We are far too screwed up for a goddamned love triangle.


After their agreement, Yumichika warmed up to him considerably. Sure he was still stoic, quiet, and sometimes cruel out of nervousness, but at least he actually acknowledged Ikkaku's presence now, which was more than he'd hoped for.

Yumichika seemed to be more comfortable if Ikkaku behaved as if nothing had changed, as if there weren't romantic feelings between them again, like they really were just two students working on a project together, but Ikkaku knew better. He saw the way Yumichika looked at him. He knew that Yumichika would cave in eventually and let him love him without holding back.

They worked in the library until the weekend, which Yumichika had hesitantly said that he could come over on, after a certain time.

After that phone conversation with Renji, Ikkaku put together that Kaa being controlling might be the reason for Yumichika's shyness, it might be his reason for staying at home so much. He knows Yumichika adores his boyfriend.

Ikkaku didn't really know much about the man, but he'd seen him that time when Kaa had found them talking together. He'd approached, grinning to have Yumichika under his arm, and Yumichika had immediately turned cruel and cold towards Ikkaku, denying that there was anything between them. Ikkaku could understand that part, as this was all supposed to be secret, but the way Yumichika looked at Kaa with such devotion and adoration was a little intimidating. Ikkaku hoped that one day Yumichika would love him as much as Kaa. Maybe if he'd been braver as a child, he and Yumichika would have been together today.

But still, he didn't know for sure if Renji was right. It was his word against that of the entire campus, who adored Kaa. He couldn't judge the guy on that, even though he believed that Renji wasn't purposefully lying or something. Maybe he was just overprotective of his senpai or something and was imagining things.

Most of their project had been completed, and they were planning to finish the rest of it that weekend at Yumichika's house. Ikkaku was pleased to note that their little friendship didn't disappear and was continuing along quite nicely. Yumichika let him sit next to him in class and would let him talk endlessly about any and everything, seeming to be actually interested. Yumichika didn't reply with much at first, but he listened, sometimes with a smile.

Their relationship didn't progress much by way of touching, even though now they were always spending time together out in the snow or in coffee shops or libraries. Yumichika would have to suddenly leave at times to make absolutely sure that his lover knew nothing of all this, and Ikkaku was still okay with it being a secret. It would all be worth it. It would all be worth it just to see that smile, to open up Yumichika's heart a little further.

When the call had come, Ikkaku picked up immediately, listening to Yumichika's hurried whispered instructions. Ikkaku had been excited when Yumichika revealed that his lover was going to be gone for the whole weekend visiting family, and that he could come over and spend the night if he chose, as long as he would be sure to leave no evidence. He was ecstatic at the opportunity to sleep over at Yumichika's house, glad that Yumichika had decided to take the risk for him.

They hadn't been able to spend any time together truly being alone, and they were both at their wit's ends, especially Yumichika, who was extremely harrowed from trying to hide all this. Ikkaku was happy to finally be able to see his sweetheart's home; maybe he'd even be able to kiss him again.

Ikkaku wrote down a list of exactly what he was bringing so that he could be sure to bring it all home with him – it's nervewracking, but exciting.

It had been so long, so long without even brushing their hands together or even hinting at their feelings. Ikkaku had waited years. It had all been friendship, with their hearts burning silently for one another, and Ikkaku was dying to hold him. All he wanted was more of that feeling. He knew Yumichika felt it too, he must, or he wouldn't be taking such a risk.

Some dark secret part of Ikkaku was rearing its head too. It was a deep obsessive want for Yumichika that was stronger than ever, and it was giving him bad, bad thoughts. Ikkaku wanted to do things to Yumichika; he wanted to love him so badly.

Christmas was coming up in about a month and a half, and Ikkaku was already anticipating the party at Ichigo's house with all their friends. A few of them did mention that it had been years since Yumichika had come, and they didn't bother extending invitations anymore, having been let down too many times. Ikkaku suggested to Renji that they try anyway, because he had a feeling that Yumichika felt abandoned and alone, and just wanted to know that they still cared, that they still missed him and would still take him back if he chose.

