Chapter 12

~*~ warning ~*~ This story contains very dark themes, including brief mentions of or flashbacks to a past sexual assault. If this subject is a trigger for you, please do not continue.

If you are a survivor of sexual abuse and need assistance, please contact RAINN

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Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, or any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.


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Previously

He lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed, where he curled up against her, wrapped in her arms. He rested his head over her heart, listening as it mellowed from its earlier thunderous pounding to a gentle murmur, steady and soft like her breathing as she drifted off to sleep.

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Saturday, July 8

Mirror.

His eyes, in the mirror.

Our bodies... so beautiful...

Kisses between my shoulder blades…

Oh!

Recognition came flooding back to her of the day and night before. She knew where she was, and in whose arms she lie, along with memories of what happened before he carried her to bed. She felt a tiny hesitant kiss on her shoulder.

"Love? Are you awake?"

She realized she was crying and, from the dampness on her pillow, had been for some time. She was unable to answer, but rolled to face him. She pressed herself into his waiting arms, their legs twining together.

"I... was it real? Please tell me it wasn't a dream?"

"It was real." He kissed her softly, reverently. "It was real."

She felt a surge of joy, relief, and peace, all rolled together. She kissed him back, hoping her lips conveyed her gratitude when words failed her.

"Are you all right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was a bit rough..."

"Don't apologize, please? It was everything..." She smiled and kissed him, her tears dampening his cheeks.

"It meant just as much to me." Between kisses he murmured endearments in her ear, telling her how it felt to be joined with her, to feel part of a living body, feel her warmth surrounding him, to match his breathing to hers and feel alive again, through her. She wept as he held her, listening to his words, allowing them to comfort her, and give her hope. They stayed in each others arms, wordless, caressing, until she stiffened and pushed him away.

He pulled back enough to see her face. "What?"

"Edward, my god... we forgot."

He sighed. "I didn't forget."

"What?"

His brow furrowed as he looked at her, then ducked his head and whispered. "I think... you just finished a period...?"

"Oh. Right." Her body noticeably softened in his arms, relief slowly easing her posture. She shifted to get comfortable, then stopped. "Wait, you pay attention to my periods?"

He covered his eyes with one hand and laughed in embarrassment.

The proverbial light bulb flickered and Bella grimaced. "Of course you do."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have stopped, or said something, but I knew the timing would be okay."

"Then I'm glad you didn't stop."

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Wednesday, July 19

"Are you scared, baby?"

Bella squinted her eyes against the sun and rubbed her hand across her forehead. "No, not scared. A little freaked out, maybe, but not scared."

"Freaked out by what, sweetheart?"

She plopped down on the bottom step of Charlie's porch. "The wedding. It's turned into a lot more than I would have done if I'd done it all myself."

"If you'd done it yourself, it would have been jeans and chucks at the courthouse, or barefoot on First Beach with a bonfire in the background. Have you told Alice how you feel?"

Bella felt the tickle of grass beneath her feet and thought of a barefoot wedding on the beach. "Yeah, and she's toned it down a bit, but it's just - I don't know. Hard to tell her 'no.'"

"Well, you need to stick up for yourself, but you have to realize this is Edward's wedding, too. With everything you've told me about his family and how they feel about him, it's no surprise she wants to go all out."

"I know, but it was supposed to be just this small thing, and it's gotten kind of blown out of proportion."

"All weddings are like that, Bella. Your father and I went through the same thing. It just happens. What does Edward think?"

She plucked a dandelion from between the pavers and twirled it between her fingers. "Edward just wants me to be happy."

Renee chuckled. "Good man."

Bella smiled. "Yeah, I think secretly he wants to parade me before the whole world, he's so happy, but he knows I'd be positively mortified."

"Well, I'm glad to hear he's resisting that urge. Weddings are one of those strange things in life, Bella. Women are taught we're supposed to want the fluffy white dress, with loads of guests and champagne and a church aisle and a unity candle and flocks of white doves and hundreds of roses and a dozen bridesmaids and blah blah blah. I'm so proud of you for doing this your own way, even if Alice has gotten carried away a bit. I mean, really, weddings are something you do for everyone else - it's like a stage production. The marriage? That part's just for you and your husband. What I'm saying is, as long as you've got the right man, the wedding itself is secondary."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Your welcome, baby. Has he said anything about your honeymoon yet?"

