Harry flew for hours, until his cheeks stung and the sky began to grow dusky. He was so angry and he couldn't seem to calm down. It was nothing that hadn't been said before and if he was brutally honest with himself it was all true, he was a fucking mess. It was just the way they had talked about him, like he was some damaged child that couldn't look after himself. It was Malfoy seeing him like that and really, Harry was mostly just angry with himself for becoming so weak. He didn't want anyone to find out about his nightmares but now the whole dorm did, and merlin knows who else would by now. He hadn't even told Ginny about it. And then there was last night. What had happened was way too much for Harry to process, the way he'd felt much too scary to think about. But after last night... something felt different inside him self and he couldn't figure out why but it was that that was making him angry, there was an anxious fluttering in his chest, like his heart was trying to escape.

Eventually he had to come back to earth, as much as he wanted to just float away forever, he couldn't. Swearing to himself to ignore any weird feelings he landed back on the quidditch pitch and wondered into the lockers to take a shower. It was freezing out in the November evening and Harry suddenly felt completely starving. He found some spare clothes in the lost property of the changing rooms, he hadn't stopped to get dressed before storming out that morning and he wasn't about to wear his pyjamas down to dinner. He found a long sleeve grey tshirt at the bottom of the basket, soft and it smelled good, familiar but he couldn't place it. It reached to his thighs and he had to roll the sleeves up a bit. Whoever owned this shirt was tall but Harry didn't care, he liked it and he was hardly a stranger to oversized clothing. He found a pair of black tracksuit bottoms as well. Not the most stylish or practical of outfits, but since when did he care what his clothes looked like anyway and it was comfortable. Stomach grumbling, he left for dinner.

Harry braced himself as he made his way into the dining hall. He didn't really feel forgive Ron, he'd really hurt Harry that morning, but it was the easiest thing to do, he couldn't deal with any more drama. He just wanted things to go back to normal. Or at least as normal as life could be after everything they'd been through. Anyway, he'd gone awol all day and he knew how much Hermione worried and he definitely didn't need another thing to feel guilty about. He knew his best friends were trying to do what they thought was best, and he couldn't blame them really, his temper had always been awful and then on top of everything else... someone collided with him before he'd so much as stepped trough the door. Long arms wrapped themselves around him tightly. Ron. The ginger boy was chanting his remorse looking so pathetic that Harry couldn't help but laugh as he shoved his best friend away.

'Harry listen-'

'It's fine Ron', Harry cut in sharply.

'I know but-'

'No really, it wasn't that bad'

'It was though, I should never have said those things, I was just angry cause, you know, and well-'

'Ron!', Harry exclaimed loudly, 'its alright'

He noticed Ron hadn't mentioned anything about not meaning what he'd said and it made his heart sink a little further in his chest.

Ron peered anxiously at him. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes', Harry forced a grin.

'I really am sorry, I overreacted'

'It's ok'

Ron beamed. Harry felt his gut twist angrily. It wasn't ok, not really, he wasn't ok but he couldn't tell his friends that. He couldn't tell anyone that.

Together they made their way to the Gryffindor table. Harry glanced over at the Slytherins. No blonde head. He felt his heart beat a little faster. He ignored it.

'So', Ron said as they sat down, 'wandless magic eh?'

Harry grimaced. He'd forgotten all about that.

'I didn't want to, I just-'

He was interrupted by Hermione who'd just joined them. 'Oh Harry!' She cried, 'are you ok? I knew we shouldn't have left you alone last night, then of course Ronald had to go and ruin everything and where have you been all day I was so worried and-'

'Geez Mione I'm fine', Harry said putting a hand on her arm.

She looked at him like she could see straight through the lie.

'Please Mione, I don't want to talk about it and I don't think I can deal with anymore sympathy. I can handle this ok?'.

She peered up at him with concern. 'Do you promise?'

Harry didn't know how to respond to that one, so he just shrugged.

Hermione purses her lips and frowned, but thankfully she dropped it.

They chatted benignly about class and friends with Harry dropping in and out of the conversation, feeling slightly at ease. Until he glanced up and met Malfoys eyes. He froze. He hadn't decided what he was going to say to the blonde boy, if anything at all, and now Malfoy was looking at him with wide, concerned eyes and it made Harry's heart beat faster and he shiver involuntarily. Hermione noticed.

'You know whatever you are feeling is ok, Harry, and if you ever want to talk, about anything, then that's ok too,

'I'm fine', he muttered, bowing his head again, but he could still feel the searing stare from across the room and his heart beat as it gently slowed. Sensing Harry's discomfort she changed the subject again.

'So how come you've not told me about your wandless magic?' She said, back to her usual bossy tone.

Harry shrugged again. 'Didn't really think it was a big deal, it's just really easy for me, I dunno'

Harry James Potter, you need to be using your full potential! We are eighth year students and wandless magic could really bag you a few points in the newts if you start using it correctly!'

Ron rolled his eyes at Harry and Harry grinned back as Hermione continued. He really did love his friends, even if sometimes he forgot that.