Ikkaku could see how much Renji missed Yumichika, and how much Yumichika had been worrying him with his strange demeanor. It had been years since Yumichika had acted like himself, and Renji was beginning to lose hope that Yumichika would ever leave that man.

Ikkaku would work on it. He'd get Yumichika to come to some sort of agreement this weekend. He'd confess his love verbally again, and then maybe Yumichika would fully give him his heart.


A day had passed, and Renji was finally ready to take Ichigo out on a date. He'd pecked his orange hair in the morning to wake him up and had called him sweet names and made him a bowl of cereal. Ichigo had done that stupid thing where he would blush, curse, and hit him, but Renji thinks Ichigo might be enjoying the attention. He understood that Ichigo needed to put up a resistant front in order to maintain his pride, but that blush and the acceptance of his advances were points in Renji's direction.

He was starting to really think that Ichigo was really trying to return his feelings, as if he actually wanted to fall in love with him, but was having trouble getting started. Renji was starting to hope that he wouldn't stray towards Grimmjow again.

Ichigo had seemed to be responsive to his treatment of him - or at least accepting of it - and Renji felt that he was doing a good job. Maybe this wouldn't be as hard as he thought. It might be okay to live like this, allowed to spoil Ichigo and treat him nice, even without reciprocation. As long as Ichigiwas no longer hostile towards it, Renji would be okay. He could live happily like this.

They met up after their classes and headed over to that little cafe they always ate at together. Renji was sure not to touch Ichigo or act differently in public, because he knew Ichigo absolutely hated making a spectacle, and that was another point that would cripple Grimmjow, who gave no fucks about who was watching.

When there proved to be no one around, Renji would casually slip his pinkie finger around Ichigo's. Ichigo looked at him as they continued to talk, but didn't withdraw his arm; he actually smiled a little, curling his finger a little tighter into Renji's until other people became visible on the route they were walking. Ichigo then crossed his arms really tight and edged a little further away.

Renji held the door open for Ichigo as they entered the restaurant, and they sat in the same booth that they always did, with Renji leaning forward onto the tabletop on his elbows, and Ichigo leaning back, stirring his finger through his glass of water. After they ate a huge plate of french fries, they started chatting about the new Godzilla movie. Renji was psyched that Ichigo was starting to act normal again, relaxed in their companionship and longtime friendship. He hadn't berated him or grown angry over any of the new differences, like the little bit of touching or the sappy names. Instead of becoming hostile, Ichigo actually seemed to be curious about them, maybe even liked them.

Ichigo bit his lip and took a sip of his water when Renji wrapped his leg around his under the table. He almost choked on his drink, looking around as if he was waiting for someone to point and shout at them for their indecent behavior.

Renji grinned at him, mouthing something sweet at him as he nabbed the little packet of kid's crayons and a kid menu, scribbling away on it. Ichigo sighed, shaking his head a little with an embarrassed smile.

He looked up when Ichigo laughed, grinning as his almost-boyfriend shouted at him in his normal attitude, berating his sucky fruit drawings. Renji drew a Grimmjow chibi with underwear on its head. Ichigo nearly spat out his water when Renji held it up for him to see. Renji grinned, glad that Ichigo had thought it was that funny. He soon realized that this was not the case; it was because said chibi had materialized behind him.

As soon as Renji saw this, he slammed the piece of paper down so Grimmjow couldn't see, putting a hand over his mouth, acting oblivious as he drummed his fingers on the table. Grimmjow scowled at him and then flashed a smile at Ichigo.

Renji looked up, smiling a little to himself when he saw how beat-up Grimmjow looked. Yep. That had been totally worth it. Grimmjow hadn't had anyone to patch him up and didn't have any bandages on his wounds, probably too prideful to even put ice on them. Renji didn't say anything though, because he knew that he looked pretty pathetic himself. He was lucky he hadn't lost any teeth.

