.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
Special thanks to Gredelina1, Snarkymuch, Mary-Alice-Brandon-Cullen, Augustmoon99, Arrr and Verseseven my wonderful pre-reader/cheerleader team. And to Grrlnorth for beta'ing this mess for me.
Chapter Twelve — Absence
Bella POV
I missed Edward. He had only been gone two days, but already I was aching for him.
It seemed ridiculous that I was so attached already; I was sure if he was any other college student, he would have been freaked out by my clinginess. Even after spending all day together, it felt like a physical loss every time he left my house each evening.
I'd had idealized views on romance before I met him. I had thought love should sweep you off your feet and consume your every thought. It wasn't like that at first with him, but when I found myself defending him to his brother, I felt the first stirrings of attraction. That night the forest dream came back, and when I woke with Quil beside me, I felt an irrational pang of sadness that it was not Edward who was there to comfort me.
When I slept again, I dreamt of him. We were together in a garden; he was lying surrounded by flowers as I sat beside him. His closed eyes and serene expression made him look innocent and vulnerable, and I wanted nothing more than to protect him.
I was fairly sure he was anything but physically vulnerable, but he definitely was emotionally. There was sometimes sadness in his eyes that made him look like he had suffered far too much for his comparatively short years. Something, or someone, had hurt him; perhaps the loss of his parents, he said it had happened a long time ago. Whatever it was weighed heavily on him still.
Ordinarily, I would have been resentful of Alice's less than subtle manipulation to get Edward and me closer, but when he wrapped his arm around me – always so cautious – something shifted. I could not explain it even to myself, but there was something comforting and familiar about his touch. It felt like coming home. Now he was gone, and I was a pathetic mess.
Wherever it was he was going, I was sure it wasn't to deal with his parents' estate. His tension and the significant looks he exchanged with Alice screamed 'different'. And as I had told him I didn't want to know what these differences were, I couldn't ask what was really happening.
When I got to college in the morning, I was surprised that Rosalie arrived alone. Edward hadn't mentioned the others going away too. On the contrary, he had made a point of telling me Alice would be around to keep an eye out for me. I was pretty sure there was a double meaning in that, but true to my non-disclosure policy, I didn't ask.
"Alice, Jasper and Emmett have gone out of town for a couple of days," she explained, seeing my confusion.
"Is everything okay?"
The tightening around her eyes contradicted her easy reply. "Yeah, they only have a few classes today, so they went to visit a family friend for the weekend."
I didn't press the issue; for whatever reason, she didn't want to tell me true reason they were gone, and I respected that.
"I have to get to class," she said awkwardly. "Will I see you at lunch?"
I hadn't expected that. Rosalie was almost as quiet as Jasper when we were together as a group, always absorbed in a book or magazine. I had nothing to lose by meeting with her, and possibly something to gain. Edward was much more relaxed the first time we had lunch alone, maybe Rosalie would be the same.
I tried to hide my surprise as I answered. "Sure, I'll see you there."
We separated, each heading to a different class, and I felt cautiously hopeful that this would be the first step in getting to know her a little better.
I had a study period before our usual meeting time for lunch. Ordinarily, Edward and I used it to go over our notes from the morning's classes, but today I spent it trying to think of conversational topics for my time with Rosalie. For some unknown reason, it felt important that it go well.
The sun was out, so I went to the quad early, eager to soak up the good weather while I could. I lost track of time and it wasn't until I heard the sounds of others coming outside that I noticed how late it was. It was a good half hour after our usual meeting time, and Rosalie hadn't arrived. I felt a little resentful that she hadn't told me she was going to cancel; she had been the one to ask me, after all.
I didn't know her timetable, so I couldn't check to see if her class had overrun, so I checked the parking lot instead. Her M3 had been parked in the Volvo's usual spot beside my bike, but now there was an empty space.
"Well shit," I muttered to myself, my annoyance growing. She could have least left me a message to say she wasn't coming.
I had wasted so much time looking for her that I didn't have time to eat the lunch I had brought. I stalked inside, hungry and irritable, the beginnings of a headache forming at my temples. I considered cutting the day short and going home then, but my sensible side took over. I had worked hard to get here, and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity by skipping out on classes.
When I got home that afternoon, my answer machine was blinking with a new message. I played it, expecting it to be from my mother, and looking forward to hearing her comforting voice. It was not Renee's familiar tones that spoke though, it was Rosalie.
