A/N: Alright guys. Here's the other half to last chapter, but rather than calling it Ch. 11 part 2 or something confusing like that, let's just call it Ch. 12. We'll go back to regular EPoV and BPoV chapters next update.
Also, if anyone knows what the heck is going on with fanfic and why they're not sending out notifications, can you please let me know?
A super special thanks to my Beta, Michelle Renker Rhodes, for helping me flush out my ideas for this chapter here. Edward's walking a fine line now and Michelle played a super part in helping me find that line.
All characters belong to S. Meyer.
Chapter 12 - …& the Dream
EPoV
It was what you called a recurring dream - and over the years, I'd had this particular one at least a dozen times.
I was standing by the cliffs in La Push, looking up at the crater-spotted full moon that shone over the dark, swaying trees. The sounds of owls and crickets - a wolf in the distance - filled my ears, while a cool breeze touched my skin. The river flowed quietly down below; rhythmic waves advanced and retreated against the rocks. They happened to match the rhythm of the mouth that kept advancing and retreating along my length.
I looked down and groaned at the sight before me. The silver light of the moon clearly illuminated shining brown hair cascading loosely in front of my bare thighs, while ivory hands wrapped around me and moved up and down in sync with pink pouty lips.
I'd always assumed it was Bree. Oral sex had never been her thing, so it was only natural that my subconscious would create a fantasy where not only was I getting one mind-fucking blow job, but I was getting it by the very cliffs where I'd first gotten my biggest kicks. My subconscious was apparently quite poetic that way.
I reached down and lost my hands in her soft, wavy hair, ignoring the fact that Bree's hair had always been stick straight because hey, I was getting head here; small details like wavy hair were secondary. So I threw my head back and gazed at the glowing moon and stars, while my hands moved forward and cradled her head, encouraging her perfect movements. In my recurring fantasy the girl never looked up, but I could feel her beauty under my fingers and when she moaned, as if she were enjoying what she was doing to me as much as I was, it sent the best vibrations up and along my penis.
But this time, something changed in the dream.
Though I was enjoying the mouth on me probably more than I ever had, suddenly the secondary details seemed more important. When I traced her features with my fingers they felt…different than what I would've expected from my long-time girlfriend. The eyes felt…smaller, the nose…soft with a sweet tilt at the end, her lips…plump and pouty - much plumper than Bree's thinner lips had ever felt – and so damn familiar…
All at once, I had to see her, so I reached down and carefully tilted her chin up to meet me and the fascinating thing is that I wasn't even surprised by the deep amber eyes that met mine - or by the perfect nose, or by the pouty lips, or even by the impish smirk she gave through a mouthful of me. I wasn't even startled when I smirked back and she tried to reach up and flip my lip, still sucking away. And when she laughed - that deep, beautiful throaty laugh of hers – I saw stars again. Not in the sky, and not just because of the tingling it sent up and down my cock, but because of the way her laughter made my heart soar - in a way it never had.
I sat up all at once, panting. My heart raced in my chest and my penis throbbed painfully, but when you're a single guy waking up all alone in the middle of the night after dreaming of the best head ever, there's only one thing left to do; I jumped out of bed, headed straight for the bathroom and there, with Bella's name on my lips, her face behind my closed eyes and the feel of her hands and mouth in my mind, I took care of business over the white porcelain sink.
When I was done, I rested my head against the medicine chest, waiting for my breathing to return to normal.
"Bella, Bella, Bella."
It'd been two days, and I still hadn't managed to get my mind off of that hand job. And now apparently my subconscious had added her mouth to the mix.
I groaned – no longer out of pleasure but out of frustration – and banged my head against the medicine chest a couple of times, but as soon as I closed my eyes, there we were – in that dark cabana, moaning into each other's mouths, her warm hands around me, playing and caressing…
Mmm and her kisses…fuck her kisses had been so good…sweet and sexy all at once…her tongue so moist and soft…mmm…and her ass…holy Jesus her ass…I grinned to myself.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck FUCK!
My eyes snapped open. What was I doing? What was I dreaming? What the hell was I thinking jerking off to Bella? She was my friend for the love of God - my best friend in so many ways when all was said and done. Because even though I'd only known her for a short period of time, I'd shared things with her I'd never shared with anyone in my life. Our relationship was the best thing that had happened to me -in a long while.
And I was fucking it all up now-
ever since that hand job…
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I muttered again, banging my head harder.
Why the HELL had I allowed that to happen?
