Japanese vocabulary

Nanda/ Nani? What?

Wakatta? Understood?

Hai, hai…Yes, yes…

Ja naSee you later

Shimatta Shit!

Gomen = I'm sorry

Ne? Right?

Chapter 12- From Darkness Shall Come Light

When Kakashi arrived at the hospital soon after the sun rose, he could immediately feel that something was wrong. The nurses were running around like mice, and he could hear a familiar voice scream above his head. Though he couldn't understand what it was saying, Kakashi's heart jolted as he recognized it at once.

"Sakura…!" he breathed out, his eyes wide with concern.

Without wasting time, Kakashi ran to the stairs and climbed to the third floor as fast as he could. As he approached the source of the voice, Kakashi started understanding what Sakura was shrieking.

"Get the hell out of my way, you bunch of useless idiots! I am sick for just a couple of days and that's enough for you all to screw the fuck up!"

"Yare, yare, what the hell is going on?" Kakashi wondered out loud, climbing the last steps. He arrived in front of the door and opened it, stepped in the corridor…

…and there he got hit by a train…

…or so it felt.

A pink and white ball crashed right into him and sent him fly to the ground where he fell hard on his back, wincing in pain as his breath got temporarily cut off.

"Arr…"

"Kakashi-senseiii!" a feminine voice hurled into his ears.

When he opened his eyes, he immediately wished he hadn't, for the sight of a very pissed off Sakura was enough to make the Akatsuki convert to humanitarian work. Her entire face was as red as a tomato, so much that it almost matched her messy hair. Her forehead and temps were striated by angry veins, and her immense, green eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets. Sai, as well as several nurses were gathering around them, not knowing what to do, as though they were trying to tame a fierce animal that had just got loose.

"What are you doing out of your room?! Who allowed you to get out of bed?!" Sakura bellowed on top of her lungs, straddling Kakashi and agitating a dangerous index in front of his masked nose.

"Ehh?! Nan-Nanda?!" Kakashi stuttered.

"Kakashi-san, Sakura-san has…" Sai started.

"Naruto has disappeared!" Sakura wailed on the verge of tears, her eyes wide in fear.

"Nani?!" Kakashi gasped.

Sakura's eyes hardened again and she glared a hole in Kakashi.

"Why the hell are you half naked?!"

Kakashi opened his eyes even wider, not understanding a word of what Sakura was saying. He looked at himself to make sure that he hadn't forgotten to put pants before going out of his apartment, and confirmed that Sakura was indeed delirious.

"Sakura, sweetie, I'm not…" Kakashi started, raising his hands up in defense.

"I knew I had to watch over him…I knew it, I knew it…"Sakura whined again, hitting Kakashi's chest and closing her eyes.

She seemed completely out of it, hopping from one subject to another, she barely seemed to know where she was. Now that he thought of it, Kakashi realized that Sakura was casting an abnormal amount of heat. Ignoring his body which was screaming in pain from head to toe, Kakashi put the back of his hand on Sakura's forehead, and his eyes widened when he felt that she was indeed burning up. He cast dismayed look at Sai.

"Yes, she got a bad fever during the night, and to top it all, Naruto-kun has disappeared from his room and she found out…" Sai said, trying to approach the seething Sakura to catch her in his arms.

Sakura was still babbling incoherently, hitting Kakashi's chest, and the silver-haired man realized that the nurses were tense and that he had to ask them to leave so he could try to calm Sakura down.

"All right I want everyone out of here except Sai-kun. I will handle this." Kakashi ordered calmly but with authority. The puzzled nurses looked at each other, but they obeyed and fell back towards the end of the corridor. Then Kakashi dove a hand into Sakura's soft hair and smoothed her messy strands.

"Shhhhhh…Easy, my sweet Sakura-chan, just tell me what happened", he soothed with a tender voice.

"I-I heard the nurses say that…Th-that Naruto-kun was…" Sakura gasped, tears leaking from her eyes.

"Maaa…I'm here, don't be afraid…Go ahead…" Kakashi encouraged her, wiping the tears on his cheeks with his thumbs.

Yet again, Sakura's behavior changed completely and she crashed her index on Kakashi's nose.

"Why aren't you resting in your bed?!" She asked in a terrifying voice.

"Ehh?!"

"NARUTO HAS DISAPPEARED!" she shrieked.

Kakashi knew he had to do something to calm her down. He could feel that her chakra was a mess and he was starting to fear she would die of a heart attack.

He took her head into his long hands and forced her to look at him.

