A/N: Well, after many, many, many hours of trying to make this retreat different from the one the Bellas went on in the movie, here it finally is. This is part one of two.
Corinne, you are by far and away my very best friend. You always provide the love and support I need when I need it. Thank you for always pushing me to do things out of my comfort zone so that I can post my very best work. Love you!
o~O~o
Chapter 12
Retreats and Recruits
o~O~o
With everyone and everything finally loaded into the stretch limo, the girls were on their way to Big Bear Lake and all it had to offer. For Beca, the weekend was going to be trying at best, or at the very worst, it was going to be just as bad as the past month of missing Jesse had been. Beca knew if she didn't sleep in the car on the way all hell was going to break loose and they would all get fired for getting themselves arrested for bitching fighting in public. Giving each girl her signature death glare, Beca put her earbuds in, turned her music up and shut the world out. They had an almost three hour car ride and she didn't want to hear anything but music because she certainly didn't want or need any more weirdness; she had already had enough of that to last a lifetime. She fluffed her pillow, laid her sock feet in Amy's lap, without asking permission, and got comfortable for what she hoped would be a pleasant nap.
Amy started subconsciously rubbing Beca's feet, ensuring that she was sound asleep before they even got to the freeway. Flo was wearing earbuds, reading a book upside down and taking inventory of the exits in the event of an emergency. While Kimmy and Lilly tried to stare each other down with menacing ninja eyes, Amy decided to use the time to examine the bruises she got from sliding down the stairs the night before.
It wasn't long before Kimmy Jin was desperately trying to avoid touching Lilly who was changing seats in the limo every mile or so, claiming that NASA was on to her. There were several times that Lilly turned her head so that her ear was parallel to the floor and began whacking herself on the head while chanting "boom, boom, chiga, chiga, boom".
When Amy asked her what the hell she was doing, she said that she was trying to knock the tracking device in her head loose so that she could throw it out the window and keep the Feds guessing. The other girls were staring at each other and thinking that the drive was going to be long and anything but boring.
Each of them knew the real reason behind Beca being sent on the retreat and the reason for her extra grumpy mood that morning but nobody wanted to upset her any further. About forty minutes on the road, Amy was beyond bored. She sighed loudly three times before she got everyone's attention.
"There's only one thing to do at a time like this-"
Flo interrupted. "-Fake your own death and flee the country?"
"Uhh… no." Amy said looking confused. "I was going to suggest that we play a game."
Lilly smiled wickedly and said she would play if she could keep her lucky penny under her tongue. Kimmy said that she wasn't interested in being social because she would rather play 'Candy Crush' on her phone and Flo said that she was game as long as she didn't get shoved in a plastic shipping container as part of the game.
Amy suggested games like 'I Spy' and 'The Alphabet Game' but was met with, 'That's boring' and 'How childish?'. Going back to the drawing board, Amy thought about what a fun game would be and while thinking, she looked down at Beca's socks, noting the playing card symbols stitched neatly in a row. It gave her an idea. So, when she asked if they all had cash and suggested that they play poker, all the girls seemed to perk up and look interested.
So while Beca slept, the girls played poker but it wasn't long before their enthusiasm began to really kick in and the stakes began to get higher than just cash. Things were getting so interesting that even Kimmy Jin put down her phone to join in the fun. Jewelry, concert tickets and spa days started to come into play until Lilly took her cardigan off which gave Amy another idea… strip poker!
So with the stakes officially being 'win or get naked', the girls really needed to get their heads into the game. The girls raided the booze and snacks from the mini bar and started playing. Sure, drinking hadn't been on the original agenda but they had an entire weekend to spend together and what better way to get things started than to have a few drinks.
Within twenty minutes, the mini bar was dry and Beca had woken up to find Amy sitting in just her panties and bra. She watched the girls play poker through half closed eyes for a few minutes and when Amy called out that she had couldn't hold her drink and the cards in one hand she wedged her glass between her legs, Beca, without batting an eyelid, suggested that she 'keep it in her pants maybe?', making them all jump.
Nobody was happier than Beca when they finally exited the freeway and passed the sign for 'The Lodge of Fallen Leaves'. She suggested that the girls pack up their stuff and put their clothes back on. It took her nearly five minutes to talk Amy into putting her shirt on and an extra three before she'd put her shorts on as she wanted acknowledgment that she was the winner of the poker game. Beca wasn't sure Amy had the concept of the game quite locked down considering she was the only one not wearing everything she should have been.
