Severus sat upon a splintery wooden swing in the only park the slums of Cokesworth had to offer, her arse being rubbed raw by the unsmoothed wood as she slowly propelled herself forward with her bare foot. Amidst all the chaos currently plaguing her life, and the dramatics she had only just fled in Grimmauld Place, the familiarity of the tiny park seemed to soothe her at least moderately enough to keep the panic at bay. This was one of the few places she had almost consistently been happy in, the spot where she had met her first friend. The swing in which she now sat had been the selfsame swing she had ridden when she and Lily had exchanged their self-made friendship bracelets and vowed to be best mates for life. The thorny oak with lovers names carved into the trunk, just beside the swingset, had been the very one Severus had climbed to retrieved Lily's favorite doll, the beautiful toy having been tossed into the uppermost branches by a very jealous Petunia. The rusted jungle gym, now overrun with moss and weeds, had been the very spot where Lily beat up Henry Mast for calling Severus ugly and making her cry. The remains of the sandbox, which were now meagre and a littlebox for the hordes of feral cats infesting Spinner's End, had been their gossiping headquarters, the very playground attraction where they had giggled about crushes, lamented about the tribulations of puberty, and poked fun at the antics of the Marauders. Despite the numerous whippings that had always seemed to await her at home for tarrying too long, the perpetually muddy park had never failed to make her safe. Not even when Lily had decided to break ties with her at the end of fifth year.

Pawing at the soupy mud beneath her feet with a naked toe, Severus couldn't help but wonder how Lily would've reacted to her news had she still been living. Broken friendship aside, Severus could not help but think the redheaded Gryffindor would have been at least a little happy for her- knowing, as she did, how ardently the young Severus had wanted to be a mother. Swallowing the lump rising in her throat, she blinked back heavy tears as the realization they would never reconcile renewed itself in her mind. She and Lily would never be mates again, not in this life and perhaps not even in the other if she even managed to get to the same place. Neither would they ever raise their babies together as they had planned, Severus sniffled, pressing her fingers against her growing stomach. And there was no one else to blame for that but herself.

Swiping at her dripping eyes with shaky fingers, Severus pushed the intrusive thoughts from her mind quite forcefully, entirely unwilling and unable to reflect on them at such a moment. Already very close to despair, if not hysteria, such melancholic reflections would surely send her over the edge and into an involuntary commitment at St. Mungo's. She began to think, instead, upon the life growing inside her and how said child had already affected so many lives.

Aside from imparting a great deal of chaos and instability to her own life, the baby quickening in her womb had inarguably affected Black in equal measure- if not more. Made a father without without any prior consent to such an event, the recent exoneree had exchanged the stress of prison with that of the endless worries impending parenthood seemed to bring. If such a thing were not burdensome enough, the beloved Gryffindor had only compounded his tribulations by siring his child upon a woman loathed by a great many number of people. And, in doing so, had diminished the bragging rights to his child. For who, of all people, would want to claim the offspring of a notorious Death Eater for their own? While Black seemed to be currently laboring under great delusions of happiness where regarded his impending child, Severus knew that joy would not last long. Relatively young, admittedly handsome, and wealthy to boot, the friendly aristocrat would surely want to take a wife for himself once the war was won. But what woman would want to bind herself to a man who shared partial custody of a child with someone who had blood on her hands? Black's joy would would surely turn to ruin when he was forced, by necessity, to forsake his presence in the child's life in favor of creating a better one for himself. While there might still be the periodic visits about the Holidays, and letters written to keep the man updated, those efforts would never really be sufficient enough for a man so noble and upstanding. It would absolutely break the Marauder's heart, of course it would. But Severus was sure the path she had outlined her mind was the one who he would take. As such, she couldn't help but pity him.

As for Albus, the poor and sensitive man had been selfishly forced into the role of a grandfather with nary a warning- having understandably assumed, as many did, his daughter to be as chaste and virginal as even the most faithful of nun. Now disabused of the notion that had, at one point, given him a small measure of comfort, the symbol for the light side of the war now had to contend with the worries and fears that supporting and protecting an expectant daughter brought. Not only would the aging Headmaster now have to calculate an unexpected pregnancy into his war plans, as well as reconsider the type and frequency of the assignments he gave his spy, so too would he be compelled upon to support her through the shunning and mockery the discovery of her secret was sure to bring. And what of his own reputation? Both Ministry officials and commoners alike would delight upon the discovery that a woman left in his charge had fallen pregnant with, what could only be assumed, was another Death Eaters child. Severus could only shiver as she sat and contemplated the vicious rumors that the Daily Prophet would be more than happy to concoct about her.