"Bella, I'm sorry I missed you at lunch, something came up at home and I had to leave in a hurry. I didn't have your cell phone number so I couldn't reach you. I was looking forward to talking with you, so I was hoping I could come to your house later. Give me a call and let me know." She rattled off the Cullens' phone number and hung up.
My first instinct was to delete the message and forget about it, but she did seem apologetic. It could have been a real emergency that had called her home, something could have happened to Edward. Panic seized me, and with shaking hands I picked up the handset and dialed.
"Cullen residence," a melodious voice answered.
"Rosalie?"
"Oh Bella, I'm glad you called. I'm really sorry about lunch. Did you get my message?"
"Yes, what happened? Is Edward okay?"
"What? Oh, yeah he's fine, it was my mother. We had a problem with the power, and she overreacted. I got a panicked call. Everything is fine now."
I sighed in relief. I could relate to the overreacting mother situation. Renee had always been a tad dramatic, but she was much worse since the accident. I was a little embarrassed by my own overreaction.
"Are you still there?" I heard a whispered voice in the background and wondered who was talking.
"I'm here. So, do you want to come over tonight? We could get a pizza – you don't have to eat it – and watch a movie."
"I'd like that. What time should I come?"
"I have a few things I need to do, so how about around seven?"
"Sounds good. I'll see you then."
We exchanged goodbyes and I hung up. I was relieved Edward was okay, and looking forward to seeing Rosalie, but something still felt wrong. There was no rational reason behind it, but I couldn't shake the feeling.
I still had a couple of hours before she was due to arrive, so I made coffee and settled down at the kitchen table to go over my notes for class, and make a start on my assigned reading.
It wasn't as fun working without Edward; I had become used to his company, and found my thoughts returning to him and whatever he was doing, rather than the notes I was supposed to be studying. After an hour, I gave it up as a bad job and packed my books away. It was a Friday, so I had the weekend to make up for my failed session, and hopefully Edward would be back by then.
Still antsy with nervous energy, I changed into my sweats and went for a run. I shunned my usual circuitous route between my house and campus and headed into the park. I wanted something to challenge me, and navigating the rough trail would take all my concentration. It was exactly what I needed to take my mind from my irrational fears for Edward.
I immersed myself in the run. The rhythmic pounding of my feet against the leafy floor was comforting in its familiarity. I had been dependant on others for so long after the accident, at times it felt like running was the only thing I could do for myself. Though I often had company, I could decide my path and speed. In those early days it was all I had to cling to.
I was almost at the ridge when my footsteps faltered. I felt a wave of dizziness sweep over me, making my eyes blur. I rested my hands against my knees and took deep breaths, hoping it would pass. It didn't.
With startling speed, I saw the ground coming to meet me.
xXx
Rosalie POV
I smiled as I hung up the phone. I was going to get my time with Bella, and best of all, Edward wasn't here to hear me thinking about it.
I knew I was leaving myself open to his questioning – not to mention Emmett's glee – when I arranged to meet with her, but for once I didn't care. New Bella was interesting, and I wanted my chance to get to know her too.
She was no longer the naïve teenager that was dazzled by the idea of immortality; she was a woman who knew her own mind. Her choice to remain innocent of our true nature was evidence of that maturity. All my reasons for hating her before were redundant; she was no longer a threat to us, and by her own choices rather than ours, she was going to remain that way.
I had been forced to leave campus when the sun came out late morning. I barely made it to my car sans sparkle as it slid behind a cloud. I was a little annoyed that Alice hadn't thought to check ahead before she left. I could have been trapped inside all day, or worse, I could have exposed us all.
Esme had stood by my side as I called Bella, and as I finished the call she gave me a pleading look.
I crossed my arms over my chest, fixing her with a stern look. "No, Esme."
"I didn't even ask," she said, affecting a look of innocence.
"You didn't need to, your expression said it all. You can't come with me. College students don't take their mothers when they are visiting friends. We have a charade to keep up, after all."
She frowned. "I don't want to come with you, I was just going to offer to drive you."
I felt sorry for her, but not sorry enough to allow her to play soccer mom. She and Carlisle were at a disadvantage; having to keep the role of parents, they didn't get to see Bella as much as the rest of us did. Esme had it the worst of all, as she couldn't see Bella on campus as Carlisle could. She was limited to living vicariously through the others, questioning us about everything we had discussed while we were with her, and what we had done. Though we would never say it to her, Esme was now in competition with Edward for the role of family stalker.