Oh yeah, because as soon as her tongue had found its way into my mouth I'd been a goner even though it completely went against the promise I'd made to her and to myself regarding not crossing the line. Well that fucking line had been crossed, hopped, fucking jumped over now, and I had no one to blame but myself.
Yeah sure, there was no denying that hand job had been the best one of my entire life, but it hadn't been worth degrading her. Because regardless of what she said, that's what I'd done. I'd taken advantage of our agreement and degraded the friendship we'd created. I hadn't even stopped to think of what her reasons for initiating something like that would be, and if she ever got the slightest inkling of even half of the things we'd been doing in my dreams since that night, hell she wouldn't even wait for the summer to be over; she'd be outta here with the first willing logger to cross her path. I cringed against the mirror, my chest tightening because the thought of her leaving…
I stood up straight. No. It was time to get back on track and stop thinking these things, to stop thinking about her. Besides, Bella wasn't interested in anything beyond friendship, and her friendship was everything right now. I wasn't about to risk it because one night in a cabana followed by some lusty dreams had left me hot and bothered and out of sorts. The cabana incident had been a means to an end, and there was absolutely no point in thinking about it, or analyzing it, anymore. As far as she was concerned, she'd just been doing her job, and once her job was over she'd be outta here and off to Tuscany. That was the plan. That was her dream.
I mean yeah sure, I was attracted to her. Yes, I cared about her. Yes, I thought she was beautiful, smart, honest, funny, sexy as all hell, thrilling, mysterious, tender, etc… and if it wasn't for the fact that Bree and I had once had a history-
I mean, that we still had a history. That's what I meant. Still. Because we did.
Didn't we?
OOOOOOOOOO
Later that day, I was in the hospital cafeteria eating a turkey burger and baked sweet potato fries and trying not to think too much while at the same time looking forward to Bella arriving. I wanted to show her how I'd so cleverly substituted red meat with ground turkey for our lunch burgers - which really meant I was psyching myself up for what was sure to be dissent on an epic scale because Bella liked her red meat.
At some point between three a.m. this morning and the time when I'd arrived at the hospital, I'd decided that admitting my extreme attraction to Bella to myself was the first step in getting back on track. So I'd admitted it. But though there was no point in denying it, there were so many reasons to restrain that attraction, not the least being that to her, this was just a job, a summer gig of sorts, to get her to her next destination. And yes, the thought of her leaving after the summer was over admittedly made my chest ache, but I reminded myself that this was what we'd agreed on. Bella was a wanderer, a free spirit, whereas I…well I wasn't. And neither was Bree. Bree and I were the same, and that's how it was meant to be.
Wasn't it?
Fuck. I closed my eyes and sighed, stuffing a fry in my mouth and chewing on it methodically. Now wasn't the time or place to think about this. In about five minutes, Bella would be strolling in, wearing one of her stretchy tank tops and short shorts or one of those bohemian skirts she liked to wear. I hoped her food wouldn't get cold because Bella really hated cold fries and yes, my heart raced with anticipation at seeing her and-
"Hi, Edward."
I looked up, slightly surprised because I'd been so wrapped up in my turkey burger and Bella that I hadn't noticed Bree moving my way. She stood in front of me now, food tray in tow.
"Hey, Bree."
I hadn't really given much thought in the past couple of days to what the next step in regards to her would be, only as it related to the confusion surrounding Bella. Besides, with how…conservative Bree had always been, I was sure she'd probably be disgusted with what she must've heard during the cabana hand job incident, at the very least too uncomfortable to face me. With everything else running through my head though, I hadn't had a chance to figure out how to get past that.
But here she was, standing over me and strangely enough…smiling.
"Mind if I join you?" she asked pleasantly.
"Uhm…no, of course not, but I'm waiting for Bella…"
"Well, I'll just scoot over when she gets here." She made to sit down and I stood up to pull out the chair for her, a bit confused by how…awkward this felt. My eyes traveled around the somewhat empty cafeteria, looking at the rest of the patrons, not meeting anyone's eyes and hoping no one met mine...
But Bree smiled my way widely, moving around in her seat and getting cozy.
I sat back down and grabbed a sweet potato fry. "So…where's Mike this afternoon?"
The pleasant smile remained on her face. "He's a bit busy." Her eyes moved down to my plate with an amused expression. "You're really enjoying those burgers lately, aren't you?"
I shrugged and stuck my fries in my mouth. "They're definitely satisfying."
"I'm sure they are." She chuckled and watched me eat, her cold salad pristine and untouched next to her.