"Sakura-chan, look at me. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. Calm down…"

"How the Hell can you tell me to calm down?!"

"Maaa! First because you are sick and burning up, and second because I think I know where Naruto went. Come on, breathe with me, all right? On three…One…Two…Three…"

Maintaining her head in his hands, Kakashi took a deep breath under his mask and encouraged Sakura to follow him. The young woman never let go of his eyes, but Kakashi could feel that her heart was racing. He caressed her hair slowly, and as Sakura kept looking at him, he started spinning his Sharingan…

…but even though Sakura was sick and delirious, she was still excellent at Genjutsu.

Before he could make a move, Sakura crashed her hand on his eye.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? SHANNARO!"

Kakashi winced in pain and covered his left eye with his hands.

"Aooow! Sakura-chaaan!" he whined, suddenly understanding what Naruto felt when Sakura took it out on him.

"DON'T YOU SAKURA-CHAN ME! I'M TELLING YOU THAT NARUTO IS IN DANGER AND THERE YOU ARE TRYING TO HYPNOTIZE ME! I WON'T…MMF!"

Her voice suddenly got muffled in Kakashi's shirt as the man, desperate, had grabbed the back of her head and forced her face down into his chest. He held her tight while she struggled in his embrace, and he wrapped both his arms around her head to engulf her completely in his muscled torso.

"Shhhhh, okay, okay, I'm sorry…I'm sorry Sakura, I am really sorry. I just want you to calm down, wakatta?" he bent his head slightly forward to whisper near Sakura's ear.

The young girl seemed to let out a particularly nasty word, and flattened her hands against his stomach in an attempt to push him away, but Kakashi kept her against him and closed his eyes.

"Shhhh, theeere…Theeere…Caaalm down…Shhhhh…" he sang, maintaining his arms wrapped tight around her head.

Sakura let out a deep sigh between his pectorals, but she stopped struggling. Kakashi felt her heartbeat was starting to slow down. He laid a kiss in her hair.

"Naruto is not in danger, I know where he went. I will find him, I promise."

"Mcmthff!"

"Ehh?"

Kakashi loosened his embrace so that Sakura could disengage her face from his pectorals and rest her cheek on them to speak intelligibly.

"I'm coming with you."

Kakashi winced. He didn't want to lie to her, and of course he couldn't take her with him, but he couldn't tell her he wasn't going to take her with him either, or she would blow a fuse again. His mind racing, he grabbed her head and turned it again to encase her face back in his chest and prevent her from speaking.

"First I want you to calm down. Then we'll see."

"Mmssmfmff…" Sakura protested between his pectorals.

"Hai, hai…" Kakashi said, even though he hadn't caught what nasty name she had just called him.

He held her encased in his pectorals for a long time, caressing her softly and shushing her. As her breath was starting to even, Kakashi thought that he had no other choice but putting her to sleep, as there was absolutely no chance she would accept staying in her bed with Sai while Kakashi went to fetch Naruto. Slowly, he started humming a song. His deep, beautiful voice rose in the corridor, and he kept caressing Sakura while holding her tight to him. He could feel that her entire body was sagging against him, and that she was progressively lowering her defenses. Slowly, he positioned his hand just above a precise point between her neck and the beginning of her spine. Seeing what he was doing, Sai held his breath. Swiftly, Kakashi pushed the pressure point and let out a shot of chakra from his fingers into Sakura's nerves. Sakura had a small whimper of surprised, then she became completely still against Kakashi, who sighed and lifted his forehead protector to wipe his forehead.

"Oh boy, I need to have my ass replaced by a metal one before she wakes up and finds out about what I've just done", he said.

Sai bent down and lifted the immobile young woman in his arms. Discretely, he cradled her head to his chest and squeezed her tightly, which didn't go unnoticed by Kakashi. Then the boy raised a stoic face to Kakashi, which contrasted formidably with his sentence.

"I am indeed positively certain about the fact that she is going to take your ass somewhere and then give it to you when she wakes up."

Kakashi looked at him, completely puzzled, wondering whether Sai was delirious too.

"What?!"

"Err… I mean she is going to kill you. I guess I didn't said that right…"

Kakashi thought for a second then his eyes enlightened.

"Oh! You mean she's going to hand my ass over to me?"

Sai had a sincere, bright smile.

"Yes! That's it! That's the idiom I was looking for."

Kakashi let out a bark of laughter.

"Yes Sai, I am much aware of the fact that my ass is going to be handed over to me, thank you".

"Maybe you should flee to another country." Sai said, still stoicly.