"Bella knows I have a car and would find it strange if you drove me. I'm sure she'll come by the house sooner or later."
She looked mutinous. "But she already knows there is something different about us. What harm could it do?"
"She knows we are different, but she doesn't know details, and I'm pretty sure Edward wants to keep it that way. We have to behave as human as possible if we aren't going to blow our cover completely."
It was a little underhanded of me to play the Edward card, but it worked. Sighing heavily, she went back to her sketching.
It wasn't only that I wanted to keep Bella from discovering our true nature, though I was certain of that, but I also wanted my time with her. If any vestiges of 'Old Bella' remained, she would invite Esme in, and before I knew it they would be chatting happily and I would be ignored in a corner. Again.
I called goodbye to a grumbling Esme and headed out to the car.
I knew her mood was compounded by the lack of news from Carlisle and the others. Alice had sent a text that said all was okay, but that didn't tell us much. Had they dealt with Victoria yet? Had Irina held up her end of the deal?
I was going to be having serious words with Emmett when he got home. He was probably too caught up in the excitement of the coming fight to think of calling me. I would make sure he didn't forget again.
When I arrived at Bella's house, I was surprised to find it in darkness. Her bike was in the drive, but there was no sign of life in the house. I wondered if she had forgotten our plans. It wasn't inconceivable, we had all seen her making surreptitious notes on her phone or sticky pad when there was something she needed to do. Maybe she forgot today.
Her scent was all around her house, branching off in different directions. The freshest was heading toward the wooded park behind her house, so I followed it.
Once I gained the cover of the trees, I was able to move a little faster. Her scent was fresh along the rough trail, and I realized she had gone running. I couldn't allow her to see me; it would be hard to explain how I knew where she was without giving too much away. This was Bella though, she may have improved poise, but I was willing to bet she was as much of a danger-magnet as ever.
I was approaching a ridge looking out over the town when her heartbeat joined the sounds of the forest. I hurried towards the sound and saw her lying unconscious on the ground. I cursed under my breath as I ran to her side.
She was breathing and her heartbeat was strong, but she didn't stir when I called her name. I swept her into my arms and ran back along the path. If I could get close enough to the main road without being spotted, I could call Esme for help and we could drive her to the hospital. I would draw too much attention carrying her to my car alone; there was no way I would have been able to carry her if I was human.
I had not had such close contact with a human in decades, not since I had dealt out my revenge to Royce and his friends. Her warm weight in my arms was oddly pleasant.
We were almost back at the road when she began to stir. Her eyes opened slowly, and she slammed them shut again.
She groaned. "Edward."
"No, it's Rosalie."
She blinked rapidly and looked up at me, her eyes now focused.
"Can you put me down please, I think I'm going to be sick."
She did look a little green. I eased her to her feet and kept an arm clamped around her waist, ready to steady her if she showed signs of falling. She took a few deep breaths and her color returned to its usual pallor.
"What happened?" I asked. My tone was a little sharper than I intended, but I was thinking of all the possible reasons for her to lose consciousness, and they were disconcerting.
"Pretty sure I fainted," she said. For someone that had been unconscious on the ground a few minutes ago, she sounded remarkably composed. "I missed lunch and then went running. I'll be fine once I have eaten."
Oh crap. I had made her miss lunch. Edward was going to be insufferable about this. He had always been overprotective, but since she returned to our lives, brain damaged, he was even worse.
"I think you should go to the ER and get checked out. It could be something serious."
"I'm fine, I just need to eat. You can let go now." She looked pointedly at the arm that was still clamped around her waist.
I really thought she should see a doctor, but didn't know how to push the subject without revealing the fact that we knew about her previous injury. Deciding my medical knowledge would suffice, I released the arm from her waist and began walking toward her house. I kept the pace intentionally slow to allow her time to regain her equilibrium.
When we got back onto her street, she saw my car parked outside her house. "How did you find me?" she asked.
"When I got here, you weren't home. I was concerned, so I came looking for you."
"How did you know where I was, though?" she asked.
I frowned. I wasn't sure exactly how much she knew about our enhanced abilities, and didn't want to reveal too much by saying that I followed her scent.
She caught my troubled expression and shook her head decisively. "Forget I asked."
Fine by me. "If you insist." My tone was light, but it didn't entirely hide my relief.
"So, before the unfortunate fainting business, did you enjoy your run?" I asked, breaking the awkward moment.
She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, it was great, I like the park trail. It's not as good as Finger Lakes, but nothing is."
