Apparently, jetlag can be good for something… :)

Guest: I will keep the request in mind, however, I am currently busy enough with these two stories, so I won't start another one any time soon.

Drunken Bro

Tonight was one of those nights where the five of them were hanging out at McLarens, just chatting, and having a good time.

Barney had had a bad day at work, and wasn't really interested in listening to Lily and Robin discussing the latest fashion trend, so he got up and started chatting up a chick at the bar.

Downing another scotch he noticed how Ted had taken his seat next to Robin, leaning in close while telling her something. Probably another boring architecture story.

This sort of thing had happened a lot, and there was no denying that Ted was more than smitting for Robin.

Barney ordered another drink, and nodded at whatever the blond bimbo was going on about.

She didn't even notice that he wasn't listening to her.

He remembered standing at the sink at McLarens, and throwing water in his face.

Apparently he had gotten really drunk.

Later Lily would tell him that Marshall, Ted and her had wanted to go upstairs to watch a movie, and that Ted was trying to convince Robin to come up to.

Robin wanted to stay and make sure that he got home okay though, and even through they tried to convince her that Barney Stinson could take care of himself in any kind of drunken state, she wouldn't go with them.

The cold water had helped, but the room was still spinning.

The door was opened, but he didn't even look who had entered.

"You okay?"

"This is the man's room…isn't it?" He replied, looking at Robin through the mirror.

"Yes, it is, but you disappeared fifteen minutes ago, and I haven't seen anyone exit in the last seven so I figured the coast was clear."

"You still don't just walk into the man's room." He reasoned with her.

She grabbed some of the paper towels, and handed them to him. "Come on, I will bring you home."

"Into bed?" he slurred.

"Yes."

"Finally." He grinned.

"Oh I am not joining you, besides, you are way to drunk to have decent sex anyways."

"Challenge accepted!" He yelled out way too loud.

"Come Barney, let's go." She wrapped her arm around his and lead him out of the restroom.

She had already paid his tab, and thus just needed to maneuver him through the crowded bar, and into a taxi.

Once inside she gave the driver his address.

"I knew you would come around eventually." Barney muttered as he leaned in, and started to kiss her neck.

"If you leave a hickey." She threatened him.

"Ough…good idea, Ted would be so jealous." He dove in again, but this time she pushed him off of her.

"How about we just sit next to each other like two normal adults, huh?" She suggested.

"Oh come on, backseat action turns you on."

"That was circumstantial."

Barney had placed his hand on her thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb.

"Let me repay you for that handjob? Even drunk I am way better than Ted." Barney slurred.

"Okay first of all, no. Secondly, I wouldn't know how Ted is in bed, I never hooked up with him."

"You can be honest, I won't be mad."

"And you most likely won't remember either, how much did you have to drink?"

"Don't change the subject. So Ted didn't get to nail you after that big date?" He asked.

"After one date? Nah, I am not that cheap."

"Have you ever slept with a guy because he offered you a large amount of money for it? And if so, what's the rate?" Barney asked.

Robin took his hand from her thigh, "jesus, you are seriously drunk Barney."

"I am just trying to gauge my chances here."

The cab pulled up, and Robin paid the fare before helping Barney, who was now groping her, out of the cab.

"You are a very affectionate, and clingy drunk, you know that?" she asked as they walked into the lobby.

"I am always like that, trying to get something, something."

They made it into the elevator, and Barney started kissing her neck again. She placed her hand in his and whispered, "it's not happening Barney."

"Cause I am drunk, or cause I am me?" He asked.

"Because I really don't want to loose you as a friend, and that will happen if this happens."

"We can be casual." He suggested.

"Not with my job, Barney."

The elevator door opened, and she guided him down the hall, "which one is yours? And where do you got your keys?"

"It's the last one to the right…keys are in my pocket, guess you have to fish for them."

"Just take them out Barney."

"What fun would that be?" He asked.

They had reached his door, and she gently pushed him against the wall so he wouldn't fall over, diving into his pants pockets with her hands.

"Yeah, that's it."

"You are a pig." She replied, as she pulled the key out, and unlocked the door.

They stepped into the living room, "finally alone," Barney muttered and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Where's your bedroom?" She replied.