Beca wondered if it would be worth it to take up smoking.
Bernie pulled the car around to the reception area and leapt out of the car to open the door for the girls. Amy, Flo, Kimmy Jin and Lilly all tried to get out of the same door at the same time, pushing and shoving each other. Beca felt a little unwell as she waited for the rush to subside, the smell in the limo was similar to sewer drains. She started gagging when Amy turned around and apologized for crop dusting the car.
Eventually, they were all lined up outside the vehicle as Bernie retrieved the bags out of the trunk. Looking around at each other and sending silent questions as to what they were supposed to be doing next, the answer came from a voice that sounded similar to nails on a chalkboard.
o~O~o
"Hello ladies! Welcome to the Lodge of Fallen Leaves where fortune 500 companies send their employees to build teamwork skills. I'm Alice and I'll be your camp counselor for the weekend."
Beca rolled her eyes. Was this bitch serious?
"You should know that I have a knack for barking orders and bending peoples will sooo… FALL IN LINE BITCHES! No slouching! No straggling! I see you!"
She yelled so loudly that Beca jumped and rubbed her belly in fear of what they were in for over the next few days. Her little hair bun actually bounced. Amy couldn't help but laugh. It was probably one of the funniest things she'd ever seen. She liked seeing the usually fearless, awesome badass Beca, 'The Big B. M.' look like she was falling apart at the seams. Amy gave Beca a big shove so that she moved into a straight line along with everyone else.
As Alice walked down the line, staring at each girl as she continued to bark at them. "It is with great sorrow and regret that your boss had to call me. He's disappointed that the team he was once so proud of has become such a disgrace to Warner Brothers Records."
"I'm not part of this team." Flo complained. "I'm-"
"-I don't care. I don't want to hear it." Alice said. "He wants his team back and I've promised that when you return to work on Monday, that he will see marked improvement. He will see a team that can and will work together cohesively-"
"Can I have the keys to our room?" Amy asked.
Alice got nose to nose with Amy, "Zip. It!"
"This retreat signifies a chance at redemption. You don't have a chance at winning until you learn to work together as a team. And," Alice continued looking directly at Flo as she opened her mouth to speak again, "it doesn't matter if you work together in the real world or not. So, for the next three days, you will be doing everything together until you regain your teammanshipness. Ladies, get ready to be transformed. You are surrounded with the strength of nature, your team and everyone here, oh… and a few dozen bear traps so don't stray too far from the marked paths. Ok… let's go!"
"Is 'teammanshipness' even a word?" Beca mumbled to herself, earning her a thousand yard stare from Alice in response. "Look, I'm dying for a steak and some salad." Beca told Alice. "Then I'd like the name of my cabana boy so I can get him to fetch me fruity beverages while I lay out by the pool and work on my tan."
"Yeah, I'm with Beca on this one. Where's the key to my room?" Amy asked Alice. "I need to get changed for some fun in the sun!"
"Amy… is that your name?"
"Yeah…"
"There are no guest rooms for you."
"Then where are we staying?"
"As part of your team building exercises, you have to earn your shelter. You'll need to complete several tasks before you're rewarded with a tent, which you'll have to learn to put together with only a partial set of instructions."
"You've got to be kidding me right now?!" Beca finally said, throwing down her duffle bag in frustration.
"Beca, each exercise you complete will earn you and your team members something that will be of use to you during your stay."
Beca rolled her eyes. Alice was speaking like she was a Stepford Wife. It was really quite scary. "And what does that mean exactly?"
"That means that you'll get nothing for free."
"Not even food?!" Amy asked.
"Nope… not even food." Alice smirked. "You'll have to complete a task to earn a fishing pole that you'll need to use to catch your dinner… BUT, you'll also have to complete a task to earn a flint to start a fire that you'll use to cook your dinner and stay warm at night."
"Alice… this may come as a complete surprise to you, but we're all from the city. None of us knows how to fish or start a fire, let alone make a tent with only partial instructions." Beca told her. "And if I'm not mistaken, none of us want to do it either."
"I think it's pitch a tent." Kimmy Jin hissed out of the corner of her mouth.
"Pitching a tent!" Amy yelled, laughing loudly. "Isn't that-"
"-Exactly the reason I didn't want to use that phrase." Beca said, in answer to Kimmy Jin's remark.