"No, it's all very hush-hush, which makes me crazy. I think everyone in the family knows but me. He's being very smug." She dropped the dandelion and went inside to pour a glass of tea.

"Well, considering they don't do anything 'small' in that family, I'm sure whatever it is will be spectacular. And I can't imagine Edward doing something you'd hate. He's very intuitive, isn't he?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Well, I'm sure no matter where he takes you, you won't see much of it anyway. Outside your bedroom, that is..."

She almost dropped her glass into the sink. "Renee!"

"What? I expect my baby girl to have a wonderful life with the man of her dreams, and that includes a healthy sex life. He's good to you, yeah? I mean I'm sure you two have already been at it, but I mean, he knows how..."

"Stop right there. I am not going to have this conversation with you. Everything in that area will be just fine."

"Will be? You mean you haven't...?"

"Not having this conversation, remember?"

"Fine, fine. I wasn't looking for details. Just hoping you two are open with each other about your, um, appetites, and that he's treating you right, and he's making sure your needs are met..."

"I know, Mom. It's just not the sort of thing you want to discuss with your mother. Trust me, we are very open with each other, and he treats me very well."

"That's all I needed to hear. Look, I gotta go, Phil has some team thing he needs me to go to tonight, and I need to get ready. Hang in there, and I'll talk to you again soon. Tell Esme to call me if I can do anything, okay?"

"Will do. Love you."

"Love you, too, sweetheart. Bye."

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Friday, July 21

"Hold still or it will be crooked."

"Your hands are cold."

"Hello-oo? Vampire hands! Now hold still."

"Jeez, Alice, it's just toenail polish."

"They're French tips. Humor me."

"Don't argue with her, Bella. It's futile."

"Thanks, Rose."

"So, what was your wedding like, Alice?"

Alice beamed. "It was small, smaller than yours. Just the seven of us, a couple of Japser's old friends, and the Alaskans. It was perfect. We hadn't been with the family long, but it was wonderful. Small, but perfect"

"Did you and Jasper... have a honeymoon?"

She cocked her head at the question, not sure if she interpreted it correctly. "We did. We took a trip to the British Isles. I'd never been anywhere, so Europe was new for both of us."

Bella chewed on her lip for a moment before clarifying her original question. "Had you... before?"

Alice waited to answer. "We were together for two years, before we found Carlisle."

"Oh."

"Bella...?"

She looked up, a far away look in her eyes. "Yeah?"

"We were together about a month before he ever kissed me, and he was very hesitant even then. I'd not seen much of the world, and had no memories of my human life. It was like amnesia, I guess. I'm not sure what that was all about, maybe my brain's way of protecting me from what the hospital must have been like. Anyway, I was sheltered, I guess you could say, but I was anxious to jump right in. I knew from my first vision of him that he was for me, and didn't see the point in waiting. He was chivalrous in that regard, so we took things slowly. Or rather, he did. After a few months, I finally seduced him. He treated me like a china doll, and I practically molested him. It was funny, actually. Quite the role reversal. He wanted to slow down, be gentle and affectionate, and I pawed at him like an animal."

Bella giggled at that image. "But it was, um, okay?"

Alice looked away and smiled. "It was more than okay. But it got better as we grew closer, and time went on."

Alice leaned up and kissed her on the temple. Rose cleared her throat unnecessarily. Bella looked up at her, surprised.

"Emmett was careful with me, too. He knew about my past, and it took him a long time to get beyond it. He was afraid to touch me in a way that would remind me." Rose sat next to her on the bed while Alice finished up Bella's toenails, wrapping an arm around her as she spoke. "It took us a long time, Bella, but now? It's amazing."

Alice asked quietly, "Are things getting better with Edward?"

Bella drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, smiling. "Yes."

Alice and Rose smiled at each other, then looked back to Bella.