Not for the first time I found myself considering this new Bella compared to the stumbling insecure girl she had been before. She was so different now. I wondered if the new stronger self was always there, but concealed by her insecurities. Admittedly, I hadn't paid much attention to her before, other than to consider the threat she posed to our family.
She unlocked her front door and gestured me in ahead of her. I was going to suggest something to eat to boost her blood sugar, but she was already taking a soda from the fridge and gulping it down.
"Do you mind entertaining yourself while I take a quick shower?" she asked. "Feel free to have a look around. There are some DVDs on the shelves if you want to pick something out."
I drifted over to the bookshelves, watching from my peripheral vision as she took the phone from the hall and headed up the stairs.
She had a varied book collection, not just the classics she had been so fond of when she was in Forks. I scanned the titles, looking for familiar names that I could use to keep conversation going, when I spotted a brightly- colored notebook.
I paused, my hand hovering over it, curious but not wanting to invade her privacy. My curiosity won, and I pulled the book down and flipped through the pages. It looked like a scrapbook, each page headed with a number and random title. One page was headed 'Climb Everest,' and below that were pasted pictures of the mountain.
My attention was drawn from the book and back to Bella as I heard rapid dialing of the phone. I thought she would be calling her mother or Charlie, and was surprised when I heard the greeting for a doctor's messaging service.
"Hey Dr. Ribot. It's Bella Swan. Just calling with an update. I had a fainting episode today. I'm pretty sure it's just because I missed a meal and then exercised, but I figured you'd want to know anyway. No other developments. Talk to you soon. Bye."
I considered what I had heard. She was apparently still under the care of a doctor from the rehab unit, and was keeping them updated. Did this mean there were consequences from her injury we didn't know about, or was her doctor just being cautious?
Edward was going to be frantic, especially as he couldn't even question her about it. There was no way to hide this from him either, he was going to be searching my thoughts to see what happened as soon as he heard Bella had fainted. If I could persuade her to tell him about the amnesia, it would make things so much simpler. Though, how I could do that without leaving us open to her questions, I didn't know.
I was still trying to work out a solution when she came back downstairs, toweling her hair dry. I was surprised by how relaxed she was. Nobody but Emmett ever saw me at anything but my most polished, even when I was hunting.
"I'm going to order pizza for dinner. I know you don't eat, but is there anything I can get you? You thirsty?"
The innocence of her question made me smile. "No thanks, I'm not thirsty."
She called in her order, then sat beside me on the couch and combed through her wet hair. I was struggling to find something to talk about, but she seemed perfectly at ease with the silence. I realized the irony of the situation. I – the vampire – was nervous, while the weak human was perfectly at ease.
She definitely had the better deal. From her point of view we were trying to create a friendship after a month's acquaintance in which, to her, I had just been unusually quiet. Whereas I was trying to create a friendship after three years of resentment. First because of her presence in my (up until then) perfect family, then because she took Edward from us for a year, and he returned a changed man. Now that she was back, I was grateful. She had brought the real Edward back, and made him happier than ever before.
I realized I had been watching her a little too intently. She caught my eye and looked a little confused. "Everything okay?"
I was saved from answering by the arrival of her dinner. She chatted with the delivery boy for a moment, just friendly banter, but I heard his heart rate increase as she laughed at a particularly bad joke. He had a little crush.
Edward always said Bella was oblivious to her ability to charm the males of Forks High; apparently that was something else she had carried over to her new personality.
The slightly dazzled delivery boy left, and she came back clutching a box of revolting smelling pizza. She seemed immune to the scent, and began eating with relish. After a few minutes of happy munching – for her – and trying to control the urge to gag – for me – she looked up and frowned.
"I know you don't eat, but is it really so repulsive to watch me?" There was definitely irritation in her tone.
"Sorry, no. It's not watching you that is the problem, it's the smell. That red stuff is very potent."
"Pepperoni," she said happily. "It smells pretty gross for everyone, but it tastes good."
She put her plate down and got up to open a window. "You could have just told me. You didn't have to make yourself uncomfortable. It's not like you were that good at hiding it, anyway."
I was hiding it just fine, she only noticed because of her eerie perception skills. Pity that wasn't left behind with her clumsiness.
She picked up her slice again and nibbled at it unenthusiastically, eventually putting it back into the box and carrying it through to the kitchen.
"Does all food smell bad to you?" she asked curiously.
"Yes. Some more than others, but it is all varying degrees of horrible. Why do you ask?"
