back to you. He's here. Isn't this what you've wanted all along?
The voice in my head said. Was this really what I wanted?
But he left you, remember? And who picked up the broken pieces? Jasper's coming back any minute now. Isn't he what you wanted right now?
I felt smaller and smaller by the minute. This was hell. I'm happy that Edward is here and the same time I felt sad that he was here. I wanted him. And I didn't want him. Oh god.
"Yes… yes it's me… I'm here. I'm sorry it took me a long time, love. I'm such a fool to even think of leaving. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me…" he said softly with pleading and regret in his voice as he stroked my hair and inhaling my scent. I was dumbstruck. I felt so helplessly confused. He was sorry. He was apologizing.
He left you. He said he didn't want you. He said that he's tired of being what he isn't. And yet you're willing to take him back just like that?
But he's Edward. He's Edward!
And Jasper's still Jasper. Didn't he matter?
My eyes grew big with horror. Of course Jasper mattered. He was important. I love him. But being in Edward's arms again… feeling him…feeling me… I did love him… he's still special to me… but do I still love him like I did before?
Then, I slowly raised my arms… hesitating… pausing… then finally rested them on Edward's back. I felt like a mouse trap with something pushing me to move yet pulling me down at the same time, holding me back.
What was the right thing to do?
What do I want to do?
What do I need to do?
"I love you… I always have… always will… I'm here and I won't leave again if you take me back… it was only a matter of time that I contemplated coming back, begging for you to take me back… please believe me. I only left to give you a chance at living a normal human life but I lied when I said that I didn't want you anymore. That was the blackest lie I ever had to say. It pained me to see you believe all the things I said after all the times I said that I loved you. I loathe myself for ever saying that I didn't want you. Of course I want you, silly Bella. You are my life. I cannot imagine a world without you…I cannot imagine an eternity without you… I love you…so much…" he said with nothing but the strongest conviction I ever heard from him and with so much honesty and sincerity.
So he didn't leave me because he didn't love me. He didn't leave me because he didn't want me. He didn't leave me because he was tired of pretending to be someone he's not.
No.
He left for me.
He left for my soul.
He left to give me a chance at living a normal human life.
Then, I burst out crying hard. Edward wanted me. Edward loved me. Edward hurt himself out of his love for me. He valued my life so much.
But what about Jasper?
That made me cry even harder than before.
Jasper… Jasper….
I love Jasper.
But I can't deny it, I still love Edward.
What do I do?
I felt so wretched. No matter which angle you see it from, someone will end up hurt.
Jasper was like a breath of fresh air and I really am in love with him and his patience and how easy it was to be with him. I literally started anew with him. I felt so good with Jasper. Even without his powers. I loved him so much. And most importantly, he was with me when I needed someone the most, when I was in hell he pulled me up. He didn't just pull me up. He gave me heaven. I can't hurt him. Not after everything he's done for me.
But Edward… my Edward. He left because of his selflessness. He left for me. That was how intense his love for me was. And now he's back to set things right. I love him. I love Edward. I love everything about him. But if I chose Jasper… I can't hurt Edward as well. Even if I had hell when he left, even after hurting me, that hell hole of pain was a realization of how my life was without him. Hell. But I can't hurt him not when he was so self-denying just to save my pathetic humanity. And I know that he doesn't know about Jasper and me. And I cried even harder. He would feel so betrayed.
But what he did, his decision, the hurt you felt was just as bad no matter how noble his intentions were. He said he loved you but he won't let you be with him for eternity. And it's not my fault that I have moved on… it was what he wanted.
I sobbed heavy painful sobs. This was too much to bear. They are both so good to me and yes, they both had flaws but doesn't anybody? I didn't deserve either of them. I wanted to just die right now. I really don't know what to do. Edward was here begging me to take him back… and Jasper was on his way…
Then as my body rocked with my sobs, Edward pulled out of the embrace with worry and confusion on his glorious face, his icy hands wiped my hot tears and he caressed my cheek like he used to. I couldn't look at him.
"Please look at me. Don't cry, I'm here now and I'm truly sorry, but I'm here… I won't leave ever again…"
Then I felt him tilt my chin up and I had no choice but look at him, my eyes painful and blurred with my tears.
And this brought out the water works even more.
Then… then it happened.
He leaned down and kissed me.
Edward was kissing me.
And this kiss was not the guarded kisses he gave me. He was giving me the sought after kisses I craved when we were together… the kisses he was too careful to give. He was giving in. he was giving in.
Tears still kept running from my eyes and he didn't stop. I just stood there crying, petrified. I honestly didn't know if I was going to kiss him back or push him away. It was fifty-fifty. I was on a tightrope with the thinnest wire below my feet with no net to catch me. Whatever I did, I would fall, and I would lose.
I would also win… but at what price? The loss of another? I can't lose either one. But I can't keep them both. Can't I just go and leave them? Surely they would find others better suited for them than me. I'm so confused and upset.
What do I do?
What do I do??
Then, Edward stiffened, stopped kissing me and snapped his head towards the direction of the window. I felt a movement as well and a new realization dawned on me.
I tried to look over Edward's shoulder, I tiptoed against his tall frame then my eyes widened in mortification, my mouth snapping open… I froze momentarily and my senses returned to me.
Oh no! Oh no, no, no… This can't be happening! This can't be –
Without thinking, I pushed past Edward's shocked knowing form and darted towards the window, my heart racing… I cried out,
"Jasper!"
AN: This is the hardest chapter I have ever written so far. Expect more tears though in the following chapters.
I hoped you like reading the same scene in three point-of-views. They weren't easy to do, mind you. I wanted all of you to know how each were feeling. The next chapter will be in the third person because this isn't a story for just one character anymore. It's a story about the three of them.
POLL TALLY: You people voted, and the result is….drum roll please… no other than Jasper Hale by a small margin by the way. But I'm going to put up another poll when a decision is ready to be made to be fair for Edward who just arrived and wants another shot. I'll let you know when it's up.
Thank you, thank you very, very much for reading my story. I love all the feedbacks you give me. They are very much appreciated and very much helpful in making this story alive.
Can't stand the suspense? Then if I get a lot of love, I will update mi ultimo fast. I know by now you believe me when I say I update fast if I get reviews. Again, I'm not greedy, I just write better with feedback.
KFYI,
Margaux
