New chapter!
Okay so I tried to make this chapter more about how Bella feels with her new life and everything so I hope you like it!
Thank you for the reviews and favorites and blablabla.
Please review again because, as always, it means a lot to me and every time I get a new review, it truly makes my day.
Update is next week and I hope you enjoy this one!
Also, I changed the summary because I think it makes the story more intriguing and hopefully catches new readers!
Loves!
Twitter: twitter . com /whoisthatbitch (remember to join the dots and slashes!)
PD: I want to give a shout out to my best friend Stefani. I love you so much girl. Good luck tomorrow on your history exam and I hope you pass it so that way you can stay at our school, otherwise, I'll miss you a lot! Love yoooouuu!
PD2: Another shout out to my other bff Angie. Thank you for the ideas you give me for the story! You truly outdid yourself!
PD3: A shout out to all you readers!
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Never in a million years would I have imagined myself living they way I am.
Sure, being pregnant is great. But sometimes I would've preferred another life, if you like calling it that.
The expectations a teenager has for their teenage years are a big group of friends, sneaking out of the house, my first kiss, late nights under the stars, crying on my best friends shoulder, passing notes in class, going on adventures, getting out of town, campfires, telling secrets, feeling what it's like to fall in love for the first time, driving around, getting lost, endless laughter, road trips, dance parties. Basically, the happy years of your life.
Although I have some of these, my reality is completely different.
I can't sneak out of the house because of the stupid bed rest, I didn't have a late night under the stars, I don't pass note in class because of my online classes, I don't go on adventures or out of town, I don't have campfires, road trips, I can't drive and I can't get lost, and I don't go to parties. I sometimes feel lonely, I stay in every night and day, I'm always studying, I wake up early because my back hurts like a bitch and the baby thinks I'm some sort of a football, I'm tired all the time, I have school practically all day, I'm stressed out, I can't even think of college applications because I have to worry about other things like keep my baby alive and fed, I'm trapped in a town I'm not fond of anymore, I keep everything bottled up to myself, I cry too far often, the person I used to call a Dad lied to me and now I don't even know who he is anymore, my sister's getting a divorce, I hardly see my Mom and the entire school thinks I'm a slut.
The days always seemed to pass by slowly. I couldn't even go shopping for the nursery and the baby.
Alice had promised me that she would take care of everything, so I was a little relieved about that. Alice was an expert when it came to fashion and decorating. Plus, she would have Esme's help and Mom had promised to butt in when she could.
Rosalie had stopped by for a quick visit last week and we had basically hang out in my and Edward's room, lying in bed, watching talk shows and eating a bunch of Ben & Jerry's.
Every day, Edward would get home from school with a small pout and a frown only because of the fact that I wasn't there with him and people kept bothering him because of the fact that I was a slut.
I was surprised to hear that something actually bothered Edward. He was never bothered. Nobody even dared to bother him. But this actually bothered me. At this point of my pregnancy, I didn't need him to be moping around. I needed him to be comforting me. I was the one who had to be moping. He had to bring my spirits up every time. I didn't need this kind of behavior from him. That's why I had ordered him – softly but stubbornly – to not come to me the second he gets home from school. I needed him to spend some time with his family and talk about these things to his family. If he wanted to tell me something and needed some advice, I would be more than happy to give one to him.
I was basically locked up in my room. I would never leave it. Ever. I would cry myself to sleep a lot lately.
This life was hard.
"Bella?" A soft knock and voice interrupted me from my thoughts, "May I come in, dear?"
"Yes, Esme," I said as I removed quickly my tears.
"The nursery is ready, if you want to see it. Why are you crying?" she asked concerned.
"I'm sorry Esme, but this is too much. I'm completely overwhelmed. I can't handle my life anymore," I confessed as more tears came and ran down my cheeks.
"Oh sweetie," she cooed, "look how far you've come. You are now so close to giving life to this beautiful person," she gestured to my stomach, "7 months having passed. You're almost at the finish line,"
"I sometimes don't want to do this anymore. I wish my life would be different,"
"I know sweetheart, but God know why he does this things. Everything happens for a reason. It's understandable that you feel this way because teenagers deserve other lives. But something good is going to come out of this lesson. You're too young to be feeling this empty," she concluded.