"Beca, maybe you missed what I was saying earlier. You're here to learn to work as a team, so you'll need to figure these things out among yourselves."
"You're really gonna let us starve if we don't catch fish?" Beca asked as she caught a glimpse of Lilly and Kimmy. She noticed that both of them were staring holes into Alice's perfectly tanned skin. "How is this even remotely fun?"
"Today, your first task to complete is a scavenger hunt." Alice said, ignoring Beca. "You will need to find the items on this list."
"Well… that shouldn't be too hard." Kimmy muttered. "We can all split up and cover more ground that way."
Alice shook her head. "No, you misunderstood me. I said you have to do everything as a team… remember? Which is why you're going to be tied together for this exercise."
"Tied together?" Beca asked. "Is this Camp Kinky?"
"If it is, I'm calling Bumpy." Amy mused.
"Reign in the bad attitude Beca, it'll get you nowhere." Alice pointed out. "Well… except maybe the unemployment line."
They had been at the camp less than twenty minutes and already Beca was ready to go back home. She'd had enough. Sawyer had to have been drunk when he made the decision to send them to this camp that was being run by a total Nazi. If they made it through the weekend, she was going to march into Sawyer's office first thing on Monday and let him have it. With both barrels!
This chick in charge, who looked vaguely familiar to Beca, had to be out of her fucking mind if she thought Beca was going to allow herself to be tied to the other girls and sent out into the woods. She wanted a place to charge her laptop, crank up the volume on her iPod and chill out. Whatever happened to yoga in the woods, endless ice cream and walking around in bathrobes?
"Ladies, please line up." Alice asked them as she produced a rope from out of nowhere.
"Uhh… what is that and what are you doing with it?" Flo asked pointing to the rope.
"This is a paracord rope with survival cord bracelets attached to it. I'm going to attach you to one another so that you cannot split up. This a team building trust exercise." She said as she attached the first bracelet to Lilly's wrist, locking it with a padlock.
"So, let me get this straight… we have to stay connected to each other for the entire weekend?" Beca asked.
"No Beca, one of the things you'll have to find along the way is the key that unlocks the bracelets and releases you from one another."
"No way!"
"And… every time you hear me blow the whistle, you have to stop what you're doing and sing this song…"
"I'm a beaver
You're a beaver
We are beavers all
And when we get together
We do our beaver call"
"After you say the word call, you'll have to make a noise and action like a beaver." Alice finished explaining.
"You know my beaver only cries out for Bumper." Amy announced, looking immensely proud of herself. "He loves to smother it in salsa and exotic capers."
"Oh my God! Amy! No, just no! Alice, look this is ludicrous!" Beca yelled. "Can we change the song… anything, anything but that stupid song about the beaver? I don't have time to tell why having Amy sing that song is a whole world of no."
"What are you willing to give up to change the song?" Alice asked.
"I'll pay you whatever you want. Name your price." Beca said, reaching into her purse.
"No, you have to give up something of value."
"Well… shit!" Beca sighed, looking down to see if she was wearing any rings or an expensive watch. She wasn't, so opened her purse again to see what she could offer. "Take my iPad… I get it back when we leave, right?"
"Yes, you do." Alice said, taking the item offered to her. "New song…"
"'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off"
"Aww fuck… Taylor Swift? Really?" Beca moaned.
"As you sing, you have to 'shake it off' at the end and extra credit will be given to those that twerk the best." Alice told them.
"Twerk?" Flo asked. "Is that an American form of water skiing?"
"Seriously Flo?"
"Is anyone in your group on drugs?" Alice asked Beca.
"You'd think so." Beca sighed heavily. "Unfortunately, this is them on a good day."
Soon, the girls each had a bracelet attached to them with Beca in the lead position. She was given the list of items to find and they were sent on their way, in the direction of a group of trees that lined a trail that seemed to run to a mountain range in the distance. Beca had no idea why she'd been chosen to lead the group, even with a breadcrumb trail, flashlight and a GPS, she was pretty navigationally challenged. This wasn't going to end well.
o~O~o
As they began their trek through the woods Beca became more and more pissed. It was stupid for them to be team building when she had a career to save and new talent to find. Sure, she knew she'd been neglecting her job for the past few weeks but she had every reason to feel aggrieved, didn't she? With every step she took, she got madder at both Sawyer and Jesse, cussing at them under her breath, just quiet enough so that nobody else could hear her. She looked over the list and the clues that were supposed to lead them to the supplies they would need for the weekend.