I shifted in my seat and narrowed my eyes to study her. There was something…different about Bree today, besides the eerie plentiful smiles and teasing. Something I couldn't quite put a finger on. Actually, it could've been her hair – it was down for once, curled at the ends in a way I'd never seen her wear it. And she wasn't wearing one of her usual skirt suits; instead she sported a caramel toned dress, long and flowing - like the ones Bella tended to wear.
Bree looked…relaxed - and carefree for once.
"It's turkey. I'm not sure if Bella will like it though. She prefers red meat," I babbled.
"Hey, do you remember the time we went to that little restaurant in Seattle, right after we gave up red meat, and the waiter kept passing by back and forth with steaks and ribs and after about the fourth or fifth pass you jumped out of your seat and snatched the plate from him," she chuckled, "and said 'screw it, one more rack of ribs won't kill me.'"
I grinned. "As I recall, you didn't find it quite so funny at the time."
She threw her head back in laughter and I was so shocked by the action that I pushed my chair back, for a second afraid she'd gone mad. My eyes widened in surprise. "No, I guess I didn't at the time," she agreed, before sighing deeply. "Looking back on it now, I guess it was pretty funny."
I nodded slowly and moved back in. For a moment, the way she'd laughed, the way she'd sighed, it had seemed so…familiar.
"We had good times, Edward, didn't we?"
I swallowed. My muscles tensed. All at once I was consumed by an uncomfortable feeling, like I was being…dishonest somehow. I looked around the cafeteria again, feeling as if every pair of eyes was glaring at me accusingly - accusingly for what reason, I had no idea - but really no one was even glancing our way.
"It was almost ten years, Bree," I answered - because no matter what, that was true.
"Ten years," she repeated, nodding carefully, big eyes intent on mine. "Ten years is a long time."
It was getting uncomfortably warm in here.
"Yes, it is," I agreed.
We held each other's gaze, but out of nowhere I abruptly felt so goddamned guilty. I broke the connection and looked down at my plate, grabbing a few more fries.
"So do you mind if I have a bite?"
I looked up at her, arching a surprised brow, once again disconcerted by this strange…different Bree. "Aren't you a vegetarian, Bree?"
"Maybe it's time to make a few changes." She held my gaze again and picked up my burger. When she took a slow bite she smiled once more, chewing carefully. "It's delicious," she giggled.
She giggled. I smiled tightly and furrowed my brows, because hearing Bree giggle was a…peculiar sound.
"Edward honey, sorry I'm late."
Bella's words sounded slightly strained, and I heard them just a couple of seconds before she wrapped her arms around my neck and put her soft lips on mine. Feeling inexplicably shady, I jumped out of my seat.
"Bella, love! I've been waiting for you!"
The smile she gave me before turning to Bree didn't quite appear to reach her eyes.
"Hi Bree. Are you joining us for lunch today?"
"Hello, Isabella," Bree grinned. "Actually, I only had a few minutes. I have to be getting back now." She wiped her hands and stood up, eyeing Bella's tray of food. "By the way, make sure you try your turkey burger. It's delicious. Edward told me all about how you don't like turkey, but I had a taste of his and trust me, he's lucky he's getting it back," she chuckled.
Bella blinked, and I could've sworn the temperature in this cafeteria dropped by about thirty degrees in one point five seconds. "Really?" she asked. "You think that burger was good, you should've tasted the steak we had at the Piazza del Campo in Siena."
And there she went.
"We were at this beautiful little restaurant right on the Piazza del Campo – you should've seen it, decorated with hundreds of Italian white poppies and lit up with dozens of Murano glass candles – sooo romantic," she grinned, her eyes taking on this far away look. "Anyway, we were eating steak and pasta, all drunk on red wine and on each other while a couple of Italian dudes played their violins like nobody's business! And then Edward pulled them aside and next thing I know they're serenading me and singing the most beautiful song just for me. "'Course, I couldn't understand a lick of it," she laughed. "Do you speak Italian Bree?"
Bree seemed caught off guard by the question. "Uhm…a little."
"Oh. Well I don't speak any more than your basic buongiorno and ciao and grazie and va fanculo" – I startled at the expletive and Bree's eyes widened even more, but Bella simply chuckled and shrugged, grabbing my hand and entwining our fingers tightly - "but Edward did a great job of translating in my ear. And then he sang it to me over and over for the rest of the night. Wasn't that a great night, babe?" She turned her eyes to me.
"Yes," I agreed, my heart racing. "It was a fantastic night."
"Yes," Bella repeated, chuckling.
