Chapter 12: Without you

Sorry for the long delay, but here is an update for those who wanted more of ice Len… ^ ^

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In the wake of her precipitous departure from the house on Schubert Lane, Kahoko discovered that freedom was like a sugar-free yoghurt: almost impossible to relish. Unless you were one of those rare earthlings who never cared for sweet things in the first place. And she wasn't one of them.

In the middle of an animated conversation, Nao and Mio would catch her heaving a sigh or staring out of the window, and it was rather embarrassing. She didn't want her dear friends to think that she wasn't happy to resume their old life together. In fact she was glad to see them, and to enjoy the comforts of her own home, but there was a heart-ache deep within that she couldn't seem to let go of.

Symptoms of her unnatural state were often anecdotal such as when she missed her music room armchair or when she browsed along the shelves of a fragrance shop to look for a particular brand of man's eau de cologne, but sometimes they were serious enough as to make her housemates wonder about her.

Whenever they noticed that her smile wasn't quite reaching her eyes, they would invariably suggest a trip to the park, so that she could play her violin without restraint. On such occasions, they would also call upon the dashing Aoi Kaji, who was, in his own words, Hino-san's number one fan, to help cheer her up.

Although she could now sleep longer every morning, Kahoko was afflicted with recurrent dreams of a stern gentleman with pale blue hair.

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Hino! I want those exercises done by eight. I haven't got all night!

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Didn't I tell you to close that window? I don't want complaints from the neighbours.

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Stop! You're playing these notes all wrong.

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Learn to play properly before you set a foot outside again.

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You would make more progress if you spent less time chatting with Amou.

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Yes, Tsukimori-san… I'm sorry Tsukimori-san… please teach me again Tsukimori-san…

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Even Shimizu Keiichi, looking up from his books, managed to notice that his assistant wasn't her usual care-free self since her apprenticeship with Vienna's best violinist had ended. He resolved to think the matter over while he slept, but he was nonetheless grateful for the fact that she still worked in his shop and that her music skills had improved so dramatically.

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As for Kahoko's infamous teacher, he discovered in the days following his student's disappearance that freedom was too much like a song without an accompanist, a duet without a partner, or a measure that felt incomplete. And it bothered him.

There was no one left to try his patience anymore. No false notes resounded in the evening air. No meddlesome neighbours turned up to induce a head-ache. Even Ryoutarou didn't drop by to practice.

In that case how could the peacefulness he had longed for ring of emptiness?

He left his writing table to walk to the window. The fir trees cast long shadows in the afternoon sunshine but they had nothing to do with the invisible shadow that had fallen over his music room lately.

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Knock knock!

"Tsukimori-sama, I'm surprised you haven't left already. I hope you have not forgotten your mother's invitation to tea?"

"You're right, it had slipped my mind. Maybe I'll just call to decline."

"Ahem, if I may say so, it would not be proper to refuse your mother a visit. I also think a short outing would do you good."

Len was undecided but didn't feel like arguing with the kind old man.

"Very well, I'll go, if you'll send for the car Matsuda-san."

"I already did. Let me see you out."

The driver saluted his boss and opened the car door for him. He wondered about the violinist's absent-minded look. Was he by any chance preoccupied with musical composition, or did a certain red-haired young woman haunt his thoughts?


"We have arrived, Sir. Shall I pick you up at five?"

"Yes, please do."

His mother greeted him at the door, with an animated expression.

"Thank you for coming, dear. I'll be with you in just a moment. Make yourself at ease in the parlour."

Misa Hamai's cozy parlour, designed as a sanctuary for herself, was full of house plants and cream coloured furniture. A jar of potpourri spread a delicate fragrance of herbs and spices all around the room, inducing one to relax. Len only wandered in when he was invited for tea. It was here that his mother kept framed pictures of family members, including himself at various stages of their lives. Little did he know that it was her dearest wish to have a photo of him smiling on his wedding day…

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He had expected the room to be empty. After all, why would his host suggest he make himself at ease otherwise? A laden tray had already been set on the small table and on one of the sofas was a lady's handbag. Standing next to the glass fronted cupboard was the lady herself, wearing a sleeveless dress of a dark blue material. She was holding a picture frame in her hands and smiled at whoever it was.

"Hino?"

"Eh?"

She turned around to meet his gaze and he noticed that she was wearing much more sensible shoes than the last time he saw her. Had her outfit, including that little pearl necklace, been chosen again by that Aoi Kaji?