1). Follow your heart, to the handyman soothes knitters.
"What the actual fuck?" Beca said as she read out the first line on the paper. "I don't understand what that means..."
"We need to walk four trees in from the clearing and then take a sharp right, and walk 200 yards east." Kimmy Jin said, gesturing in the general direction of where they needed to go.
"How the fuck did you-" Beca questioned, almost losing her eyebrows into her hairline.
"-Follow your heart, which means east. To the handyman soothes knitters is an anagram of 'to the moon and the stars in the sky' which were lyrics sung by All 4 One. The band's first gig sold 200 tickets and one of the band members, I think his name is Delious, always had to stand on the right hand side of the stage." Kimmy Jin explained to the four other girls who stood looking at her like she had two heads. "Makes perfect sense."
"Are you sure?" Beca asked, looking back down at the first clue. "Can we believe that?"
"What choice do you have?" Kimmy Jin asked, fixing an icy glare on her boss.
"She's right. Just do as she says." Amy hissed in Beca's ear.
"Well fuck." Beca stated and began to walk off in the direction that Kimmy Jin had indicated.
"Is any of that true KJ?" Amy whispered, maintaining just enough distance to avoid icy burn.
"No clue." Kimmy admitted. "But the Boss Lady needed to hear it."
"Oh shit." Amy laughed.
"Lilly?" Kimmy called out behind her shoulder to the last in the group. "Run ahead and see if you can see anything."
"On it." Lilly mumbled before slipping out of the cord around her wrist off. She snuck left into the trees and was soon shimming up the tree faster than a jungle cat.
"How far Kimmy?" Beca yelled from the front of the line. "Wait, is that Lilly up ahead? How did... aaarrrgh!"
Beca turned to look and see if Lilly was still following behind and caught her foot on a tree root. She fell like a sack of potatoes to the ground below and cussed spitefully into a pile of leaves.
"Beca!" Amy said, charging forward at such a speed that she almost pulled the other girls over. "Are you hurt?"
"I hate this fucking place." Beca moaned as she sat up, rubbing her ankle. "I'm ok. Just help me up."
Amy pulled up her friend with one easy tug and began to brush bits of bark and leaves off of her. Beca smacked her hand away when she got too close for comfort and dusted off her own chest.
"I saw Lilly up ahead." Beca said, looking up to search for her again.
"I'm right here." Lilly murmured from behind.
"You... wait?"
"I've literally been here the whole time." Lilly offered in way of explanation. Amy turned suspiciously.
"How did you move so fast?" Amy asked her, having seen her join the group again not a minute before.
"Unagi."
"Ooh narr gee?" Amy questioned but Lilly just put her fingers to her lips.
"Eyes front!" Beca ordered, giving her clothes one last shake as she moved off. "Let's get this shit over with."
Kimmy Jin turned to Lilly who nodded and whispered they were on the right path and that there was a water station and second clue ahead.
Reaching the checkpoint two minutes later, Beca was impressed that they'd even made it that far. She looked down at the second clue as Flo stepped forward to collect enough water bottles for everyone. She handed them out as Beca read out the second clue.
2). Find the follow items:
Pinecone
Something beginning with 'B'
Interesting shaped rock
Something that doesn't belong
Feather
Something yellow
"Why do I suddenly feel like a twelve year old again?" Beca moaned as she refolded the instructions and slipped them into her pocket. "This shit is going to take all day."
"Not really." Flo said, picking up the small, neatly wrapped package from the table with Beca's name on it. "We already have four of the items."
"How so?" Amy asked, looking around.
"Amy's shirt has a pinecone on it." Flo said, pointing to Amy's chest.
"Good call!" Amy yelled with an overabundance of enthusiasm. "We have something beginning with a 'B' as well."
"What?" Beca asked, wincing in preparation for the answer. "And please, no references to beavers."
"I was gonna say boobs." Amy said, mock acting being hurt. "But we also have bum, bras and a bitch… I mean Beca."
"Thank you for saying bum before me." Beca said sarcastically before turning back to Flo. "What else do we have?"
"Kimmy Jin has a feather on her Native American bracelet." Flo said, pointing to Kimmy's left wrist. They all crowded round to look and there was the smallest hint of a smile on Kimmy Jin's lips. "Plus, the something that doesn't belong is me."
"You?"
"Yes, after I'm spied on by the drones above, I am likely to be deported." Flo explained. "I will try to re-enter the country illegally but will probably die at sea."