"Thank you Esme. For everything,"
"No problem, dear. Now come one. Everybody's waiting for you at the nursery. Let's go,"
"But I can't get out of bed,"
"Bella, you've been there far too much. A little walk wouldn't hurt anyone," she smiled a smile that reached her beautiful eyes as she reached out for my hand.
Esme lead the way to the nursery – which was two doors away from Edward's bedroom - and stopped at the door. "You ready?" she asked as she reached with her other hand for the doorknob.
I bit my lip. Was I ready?
Yes.
Esme opened the door and Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Emmet, Rosalie, Maggie and Mom were standing there with stupid grins on their faces.
The nursery was absolutely beautiful. But the only thing that caught my attention was all the pink walls and toys and clothes. But the thing that stood out the most was the name of my baby written on the wall.
Alliana.
What the fuck? Was I having a girl?
The room was big. Maybe too big for a nursery. There was a window with light lavender curtains. Under the window, was a wide and small night stand with a lamp on it and a picture of my ultrasound. Next to it, was a big floor mirror, followed by a beautiful white crib with white bed sheets and a purple towel hanging from it. On top of the crib, the word Alliana was written y wooden letters, painted in white and decorated with delicate flowers. Opposite to the window was a big white dresser and across from the dresses was a cream sofa with a soft green pillow and a small –also cream – bedroom bench.
On the other side of the nursery, there were white painted shelves with all sorts of teddy bears and dolls, books and lullaby CD's. There was a small tower of blocks and a trunk filled with toys too. I finally noticed that beautiful pictures were hanging on the walls, matching perfectly with the white carpet.
"So, Bella. What do you think?" Alice squeaked.
"Alice, what did I tell you about keeping the sex of the baby a secret?" I heard Edward – who surprisingly wasn't there when I showed up – scowling Alice behind my back as he placed his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder and his hands on my – now bulging – stomach.
"You knew?" I asked. He had promised me that he would find out when the baby was born. A surprise.
"Yeah," he answered sheepishly. "I asked Dr. Gerandy a few days after the appointment. The curiosity was bigger than me,"
"I don't care, Edward. We are having a girl!" I almost yelled.
"I know love, a beautiful and healthy baby girl," he replied as he gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Well, enough with all the love already! Bella, tell me what do you think of the room?" Alice almost pleaded. I was surprised she didn't break Edward's embrace from me. Yet.
"I love it! Esme, Alice, you truly outdid yourselves. Thank you,"
"Well, it wasn't all just them! We all helped. Jasper and Emmet helped with the crib and carrying stuff, Edward and I painted the walls, we all butted in and helped buying furniture, Edward and Rosalie bought almost all of the teddy bears, toys, and books, Carlisle and Esme were kind enough to by the crib and dresser, and Alice bought the clothes," Mom informed. It was really great to see her. I haven't seen her in a really long time. Maybe I should have a little talk with her today.
"Auntie Bell!" Maggie squeaked. I haven't seen her in a really long time either. She came running to me with open arms and hugged my legs tightly. Her head hit against my stomach and it hurt a little, but a small groan escaped from my throat.
"Careful honey. Auntie Bell has a baby in her stomach so you have to be very careful with her," Rosalie ordered Maggie.
"Did I hurt Bell?" Maggie looked up at me with watery eyes. I tried to squat but I couldn't'. So I just patted her smooth blond hair.
"No, baby. But Mommy is right; you have to be careful," I told her softly. She gave me another tight leg hug and walked over to Rosalie. She picked her up and placed her in her hip.
"I'm gonna take Maggie for a nap. Be right back," she announced as she left the room.
After Rosalie left, I thanked everybody once again and hugged everybody. They left and I was now alone in the nursery. I looked around and went to the bookshelf. Little Cratter books invaded the self, but there were also baby books too.
I sat down on the comfortable sofa and lifted my feet and rested them on the bench. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I was starting to doze off and a soft knock on the door interrupted me.
"Bella? Can I come in, please?" Mom asked.
"Sure Mom," I replied back opening my eyes.
"This is really beautiful, isn't it?"
"It really is," I smiled as I rubbed my stomach.
"So how've you been?" Mom started the conversation.
"I've been better. This isn't easy," I sighed as I looked deep into her eyes.