Grimmjow shoved his way into their booth, sitting down by Ichigo, immediately putting his arm around his thin shoulders. Renji soured, coloring on the back of the menu angrily, but didn't say anything, because he didn't want to look bad in front of Ichigo. Ichigo was already pissed that they'd stooped to scrapping yesterday, and he wanted to look like he had some self-control.

Ichigo cringed in disgust, getting red in the face, scooting away. Renji sighed a little, withdrawing his leg under the table when he saw Grimmjow playing with Ichigo's hair, nosing at his neck. Ichigo shouted at him and shoved his face back. Grimmjow just bit his finger playfully.

"What are you doing here?" Renji asked calmly, visibly impressing Ichigo with his level-headedness. "It's not your turn to take Ichigo out."

"Ya' gotta' share him after that little incident yesterday, ya' fight-picker." Grimmjow grinned smugly, and no matter how many times Ichigo shoved him out of the booth with his foot, he wouldn't leave. "Besides, you get ta' live with him all the time and see him getting out of the shower. That's not fair, huh?"

Renji scowled. "I don't watch him getting out of the shower," he said. "Now watch your mouth before I make you eat dirt," he said in all seriousness. Grimmjow didn't seem to know how to respond to a threat when it wasn't shouted, so he just let out a 'che' and told him to stuff it.

Renji rolled his eyes, coloring violently, muttering creative swears under his breath, but made no mood to rise to Grimmjow's challenge. Ichigo just sighed, still shoving Grimmjow away from him, but he kept migrating back to his side of the booth.

As Renji had expected, Grimmjow started running his mouth again and stealing Ichigo's attention. Renji just sat there, leaning his cheek onto his hand, hoping Ichigo would decide to leave with him soon.

"Wanna' go to the bar tomorrow night, baby?"

"No," Ichigo answered blandly, "Wanna' know what we should do?"

"Whassat?" Grimmjow asked, arm around Ichigo's shoulders. Because it was up on the edge of the booth divider, Ichigo allowed it to stay there. Renji eyed them warily, not liking the idea of Ichigo alone and drunk with Grimmjow, but he kept his mouth shut.

"We should to go a nightclub and dance." Ichigo said it with that glint in his eyes, the one that told Renji that he still had feelings for Grimmjow. It made him feel sick. Grimmjow laughed a little, refusing flat out.

"No. I don't dance."

"Pfft," Renji laughed.

"Shut up, at least I know when I look like an idiot. You obviously don't, pineapple head."

"Coming from someone who wears eyeliner!" Renji shouted back, finally losing his temper.

"Said the freak with the eyebrows-"

"Whaddid' you say?!"

"Oh, for God's sake, keep your voice down," Ichigo snapped, sick of the stares of their peers being directed at them.

Eventually, they came upon the subject of how awkward it would be for the loser of their little contest. Grimmjow had obviously brought this topic up on purpose, because he immediately had a solution. "Here, how about this," he said with a grin, spreading his hands on the table to help narrate his one-sentence plan. "The loser has ta' leave." He grinned, leaning back with his arms crossed, as if waiting for praise for his brilliance.

"What?" Renji asked incredulously.

"Yeah, If I lose ta' firecrotch, I'll transfer out of Chem," Grimmjow said with a grin, liking the way he got Renji all riled up with the redhead joke. Ichigo looked like he was considering it, eyes narrowed, fingers drumming against his mouth.

"And when firecrotch loses," Grimmjow cackled, "He'll move back in with his mama." Renji's hands clenched against the tabletop.

Grimmjow frowned for a split second at the lack of reaction, before he starting grinning again. Ichigo was looking at him like he couldn't understand how someone could make jokes in such poor taste. Renji didn't know why Ichigo had ever thought that this guy deserved a chance. He didn't know why Ichigo was only seeing this now.

"Oh right. She's dead. Fine, move back to the trash heap."