Draco didn't see Harry until dinner and he was going slowly crazy with worry. He didn't trust Harry not to do something stupid, especially after what he'd seen last night. Harry truly was broken and wouldn't seem to let anyone fix him. When there eyes met at dinner, Draco felt as if a storm was building between them, something powerful and consuming, but then litter looked away and Draco felt as if a needle was being pushed slowly into his heart. Pansy patted his back sympathetically and he turned to glare at her.

'What?' She said, the picture of innocence.

'You aren't helping', he growled.

Dinner seemed to drag by, he really wasn't in the mood for small talk, there was only one person he wanted to talk to and he wasn't even sure if that person would ever talk to him again. Then again, he was talking to the weasel, so maybe he had a chance. He couldn't help frequently glancing over at the Gryffindors, at Harry, but the boy didn't meet his eyes again. Eventually dinner was finished and Draco watched as Harry stood and then excused himself, quickly walking round the tables and out into the entrance hall. He wasn't going to let Harry avoid him. He caught up with the small Gryffindor just as he exited the great hall.

'Potter' he called.

Harry kept walking.

'Potter' he called again, this time louder. He knew Harry could hear him.

'Harry' he said.

That did it. Harry stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around until Draco had gotten closer. He spun slowly once Draco reached him but he refused to meet Draco's eyes. They were standing so close, Draco could feel the other boy's warmth and it made him ache.

'Draco', he said, his voice wavering slightly.

'Harry listen, I'm really sorry, about last night, about this morning, I didn't mean any of it, I-'

'Look it's fine, ok', Harry said bluntly, taking a step back. He still wouldn't look at Draco's face.

'I really am sorry' he said. He didn't think he'd ever meant something so much. He was rarely one to apologise.

'I know', Harry said gently, 'it's ok'.

Draco couldn't believe Harry was really going to forgive him as easily as that. The Potter he'd grown up with was stubborn and defiant, and none of those qualities seemed to be rearing their heads now.

'It was my fault really', Harry said, ''I'm the one to blame, so that's why, that's why...'

He trailed off, looking miserable and Draco had to fight the impulse to pull the boy into him.

'Harry-' he started.

'I'm sorry, Malfoy, we can't be friends anymore'.

Draco froze, completely taken aback. He'd expected some sort of retaliation from Harry, but not this. He didn't know how to respond, couldn't. After a moment, Harry looked up, finally meeting Draco's gaze. His expression was set, hard and dull, no trace of emotion behind those beautiful green eyes. Draco felt a tiny flare of anger.

'It's not you', Harry tried, 'well actually it is but you didn't do anything wrong, I just can't do it, this', he gestured between them.'Is being friends can't work because you can't help me on this one, no one can. So please, please don't try and save me'

Harry tore his eyes off Draco and fixed them on the wall and Draco could have sworn him mutter something about not deserving tonne saved anyway, but he was in too much of a state now to think very much about it. Who did Harry think he was saying they couldn't even be friends. How come the Weasel had gotten so much slack. Why couldn't Harry fucking see that he couldn't do this alone, that the nightmares and guilt and loneliness he was suffering from was eating him up. The anger swirling in his chest seemed to bubble up and he snarled in frustration, running a hand through his hair.

'Fuck you Harry, this isn't just hurting you anymore. Can't you see what it's doing to your friends?', and me, he added silently. 'Stop acting like a child and why are you wearing my jumper?'. He'd just realised why he recognised Harry's sweater, he'd lost it a few weeks back.

Harry flushed slightly, nearly dissolving Draco's anger but not quite. He had to be angry with Harry right now, or else he'd cry.

Harry's voice was softer now, almost sad. 'I just found it. I'm sorry ok? Its better this way, trust me'.

With that he turned around and strode off quickly, leaving Draco standing on the middle of the corridor like an idiot. He couldn't quite believe what had just happened. Nothing but anger consumed him, he daren't let anything else wiggle its way in or he may just have a breakdown. He'd allowed himself to get too involved, too invested and look what had happened. He should've known it wouldn't have worked out anyway, he was just a scum death eater as far as Harry was concerned, "it's not you, well actually, it is". That's what he'd said. Draco loved Harry, so entirely and so painfully but there was only so much he could take. And so standing there, in the empty corridor, he began to build back up his barriers, locking his heart away so he wouldn't be able to feel how much it hurts Harry wanted him gone and so Draco had to oblige, even though it would kill him to do so. Maybe he really couldn't rescue the saviour after all.

Harry felt near to tears as he walked away from Draco but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't bear to look up into Malfoy's face and see pity or anything if the sort. The blonde had been the one thing keeping him sane, making things feel like they could get better but that couldn't happen anymore, not now Draco knew how screwed up he was. He finally reached the eight year dormitories , heading straight for his room and curling up in his bed. Quickly and quietly he muted silencing charms, then pulled the curtains around his bed tight shut and finally let himself give in to everything that was welling up inside him with choked sobs. He'd never felt more alone in his life.