12. Say Yes
Jenna's bright room was becoming more welcoming than his entire darkened home. Rocco dropped his backpack onto her bed and sat beside it. Jenna followed him, slipping out of her white ballet flats and folding her legs Indian-style while she surfed through her bag, withdrawing her math notes.
"So, you've grown quite accustomed to these study sessions. I remember when you didn't like them at all," Jenna giggled as she flipped through her notebook. Rocco chuckled softly as he opened his own math notebook, ducking his head in slight embarrassment. He wasn't sure if he wanted Jenna to know the only reason he wanted to spend more time tutoring was because he wanted to spend more time with her. He wondered if she already figured this out, though.
"Well, I need to keep passing my classes so I can continue playing sports, and the only way I can do that is if you're tutoring me," Rocco replied with a grin. Jenna smiled shyly and ducked her own head, her blonde hair shielding her face from him, but he didn't have to see her face to know she was blushing.
"Let's not go through this again," she murmured, and Rocco chuckled again. "So, what has Mrs. Petrov given you for homework this time?"
Truthfully, Rocco didn't want to study. He had other things on his mind that didn't involve any numbers.
But he was too shy and too nervous to express his feelings through his actions, and he didn't want to sound pathetic by trying to explain how he felt about her. So, reluctantly, he explained what Mrs. Petrov's lesson had been and Jenna, as usual, beamed as she recalled the eleventh grade math lessons Mrs. Petrov taught her last year. Rocco was amazed at how bright she was. She'd always been a year ahead in all of her courses, even if she was his age and in his year.
They reviewed Rocco's lesson and he even finished his homework. Even he had to admit that he was getting better at doing his math on his own, but he didn't want this to be an excuse to stop hanging out with Jenna. He wondered if he should try dumbing it down so he could have a reason to stay with her.
No, that was stupid, he thought. He didn't need to have a reason to spend time with her. Just wanting to was good enough, and Jenna thought so too because she wanted to spend time with him purely for the fact that they were friends.
"Will you be staying for dinner again?" Jenna asked with a smile after she'd tucked away her notes back in her bag. They'd been chatting animatedly for about ten minutes already. Rocco loved staying for dinner, even though her parents were more than mildly weirded out that he preferred raw meat rather than cooked. Jenna thought this extremely out of the ordinary as well, but she didn't question him further about it, which he was grateful for. He couldn't exactly explain to her why he liked the raw meat, and the blood that came with it.
"I'd like to," Rocco said with a nod. "Thank you."
"I'm glad you're staying," Jenna continued. "It'll make me feel better."
Rocco's insides jumped excitedly, but his mind buzzed with questions. He knitted his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"
Jenna blushed. "Oh, it's … well, it's nothing really," she stammered, fumbling with her thumbs. "I just feel more comfortable when you're around. I feel safe. I guess it's because you're so big and strong." She chuckled and Rocco couldn't help but grin.
"Well, I'm glad I make you feel safe," Rocco said gently. "It's better than making you feel uncomfortable."
Jenna chuckled and combed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear, her finger grazing the single diamond stud pierced through her cartilage.
"Yes," she said softly before looking up again, but this time her green eyes darted for the window. "I never really realized how many bats lingered around here," she said suddenly.
Rocco's eyes widened. Was she really talking about bats—perhaps vampire bats? His blood boiled inside. Who was lingering around her home? The sickening thought of Octavian knowing where she lived occurred and he immediately felt like punching something.
"Bats?" he repeated.
"Yeah," she said with a nod. "They fly by my window all the time at night. I can even hear them, and sometimes I see them hanging outside my window. Nobody else notices them, though, but I just don't think they've seen them yet."
Rocco was getting angry. If those bats were actual vampires in their small, flighty creature form, then there was going to be hell to pay.
"How many times have you seen these bats?" Rocco asked firmly. Jenna knitted her eyebrows together, confused.
"Um … I see them all the time. I told you. They appear at night," she explained. She saw the seriousness of his expression. "Rocco, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Listen; do you remember that guy who stared at you the night you drove past the Cathedral? The one I was fighting with?"
"Of course. How could I forget?"