Ichigo started sputtering, so red in the face that Renji ducked out of instinct, because he knew that Ichigo was so close to having a fucking conniption. Sure enough, Ichigo stood up where he was inside the booth, looming over Grimmjow threateningly. Grimmjow didn't shrink back, merely tilting his head up with a bored expression.

"What the fuck!" Ichigo shouted, attracting the attention of others in the cafe. The manager looked over to them with the usual expression of annoyance, but the guy never kicked them out because he and Renji always bought a ton of food to make up for their racket.

"You shut your mouth, you fucking asshole, before I beat some respect into you! Ya' wanna' make funna' my mom, huh? You think it's funny to make fun of people's moms?!" Ichigo hollered, sitting back down in a furious huff.

Renji sighed. "It's fine. Ichigo, it's fine, just let it go." Ichigo seemed to try to get it under control then.

"Well, I bet your mom's not-"

"Dead?" Ichigo raised his eyebrows with a bitter smile. Grimmjow scowled, pouting and crossing his arms.

"Oh come on, I didn't even mean it like that. You're too damn sensitive, just learn to take a joke."

Ichigo closed his eyes, seeming to be counting to ten. Renji just rolled his eyes, taking a sip of water as he wondered whether Ichigo would be at risk for premature strokes. Grimmjow tried to say something to him again, knowing that Ichigo was still upset, but not knowing when to just clam up.

"I-"

"Shut up," Ichigo said in a calm tone, holding up his water, still with his eyes closed, "before I dump this in your lap, and don't pretend that I can't see that you need it, you motherfucking pervert. Do you get spontaneously turned on all the time?"

Renji facepalmed. "Ah geez," he grumbled, not able to see the bulge in Grimmjow's pants from where he was sitting, but he knows it's there.

"Heh', I just think it's sexy when you act like you could kick my ass," Grimmjow grinned, leaning into Ichigo's face. Renji started laughing a little.

"Pfft, your funeral, buddy," he laughed, shaking his head. "Let's see how many of those teeth you're gonna' lose."

Grimmjow leaned back more, elbows up on the edge of the booth behind him. "Che'." He grinned, still seeming to be fantasizing about punching Ichigo in his pretty little face. "Always pissed me off, you stringbean, thinkin' you could take me. Bet you wouldn't be so domineering in bed."

Ichigo scowled, crossing his arms as he shook his head. Renji could see he's disappointed more than anything else. Maybe he'd really thought that Grimmjow would shape up. "I don't know why the hell I was ever considering you. You're the stupidest shit-talker I've ever fucking heard. I can't remember why I forgot that I hate you."

"Oh, trust me, you'll remember." Grimmjow leaned in, locking an arm behind Ichigo's head to force him to move in for an invasive kiss. Renji watched for a couple seconds, seeing Ichigo slowly start to cave in, perhaps changing his mind again. He reached out and fisted a hand in Grimmjow's hair, violently yanking his head back.

"Try a cold shower," he said bitterly, then letting go roughly.

Ichigo hit Grimmjow in the throat again as soon as he had fully regained control of himself. Renji put his head in his hands for a second, wishing that Grimmjow would just leave. He was ruining everything. Things had been going so well.

"Aw hush, just get back ta' what you were saying about the agreement," Grimmjow griped, as if it had been one of them holding up the conversation instead of him groping Ichigo… again.

"What you were saying, you mean!" Ichigo burst out, eye twitching, sick of having his personal space invaded by that guy.

"Oh, yeah," Grimmjow said. "Yeah, one of us can leave if we lose." Renji sighed, not quite wanting to agree to that.

"What if I don't want either one of you?" Ichigo asked flatly. Renji didn't bother trying to interject anymore, because Grimmjow just kept talking over him.

"Then what, nothing's really happened, right?" Grimmjow asked sarcastically. "You still know that both of us want you, so you're just gonna' ignore it or something? You have ta' pick one of us, or this is going to stay unresolved like this, with both of us fighting over you forever." Ichigo looked extremely disturbed by that prospect.