"You're all so weird." Beca huffed out before taking a large gulp of water. "I can't even be bothered to argue. Let's get on with it and find the other things and get the heck out of here."
After thirty minutes of looking for an odd shaped rock on the ground, Beca decided that they should all sit for a few minutes. Without a word of complaint, the girls all flopped to the ground to rest.
"This is stupid." Beca moaned. "Who do I have to see about getting us out of this." She held up her wrist with the cord around it.
"We could use the key?" Flo said, pulling the package she'd collected an hour earlier, out of her pocket.
"Wait what? You've got the key in your pocket to get us out of this shit?" Beca hissed. "Hand it over Flo."
"What about the tent Beca?" Amy asked not wanting to sleep under the stars.
"Fuck that Amy. I'll find the bitch, Elise… Alicia…"
"Alice." Amy interrupted.
"Whatever her name is. I'll make a deal with her." Beca replied, sighing heavily. Flo shot Amy a look that showed she didn't understand what was going on.
"Don't you think we should talk about this?" Amy said.
"No." Beca said, holding out her hands for the key. "Flo, the key... Please."
Flo reluctantly held out the key for Beca who snatched it and shoved it into the lock on her wrist. Within seconds she was free and handed the key to Kimmy Jin before standing up and walking away from everyone.
"What crawled up her ass?" Lilly asked as the rest of the girls began to unlock themselves.
"Does this mean we don't get to finish the task?" Flo asked as they began to follow Beca out of the woods and back towards the camp.
They all walked in silence back towards the camp. It wasn't until they could see the outline of the main building that anybody spoke.
"Collect your bags girls. I'm calling a cab." Beca said quietly as they approached the main door where their belongings were stored.
"We can't leave." Flo said. "Mr. Luke won't like that."
"Well, he's not here, is he?" Beca snapped.
"Beca, we've come this far. Shouldn't we-"
"You don't need my permission to do anything!" Beca yelled, too tired to give a shit any longer. "I want to go home."
"We could just take someone else's tent." Lilly said, pointing to a stack of canvas tents, neatly folded and stored in bags. Piles of tent pegs and a couple of mallets were just behind the tents.
"Could we?" Kimmy Jin asked.
"Do you guys actually want to stay?" Beca asked incredulously.
"It is pretty here Beca." Amy said in reply.
"What if they ask where the scavenger stuff is?" Beca posed another question.
"Then we tell them we handed it into a different camp counselor." Lilly whispered, looking all around her, for anyone in authority.
"Please Beca?" Amy mumbled.
"Oh for fucks sake, grab a tent and let's get on with it." Beca said as she threw her hands up in the air. "I'm past caring."
Kimmy Jin and Amy set out to steal one of the tents that had been left lying around. Beca was worrying that everything was working out far too easily. She was waiting for Alice to jump out in front of her and bitch her out for not playing the game properly. She silently cursed Sawyer again.
"Where do we need to go now?" Amy asked as they rejoined the rest of the team.
"Who gives a fuck. Just don't pitch the damn thing on one of those bear traps." Beca mused. "Lilly, go and find us some water from somewhere. Steal it if you have to. Flo, can you go and find some kindling for the fire. Kimmy Jin, please go and rescue our luggage. Amy, pick up that tent and follow me. We're going to see what else we can steal to make life a little easier."
"Yes ma'am."
o~O~o
When they finally got back to their camp site with their supplies, they immediately set out to pitch the tent. They would worry about fishing later. Beca was so tired she wasn't sure was going to eat anyway, the girls could share her portion. She was pretty sure she had a protein bar in her purse anyway. Her body ached in ways she never thought possible and she just wanted to go to bed.
"We need to pitch the tent guys." Beca told them. "All hands on deck."
"The only tent I know how to pitch is Bumper's." Amy said as she unfolded the instructions. "It says 'Asshole front tadpole-"
"-Amy! Give that to me!" Beca screeched ripping the instructions from Amy's hands. "It says 'Assemble front tent pole' not 'asshole front tadpole'!"
"Oh… well that makes so much more sense."
Lilly, Kimmy and Flo giggled at the exchange. What Beca didn't know was that Amy had filled her water canteen with vodka before leaving home that morning and that she was currently drunk as a skunk.
*WHISTLE*
The girls stopped and immediately started singing and dancing.
