I had a little experiment this chapter as I wrote it. Different perspectives and a little change in writing style. Ooops sorry! But it certainly helped me decide which style I'm better at writing. I had to rewrite this three times before I was close to liking it. I still don't. Sigh.
Anyway! To business! The end is coming. I'd say about… ooh 2/3 chapters left now. And an epilogue. The Run shall be taking place soon. *cackles* So who is going to win I wonder? Place your bets and have a guess! Thank you for the lovely reviews! Drop me some more! x
Clary
"What do you mean part demon-?" I was backing up now, eyes widening. Jace's own eyes were wide. "Are you scared of me?" he asked incredulously.
I went quiet. No. No I wasn't. But it was still a shock.
"Part?" I asked again. Jace looked down. "Before I was born. Your father was… experimenting." A bitter laugh. "My father found out. That was the end of their friendship. He stopped Valentine before he could poison me and my mother anymore. But the damage was done-" he spread his arms. "I'm a freak."
I frowned. "What do you mean? You're not a freak."
Jace laughed harshly. "What do you think the Clave would do if they knew about me, huh? That I'm some half breed monster."
"Why do you think you're a monster?" I didn't understand.
Another laugh. "I just am, Clary."
I growled at that. "Give me a reason why you think it."
"Because people fuck me off," Jace told me in a hiss. "I hate being around people."
That made me laugh. I couldn't help it. "Jace, that's so human. So… normal."
He snorted at that, flashing dark eyes at me. "Whatever you say Clary."
Jace really didn't believe me. I frowned. "Jace, honestly… you are not a bad person. You're a moody bastard, but… that doesn't make you bad. Believe me. My dad is evil, not you. My god Jace, you're far from bad." He wasn't looking now. "Hey," I muttered, taking a step forward and sliding my hands up to cup his face into them. Finally those eyes met my own once more. "You are not evil. Why won't you believe me?"
He said nothing for so long I lost count. But then- "I didn't think I could even love." Jace's eyes traveled to my shoulder. "My father was killed because he was going to tell the Clave about the fucked up things your father did. Experimenting on Shadowhunter children." A short, harsh laugh. "And when I told them at the age of thirteen when I found out? When your father told me it all, knowing the Clave wouldn't believe me, he was right. They didn't." A growl. "It wasn't supposed to be me. It was supposed to be your brother… and he knows that." Jace's hands brushed my hips. "Your brother was given angel blood instead." He sniggered. "The horses can sense it. The equi umbra hate it. Those horses hate him with a passion."
"Angel blood-?"
"Your father did start giving your mother demonic ichor to drink in her food, you know? But as soon as she fell deathly ill, he stopped. Moved onto my mother instead. Only when my mother got ill, he didn't stop until my father forced him." He rolled his eyes. "Which got him killed."
I swallowed back bile. "How much… do you think you have in you? Demon blood, I mean?"
Jace shrugged, tugging me into his arms. Was he even aware of it? "I don't know Clary. But… I have demon blood in me. No matter what, it's always there. It's always going to be there too." He buried his face into the top of my head, tightening his grip around me.
"Jace," I asked softly. A light squeeze and I knew he was listening. "Jace, you can't call yourself a monster or whatever. You love me, don't you?"
Arms left me. Hands took my face and I was staring into sad golden ones. "If what I feel is love, then I love you very much."
"But you said-?"
"I know. I know…" a pause. And then he was kissing me.
Jace was not a monster.
Far from it.
I broke the kiss, laughing out against his lips. "Not here. It feels wrong." It really did. We were surrounded by his family after all. No matter how much I wanted to kiss him back, not here.
But Jace had demon blood. How was that even possible?
He was still the same Jace though. Prickly, but Jace.
When we returned to the Lightwood residence, I couldn't stop thinking about Jace and my brother. That their fates should have been the others.
Jonathan with demon blood. I couldn't imagine it. He was rude at times, but at others, he was far from it. Talented and handsome, but never intentionally cruel. The only evil he committed was playing hopscotch between girls.
But then there was initiation night. He hadn't stuck up for me at all. What was it he'd said? That Father would have thrown him out as well?
He'd been looking after his own skin. Forget his little sister.
Jonathan wasn't evil. I knew that for certain. He was grey. Neither good nor bad.
Growing up in our father's shadow, there was no way he'd ever be completely angelic.
But he'd known all these things… such bad things.
As soon as Jace slipped upstairs towards the bathroom for a shower, I pulled my coat back on and left the house as fast as I could.
Jonathan
It felt strange having the entire Morgenstern mansion to myself. The place seemed like an empty shell minus my mother, father and sister.
I had never felt loneliness before, but now? Oh I felt it. There wasn't even any Alex around to stem the boredom. What the hell had I even done to warrant her dumping me?