Kakashi looked at him, surprised.

"Did you just make a joke, Sai?"

"Actually I did, Kakashi-san. Was it good?"

"Hilarious. I almost wet my pants. Keep it up, Sai-kun, I'm sure one day you'll be funnier than me."

Sai had a sincere, heartwarming smile, and he clutched Sakura tighter to him like a child holding his most precious thing. Kakashi got up on his feet and laid a hand on Sai's shoulder.

"All right Sai, I see that I can leave Sakura to you, please make sure that fever gets down, I don't like that at all." He said.

"Hai, Kakashi-san, I will not leave her for a second, and I will call the doctors back right away."

"Good, then I am off to find Naruto. Ja na!"

Before flying out of the hospital, Kakashi stopped a nurse in the corridor and asked her for a blanket, telling her it was an emergency. The nurse led him to a cupboard full of furnitures, and Kakashi grabbed a thick, blue blanket before thanking the nurse and running away. The sun had just risen, and the air was bright but slightly chilly, and the soft, pink light was already flooding the streets. Without losing a second, Kakashi headed towards the place he knew Naruto was.

Konoha's cemetery.

Naruto…You are trying to do this by yourself, but I won't let you. I want to be there for you. Wait for me, I'm coming.

When he arrived at the cemetery, he stopped running and headed straight towards where Jiraiya had been buried. There, he stopped dead in his tracks as his heart clenched painfully in his chest.

Naruto was kneeling before the tombstone, as Kakashi had predicted. He was completely still, and his head was slightly bowed forward.

Kakashi took a deep breath.

All right…That's it. Finally, the time has come.

The silver-haired man walked up to Naruto.

As he expected it, Naruto had run away from the hospital in his light hospital gown. As a result, he was shivering under the cold air. Slowly, Kakashi put the blanket over his shoulders, without saying a word. Then he sat next to him and waited.

Naruto didn't say anything.

The two men remained sitting there for a few minutes, silently.

Discretely, Kakashi observed Naruto, and his heart broke when he saw that Naruto's face was covered in silent tears.

Yet the blonde wasn't sobbing.

The tears were just rolling on his face, spilling from his eyes, in an endless, heartbroken fall.

He was looking at the tombstone, and his eyes were vague, unfocused.

He seemed completely out of it, and an immense feeling of misery and weariness was issuing from him.

When Kakashi lowered his eyes to the blonde's hands, his eyebrows rose slightly.

Naruto was holding a popsicle, while another was resting down on the grave.

The boy still wouldn't say anything, and Kakashi knew he had to somehow make him talk.

He cleared his throat.

"Yo…"He whispered gently.

Naruto turned his head towards him, but his eyes remained turned to the ground.

"Hey, sensei…"He mouthed in a tiny murmur.

He turned back to the tombstone, and Kakashi's eyes saddened.

It was difficult for him to see Naruto so demolished. He looked as though all life had been sucked out of him, leaving nothing but an empty shell who would never laugh again. Kakashi almost wished Naruto would tell him to piss off. He almost regretted the time when Naruto would yell at him and insult him. Hell, he would even be glad if the boy tried to hit him right now.

He would take anything, anything but this sad, broken silence, anything but these endless tears that kept pouring from his eyes without ever stopping, sliding along his nose and falling down on the grave in a tiny, discrete sparkle of light.

A few more minutes went by.

Naruto was still completely immobile, and the tears kept falling.

Kakashi bit his tongue and raised his face to the sky, thinking hard about what on earth he could tell him. There he was, sitting next to Naruto, about to achieve his goal and push Naruto to express his feelings. He had been obsessed with that moment for months. He and Naruto had gone through so many emotions in three months. Naruto had yelled at him, insulted him, he had learned to trust him again, and then he had literally tried to kill him. Kakashi had spent hours and hours thinking about what he would do and say when Naruto would be ready to open his heart to him. He had made plans, he had built entire speeches in his head.

Yet now all words seemed so futile.

What could he possibly tell the boy?

Losing someone was one of the most dreadful ordeals of life. Kakashi himself had never really got over the loss of his loved ones. How on earth could he comfort Naruto now when himself was so broken inside?

Kakashi sighed.

Maybe there was nothing to say.

Maybe some things just couldn't be planned and really intellectualized.

Listening to his heart, he raised his hand and slowly, hesitantly, he started rubbing Naruto's back through the blanket, drawing soothing circles, hoping that it would incite the boy to talk to him.

It didn't.

