11: Awkward Mornings and Thorough Searches

I couldn't lose my only friend after I've only just found him. All this time I'd been slightly jealous of his living existence, but the truth is, I'm the lucky one; I couldn't die twice.

I'd lost track of time once again, at a time when I should have been keeping an eye on it. James had woken up unexpectedly fast, too fast in fact that I couldn't escape his room without being noticed.

"Lily!?" James said groggily whilst rubbing at his eyes, he still looked half asleep to me. He squinted in my direction and reached for his glasses on his bedside table blindly. I couldn't run now, I'd been spotted and there was no point in delaying the awkward conversation that we were about to have. "What are you doing here?! It's half past 7!"

"I, uh, got bored at the library," I mumbled.

"You got bored at the library," James parroted with a lot more sarcasm. "The library isn't the only other place outside of my house you know! There's a whole world out there!"

"I didn't know where else to go."

"Wait!" A look of horror passed James's face, "How long have you been there? Were you watching me sleep?!" James's agitation caused Shadow to screech angrily from her cage.

"Shh!" I hissed whilst listening carefully for any sign of movement from the next room over. James's mother had checked up on him last night before she went to bed herself, and as far as I knew, she was still sleeping. James seemed to cotton onto my thoughts.

"Why are you here, Lily?" he said quietly.

"Honestly?" I didn't want to lie to James, I was hoping that I'd just be able to leave before he'd woken up and he'd never know I was here.

"Yes," he replied whilst running his hands through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. He seemed a little impatient for my answer.

"I wanted to do some more research," I admitted. "I came here a couple of hours ago to look though your books-" his eyes darted towards his desk where I'd neatly stacked the said books before meeting mine again, "all of the stuff at the library wasn't very informative. They're written by people who don't consider ghosts being a normal occurrence and therefore don't have much information on them, or rather, useful information."

"Right," James said. He was still giving me a look of suspicion. "That's still creepy, Evans. You've sure got this haunting lark down, haven't you?"

"And what do you mean by that?" I asked sharply, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Well, ghosts and their lack of respect for boundaries!" James snapped back. He mimicked my actions by crossing his own arms.

"I wouldn't need to sneak in if your were being honest!" I took a step towards James which he followed by getting up from the edge of his bed. We where almost standing nose to nose to each other. I had to wonder if he was getting cold from being so close.

"I've been nothing but honest with you!" James hissed, I guess he was still conscious of his mother just on the other side of the wall.

"You haven't!" I didn't need to contain myself, only James could hear me shouting.

"When?" James asked. "When have I ever lied to you? If anything I've been nothing but trusting of you! I gave you the benefit of the doubt when I thought you were a figment of my imagination. I trusted and vouched for you when Sirius accused you of being a Death Eater spy!" I would have retorted but we both froze at the sound of someone moving around in the next room over.

We both tensed for what was to come but nothing could have prepared ourselves for Jennifer Potter's outburst of, "What the HELL are you doing James!" The woman was bedraggled and had clearly only just woken up. "Merlin's beard!" James looked thoroughly guilty and taken aback.

"Sorry," he replied meekly. I only just got out of the way in time for Mrs Potter to take my place in front of James's bed. She didn't look impressed, not one bit. I only noticed that she'd picked her wand up on the way to the bedroom when she placed her hands on her hips.

"Sorry!?" she half screeched. In that moment I was glad she wasn't my mother, she could be one scary woman when she was angry. "What in Merlin's name where you shouting about?! I thought you were being attacked by Death Eaters! Who were you even shouting at?" She stared at James and he stared right back, trying to think of an excuse. He looked briefly in my direction for an answer but I just folded my arms across my chest for the second time in the last ten minutes.

"I must have been talking in my sleep," James said almost too quickly for it to be believable but Mrs Potter fell for it anyway. I suppose there wasn't really any other explanation from her point of view, to her the room was empty, unless she thought someone was hiding in the wardrobe.

"That's not like you," she said in a calmer tone. "Are you coming down with something?" She gently placed the back of her hand against James's forehead but he brushed her hand aside before she could get the readings she wanted.

"I'm fine, mum." She looked a little doubtful for a while before heading back towards the door.

"Okay," she started, "you would tell me if something was wrong?" I felt sorry for both of the Potter's in that moment. Jennifer looked a little pleading as if she knew her son was hiding something and James looked a little guilty, like he wanted to tell her the truth. If James was telling me the truth all along then his mother probably would believe he'd gone mad if I wasn't the normal type of ghost witches and wizards came across.