Her parting words "maybe you should stop kissing every girl you see," echoed in my mind. Ah. Now I remembered why we'd parted.
Hell, the Run was so close now.
And I didn't want to take part. I'd never wanted to take part. All these years trying to impress my father, it had been for nothing. Winning just bolstered that massive head of his. And now I even had a new horse because my old one had refused to let me ride it. Fucking angel blood.
I sank down upon the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. There was no way of backing out though. No way of standing up to my father.
…only Clary had managed that.
By the Angel my sister was so much braver than me.
There was a knock on the front door. I ignored it. A moment later, there was hammering of fists. "I know you're in there Jonathan!"
Speaking of my sister.
When I reached the door and yanked it open, Clary strode right in, snapping at me "you're a real piece of work."
"What have I done now?" I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. A moment later, my cheek was stinging from where Clary had slapped me. I couldn't stop my perfectly honed reflexes as I stuck out, hitting her square in the face. She dropped like a brick.
Oh. Crap.
"Clary?" I asked awkwardly, crouching down next to her and shaking her shoulder. "Clary?" Nothing. Not even a twitch. I'd knocked my own sister clean out.
Wasn't I the most perfect brother in the whole world (!)
She was light as I picked her up, setting her down upon the sofa. And then I waited, seating myself next to her feet.
Clary
My head hurt. It pounded like hell. As I came to, I struggled to remember how it had happened.
Then I saw the young man sat at the other end of the sofa. My eyes narrowed.
Jonathan crashed to the floor as my foot connected with his side. He knelt there with a hand against his hips, forehead against the floor as he groaned out "I guess I deserved that."
"That you did," I snarled, scrambling to my feet. But as a wave of nausea washed over me, I hurriedly sat back down. No standing just yet.
Jonathan had rose to his feet, hand no longer on his side. "What do you want anyway? Unless…" he nodded a little. "Ah. Jace told you about everything."
"You have angel blood Jonathan! And Jace… he…" I shook my head. "He is not a monster. What our father did to him… it's cruel. Horrible. Plus you practically bully him for something he can't help! Bastard. It should have been you who had the demon blood, not him." I didn't mean that, but the hurt flashed across my brothers midnight eyes.
Silence fell, and then "you don't seem to care anyway. I saw you both remember."
I stomped my foot, feeling disgusted instantly after- it was like I was a petulant child. "Jace is not a terrible person! And you know that! You knew everything… everything that's happened to him. And…" I shook my head. "What's happened to you Jonathan? You used to be my brother. A good person. What are you doing now? You're morphing into our father."
Jonathan growled. And it was one I'd never heard from him before. Dark. "I am not our father. I hate our father."
I arched a brow. "Yeah. Whatever." I stood up once more. The world didn't wobble as much as before, but my head still pounded. "I'm leaving."
A hand caught my arm. "I'm not lying Clarissa. Our father is poison. He corrupts all he touches. Even you."
I wrenched myself away. "I escaped. If you were serious about hating him, you would too."
Jonathan shook his head. "I didn't mean it like that. You must have realized now?" a muscle twitched in his cheek. "I realized the moment those horses took to you. Mother must have been pregnant when Father stopped. One dose and she fell so ill."
What was he talking about?
Jonathan scowled at my frown, catching my wrists. "Jace isn't the only one with demon blood, Clary. You both have the same amount. One dose each."
What.
No. That was… impossible.
I just stared up at him. Those dark eyes, they weren't lying. Jonathan sighed, closing his eyes for a second. "I don't even know the truth anymore. But I do know this. And you Clary? You're not a monster. Jace isn't either. He never has been." A pause. "Everything's so muddled up. All these different versions of the same story. Just know that I hate our father. I really do. I hate the Run."
Jonathan wasn't lying. Did I even know my brother? I only knew the little bastard that lived under our father's thumb.
"I don't know how to stand up to him," he signed now. "I have no idea what to do anymore. I'm trying to keep you safe, by the Angel."
"Demon?" my voice cracked. "I have demon blood?" I couldn't. Demons were monsters. They couldn't love.
Jonathan groaned, resting his forehead against my own. "Yes. But it doesn't change anything about you. Jace is like this because he let it happen. He thinks that he has more demon blood than he actually does. He and you? You have a vials worth of it in you. That's all. Nothing dangerous or enough to change who you are or your actions."
I couldn't meet his eyes. I just couldn't. Jonathan had known all this for years, and never told me? I pulled away, shaking my head. "You disgust me. You are not my brother. If you were my brother, you would have supported Jace when he told the Clave when he was younger about our father. And now he has this position of power? Can you imagine the terrors our father could do?" I snarled. "Imagine if you had been the one to have demon blood, huh? And more than what me and Jace have. You would be a weapon. A creature that could never love nor care. You wouldn't be my brother. Does that not scare you?"