"Maa…What's with the popsicles? It's kind of chilly nowadays to eat ice-cream, isn't it?" Kakashi asked very gently, almost as though he was afraid to frighten the boy with his voice. He was trying to get him to say anything. Naruto being all sad and silent was just so wrong. It was just as if the world had suddenly gone backwards, as though the sun had gotten sick and had refused to rise that day.

Yet this time it seemed to work.

Naruto lowered his eyes towards the ice lollies.

"Ero-sennin, he whispered in a barely audible voice, he…he used to buy these and give me one after training…He…He would always split them in two and give me one of them…The…that particular gesture…It was like hem…some kind of ritual I guess...I don't know…"

Kakashi bit his lip in anxiety. Naruto seemed so far away, locked in a world filled with melancholy and nostalgy, a world where all light had faded away and where Naruto was roaming like a lost, blind soul.

Ma, at least he did say something…Good job Kakashi…, Kakashi ironised in his head.

"It's also the…the last thing he gave me before…"

Naruto fell silent again, and he didn't say anything else for several minutes. He closed his eyes, and new tears spilled over his whiskered cheeks, while his chin started trembling very slightly.

Kakashi sighed and decided to go straight to the point.

"Maa…Look Naruto, I would like you to talk to me. Just…Tell me anything. You need to get all of this off your chest, and I'm here to listen to you. Remember after the funeral, I told you I would be there for you. Well I'm here, I'm right here…Talk to me. Talk to me, Naruto-chan."

Again, Naruto didn't utter a word. Kakashi kept caressing his back, softly and tenderly.

"Please, Naruto, let me help you. Let me be there for you. Let me comfort you. You know that my arms are always open to you." He said with his deep voice.

His words and the slow, comforting running of his hand on his back finally seemed to reach the boy's heart. The question he asked Kakashi made the silver-haired man want to cry.

"He…He suffered, didn't he, sensei?"

Naruto's voice was filled with so much misery that Kakashi could literally hear his own heart break to a thousand of pieces. His hand flew up to Naruto's hair to caress it softly.

"Oh, Naruto-chan…Don't think like that, please…" he whispered, his throat tight.

"I mean…You have seen his…His body…, Naruto went on, closing his eyes in a pained wince, he must have suffered so much…"

"Shhh, shhh, shhh…You're hurting yourself, Naruto-kun…" Kakashi murmured, running his hand up and down Naruto's skull, kneading his neck.

Naruto sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, but the tears kept falling on his cheeks.

"He…He died alone…I…I wish I had been with him…Just…Just to…hold his hand when he…" He said with difficulty, his voice trembling as well as his lips.

He let out a small, painful sob and hid his face in his hand. He turned slightly away from Kakashi, as though he was ashamed. The jounin's face filled with deep sorrow, and he came closer to Naruto, wrapping his arm aroung the boy's shoulders, determined not to let him hide from him anymore.

"Jiraiya was not alone when he died. Fukasaku was with him. Remember what I told you? None of this is your fault, Naruto…Jiraiya didn't want you to see him go."

Naruto gasped as he strangled on another sob, his face still hidden in his hand. Kakashi shushed him softly, squeezing him against him in a one-armed embrace.

"Shhhh…Easy…Easy…."he murmured in Naruto's ear.

Naruto was shivering, and his chest was rising and falling irregularly, violently, as the sobs were growing inside of him.

"I…I just can't believe his gone…I…It's…It's so unfair…"

Naruto's voice died in his throat and his hand clenched around the popsicle, as though Naruto kept clinging on to Jiraiya's memory, as though he was trying to find Jiraiya's essence through that particular symbol that had been such a tight link between them. Kakashi closed his eyes and put his lips into Naruto's hair, giving him a long, comforting kiss.

"Shhh…I know…I know…It's going to be difficult, Naruto, I won't lie to you. But I will be here all the WHOArglff…!"

Kakashi couldn't finish his sentence. Suddenly, he found himself tackled on the ground as Naruto had thrown the blanket away and flung his arms around Kakashi's neck, burying his face into his strong shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei…I'm so sorry…I'm so s-sorry for everything I did to you and the others…I…G-God…I almost k-killed you…"He cried out hastily, as though he was drowning and clinging to Kakashi for dear life.

He let out another heartbroken sob, and Kakashi, whose face was taking a worrying shade of blue as he couldn't breathe anymore, managed to sit down and ease Naruto's grip on his neck. There, he re-wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes, hugging him tight.

"It's okay, Naruto…It's okay…It's over now, I'm fine, and I'm right here with you. Shhh, it's over…I'm not going anywhere…" he whispered in the blonde ear.