I'd cooled off a little since Mrs Potter left. I'll admit that I was probably overreacting about calling James a liar but he was kind of lying to me by omission. I still knew hardly anything about the ghosts James was familiar with. How was I ever going to figure out my predicament if I didn't have all the facts. James had been withholding a lot of things from me, and now I was sick of it. He was just a teenager, he and Sirius couldn't help me on their own. They didn't even know what I was! I needed real help from someone experienced, someone who may have came across someone like me before. I'd follow James to his school without his permission if I had to. There'd be magical teachers there, teachers were experienced. I still wanted James to help me but if I had to find answers on my own then I would! Well, it would be a lot easier for James to help me if he wasn't too busy ignoring me. Ever since his mother had left the room, he shot me a dirty look and turned his back towards me. He wouldn't turn around even when I kept calling his name. He was well and truly angry with me now. I wasn't going to apologise for the argument, I still think I was within my rights to gain as much information about magic and ghosts as possible.

"James?" I asked tentative after a couple moments of silence. He didn't answer but I saw his back tense up so I knew he was listening. "You can't ignore me forever, James." Still nothing. Okay, I needed to try a different tactic. I concentrated on the items littering his desk, more specifically, the pile of books, old ink pots and quills. Using all of the energy I could muster, I pushed them all to the floor. They clattered and smashed to the floor, loudly. There, he couldn't ignore that.

"Lily!" James hissed. I'd only succeeded in making him even more angry but at least he wasn't ignoring me anymore. "Are you insane!? I've only just got my mum off my back by a barely well-thought out lie, how am I going to explain this one?" He bent down and carefully picked up most of the stuff I'd sent flying, the ink pots were a lost cause though, they'd shattered on impact. "Oh great! Just great! Forget ghost behaviour, you're more like a poltergeist. We have one at school, he's a menace. You know what, I can't wait until you sort yourself out. The sooner I'm rid of you the better!" He sent a glare my way. I'd really gotten him worked this time, maybe I'd made a mistake. "Why don't we start now?"

I don't know what transpired in the next ten minutes. How could a neatish room go from organised to a complete and total mess in a couple of minutes. Never mind ghosts, was there such thing as possession? James literally ripped the carpet up, well, as much as he could without the heavy furniture getting in the way. He then proceeded to, what it looked like, check for lose floorboards. When he didn't find everything, he started to raid his drawers, wardrobe and bedside tables. What had got him in such a frenzy, I wasn't sure but he was determined to find something. After a while, he gave up and sat back down on his bed. I was about to speak but James beat me too it. He looked me in the eye and whilst pointing to the door, he simply said "out" in a cold tone. Not one to overstay my welcome, or one to sit with a madman, I complied but waited outside. Mrs Potter wasn't anywhere to been seen, luckily for James.

I didn't have to wait too long outside before James emerged out of his room, fully dressed. When he spotted me waiting he scoffed in my direction. He walked through me to get to the staircase and walked down with conviction. Curiosity got the better of me and I followed him down.

"Mum, I'm going out!" he called out when he got to the front door. Without waiting for a reply, he left the Potter residence.

"James? What are you doing?" I said with concern. He was kind of scaring me now. Something I'd read in the library last night came back to me; the book had claimed that ghosts became attached to the families they haunted. I don't care that I'm not a conventional ghost, anyone would become attached to the first person they'd been able to communicate to in years. I shouldn't have made James so angry. "James," I called out but he still carried on walking, "James, I'm sorry!" I got no response. I hurried to catch up with him. I guess I just had to wait for whatever James was up to to play itself out. I eventually caught onto where he was heading. A place I hadn't been back to since that fateful day. It scared me a little. The things I'd read were coming back to haunt me. Most of the books agreed on one thing: sometimes ghosts existed because they had unfinished or they didn't know they were dead or they simply held onto too tight and didn't want to let go. What if my presence at the river would cause me to fade away? I didn't want to go, not now, I definitely wasn't ready. "James, please!" I don't know for whose benefit I was pleading for now. I was scared for me and for what James was about to do. Had I driven him insane?

"You want answers!" James voice was equally pleading now as he shouted back at me. He sounded like he was on the verge of a breakdown.

"Yes, but not like this!" I wanted to reach out a drag him back to the house, although I hated to admit it but there was a part of me that wanted James to go through with this. I might find the truth at the river but I wanted James to be in the right frame of mind before he attempted anything. James just stormed on ahead, coming to the entrance gate to the park. Apprehension bubbled up inside of me, a nervous thrill shot through my stomach and I didn't think I'd be possible for a dead girl but I felt sick. The day was nicer when I drowned. Was James stupid enough to die the same way I did? It certainly seemed like it as he made a beeline towards the River Fresh.


A/N: Another quick chapter, although, I'll probably start updating less often once I go back to work but I'm going to make myself at least update once a week. I've already wrote half of the next chapter though, so you don't need to worry about the next update.

Thank you again to those who have reviewed and followed. I'd also like to thank my long-time readers for being patient with me. =)