Jonathan looked troubled, but he still wouldn't meet my eyes. Even when he replied with "you're free now Clary. You don't even need to enter the Run to prove to him that you're strong. He knows you are. He knows that you're stronger than me." He finally met my eyes. It was like a fire was burning within those shadowy depths. "I don't want to take part in the Run. I've never wanted to race, Clary." A short laugh. "I want to fight him with you."
I laughed bitterly, digging my nails into my palm. It stung but didn't draw blood. "I don't believe you."
Jonathan shrugged. "Believe what you want. But this is my last race."
Jace
Clary's words were still haunting me. I wasn't evil? I must be. I was.
Clary herself slips in through the door. She looks troubled. Her small face is pinched up into a frown. I want to kiss those wind chilled lips. She'd taste like snow.
"Where did you vanish to?" I ask now, lounging back upon the sofa. Clary smiles weakly, shaking her head. "I went to visit my brother, that's all."
Hold the hell up.
I sit up straighter. "Is that… a bruise? On your cheek?" I feel my eyes narrow dangerously, the words burning my tongue like poison. "Did he hit you?"
"By accident," Clary sighs. It was a sigh of defeat, not one of lying. A muscle twitches in my cheek. I can feel the blasted thing. "Come here-" it surprised even me how soft my voice was. I sounded like a demon luring in its prey.
Urgh.
What was worse in my mind, was that Clary didn't hesitate. She wandered over and sank down onto the sofa next to me. A light sigh and my hands took her face, thumb brushing over the purple bruise that was starting to show up. By the Angel I was going to give Jonathan one twice as worse when I saw him again. By accident or not, he hit his little sister. My Clary.
Yes. My Clary.
She closed her eyes as my thumb stroked her cheek, and I could feel her relaxing under me. Her hand was loose upon her lap. Or it was until I laced a hand with it, squeezing gently. When I looked into her face, she'd opened her eyes once more. Such gorgeous emerald eyes at that.
I didn't feel like a demon around Clary. Not at all. If anything, she was my cure.
Her lips were soft against my own as I kissed her. They were always soft. A man could easily lose himself while kissing Clary. Not that I was about to let anyone else have the pleasure of finding out.
I was Clary's first kiss. And I intended to be her last one too.
She smiles against my lips and I find myself returning it, feeling like a sappy fool.
"You're really not a demon," Clary whispers, tugging her hand from my own and placing it atop the one upon her cheek. "Honestly Jace. My brother told me everything, and you are not. You only think yourself one because you accepted it." She pulls back, those beautiful eyes of hers wide. "Demon's cannot love. And you love me. You said it yourself."
In that instant I felt better. Better than I'd felt since… too long. Way too long. Clary was a breath of fresh air. It was going to be hard shutting out the thoughts about the demon blood, no matter how little was in me. But I would try. I'd try for her, no one else.
Wow. How love had crashed down on me and burned me out.
Clary kisses me again, murmuring words against my lips but I can't make them out. They couldn't have been that important, because she was more concerned about kissing me than attempting to say them again. I liked that.
Damn, if only I could go back in time. Tell my broody self to fall in love with her earlier. Hell I would have done it too.
"We'll win this race," Clary tells me now, stealing the occasional kiss from my lips. "And when we do win, we'll stand up there together and announce to the city just what kind of scum my father is."
Wait-
"You want to-?" I can't process it.
Clary grins. It's an evil grin that doesn't belong on her face, but damn the way her eyes sparkled mischievously… made me want to drag her up to my room and strip her off.
"Think about it," Clary tells me, not meeting my eyes as she twirled a lock of my honey hair around a slim finger. "If we win and say it with everyone listening, they'll have to act. Plus… I think Jonathan might back us up too."
I jerk at that. I can't help it. Or the words "are you fucking joking?" escaping me. Clary scowls. "Language. And yes. Contrary to popular belief, my brother apparently hates my father."
Now that sounded like bullshit. If it was true, Jonathan was the biggest wuss ever. Hiding in his father's shadow, obeying orders like that. Just as bad as his father.
Clary looks troubled again. It's the same expression from earlier.
She's hiding something from me.
"Is that everything?" I ask, stroking her hair back gently, testing her. She smiles. It's too wide to be entirely real. Yep, hiding something. "Yes," she replies. "Everything's fine."
The urge to push her to tell me was strong, but I resisted. She'd tell me eventually. Like I had with her.
Secrets made a relationship healthy. At least, it made ours healthy. Or not.
I was bad at this relationship thing.
The knock at the door was loud. Really loud. It broke me and Clary apart anyway. She scowled, getting to her feet but I was faster, eyes wary. It was going to be one of the pair, I knew it. Judging from how hard the knocking was, it would be the older one.
As I stepped past Clary and opened the door, I was proven correct.
Valentine Morgenstern stood at my doorstep, eyes blazing like black fire.
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