Steadily, Naruto's sobs grew more violent, and he started hiccupping through his words.

"I…I m-miss him so much, s-sensei…Oh god I…I-m-miss him…"

That's when the dam broke.

After three months of fighting, the dam broke, and the enormous pain just flowed out, devastating Naruto's body which sagged completely against Kakashi, as though it was carried away by an immense wave pouring out of his heart.

He was overwhelmed by deep, long sobs that shook his entire frame, nearly suffocating him. Kakashi's eyes watered as he received the colossal strength of Naruto's pain straight into his heart. It was terrifying, maddening, crushing, inexpressible. Yet he swallowed his own sorrow and crushed Naruto to him in a protective, desperate embrace.

"Maaa…I know… Oh, Naruto-kun, I know, I know, I know…Shhhhh…." he whispered.

While crushing Naruto's face into his shoulder with one hand, Kakashi twisted his body to retrieve the blanket that had fallen to the ground. Then he managed to make Naruto's face slide from his shoulder to his chest by passing his arms over the blonde's. Naruto found himself tucked against Kakashi's chest, crushing the popsicle to his own screaming heart. There, Kakashi wrapped the boy into the blanket, emprisonning his arms and body.

"There…In my arms now…Come here…" he whispered when Naruto was enveloped in the blanket. He grabbed the back of the blonde's head and shoved his face right into his chest, tucking his nose neatly between his pectorals. His other hand came around his back to force him further into the tender and loving embrace, and he set his chin on top of his head, swallowing him into his arms. Naruto let out a long, painful howl, muffled in the depths of Kakashi's broad, muscular pectorals, and the older man buried his face further into his chest, stroking his hair.

"Maaa…I'm here…I'm here now…Let it out, Naruto…Let it all out…"

Naruto's face shot up from Kakashi's pectorals, all his body shaking, his voice being nothing more than a desperate wail.

"I-It hu-hurts so m-much, s-sensei…I…I c-can't st-stand the p-pain…" Naruto strangled on his sobs.

"Shhh-shhh-shhh-shhh…"

Kakashi pushed the back of his head to force his face back between his pectorals and feathered light kisses in the golden hair. He stroked his head tenderly, resuming his rocking motion, soothing Naruto like a small child, keeping his face prisoner of his muscles.

"Shhhh...I know. And I know you're scared. I know it seems like you can't survive so much pain. But you have to let it out, Naruto, or it will eat you alive. Let it all go out here, in my chest. Don't be ashamed. I'm here to hold you, and there's no one here but me."

Naruto hid his face further into Kakashi's chest, hiding from the world, nestling deeper and deeper in the arms of his friend and sensei, desperate to feel his arms hold him tight to prevent him from shattering to pieces. It felt as though he couldn't breathe, as though he was drowning in the infinity of the chasm that Jiraiya's death had opened in his heart, and in which he had dived at last. He thought he was going to go mad with the pain, with the terror that Jiraiya's disappearance inspired him, and he tried desperately to focus on Kakashi's warmth and solidity. Kakashi was holding him through the darkness, and the smell of his body as well as the sound of his heart beating were the only things that seemed to keep Naruto from falling apart. He sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed, so much he thought his heart would burst, so much he thought his entire face was dissolving under his tears. Little by little, he let out heart wrenching screams that he couldn't even hold back anymore, that just seemed to be breaking out of his throat against his own will. Yet Kakashi had him completely engulfed in his arms, his face smothered inside his chest, and Naruto felt like he could indeed let his grief out, without anyone hearing his shameful sobs.

Kakashi kept hugging him dearly and protectively, as though he was trying to extract all his pain just by squeezing him as tight as he could. He listened to the long, harrowing rhythm of his cries, closing his eyes, trying to take all the pain into his heart by pressing Naruto's face to his chest. He kept rocking him slowly, tenderly, occasionally kissing the blonde hair, shushing him and whispering sweet words to his ear, holding him as close as he could.

"Shhhh, eaaaasy….Eaaasy…I'm here... I'm here with you…Shhhh…"

Again, he remembered that night he had been crying alone on the bench under the rain and the silver light of the moon high in the sky. He remembered how devastated he had been that night, how his heart had seemed to crumble to pieces as he thought about his father that would never hold him again. Again, he remembered how Minato had given him warmth and tenderness that night, how he had offered him his arms for just an instant. He told himself that he would certainly have avoided many mistakes in his life if someone like Minato had been there longer in order to hold him as he was growing up. As Naruto was hiccupping and wailing in his chest, he laid a long kiss in his hair, making a silent promise to Minato.