"Now you are thinking." They stumbled through the room, then the hallway, until they reached his bedroom.

"You sure like the color grey." Robin commented.

"I sure like you." He replied.

Robin untangled herself from his arms, and gently pushed him onto the bed.

"How about a striptease lap dance as a starter?" Barney asked.

"Just lay down Barney."

He did as she told him, and she went ahead, and took his shoes off.

"Or I just lay here, that works too." Barney replied.

Robin pulled the covers over him, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Good night Barney."

"But sex?" He asked.

"Not happening bro."

She got up to look for a glass of water, and aspirin, and placed both on his bedside table.

"Robin?" He asked as she was about to leave for good.

"Yes Barney?" She replied, while sitting back down.

"Please quit that job."

"Barney you are drunk." She replied.

"Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that I absolutely hate you doing that. These guys don't deserve you Robin. I know you don't sleep with them, but they don't even deserve a peek on the cheek."

"Barney…"

"I know I said I wouldn't interfere anymore, and I am trying really hard, but the bottom line is that I care about you, and that the evenings where you are out with someone are hell for me. I am literally worried sick all night."

She took his hand in hers, "I am sorry…you shouldn't worry. And I am so grateful that you do what you do for me…but let's talk about this tomorrow when you are sober, okay?"

"I might not remember we ever had this conversation."

"I am going to remind you, I promise."

She squeezed his hand one more time, before getting up.

"Good night Barney." "Night, thanks for taking care of me."

"That's what bro's do, right?" She asked as she turned the lights off.

"Only the very best," he muttered as he drifted off to sleep.

"Good morning, how is your head?"

"Not good." Barney muttered, he had just taken a cold shower in an attempt to fight his hangover when his cell phone rang.

"I believe it, you were loaded last night."

"I know, thanks for bringing me home…and sorry for all those inappropriate comments."

"So you do remember?" She asked.

"Unfortunately – yes."

"Don't worry about it, although the hickey you gave me calls for some revenge."

"Did I really?" He asked.

"Yes you idiot."

"You are coming to McLarens tonight, right? I want to see that."

"Yes I'll be there, but just for a quick bite to eat…I've got a work thing."

"You mean a client?" He asked.

"That's why I wanted to talk to you…I thought about what you said last night, and I think the reason why you are so freaked out by me being out with these guys is because I never really tell you anything."

"I don't want you to tell me anything." He responded quickly.

"No I mean…tonight for example. I've been on a couple of dates with him."

"So is he like your boyfriend?" Barney asked sarcastically.

"Can you please let me finish?"

"Sure go ahead."

"He's a seventy-six year old…"

"I knew you had daddy issues, but 76? That's just so gross."

"Barney!"

"Fine, go ahead. Do you have to call him granddaddy?"

"As I was saying, he is a fifty-six year old, who always used to see Broadway musicals with his wife, it was their thing, whenever a new show came out, they'd be there. Well, she died two years ago, so now he is hiring me to go to these musicals with him…"

"That's creepy."

"I think it's sweet. He doesn't want anything from me Barney, he just wants someone there with him holding his hand so he can pretend she never died."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"So you won't worry."

"Robin I am always going to worry." He replied.

"I am not quitting Barney, I am sorry."

"McLarens at seven?" He changed the subject.

"Yes."

"See you there Scherbatsky."

Marshall, Lily, Ted and Robin were already sitting in the booth when he entered the bar.

"Let's see it." Barney immediately requested as he sat down.

"See what?" Marshall asked.

Barney got a hold of Robins' scarf, "the hickey."

"Stop that." Robin swatted his hand away.

"You promised to show it to me." He whined.

"Yes, to you! Not the entire bar." Robin hissed.

"Now we want to see it too." Lily interjected.

Robin shot Barney an annoyed look, and unwrapped the scarf.

"Wow, that's a big one." Marshall commented.

"Huh? Huh?" Barney was proud of himself.

"I didn't know you were seeing someone?" Lily asked interested.

Ted just got up, grabbed his beer, and headed for the bar.

Barney couldn't help but smile about that.

"I don't want to talk about it." Robin said as she put the scarf back on.

Barney was intrigued to tell them that he'd done that, but he decided against it for now.

Clinging glasses he winked at her, best bro ever.