The only comfort from such thoughts came in the knowledge that Albus would soon forgive her this crime and seek a return to the former status of their relationship. If could absolve her of the sins of willingly joining the Dark Lord, as well as having a nearly innocent man fired, he could forgive her this. That he had been so grievously wounded by her deception was by no means a small matter but, at the very least, such a hurt could easily be healed. All she need do was go to him with a repentant heart and the truthful assertion that he truly had not been the last to know of her condition. Once his wounded ego had been comforted at such welcome news, the Gryffindor was sure to forget his disappointments.

Resolved to have the ordeal taken care of before nightfall, Severus rose quickly from the swing and squatted to retrieve the boots she had placed a little off to the side. While such an undignified action placed quite a lot of pressure on her perpetually-full bladder, her snug trousers would not have allowed for her to bend in any other way. Not bothering to slip the pair of expensive boots unto feet that were coated with mud and dirt, Severus slithered through the darkening playground and into high-walled gazebo just a few feet away. Slipping into the concealable darkness of such a familiar structure, she couldn't help but press her fingers against the wooden walls so profaned with graffiti.

Severus had experienced her first kiss here, she recalled with a shudder. She had only been nine at the time, and Thomas Williams had lured her inside with the promise of sharing his crisps with her. A full seven years older than her at the time, the older boy had only allowed her to eat three of his crisps before he had grabbed her beneath the armpits and pressed her forcefully against one of the wooden beams. Shoving his slimy tongue into her mouth before she had even had time to scream, much less contemplate what was happening, the neighborhood's beloved choir boy had thrust a hand up her skirt and clawed at her maidenhood. Petrified, Severus had bit at his offensive tongue and tried to squirm free. But her efforts had been of no use, the older boy had done with her as he wanted, going so far as to thrust three full fingers inside her before being frightened off by the sounds of other children approaching. Severus had been able to tell Lily anything at the time, she remembered, but she hadn't been able to tell her that. Such trauma had been for Albus's ears alone.

Wiping her besmirched fingers on her trousers, Severus exiled the thoughts and closed her eyes in preparation for apparition. It was a childish habit, she knew, but one she found much too powerful to subdue. Choosing not to dwell upon the embarrassment she felt at such an odd ritual, Severus relaxed her body as best she could and willed herself unto the grounds of Hogwarts. While using the private floo connection in her own home might have gone a little easier on her stomach, and surely her bladder, Severus had wanted to use the time spent walking to Albus's office to bolster her courage and to formulate an acceptable script.

Landing just outside the property line of Hogwarts, Severus pulled close her robes before hurrying unto the grounds. As desirous as she had been to use the long walk as a method for collecting her thoughts, the Scotland sky was blackening with the threat of a summer storm that looked perilously close to delivering hail. If push came to shove, and her courage failed her, Severus would simply idle through the corridors of Hogwarts until it returned.

"Severus!"

Jumping slightly at the sudden sound of Pomona approaching, Severus loosened her robes a bit and was suddenly grateful for the clouding sky.

"Pomona." She greeted evenly, blinking as a fat raindrop splashed against her forehead.

"How have you been?" The cheerful Hufflepuff babbled, quickening her steps to keep up with her former colleague. "I've not seen you since May."

Flipping up the hood of her cape as the rain began to fall more quickly, Severus cursed the inclement weather as well as the unexpected visitor. For while she had always been able to tolerate, if not enjoy, her conversations with the herbalist, now was not the most prudent time for idle chatter.

"I am well, thank you." Severus drawled. "How are you?"

"Oh, I am just fine, thank you for asking." She prattled. "Though I must say that we all miss you terribly. Professor Slughorn is certainly nice enough, don't get me wrong, but I dare say he's not quite as...industrious as you were."