I swear on my life that I will never, ever let Naruto suffer alone anymore. I swear that I will always be there to hold him when he cries, to soothe his heart when it aches. This is my way to thank you for being there for me that night, Minato-sensei…

He raised his eyes to the sky while clutching Naruto to him, and his lips stretched to a soft, sad smile, as he let his silent words fly up to wherever Minato's soul was resting. Then he reported his attention to the boy in his arms, and set his chin back on the top of his head, resuming his rocking motion and soft shushing, closing his eyes with devotion so he could focus better on the feeling of the boy's face pressed deep into his chest.

After a very long time, Naruto had no more tears to cry. Slowly, his sobs died down, and he finally fell silent, his eyes closed, breathing softly in Kakashi's chest. For a minute, Kakashi almost thought he had fallen asleep, but then Naruto sniffed and twisted in Kakashi's arms so he could snuggle one of his hands out of the blanket. There, he grabbed the bottom of Kakashi's shirt, thinking it was his own hospital gown and unceremoniously wiped his eyes and nose with it. Kakashi chuckled.

"Ma, I think I'll have to do my laundry after all…"

Naruto opened an eye, and when he realized his mistake, he had a soft gasp and tried to wipe the shirt with his gown.

"Oh, shimatta… Gomen, sensei…" he stuttered.

Kakashi smiled and took Naruto's hands away from his shirt.

"No need to apologize, it's okay…I was just kidding."

He grabbed Naruto's face and pressed his cheek back on his heart before kissing his temple.

"Well, obviously not about the fact that I do have to take care of my laundry, but anyway…"

It seemed to him that Naruto had a small, very soft giggle.

"Man do I understand you-ttebayo…" he answered.

Kakashi's heart missed a beat, and his eyes widened.

Ttebayo.

At last.

God, he had never been so happy to hear the little word.

At last, Naruto seemed to be slowly emerging from the darkness, like a sick man progressively coming back to light and life. At last, he seemed to be reinvesting his own body, his own soul, after the devastating storm that had nearly made him destroy everything he was.

Yet Kakashi knew the journey had actually just begun.

As though Naruto had heard his thoughts, the young boy talked again.

"Sensei…"

"Yes, Naruto-kun?" Kakashi answered with tenderness, keeping him trapped in his arms.

"How…How do you…you know…make the pain go away?" Naruto whispered.

Kakashi sighed and he held Naruto tighter.

"You don't, unfortunately…"

"What do you mean?"

Kakashi was still rocking the boy back and forth, pensively caressing his hair, his eyes wandering in the horizon.

"If I could take all the pain in your heart away, I would, Naruto….But there's no such thing. The loss of someone you love is…soul-crushing. It's a very long way, and some people struggle their entire life to cope with the pain. A loved one truly leaves a void in your heart, and that void will never fill again, because you cannot replace that unique person, you see? I mean…You and Jiraiya-sama had a special bond. You have lived many things together. You had your own universe, your own codes, and I know how much you loved him, as well as how much he loved you."

Kakashi could feel Naruto gulp and turn his face to bury it back between his pectorals. The silver-haired man felt new warm tears running through his shirt and touching his skin. He clenched his jaw, closed his eyes and rounded his shoulders so that his chest muscles would flex and engulf Naruto's face deeper in their protective embrace. Then he went on.

"The pain cannot go away, Naruto, but you will learn to live with it. You will learn to accept it as being part of your heart."

"But how?" Naruto asked in a muffled voice, his voice broken and shaking.

"Mmh…Everyone has an answer to that question you know…Mine is to fill the void with memories that you will treasure all your life. Concerning Jiraiya-sama, you can consider that a part of him still dwells in his books, as he poured his very soul in each and every word. I think you eventually come to think that you were lucky to know the people you loved and lost. You were lucky that these people made you change and become someone better. That's how I think that in a way, they will never disappear, because they will always influence your way of living. Personally, that is how I will remember Jiraiya-sama. He was a man I admired truly, not only because his books accompanied me for years, but also because he was an extraordinary person. I wish I had spent more time with him."

Kakashi marked a slight pause to lay a tender kiss in Naruto's hair, before he rested his masked cheek on it.