"It's never easy as we believe it is honey," she tried to smooth out.
"You would know," I muttered.
"What's that suppose to mean, Bella?"
"Well, how about you knowing that Charlie as a bastard child and you never told me? Why do I always have to find out by myself? Or someone else? Why can't you just tell me? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A COWARD?" I started yelling, raising my voice more and more and standing up.
"Bella! Calm down," Mom tried to sooth while she had her hands in front of her.
"Why, Mom? Why? Do you know anything about Dad? Is he in Forks? In La Push? Is he even alive?" Why did I care so much now?
"Bella, do you think this is easy for me? It's not! Parents can make mistakes too, you know. We're not all perfect!" She was almost crying now and pointing to herself.
"I know you're not. None of you are. First Dad walks out on us, and now you wouldn't even tell me who that man really was! I thought we had this thing were we told each other everything," I was now crying in defeat.
"Oh Bella," Mom came over to me and hugged me as she sat us on the floor and rocked me back and forth. I would have shrugged her away but I needed a good cry and the comfort. I missed my Mom terribly. My hands were soaked wet because they were on my face trying to hide the tears.
"Why did he turn out to be such a horrible person?" I managed to say between my sobs.
"He's not. He just thinks he's doing the best for you," Mom tried to sooth.
"I bet he thinks I'm giving up on my baby. I'm not," I said stubbornly.
"Well that's a good thing, honey. A mother's love Is bigger than any love and a baby should deserve that. And boy, is this baby going to be loved," she laughed.
Some more time had passed and we were still sitting on the floor, and it wasn't long enough when I started to doze off again.
Mom kept rocking me back and forth and I suddenly heard footsteps nearby.
"Bella? Renee what happened? Is she okay?" I heard Edward's concerned velvet voice.
"She's fine. She's just overwhelmed and stresses out. She should get some rest," Mom replied back.
Mom and Edward carried me to the bedroom and I was now lying on the bed. They placed me in the right position and covered me with a quilt. I immediately reacted and laid sideways, hugging the pillow and quilt closer to me.
My life was a series of changes. A series of hits and misses, ghosts and corpses. I've lost a lot and gained what I've taken. This time next year, I won't be this girl anymore; I create my existence through change.
As I thought about this again, I finally fell asleep and dreamt pleasant dreams of me, Edward and Alliana.
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I woke up with the feeling of finger caressing my cheek. It felt good. I moaned in my sleep.
"Good morning sunshine," I heard Edward say as he smiled.
"Hmm," I said stretching out and caressing his cheek.
"Renee told me about the talk. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it was good having that pressure off my chest," I said as I sat up and he took me in his arms, leaning me against his chest, but still stroking my cheek.
"Edward?"
"Hmm?"
"Can I ask you something?" I said as I bit my lip.
"Of course love. Anything you want,"
"What's the first thing you notice when you look at another girl?" I asked nervously as I turned my body so I could see his face.
"That she's not you," he smiled the crooked smile that melted my heart and I smiled back.
"Why do you ask?"
"Just curious,"
"Well, can I give you some piece of advice?" he asked back.
"Of course,"
"Keep chasing what you want. You want to be an editor? Then you have to chase that. Don't let the fact that having a baby will stop you. You're unstoppable, brave and the most beautiful person I've ever met in my life. A dream is a wish the heart makes. Dream as if you'll live forever and live as if you only had today. In the face of true love, you don't give up even if the object of your affection is begging you. Its beauty what captures your attention and personality which captures your heart. Bella, what we have is stronger than anything. And I will help you with your wishes in every step. I love you more than anything." He concluded. He was now holding my hand against his heart.
My eyes started to fill with tears and he took them away by kissing each of them. "Thank you, Edward. For everything. I love you so much you have no idea."
He smiled and rested his head against mine. He was starting to doze off as he whispered against my ear "Anytime."
Our hands were still intertwined and I was wide awake, looking out the window, thinking.
Love is a cycle: when you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. And when you start missing… you'll eventually fall in love again.
I sighed and nestled myself closer to Edward, as he unlocked our hands and hugged me closer to him.
Small tears started to fall from my eyes as I looked deep into his apple green eyes.
Sigh.
There's so much I want to tell you about the way I'm disappearing…