Bree was silent for about five seconds. "That really is a beautiful story," she eventually said through yet another odd smile. "Edward and I were just recalling a similar night out on the town – also involving steak. Except instead of Italian poppies and Murano glass we had lilies and crystal chandeliers. Oh and instead of Italian singing, we had French."
I felt my face burn, as if somehow I'd done something wrong.
An uncomfortable silence ensued.
"Well, good-bye, Edward. Bella," Bree said, inflectionless.
"Goodbye, Bree." Bella said clearly.
"Take care, Bree," I mumbled. And as Bree walked away, I cocked my head to the side and studied her, trying to figure out what had gotten into her today…
"It shouldn't be too long now," Bella said flatly, interrupting my reverie.
"What?"
She sat down and pulled out a small cooler from her big backpack, opening it up carefully and methodically. I took my seat again.
"Before she realizes what she gave up and is ready to come crawling back to you."
We were both silent, while Bella unwrapped a couple of sandwiches, peeling each layer of foil off with the precision of a surgeon.
"Bella-"
"I made sandwiches."
"Oh. Sorry, I didn't know. I ordered us turkey burgers." I tried to grin at her, but she wouldn't meet my gaze.
"I think I'll just have a sandwich."
"Come on, Bella," I tried to coax her. "At least try the turkey. You can barely even tell-"
"No." She took a huge bite of her sandwich, keeping her eyes on the way the peanut butter oozed out of the corners.
"But turkey burgers are healthier than-"
She set her sandwich down and finally looked up, leveling me with an angry glare.
"I don't care if it's healthier, Edward," she said coolly. "I don't care if it has less fat. I don't care if it'll help me live longer. If it were made out of solid gold and would make me shit out fourteen karat bricks that would keep me in the lap of luxury for the rest of my life, I still wouldn't touch that shitty, bland, healthy, tan-colored, dry-ass turkey."
I jerked back in surprise, speechless.
She sighed heavily and sat back. And though she looked as beautiful as always, I thought I detected some dark circles under her eyes.
"Look Edward, don't mind me. I'm just…" –she ran a hand through the long length of her hair – "I'm just pms-ing today."
I chuckled softly and reached out to bring her chin up. She'd gotten some peanut butter on the corner of her mouth, so I wiped it off carefully with the tip of my index finger. The anger was gone from her eyes now, but they looked tired.
"Hey, you okay? Do you want me to bring you something from the hospital for your…symptoms?"
"No, I'll be okay," she smiled. "It should pass soon. But let's just say your girl Bree's lucky she didn't get a fist to the face just now."
I didn't even try not to laugh at that one. "Bree was never much of a fighter. You would've totally had her."
She chuckled back, and though we were talking about beating the shit out of Bree, I was just glad to hear Bella laughing. "Oh I know I would've." She crossed her arms in front of her chest and smirked.
"I think…I think she's trying to be like you, you know," I told her.
She stared at me. "Little does she know she doesn't need to do anything, does she? Don't worry, Edward, we're halfway there. And then you'll have your fate and I'll have…Tuscany." She smiled.
My chest constricted painfully, but I wasn't sure why. I mean, she was right, wasn't she? This was what we'd agreed on. This was our goal. Wasn't it?
"Bella, I…" But I had no idea what I wanted to say.
She grinned suddenly but her eyes looked cooler all at once.
"So Edward, I hear tell there's some sort of shindig going on this weekend?"
I frowned, relieved…and somehow disappointed by the total change of subject.
"Uhm, well…" – I raked a hand through my hair – "it's just this stupid hospital benefit full of a bunch of old stuck up, stiff farts -black tie and formal. Don't worry, we don't have to go."
"Oh." She went back to eating her sandwich, not looking at me again.
I watched her. She seemed so…off today.
"Unless…you want to go…"
She looked up quickly and her baby browns sparkled, just like her normal self. A huge grin lit up her face and really, how could I say no to her? There was nothing at that moment I wouldn't have done to keep that sparkle in her eyes.
She bounced up and down in her seat, and I laughed aloud, because it was typical Bella and I-
I what?
"Can we go, Edward? Please?" she asked anxiously, her voice sweet and expectant… and just her.
I sighed. "Of course we can, Bella. Of course we can."
A/N: I did say we'd get a bit angsty eventually, didn't I?
Va Fanculo – Italian slang for 'go fuck yourself.' :)
Really love hearing from you guys. Leave me a review and let me know what you're thinking, what your concerns are, predictions for the dance, etc.
And Bella's right, we're halfway there…