Rose whispered. "But?"

"I guess there is no such thing as 'normal.'"

"You mean, like Cinderella and Prince Charming and the happily ever after?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Rosalie spoke up. "You know the fairy tale is a lie, right? It doesn't really exist."

"I know, I mean, I never even thought I wanted all that, but part of me is really sad that this is happening the way it is, that it won't be how I expected. I mean, I didn't really have expectations, but still, you sure don't expect to be... oh, never mind."

"It's okay, Bella. Just say it."

"I wanted to be a virgin. I wanted to marry a virgin, and to learn all this stuff together on our wedding night and discover it all together and be happy and goofy and it would be magical and new, just the two of us. And instead, it's this angsty, heavy, careful, fearful thing. I mean, I'm marrying the most beautiful man ever born, and by some miracle, he loves me regardless of all the garbage behind us. I should be happy, ecstatic even. But I just feel this pall of sadness. Oregon was amazing, it was a huge hurdle for us, but I still feel it, his fear, and the sadness, like we're both in mourning. Well, I guess we are."

Alice put her hands n Bella's knees. "Bella, when you think back on all you've been through with him, what do you think is the worst?"

"Since the very beginning?"

"Since the very first time you saw him."

"Wow." She looked out the window without focusing her eyes, letting her mind wander. "Well, hunh. I feel like I should say the assault, or our miscarriage, but what really comes to mind is when he left me, in the woods."

Rose nodded at Alice, and asked the next question. "And what is the absolute best?"

"Easy. When he kissed me in the Plaza, when he realized I was alive and told me he always loved me, told me he was sorry for ever leaving. Or maybe the very first time he kissed me. Or maybe Oregon."

"I get it, Bella," Alice laughed. "And everything else, before and since then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Everything else - if it's not the best, and it's not the worst, what is it?"

"Just part of our story, I guess." She looked from Rose to Alice and back again, not bothering to fight the tears that surprised her.

Rose pulled her tight and leaned her head on Bella's. "You'll find your way, together. You still have discoveries to make, this is still new for both of you. No matter what happened to you before the day you get married, every day after is new, every thing you do after that you'll be doing together, and it will be the first time for both of you, as husband and wife. Don't let anyone spoil that for you. Fight for it, Bella. Don't let your past hold you back, don't let it define your relationship. Help each other make new memories."

Bella laughed and wiped her face with her hand. "I really love you guys, you know that?"

Rose laughed. "Yeah, well, don't let it get out that I have a soft side, or Emmett will never let me hear the end of it."

"Our little secret, Rose."

"You know, you're not so bad for a human, after all."

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Saturday, August 13 (Wedding Day)

"Hello?"

"Hi, love."

"Where are you?"

"Downstairs, in the kitchen, making you a little lunch."

"Do you think they'll let you bring it up to me?"

"Not a chance. I'm surprised they're letting me call you."

"Yeah, I'm in the bathroom by myself at the moment, the first time all day."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too. Feels like weeks since you've kissed me, but it's only been a day."

"That will be all over, soon, and no one will ever keep us apart, ever again."

"Hey, I've got an idea."

"What's that?"

"I've got this really great dress, and I know there's a bunch of people coming over, so what do you say we get married today?"

"Hmmm... I don't know. Seems sudden. Can I think about it?"

"You've got approximately 3 hours, and I'm coming down those stairs in a wedding dress. Is that long enough to think about it?"

"I guess it will have to be. You'll have your answer when you get to the bottom of the stairs."

"I love you."

"I love you, too." He could hear Alice pounding on the bathroom door.

"Oops, gotta go. The torture team is back."

"Well, just make sure I can still recognize you when you come down the stairs."

"So you will be there? You don't need three more hours to think it over?"

"I've had the last ninety-odd years. I don't need another minute to know you're everything I'll ever need or want."

"Bella Swan, open this door!"

She ignored Alice's obvious irritation. "You really know how to melt a girl's heart, you know that?"

"Are you feeling dazzled, Miss Swan?"

"I am, Mr. Cullen."

"Then it's mutual. Ow! Alice! Stop that!" Edward rubbed the back of his head where Alice had slapped him.