"Because I have apparently been torturing Edward with my meals for a few weeks now, and I wondered how bad it was. Now I know I can do something about it."
"You shouldn't change your diet just to make things easier for him," I said a little more forcefully than I had intended. Edward could suffer, she shouldn't let his comfort dictate her human needs.
"I don't plan to," she said with a laugh. "I'll kick him out for mealtimes. I just wish the idiot had told me himself. It's not like I don't already know you are 'different', why does he feel the need to suffer?"
The easy way she mentioned our differences made me curious. She seemed to accept them just as easily as she had when she knew all the facts. How could she accept it so readily?
She caught my eye. "Whatever you want to know, just ask."
"You know we are different, but you don't want to know more," I said. "Why?"
"Why what? Why do I know you're different? 'Cause that's easy, you are all crappy actors. Why don't I want to know more? That's a little more complicated. Would you rather I asked lots of questions?"
"Definitely not," I said firmly. I was a little worried she would start questioning me. "I am just trying to understand."
She sank back in the chair, hugging a brightly-decorated cushion to her chest. After a moment's contemplation she spoke. "I was curious at first. I had wondered about you for a while, but I know how it feels to be seen as different, and didn't think your family would enjoy the sensation any more than I did."
I wondered how much scrutiny she had been forced to suffer by the people of Forks. Never the most open-minded of people, add to that the scarcity of good gossip, she must have kept their conversations going for months.
"When I fell for Edward." A small smile played across her lips as she said his name. "It ceased to matter what you were; it was too late for me to turn away. I asked my questions, telling myself if he said it was not safe for me, I would leave him, but I don't believe I really could. He promised me he wouldn't hurt me, and so I don't want to know more. I have my own secrets, and I want to be allowed to keep them. It only seems fair that you should get to keep yours, too."
"So the only reason you don't want to know our secret is because you want to be able to keep your own?" I asked.
I knew Edward felt horribly guilty about this. We hadn't even questioned the decision to pry into her life. As usual, we wanted to know something and we had gone searching through private records to discover it.
She frowned. "That's not the only reason. This probably sounds crazy, but I think I am safer not knowing. There must be a reason you are hiding the differences – or attempting to, anyway."
"That's not crazy at all. You're right, it really is safer if you don't know."
She nodded. "That's what I thought. Just because Edward said he won't hurt me, it doesn't mean others won't."
I stared at her with open admiration. She knew the risks. If ever I had doubted her conviction in the choice to remain unaware of our nature, this had proven me wrong.
She blushed a little under my intent gaze."Are we done with the heavy topics?" she asked. "Do you want to watch a movie now, or just talk?"
I laughed. "No more heavy topics. We can watch a movie if you like, but there was something else I wanted to ask. When you were in the shower, I had a look round, and I found something."
She looked a little nervous, and I was sure she was thinking about all the things she would have in her home that would reveal the nature of her disability. I hurried to reassure her.
"Well it's this," I said holding out the bulging scrapbook. "I wasn't prying, but it was on the shelf and I was curious."
She visibly relaxed. "It's my bucket list."
"Bucket list?"
"A list of things to do before you die?" she said, taking the book from me.
"Isn't that a little morbid?" I asked. I thought humans did all they could to ignore the reality of their limited lifespan.
"I don't think so. No one lives forever, and there are a lot of things I want to do with my life. If I don't have a plan, I'll never get them done."
She flipped through the pages. "Here, I want to run a marathon. That's a simple one, totally achievable. Whereas climbing Mount Everest is more of a fantasy. Doesn't mean I can't try, though."
"No one lives forever," I mumbled, thoughtfully.
I had an eternity to live, but what was I doing with it? I went to high school and college, then we moved towns and started the process all over again. All the opportunities I had to do more were hindered by the belief that I had forever in which to do them.
Excitement rushed through me. "Can you help me make one?"
"Absolutely," she said happily. "Hang on." She searched the bookshelves and pulled out a notebook covered in silver sequins. It was a little gaudy; Alice would love it.
"I found it in a kitsch store over the weekend," she explained, seeing my amused look. "I saw the sequined cover and had to buy it. When the sun catches it just right, it sparkles."
It sparkles. That explained the attraction; she had found the hardcover equivalent of our skin.
She leaned forward, smiling brightly.
"Well Rosalie, what do you want to do with your time on earth?"
Thank you to all who read and reviewed the last chapter. If you would like a teaser of the next chapter let me know in a review or a PM.
Simaril x