"Have you seen him lately?"
Jenna was silent briefly, but the moment seemed so long. Rocco's insides shook with fury.
"No, I haven't. Why? Rocco, you're scaring me. You know that man gave me nightmares. Why are you bringing him up?"
So Jenna hadn't seen him, but there was the possibility that he'd always snuck past her gaze, shielding his appearance from her human eyes. He wouldn't put it past Octavian to figure out her lodgings and spy on her. What had he seen? The thought angered Rocco further, and this time he wasn't able to hide it from Jenna. She saw it on his features, his anger. Rocco noticed the fear on her face.
"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. He wished he could explain why he was so worried, but he couldn't without telling her about Octavian's vampirism, that he wanted her for her blood. "I'm really sorry."
"I just want to know what's going on," Jenna said softly.
"I shouldn't being worrying you with my affairs," Rocco said. "That's not fair."
Jenna leaned towards him, ghostly traces of fear still lingering over her gentle and sincere face. She placed a hand over his and he had the sudden urge to tighten his fingers around it. It was so little and pale and thin, and her skin was such a comforting warm that his anger actually vanished once her skin made contact with his.
"But I want you to worry me with your affairs. We're friends. That's what they're for." She giggled gently and a small smile broke out on her face. Rocco stared at her. It was obvious why any boy would be attracted to her, but why was he? They were polar opposites, and they were not meant for each other, but Rocco didn't care. He found her light and luminescent aura so captivating. He wanted to devote himself to her. He wanted to hold her for eternity. It drove him crazy worrying about her, wondering if she was safe from Octavian. If only he could spend every waking minute with her, then there wouldn't be a problem. Rocco could fend off Octavian from his fair Jennalee—his Juliet. Rocco wanted to be her Romeo, and hopefully she wanted him to be as well.
"Rocco?"
Her gentle voice sliced through his thoughts and he realized that he'd been staring at her longer than he thought. But instead of wearing a look of confusion, she wore a smile.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, looking away. The tips of her thin fingers grazed underneath his chin and she faced him back to her.
"Don't be," she murmured, her smile growing.
God, he'd never met anyone more beautiful, and it disappointed him that nobody would allow them to be together. Not that he cared—at least not anymore—but he figured his friends would understand. Or, if they didn't, they'd still respect his feelings for a girl like Jenna. The fact that they bluntly told him that they were not meant for each other was hurtful, but Jenna knew how he felt. Her friends didn't support their friendship either. Their pairing was merely for educational purposes, nothing more. They weren't meant to be friends, and they most certainly weren't meant to be lovers.
"Why does your friend, Arch, not support our friendship, yet he tolerates you and Paige?" Rocco wondered aloud. Jenna withdrew her fingers and placed them in her lap. It was then she realized that her hand was still grasped around Rocco's and she reluctantly removed it. Rocco mentally groaned and resisted the urge to pull it back.
"At first he didn't," she said, "but Paige and I grew very close during our preteen years." She chuckled briefly before continuing with her story. "I remember when she first came, she had a dreadful case of the chicken pox, and when she was well enough to come to school, she was teased constantly. I started calling her Pox afterwards, and I was the first person she hadn't sneered at for calling her out for her illness. I guess that's when we started clicking.
"Dimitri didn't really like it; he thought Paige was 'taking me away from him,' which is quite ridiculous if you think about it"—Rocco had inputted his on grunt—"but Paige wasn't having any of his antics, and eventually our separate twosomes became one big threesome. Paige, Dimitri, and I started getting along more and became better friends."
"How long have you known Dimitri?" Rocco pondered.
"Oh goodness, for ages now. We've known each other since we were tots. Our mothers attended the same high school. Dim has always been a big brother figure in my life," she explained. Rocco wanted to snort at this. Couldn't Jenna see that Dimitri wasn't brotherly at all, but rather attracted to her in a lover's way? It was so obvious; perhaps she was in denial and she did realize it.
"So, do you think if we continue to spend time together, Dimitri will lay off and stop telling you to quit hanging around me?" Rocco asked, arching an eyebrow. Jenna blushed and ducked her head.