"Give me the lunch tray, and hang up that phone. She has three hours, and her hair is still wet. Do you want me to get angry?"

"All right, all right. No need to resort to violence, Alice." He heard Bella laughing on the other end of the line.

"Love you, so much. See ya at the bottom of the stairs."

"Love you..." Alice yanked the phone out of his hand before he heard Bella say anything else.

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"I now pronounce you Husband, and Wife. You may kiss your bride."

Edward smiled broadly and brought his hands to Bella's face, gently dabbing away the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. One of her hands rested on his forearm, the other caressed his cheek. He whispered as he brought his lips to hers. "Wife." They kissed until they heard a few giggles and one catcall, probably from Mike Newton. They smiled against each other, and he brought his lips to her ear. "I love you today, and forever." She leaned her head into his lips and nodded 'yes.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen!"

A wave of affectionate sighs and applause greeted them as they turned to face their loved ones and friends. Bella's eyes were instantly drawn to her father, blotting his eyes with a white handkerchief, seated beside her mother, holding his free hand. Phil had his arm around her from the other side, and was beaming with pride. On Charlie's other side sat Billy and Jacob, both of them smiling warmly, with just a hint of sadness. Across the aisle sat her new family, the family that would shelter her and her husband for the rest of their existence, each of their beautiful faces glowing. She felt an enormous sense of humility and wonder at the world of which she was now a part, and was staggered that they were surrounded by such overwhelming love.

Edward leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Jasper says that's all real, he's just helping us feel it."

She nodded and looked Jasper in the eye, blowing him a tiny kiss. He smiled and looked away.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen walked down the aisle, surrounded by their loved ones and giddy in the moment.

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She hung on for dear life as Billy twirled her around, managing to dance with her even from his wheelchair. She rested her head on his shoulder and thought he would have made a wonderful father-in-law, then realized he still would, just for someone else.

"Hey, old man. It's my turn."

Bella looked up to find Jacob holding out his hand to her, the other clamped tightly on the back of his father's chair. She smiled and took Jake's hand, but hugged Billy before standing.

"You've always been like another daughter, Bells. Forgive me... I guess I still held out a little hope."

She kissed him on the cheek.

Jake ran his fingers down her arm, and pulled her up from his father's lap. She smiled and placed her other hand in his as she stood, then turned to scan the room in search of Edward. She saw him off to one side, standing close to Charlie, deep in conversation. Edward saw her, smiled and nodded.

Jake turned her in his arms, swaying to the music. "It feels weird to have my arms around you and think of you as someone else's wife." His voice broke with the last few words.

"I'm so sorry, Jake."

"Look, uh, I don't really feel like dancing. Can we go find some place to just sit for a few minutes?" He tried to discreetly wipe his eyes, but Bella saw him and frowned.

"Yeah, sure. There's some chairs out back on the terrace, around the fire pit." She led him through the crowd of people, out onto the patio. A fire was crackling, warming her against the early evening chill. The sun was just beginning to set, lengthening the shadows of the house and surrounding trees. They sat side-by-side on a wide bench.

"Bella, I - dammit." He turned away and rubbed his hand across his face.

"Oh, Jake." Bella put one arm around him, pressing his head down onto her shoulder. She caressed his face once, then began to run her fingers over his inky hair. "She's out there for you somewhere, the one that's just for you. You'll find her. Besides, you're too good a catch to be alone for long."

He smiled weakly and shuffled his feet. "Sure, right."

She heard a small metallic squeak behind them and Jacob sat up stiffly, wiping his face.

"Hey, son, I'm kinda beat, you about ready to call it a night?"

He cleared his throat before answering. "Yeah, sure, Dad. I'll be there in a sec."

Billy blew her a kiss, then turned and wheeled away without another word.

Bella stood, and pulled Jake up with her. "Come on, I need to get back in there or Alice will have my head."

They walked hand in hand to the front of the house, where Billy waited, speaking to Carlisle and Charlie. Edward approached them from the living room just as they got to the door. Jacob turned to face him and stuck out his hand. Edward stepped forward and took it with both of his.