"'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off"
"Your next task, after you've eaten dinner, is 'Getting to Know You'." Alice told them. "You'll need to ask questions of the others that you don't know the answers to."
"Alice, we got each item we need to survive the weekend, but I can't help but notice that fishing bait wasn't on the list." Kimmy pointed out.
"That's right… you'll have to improvise."
None of them noticed Lilly standing behind them. "I think I might have something that can help." She whispered as she opened her hand revealing a bunch of worms and dead bugs.
"Way to go Lilly!" Alice praised her. She fixed her most snarkiest of looks on Beca. "It's good to see someone playing the game."
Beca at least had the decency to wait until Alice's back was turned before flipping her the bird.
o~O~o
Dinner was quiet. The girls were exhausted but couldn't go to bed yet because they had yet another task to complete. Why did they have to get to know each other? With the exception of Flo, they all worked together everyday. What more was there to know? Beca was honestly scared to find out that Kimmy and Lilly were potentially even weirder than she originally thought. Could she handle finding out more than she already knew? Only time would tell.
"So… shall we 'get to know' each other?" Amy asked hoping that Beca wouldn't shoot daggers out of her eyes. "Beca, you go first."
Beca grinned then said "Shant!" with an English accent.
"You and that Brit boy have been hanging out way too long!" Amy told her. "Anyway… who wants to go first?"
"I'll go." Kimmy said hoping to get the game over with so she could get back to 'Candy Crush'. "If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?"
Lilly smiled. This question was right up her alley. "Transylvania… because I want to become Dracula's wife and learn to suck blood."
Beca looked around, she was suddenly scared to go to sleep in the same tent with Lilly for fear that she'd wake up with Lilly's fangs embedded in her neck.
Amy nodded. "That's cool… but I'd want to live in The White House because I want to have sex in The Ovary Office."
Kimmy and Beca exchanged looks. "Um, The Ovary Office?" Beca finally asked.
"Yeah, that's the place where Monica Lewinsky's ovaries exploded. I think Bumper and I could do a real bang up job in there."
Beca wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Gross!"
"Amy… are you high?" Kimmy asked her. "You can't live in the White House."
"And why the hell not?" Amy asked with her hands on her hips.
"Uhhh… Really? Try because you're not a U.S. Citizen."
"I can fix that no problem!"
Beca was eager to get this episode of 20 questions over with. "Flo… where would you want to live?"
"I want to live underwater… Atlantis preferably." Flo said proudly. "Because there's no extradition laws there."
Beca rolled her eyes and shook her head. How was it she ended up in the middle of nowhere with this bunch of misfits. She pulled out her phone to text Luke.
"WTF planet Flo is from?"
"Planet? I'm pretty sure she did a back handspring over the fence from Guatemala."
"Must have been one hell of a back handspring since Guatemala is not connected to the US!"
"It's not that far!"
"SMDH dude… Now I know why you failed maps in college!"
"I hated that class."
"Dude, come get me… please!"
"No can do! You did the crime, now you have to do the time."
"Fuck you!"
"I love you Becs! Have fun!"
"Beca?" Kimmy said getting her attention. "Where would you want to live and why?"
"Oh… umm, London, I guess. Luke has told me so much about the countryside. It sounds really amazing. And I've always wanted to see a real castle."
It was true, Luke had always spoken very highly of his home country. He had spent many hours telling Beca about the rolling hills and the ever so green countryside. He spoke about the thousand year old castles, some tucked away in the dells and weathered beyond repair. He told Beca about Windsor Castle, where the Queen of England lived occasionally. Luke described his home country to perfection and it was obvious that he loved and missed England.
Beca caught onto Luke's love of the broken and neglected castles that held history in its battlements. Luke loved London and especially the Underground Tube system; he loved the stressful way everyone tried to avoid touching each other and how the British were born with a stiff upper lip. Beca was determined to go one day.
Lilly raised her hand. "I wanna go next." She whispered. "Would you rather see into the future or change the past?"
"That's an easy one." Beca said. "I'd change the past."
"Do you really want Jesse back that bad?" Amy asked her.
"No, I don't but if you could change the past, it could essentially change your future so therefore you get both."
"That's genius!" Kimmy said giving Beca a high five. "No need for any of the rest of us to answer that one because there's no better answer than that!"
Beca looked at Kimmy, "Tell us something we don't know about you."
"Ok…" Kimmy said looking nervous. "I'm married and have four kids."