"I know you can't believe me now when I say that, but I promise you, Naruto-chan, that one day it will be okay. It seems impossible right now. It seems that the mountain is way too difficult to climb, but we all have to do it one day. And you're not alone, Naruto. I'm here to help you heal, as well as Sakura, Shikamaru, Iruka, Yamato and all the others. You are surrounded by many people who love you, and we will be there for you, always. And you will see that one day, even if you will never be the same, even though the pain will never truly leave your heart, it will become more like a discrete companion you will have learned to live with."

Kakashi fell slient, and his words lingered in the air for a short time, while Naruto was absorbing them. Kakashi patiently waited for Naruto's reaction, caressing his back, never stopping his rocking motion.

"Sensei…" Naruto whispered after a while.

"Yes, Naruto-chan?"

Naruto gulped, and Kakashi felt his hesitation. He frowned and held him tighter against his chest.

"You can tell me anything, Naruto. I will listen to you without judging you, I promise you. Talk to me, don't be afraid." He encouraged him while tangling and untangling his fingers in the golden hair, keeping Naruto's face pressed to his heart.

Naruto sighed.

"Last night…I…I saw Ero-sennin…" he whispered.

Kakashi kept rocking him and caressing him, keeping him close and warm.

"You mean you dreamt about him?" he asked with caution.

He felt Naruto shake his head against his chest.

"No…I mean…I don't know. I saw him and…He told me that…That I had to go on. He told me that I had to say goodbye. He…"

Naruto's voice strangled in his throat, and Kakashi wiped the new tear that had sprung out of Naruto's eye by caressing his face with tenderness, not saying a word, just listening to his cherished blonde.

"He felt so real, sensei. I…I held him so tight in my arms. I tried to stop him from leaving. I tried so hard, but he was disappearing in my arms and…It was like I was…losing him again…I…I couldn't do anything but watch him leave…"

Naruto was interrupted by a heavy, painful sob that made his shoulders shake. Kakashi frowned sadly and crushed him in his arms, showering his hair with light, tender kisses.

"Oh…Naruto-chan…Shhhhh, easy…", he mouthed, his heart clenching.

Naruto sniffed into his chest and tried to speak through his tears, while his voice was muffled by Kakashi's arms and chest.

"Do you think it was o-only a dream, sen-sensei? Is…Isn't th-there a s-slight chance th-that…Th-that he w-was r-really th-there with me?"

Kakashi rocked him tenderly, rubbing soothing circles in his back. He gulped, and tried to temporarily distract Naruto with a small joke.

"Ma…It does look like him to bribe death with porn in order to get back to Earth, you know…"

It worked. Naruto let out a small giggle through his tears, and Kakashi smiled fondly, proud of himself. Yet of course, he knew that the very question he had been dreading the most was about to be asked, and he prepared himself to hear it. Indeed, Naruto's sorrow quickly overwhelmed him again, and through small hiccups, he asked the worst question he could ask Kakashi.

"I m-mean…I-Is there a ch-chance th-that he…that he still…e-exists somewhere? Is th-there a chance that…Th-that he is still…Th-there, somewhow?"

Kakashi closed his eyes and raised his head to the sky, his face contorted in pain.

That was it.

The worst question Naruto could ask.

He knew he couldn't lie to him, he had to tell him the truth, it was his duty as a sensei, but also as a friend. So he took a great inspiration, and his chest swelled under Naruto's face, swallowing his nose and lips further between its muscles.

Then, he answered.

"I won't lie to you, Naruto, to this day I honestly don't know if there is indeed a life after death. I don't know if Jiraiya's soul is still there somewhere. But not knowing is precisely what gives us hope, you know? Not knowing make us hope that the memories we cultivate in our heart will somehow keep the person we lost alive. I know that it sounds stupid but… I truly believe that you can become immortal if someone still thinks about you in this world, if someone still loves you even in the afterlife. That's what I believe. And maybe…Well maybe that flame you will keep alive in your heart will one day be what will reunite you with the people you lost when you join them."

Naruto sniffed and disengaged both his arms from the blanket to wrap them around Kakashi's torso, in a silent, loving gesture. Kakashi knew that the blonde couldn't find the words to express his feelings, and he just tightened both of his arms around Naruto's shoulders, hugging him fiercely. He knew that they were both thinking about the same thing. He knew that they were both thinking about how they would cope with each other's death one day. He knew they were both wondering how they would cope with Sakura and all of their dearest friends' deaths. And he knew none of them had the answer to that question, so they just kept hugging each other, trying to engrave that moment into their hearts and souls so it could be immortal. They kept holding each other without saying anything, because words were ephemeral, whereas feelings could maybe last forever. At this precise moment, whereas none of them knew what was waiting in the afterlife, both of them fiercely wanted to believe that the love they were feeling for each other would someday reunite them beyond death.