"Take care of her."

"That is my sole purpose."

Bella stroked Jacob's cheek one last time and patted Billy's shoulder as they went through the door.

Alice's insistent voice cut through the air. "Where is she? Bella! It's time! Get up here this minute unless you plan to spend the night at SeaTac waiting for another flight."

Edward pulled her into his arms and kissed her far more passionately than was prudent given the number of people nearby. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, and the other low on her back, pressing them tightly together. She felt his arousal stirring, and groaned into his kiss. They heard several people in the living room laugh, and Emmett muttering 'get a room.'

Bella felt a hand on her arm, pulling her away, and she fought the urge to swat at the hand.

"Isabella Marie. Come on now, you don't want to travel in that dress. Trust me."

Edward broke the kiss and smiled. He leaned in and whispered, "I was so looking forward to taking it off you myself, but it looks like Alice and your mother have other plans."

"I'm sure I can find something else in my suitcase you'll enjoy removing. All in good time." She smiled and held his hand as she walked away, touching fingertips until he was out of reach. Alice, Rose, Esme and Renee ushered her up the stairs, giggling.

Carlisle clamped a hand on his shoulder. "Your clothes are in my room, son. Go get changed. You don't want to keep her waiting. I'll see to your luggage."

Within 30 minutes they were making their way down the front steps, pelted by birdseed. They climbed into the Volvo laughing, still hearing the shouts and good wishes of their families through the glass. They shared a quick kiss for their audience before Edward revved the engine and honked the horn as they drove away.

"Stop at my house for a minute, okay?"

"Bella, we really don't have time for a quickie, if that's what you're after. We really do need to get to the airport."

"No, I have birdseed in my bra, and I'm not wearing these shoes to traipse through an airport."

He laughed and pulled into Charlie's driveway.

"Come on, I'll be quick." She pulled an envelope out of her bag and placed it on the kitchen counter where Charlie would find it in the morning, then ran up the stairs to her room. Edward heard her laughing almost immediately.

He called up to her from the foot of the stairs, "What's the envelope?"

"Just a note for my dad, thanking him for being my dad."

"That's very sweet of you, love."

"Come here, you've got to see this."

He walked into her room and found her sitting on the edge of the bed with a note in her hands.

B -

Send Edward out of the room. The bra matches your panties. Humor me. Shake the birdseed out and put it back on. If you really feel you must change, you may wear the pale blue sweater and the jeans we just bought, and these sandals should be more comfortable on the plane. NO CHUCKS.

I love you!

- A

"Matches your panties, huh?"

"Out, out. I'll be down in a second, okay?"

He kissed her on the cheek and laughed as he walked away, closing the door softly behind him.

She changed clothes again, shaking out the birdseed and putting the bra back on as instructed. The sandals were perfect, soft enough leather not to make her worry about wearing new shoes all over an airport. Airport. She still had no idea their destination.

Edward was waiting by the car wearing a huge, very smug, grin.

Eighteen hours, four airports, three first class flights and one cab ride later, They were standing on a dock at a marina in Rio De Janeiro, the sun setting behind their backs, loading their luggage into what looked like a very fast boat.

"A boat, Edward?"

"Last leg, love, I promise. After this, we're done."

"So the boat isn't our destination?"

"This one's built for speed, not comfort. There's no proper cabin."

"So, how much longer?"

"Less than an hour. Here, watch your step." He held her hand as he helped her board.

The throaty rumble of the engines surprised her, and he let out a laugh. Once they were out of the marina, he opened up the throttle. She could tell by his expression that he relished the wind in his face. True to his word, within half an hour she saw a cluster of lights flickering on the horizon, which soon transformed into an island, with one large house, and an endless sweep of sandy beach.

Bella gasped. "Edward!"

"This, my love, is Isle Esme, and it's all ours for as long as we wish."

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A/N:

Thank you for reading. You know what's next! I love reading all your thoughts and observations as they move forward!

February 2012: chapter re-edited for minor content and dialogue refinement. Endless thanks to my beta, Fatally Obsessed.