"Wait… what?" Beca asked, a little too loudly. "How old are you? How have you worked for me for two years and I didn't know that?"
"You never really asked." Kimmy told her.
Beca suddenly felt really bad for not knowing her assistants better. She mentally berated herself for not knowing that Kimmy was married and had a family. She took a quick glance at Kimmy's left hand. There was a thin gold band on an important finger. Had it always been there? She found herself trying to think back and remember if she'd seen it before.
"Ok… my turn." Amy said breaking up the quiet.
Beca visibly cringed. She'd know Amy for twenty years and knew this was probably going to be the most awkward question of the night.
"Ready?" She asked. When everyone nodded, Amy smiled a very wicked smile which told Beca that there was definitely something to be afraid of. "Pick one: Flogger, Handcuffs or Butt Plug? And why?"
"AMY!" Beca screeched. "That's so personal."
"Answer the question Bec."
"Ugh…" Beca started mumbling obscenities under her breath. "... if I have to pick one, I'd say… flogger."
"And why is that?" Amy asked, wanting more than anything to know why Beca had chosen that item.
"Because a flogger has the ability to heighten the senses. Handcuffs are fun…" She said with an evil grin. "... but they restrict your movement. And butt plugs… no fucking way dude! That's an exit not and entrance."
"Well… alright then." Amy said with a smirk. Beca gave her more information than she asked and she had done it willingly.
"Any more questions?" Beca asked, moving the subject along as fast as she could.
"Yeah!" Amy called out. "Have you ever taken it up the-"
"-And GOOD NIGHT everyone." Beca said, firmly. "It's time for bed now. The sun is going to be up soon."
o~O~o
The girls were packed in their tent like sardines. According to the partial instructions they received, it was supposed to be a 'ten man tent' but Beca wasn't exactly sure she believed that. After they brought their duffle bags, all three of Kimmy's suitcases and figured out sleeping arrangements there was very little room left to move around.
They hadn't earned the fan Alice showed them, so naturally it was hot and extremely sticky inside the tent. So hot, in fact, Beca actually contemplated sleeping outside on the top of the picnic table, at least on the picnic table she wouldn't be rubbing elbows with weirdoes.
"I don't understand camping." Flo sighed. "We're voluntarily living like dogs."
"Not even dogs have it this bad." Beca told her. "You know that saying 'There's something rotten in Denmark'?" She asked no one in particular.
"Yeah…" Amy answered. "What about it?"
"Well… being in this tent is far worse than that."
"How so?"
"The air we're breathing right now is at least ninety percent fart!" Beca's face was scrunched up as she rubbed her nose.
Amy laughed. "Sorry boss!"
"Amy… the gaseous clouds around Uranus are screaming for that butt plug you were talking about earlier!"
"Oh, that reminds me… I need to see a man about a horse." Amy announced as she crawled out of the tent. "Did anyone happen to pack a roll of toilet paper or a moist towelette or a t-shirt size extra small?"
The girls all gave her disgusted looks as they shook their heads. Sure, everybody shits but did she really have to announce it?
Amy shrugged her shoulders. "Ok… side of the tent it is!"
Kimmy rolled over until her nose was almost touching Beca's. "What are we doing?"
"We're supposed to be bonding… or something equally fucking stupid."
"This is all your fault Beca." Kimmy told her. "We wouldn't be here if you had gotten your ass to work when you were supposed to."
"Shut it Kimmy!" Beca said, her resting bitch face firmly in place. "I want to go home just as much as you do." When Beca rolled over to lay on her right side, Lilly started licking the underside of her nose, it was an oddly calming gesture. She thought about saying something but knew that Lilly would have something weird about geckos or jabberwockies to say in response.
"I hate this travel pillow." Flo mumbled as she tried to get comfortable on the U-shaped blow up contraption.
"Hey guys… the pipes are blocked." Amy announced loudly from outside the tent. "Beca can you sing something?"
"Amy…. I am not singing the shit out of you. If you can't go on your own then it's gonna be a long, uncomfortable weekend for you."
All of the girls stared as, Lilly, in what may have been the strangest thing that she had done since arriving at the retreat, started singing.
"Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!"
Beca growled as she rolled over, wrapping the pillow around her head. "This cannot be happening right now!"
"And yet… it is." Kimmy mumbled.
"Thanks Lilly!" Amy cheered. "Coming out like fro-yo now!"
"You white people are crazy." Flo muttered. "I need to call the Feds myself!"