And maybe believing was the key.

After another long, silent moment of tenderness, Naruto sighed into Kakashi's chest.

"Sensei?"

"Yes, Naruto-chan?"

"How are you going to live without knowing the end of Icha-Icha Tactics?"

Taken aback for a moment, Kakashi's eyes widened, but then he threw his head backwards and let out a hearty, sincere laugh, before feigning a solemn voice.

"Ma, that is probably going to be the hardest ordeal of my entire life, but I'll manage."

He took Naruto's face into his hands and slowly disengaged it from his pectorals to raise it towards his own.

"And you will be here to help me cope with it, ne, Naruto?"

Naruto wiped his face in his hospital gown and had a feeble smile.

"Hai, sensei, I'll be there for you, you can count on it", he answered with sincerity, diving his red and plouchy eyes to Kakashi.

Kakashi smiled.

"As I will be there for you, all the way. I promise." He whispered.

Naruto had a beautiful, moved smile, and he wrapped his arms again around Kakashi's neck.

"Thank you, sensei. Thank you so much for being there for me." He whispered.

Kakashi frowned solemnly and hugged Naruto to him.

"You're very welcome, Naruto."

They remained embraced for a few more seconds, then Kakashi sighed.

"Okay, we'd better head back to the hospital…"

"Wait…Just…There's one last thing I have to do." Naruto said.

The blonde disengaged from the hug. He turned to the tombstone, and lowered his eyes to the popsicle that was still in his hand. Slowly, he laid it down next to the second one that was already resting on the Jiraiya's grave, putting them close enough so that they touched each other. He remained there a few instants, crossing his hands on his heart, bowing his head, his eyes closed. Kakashi waited until he was ready, respecting his moment of reverence.

While he was observing him, the jounin was suddenly struck by the beauty of the scene. Naruto was kneeling before the grave, and the rays of the dawn were bathing him in a warm, rosy light, making his hair shine like pure gold. His face was solemn, but it seemed more appeased, and somehow wiser. Something, again, shifted in Kakashi's heart, yet it was way too soon for him to realize that his feelings for Naruto were slowly, progressively changing more deeply that he could ever imagine.

Then the blonde opened his eyes again and stood up, a soft smile on his tired face.

"All right, I'm ready-ttebayo".

Kakashi ruffled his hair, and then came to bend in front of Naruto, inviting him on his back, like an old ritual.

"Lean on me, Naruto-chan." He said.

Naruto climbed on his back and wrapped his arms around his neck, pressing his cheek against his back and closing his eyes, letting out a satisfied sigh. Kakashi smiled softly. It seemed to him that he hadn't carried Naruto on his back for years, and he had missed it a lot. He adjusted Naruto's position, and started walking away from the grave.

"All right then let's go back before Sakura wakes up and blows the hospital up. She's been particularly pissed off when she found out you had disappeared, I must warn you that your ass is in for a serious beating...Well so is mine, I guess…"

"What? What did you do?" Naruto asked.

"Errr well let's say that I have mmh…Well I had to put her to sleep somehow. The same way I put you to sleep when you woke up in my arms last morning. I guess it's becoming a habit with you two!" Kakashi chuckled.

"Ehh?! What are you talking about ttebayo?"

Kakashi stopped in his tracks.

Oh right. I haven't told him about that famous morning.

He blushed hard and laughed awkwardly.

"Hahahaha, maaaa, I guess that's a long story."

"Tell me, ttebayo!"

"Later!"

"Kakashi-sensei!"

"I said, I will tell you lat…Ouch! What was that for?!" Kakashi asked as Naruto had punched him in the head.

"That's because you're being an ass. Now tell me."

Oh boy, I am doomed.

Kakashi sighed, but his entire being was being flooded with light and happiness, as he now knew one thing for sure. Even though the journey would be long and difficult, his Naruto was back.

While they were walking away, their souls closer than ever, they left behind them the two popsicles on Jiraiya's grave.

Slowly, they started melting together…

…until they finally joined as one, under the rising sun.

THE END

That's it, Popsicles is now finished. Thank you so much for having followed the story from the beginning, thank you for your encouragements and compliments. I truly hope you liked that story, as I personally had a lot of pleasure writing it. I'm sad it's over lol, but I do have many other ideas in mind, and Kakashi and Naruto will never stop loving each other anyway *hearts everywhere*. See you guys, and take care of yourselves until next time.