Elizabeth followed Caroline up to her room, finding her bedroom door slightly ajar Elizabeth hesitated only a moment with her fingertips grazing the wood, her ear at the door.
"Stupid, stupid!" She could hear Caroline muttering from within. Elizabeth pushed open the door.
"Who's stupid?"
Caroline jumped slightly from where she was standing by the washbasin. Once she understood who it was that had discovered her she lowered the hand that had been massaging her forehead down to her hip creating an annoyed stance that Elizabeth found utterly adorable, like that of a small child angry at being caught.
"Ahh Miss Eliza Bennet again, having another round of pacing the halls I see? Is this the way you discovered rooms last night as well? I understand to take you literally now when you said that no one at Longbourn knocks on doors."
Elizabeth bit her lip to hold back a smile that was threatening to form.
"I'm sorry to be so intrusive, Miss Bingley, truly I am. I only wished to ask after your health. You said that you were light-headed. Are you feeling any better?"
Elizabeth offered kindly stepping towards Caroline and boldly taking her wrist to feel her warmth. Caroline froze at the contact, any words she had been forming fell away. Her green eyes rested greedily on the smooth contact on her skin. Suddenly Caroline realized that the room they were in was very dark, and they were alone—completely undisturbed, as no one (excepting Jane) knew they were even in Caroline's room. Memories from her dream began pouring into her mind and Caroline found herself feeling even more lightheaded. She glanced at Elizabeth's neck where she could see a slight pulse and then her eyes strayed to the few loose strands of hair that were lightly brushing Elizabeth's skin. She couldn't allow herself to look at Elizabeth's face. She was too afraid of what she might find there, or what she might give away. It was Elizabeth who broke the silence.
"Why were you muttering to yourself Miss Bingley? Are you coming down with fever? You certainly didn't sound well last night either—you were muttering then as well."
Caroline's eyes snapped upwards to meet Elizabeth's.
"What do you mean I was muttering? And how can you be sure it was even my room that you were passing? I know that Sophia is prone to sleep talking, perhaps it was her room that you were at."
"No it was this room, I remember." Elizabeth persisted, "you were saying unintelligible things but I recall it vividly now because I remember being almost certain that I had heard my name—presumably that's what lead me to walk this way. I heard someone calling my name."
Caroline pulled her wrist out of Elizabeth's grip and placed it behind her, holding with her other hand fast the place where Elizabeth had gripped. Elizabeth looked curious and concerned, she stepped forward, Caroline stepped instinctively backwards and felt her knuckles graze the wall.
"I'd like to be your friend Miss Bingley, I understand we may not have gotten off on the best footing—but if you'll permit it, I'm not convinced you're very good at making friends, or that you have many female friends? And so I understand and am willing to look past our early differences—I'm amused really," Caroline furrowed her eyebrows defensively, "no charmingly amused, I assure you. I just—I just worry that you're not completely happy, and I'm curious to know why a woman that seems to have so much could be so unhappy."
Elizabeth stepped closer and brushed a strand of Caroline's hair behind her ear, "maybe we could help each other."
Caroline shuddered at her touch, transfixed by Elizabeth's closeness and her words. Still she was sceptical, no woman had even been this kind to her, or gone so far out of her way to understand her.
"How do you mean, help each other?"
Elizabeth smiled, "help each other be happy."
"Oh please, don't tell me that there is trouble in paradise? You and your sisters are the silliest, chattiest and most giggling group of girls—it's positively scandalous how much you solicit 'happiness'. And now you expect me to believe that you are unhappy? You? Who lives for not, unless it's to ensure other people that there is life outside of money, outside of marriage and outside of material acquisition?"
But Elizabeth was not deterred.
"You don't believe that there is?"
Caroline faltered, "For men, perhaps?"
"So you're unhappy that you're a woman? Is that why you hold your entire sex to such strict requirements? You're bitter."
"It's easy for you not to be, I suppose. Your father had no sons, only daughters."
"A fact that our mother constantly reminds us of. She's endlessly parading us in front of every eligible man within three counties. You think we look silly, yes I know we do. She wasn't always like that, it wasn't until Kitty and Lydia came along that she began to get desperate—I suspect that's why they are so ridiculous, they've never known her to be any other way."
They were quite for a moment, the house was still.
"Did you know that you were calling my name in your sleep last night?" Elizabeth asked suddenly. Caroline blushed and looked away, immediately felt silly for doing so and then said boldly, even recklessly,
"Yes, I had a dream about you."
"Curious, I had a dream about you as well." Elizabeth answered quickly. Caroline's hearth fluttered, she blinked.
"I thought you couldn't sleep. You went walking."
"I don't remember all of my walk, I'm prone to sleep walking. It's strange, you see, because in my dream I remember that your lip was bleeding and this morning your lip did bleed."
Caroline brought her hand up to her mouth again, touching her sore lip. She held Elizabeth's gaze certain that if she should look away the entire scene would materialize into thin air.
"My lip bled in my dream as well—perhaps the things that we dreamed are meant to come true." Caroline dared, wondering.
And then to Caroline's utter amazement Elizabeth's eyes looked her up and down, she leaned in, Caroline's heart pounded, she couldn't breath. Elizabeth placed her cheek next to Caroline's and whispered softly into her ear,
"I dreamed that you loved me." Elizabeth pulled back slightly to look into Caroline's eyes. Elizabeth smiled, and then leaned in again to whisper, "may I kiss you?"
Caroline could only nod, her cheek brushing Elizabeth's ever so slightly. Then Elizabeth took Caroline's hand from behind her and interlaced their fingers, one by one, she leaned in and placed her full lips gently over Caroline's. It was a chaste, sweet kiss but Elizabeth knew for certain this time that Elizabeth cold feel her heart beat in the bruise on her lip, and this realization only made it beat faster and harder. She squeezed Elizabeth's hand ever so slightly and breathed deep her sweet lavender smells. They lingered, like a dream, like a painting. Two beautiful women kissing against a wall—it wasn't brutal or ravaging like the kiss in her dream, but then in a way it was more wonderful.
Elizabeth pulled back and the spell broke. Caroline leaned back fully on the wall to steady herself.
"I do hope that we're friends now Miss Bingley."
Caroline felt a pang of disappointment but answered in a husked voice, "of course, we always were, please call me Caroline."
"I'm happy to hear it, but I promised Jane I would let her know if you were well, do you feel well enough for me to return her with her? Or should I stay on here and attend to you?" Caroline felt angry, made ridiculous somehow, only she couldn't think of how exactly.
"I'm fine, please, I want to be alone."
Elizabeth looked disappointed but she nodded none-the-less.
"Alright then, goodbye Caroline." Elizabeth leaned in to kiss Caroline again, but Caroline turned her head slightly so that Elizabeth could only kiss her cheek.
"Goodbye Eliza" Caroline said bitterly. Caroline remained leaned against the wall, in the dark, until the door had fully closed.