As hesitant as Renji was to agree with Grimmjow, he spoke up before the blue-haired menace could cut him off again. "Yeah… He's right. I don't wanna' back off now, and you know he's not going to," he said to Ichigo, which was true enough. "I've meant everything I've said, and there's no point in taking it back now." Something in Grimmjow's eyes suddenly made chills go down Renji's spine. It was a knowing murderous gaze, and it freaked him out.

After a while, they left the restaurant, finally getting rid of Grimmjow as they walked back to the dorm, where they lazed around miserably for awhile, moping that their time together had been ruined.

"Hey," Ichigo eventually called from the lower bunk, which he had taken to lying on lately, as if in hope that Renji would come hold him like before - without him having to ask, of course. When Renji approached and sat near him, he became hesitant to speak his mind. "You… You love me, but… you don't want to do it. That's what you said," Ichigo confirmed, looking up at Renji shyly, red in the face, but not looking angry for once. Maybe that whole thing with Grimmjow earlier had got him thinking about the real difference between his two pursuers.

"You said you're not like Grimmjow, so you don't want me, right? You don't think I'm… ?" Ichigo asked a little pitifully. Renji shook his head wildly, creeping towards him.

"No, that's not it. I'm just saying that as long as I have you, it doesn't matter… I just love you so much, babe," he whispered wispily. "I just meant that I'm not gonna' press you."

Ichigo seemed embarrassed then, shivering a little at the close proximity, letting Renji get even closer. "How… How would you do it to me?" he asked quietly, looking up at him. Renji stared back at him in shock, but didn't back out, eager to answer this question right. If Ichigo was asking it so plainly like this, then it was obvious that this question was some sort of test.

"I'd… I'd lay you down," Renji swallowed, coming closer, "and kiss you… and… hold your hands, just like this," he demonstrated, sneaking his hands into Ichigo's, lacing their fingers as Ichigo lay down on the mattress, letting him hold his arms down and hover over him.

"And… I'd look in your eyes right when I put it in… and I'd hold you so close to me." Ichigo looked up at him, stiffening up when Renji's mouth got too close. He was leaning down over him, their bodies touching, but he didn't dare move all the way down and kiss him.

"And then I'd let you have your sweet way with me," Renji whispered, breath puffing over Ichigo's lips. Ichigo blinked, sitting up, pushing Renji back as he realized that he was talking about him being the one to...

"You'd… Wow, you'd really… You'd let me… um," Ichigo stuttered, hardly able to look at him now, obviously thinking of how that would be like to do it. Renji nodded.

"Yeah," he said slowly, looking back into Ichigo's beautiful brown eyes. "I mean... it'd be your first time, right, so I thought that'd be easier."

"Well, obviously not all the time, but, even to let me do it one time… You mean, even… even though… I know what happened when you were a kid-" Renji didn't want to hear about that, so he cut him off.

"Yes, okay, yes. I trust you, okay?" he muttered in embarrassment. "Yes, I want you to do that to me… I want it to be you, and…" His voice trailed off to a near whisper, "We'll finally be together."

"Wow." Ichigo looked back at him. "You really do mean that, don't you… You really… Wow," he said again, stunned.

"What, Grimmjow wouldn't be willing ta' switch?"

"I…" Ichigo sighed then, ruffling his own hair, "I doubt it." Then he smiled a little, "Heh'... Ya' wanna' take a nap with me?"

Renji nodded. He was pleasantly surprised when Ichigo let him snuggle right up onto him, even allowing him to put his face right on his chest. He gave a happy sigh, feeling Ichigo's fingers combing through his hair, sending tingles through his sensitive scalp.

"You're such a fucking sap," Ichigo mumbled, but Renji just smiled. Ichigo was falling for him; he could hear it in his voice. Grimmjow really didn't have a chance in hell.


I can't walk in opposite directions any longer.