"Tsu-Tsukimori-san!"

She put the frame back on its shelf and bit her lips nervously.

"I didn't know you were coming. Your mother didn't tell me."

It sounded like an apology. For her presence.

"I wasn't expecting to see you either."

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"She told me to have a look at the pictures until she was ready."

"Is that why you were smiling...?"

"Eh? That's...that's because you looked so serious as a child, and I was thinking that you haven't changed."

"..."

"Oh, we should sit down… Hmm how are Matsuda-san and Tomoyo-san?"

"They are both well."

"Ah. I'm glad to hear that. And Tsuchiura-san?"

"I haven't seen him."

"Oh."

There was an embarrassed silence, which Kahoko sought desperately to break.

"Please have some tea, Tsukimori-san."

She set about pouring him some, while he noticed that her hands trembled a little.

"Your mother's cookies are delicious."

His silent gaze flustered her. She didn't know what to say anymore.

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"Are you practicing?"

"Ah, yes, of course. In the park. My friends are happy to listen to me."

"I see."

"They tell me that I sound great but the truth is I don't know…"

She took a deep breath and continued wistfully.

"…since you're not there to tell me when I'm wrong…"

"...That can't be helped, Hino."

"I know that; it's silly and pretentious on my part to want more."

He looked up blankly.

"More?"

"More attention… more of your time, though I know…you are very busy. Would you consider helping me every now and then?"

When she saw that Len seemed genuinely startled at her words, perhaps even thinking her ungrateful, the tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry… I don't deserve it …I already troubled you so much…Please forget what I said…"

Sobs escaped her and she quickly snatched her handbag before running out of the room. Goodness knows she had not intended to break down in front of him. Or leave without informing her host. When did running away become a habit?

Len stared dumbfounded at the teacup in his hands. Why did women have to be so complicated?

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He was still confused over the whole incident when his mother came in hurriedly.

"I just saw Hino-san leaving the house from my window. What happened? Did you upset her?"

"No... she made herself cry... I hardly said anything…"

Misa Hamai stared at her son incredulously.

"Oh Len..."

"...isn't it precisely because you didn't say anything that Hino-san was upset? You really should be more careful of others."

He felt suddenly awkward upon hearing the disappointment in her voice.

Bother! Now his mother was upset too.

Socialising brought nothing but trouble.

"I'm sorry but please allow me to take my leave, and give my regards to father."

She did not object. Perhaps there was a small chance that he would run after Kahoko.

Unfortunately the latter had hailed a taxi on the streets and disappeared, leaving Len to return home with a more disgruntled appearance than his driver had known him to bear.

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Later that evening, the phone rang in the hallway, and as Len happened to pass by he picked it up. When he heard the irate voice at the other end of the line, he immediately wished he hadn't.

"I always knew you were a clueless fool outside of music, Len-kun, but I didn't think you were beyond hope. Until today."

"Amou? I'm afraid I have no time to listen to you right now."

"Oh, yes, you will! Somebody's got to drum some sense into you!"

"Is this about Hino?"

"Of course! She's my friend and I care about her."

"Well, she's not here, Amou."

"I know that, you dummy! So what are you doing about it?"

"Excuse me?…"

"Are you so worried about your own success that you can't find time to continue teaching her?"

"There are plenty of teachers in Vienna, it doesn't matter who takes over."

"So that's your stand, huh? I take it that you're entirely fine that she's being seen all over town with that Aoi Kaji, right."

There was a pause.

"…That has nothing to do with me, Amou."

"Fiddlesticks! I don't want a loser as a neighbour."

"Feel free to move out then. Goodnight."

"Wait!"

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Len hung up before she pursued her tirade.

That's it! I've had enough.

Enough of everyone's silent and not-so-silent reproaches.

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Matsuda-san found him rubbing his temples and feared the worst.

"Ahem. Do you need anything, Tsukimori-sama?"

"Yes…"

The old butler waited with concern for his master to finish his request.

"I have decided to go earlier to Germany. I can meet some of my father's partners and see the sights. Tsuchiura can join me later as he wishes. Please make arrangements."

"Oh... as you wish."

Guessing that this decision was probably related in some way to Kahoko, Matsuda-san chose not to argue with Len when his face was so resolute.

But somebody had to be informed.

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(to be continued)