Having had said for her own Head of House, the news hardly came as a surprise to Severus. If one was neither a box of candied pineapple, nor a member of a powerful family, it seemed the rotund man had neither time nor sympathy for you. When Severus had come to him in tears after the notorious pantsing incident in her fifth-year, all the man had done was shrug his shoulders and mutter uncomfortably that it would soon be summer and the teasing wouldn't matter any longer.

"Has Professor Slughorn been negligent in his brewing duties?" Severus questioned, already suspecting the answer. "If so, I would be more than willing to pick up us slack."

Having begun work as a freelance brewer to support herself and stave off the boredom, Severus will more than willing to take whatever jobs she could get. Her mastery of the art aside, it was proving rather difficult to secure jobs with her reputation being what it was. As much as it displeased her, she supposed there was a certain karma at play via that phenomenon.

"Only if you wouldn't mind." Pomona insisted.

"I could think of nothing I would mind less." Severus assured. "What do you need?"

"Well, I really would like to have one of those jars of vitamin paste you made for my mandrakes last year. They aren't doing too well this year either, unfortunately."

"I can have it to you by tomorrow."

"Oh, thank you so much. I really would hate to have my Mandrakes get sick so close to the start of term."

Severus nodded her agreements, and then listened along patiently as Pomona filled her in on all the impending changes coming to Hogwarts. Curfew would be extended another half hour for the sixth and seventh years, she lamented, not at all pleased at having to increase her chaperoning time. It was an understandable position to have, she thought, for if all those children were let loose in a huge castle without the majority of the prefects, who knew what mischief they could get up to? Professors could hardly be expected to be everywhere at once. Along the same vein, Hogsmeade visits would soon increase in frequency, too. But unlike with the other policy change, this was on addendum the herbalist rejoiced in- the prospect of having her greenhouses to herself for even more weekends a very welcome thought to her. It was only as they entered Hogwarts that Severus realized just how long the older woman had been left to talk, her endless chattering having proved very distracting.

"If you don't mind," Severus began, gesturing down a corridor, "I have to visit the Headmaster."

Instead of moving off in her own direction, Pomona followed after her.

"As am I." She smiled, brandishing a stack of papers at her. "I need to have him look over my lesson plans."

Knowing the friendly woman to be one hell of a talker, Severus sought to keep the woman from accompanying her on the trip to the Headmaster's office. She did not have the time, nor the inclination, to suffer through several diatribes and anecdotes just to speak with her father.

"Let me save you the walk and bring them to him myself."

"Oh, thank you!" Pomona grinned, thrusting them into her arms.

Well pleased, the bouncing Hufflepuff hurried off, moving (quite suspiciously) in the direction of Fillius's office rather than her own. Harboring no desires as to be informed what that was about, and not too stupid where she couldn't figure it out if she wanted to, Severus moved on and soon found herself at the door to Albus's office.

"Chocolate Frogs." She sighed at the stony sentinel.

Leaping aside to allow her passage, Severus very slowly put her feet upon the first step. There was no going back now, and she would not prolong her suffering by simply standing still and reflecting on all that might go wrong. Feeding upon that false courage, she arrived at door at the top of the steps and raised her hand, steeling herself to knock and begin what was sure to be an uncomfortable conversation.

"Come in, Lamb."

Albus called out to her before her hand had even brushed against the door, and Severus had no choice but to enter as the door swung open on its own accord. Expecting to see her father seated at his desk, in his scolding position that meant his hands would folded upon his desk, Severus was quite surprised to find him standing only a few feet away from the threshold, his arms held wide and his fave mournful.

Accepting the invitation for a hug without qualms, Severus flew into his strong arms and buried her face in his lavender robes. Despite all the promises to herself that she would not weep, she did just that as he pressed his lips against the top of her head.

"No, do not cry." Albus crooned, squeezing her shoulders. "It is I who should weep. I have behaved most abhorrently."

Severus shook her head and frowned as his perfumed beard scratched at her face. Albus most certainly was not at fault. And could never be. In her eyes, he was an infallible creature incapable of fault. That he had behaved as he did was only a testament to the great love he bore for her.

"I'm the one who is sorry." She cried, clinging to him tightly.

The Headmaster remained silent until her tears died now, working hard to facilitate such calmness by rubbing soothing circles into her tensed-up back.

"Let us not assign blame where it is not due." He lectured, planting a kiss upon her dampened cheek. "We shall never agree on such a topic."