"I'm sorry about that," she squeaked.
"Don't apologize," Rocco retorted. "Why are you sorry for how that moron is behaving?"
Jenna's eyebrows knitted together, and Rocco knew that she didn't approve of him talking sourly towards her best friend.
"Rocco," she said warningly. "Please … he's my friend. He's just looking out for me."
"He's not doing a good job," Rocco muttered under his breath. Just like how Tripp and Claude and Kat thought they were looking out for Rocco by trying to keep him away from Jenna, and look how that turned out.
"I know his thinking is a little whack. I don't think it's right for him to behave sourly towards you, and I try to tell him to make nice, but Dim has always been as stubborn as a mule. I've grown to get used to it."
"That is a mystery that I will never solve," Rocco scoffed. Jenna narrowed her eyes before bursting in a fit of adorable giggles, shaking her head.
"He will grow accustomed to you. He's got to. I mean, I'm not spending all of this time with you for no reason," she said.
"That's right; because you're my tutor," Rocco teased. Jenna blushed.
"Right."
"But, there is another reason why I like hanging out with you," Rocco continued slowly. He didn't even realize that he was about to confess his feelings. He wasn't planning on it and he briefly panicked within himself, wondering what the heck he was doing.
I'm confessing my feelings? Why am I confessing? What am I doing?
But I want to. I want her to know. I want to be more than friends—I've always wanted to be more than friends.
But why couldn't I have planned this out more thoroughly? I don't need to rush into things!
But it will be easier. Less structured and more flowing and casual. That's how these things work, right? I don't want to sound rehearsed; that's lame. But I do want to sound meaningful and—
Can I just come out with it already? She's staring at me … waiting for me to say something!
I'm such an idiot.
He mentally groaned and took a deep breath. Jenna had cocked her head to the side, her eyebrows arched and, as he saw, she was waiting for him to continue.
Try sounding suave. Take her hand—Yeah, that's a good idea …
He did as he instructed himself to do, and Jenna's eyes widened with surprise, but, to his relief, she didn't pull away. Her dainty hand lay in his large one, the soft buds of her fingertips grazing his calloused palm. Around her wrist was a small white chain bracelet; around his were thick leather spike bracelets. Again, their differences, and his attraction for her, continued to baffle him.
"I … well, you see … Ever since we started this whole tutoring thing I … well … aw dammit," he groaned.
Hello, my name is Rocco, and I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot.
"Crap, I can't do this," he whispered.
"What do you want to say?" Jenna asked gently, and Rocco felt her hand squeeze his encouragingly.
What if she says no? What if she says she doesn't feel the same and I've gotten the wrong vibes from her this entire time? What the hell am I supposed to do now? What do I say?
"Ilikeyou," he blurted in a slur of words. He'd said them so quickly that they'd become one word altogether, and he cursed himself again for sounding so stupid. He took another deep breath and tried again.
"I like you."
That sounded better, but Jenna sat, stunned. Was this bad or good? Rocco couldn't tell, but her lack of words and smiles left him with an erratic heartbeat.
"You … you do?" she whispered. She was blushing fiercely. Rocco scratched the back of his head nervously and nodded, blushing just as feverishly as she was.
"Yeah," he mumbled.
Please feel the same way, he said mentally. Please don't reject me. I don't want to feel like a complete loser. I don't want to feel the rejection.
"I … I don't know what … to say …" She looked down at their entwined hands, and Rocco's face felt exceedingly hot.
Say yes! Say YES! Say that you have the same feelings for me! Please!
She chuckled slightly, and Rocco felt his heart stop. Was it a good chuckle or a bad chuckle? He stared at her intently and watched as she lifted her head to meet his eyes. She was smiling, and Rocco's heart slowly began to beat again.
One … two … three … four …
The heartbeats were slowly and agonizing, just like the time it was taking for her to say something.
Her smile continued to grow, and she giggled again. It was a nervous giggle, a shy giggle, but Rocco knew based on how he'd gotten to know her that the giggle was, indeed, a good giggle.
"I-I feel the same," she whispered. "I always have."
And then Rocco exploded inside. He'd never felt more alive in his half-undead life.
