Within Me

Noah was asleep in the bassinet next to Destiny in the living room while she watched the weather channel which was reporting that a hurricane was coming in a few days. After she got the information she turned off the TV and Neela came over to talk to Destiny about last night.

"How's Matthew?" Destiny asked.

"Hurt, upset... Very angry. Bo and Shane were talking to him when I left."

"I told him a year ago that I did not want to get married. When someone tells you that, you don't go propose to them in front of the world."

"Why don't you want to marry Matthew?"

"Truth?" Destiny took a deep breath. "I feel guilty for moving on without Darren. Before Darren died, I always said that if something happened to him I'd never get married again but I never really thought anything would happen. I think if I marry Matthew I'll be comparing him to Darren and that isn't fair."

"Do you compare them now?"

"No but I'm not married to him now. Darren was an amazing husband. Sure we had our ups and downs like any other couple but we had an indescribable love and an epic marriage. We dreamed of growing old and gray together, sitting on a porch swing watching our grandchildren grow up. After DJ graduated high school we were going to travel the world for a year, just the two of us. I was going to do it anyway but... I got pregnant. Darren and I had all these dreams we hadn't fulfilled yet and now they're all down the drain... It just feels wrong to share them with Matthew or any other man in the world."

"Darren loved you. He would want you to be happy and move on, granted he wasn't Matthew's biggest fan but if he makes you happy then so be it. If he hurt you, Darren would probably haunt him."

"I know you're right... I never told anyone this but the night Matthew and I got together Darren came to me and told me to move on and be happy so I did but even with that I can only let go but so much."

"Ok but why? Hasn't Matthew been good to you? At this point you've been together even longer than you were twenty-one years ago."

"Matt hasn't given me any reason to doubt him. He's been wonderful. He even took care of me when I was sick. He could have cheated on me but he didn't. He's been everything I thought he would never be. It's almost like he's been possessed in a good way but he's still Matthew. What if he wakes up one day and decides he doesn't want any of this anymore?"

"After two and a half years you're still asking yourself that?"

"I can't help it. I know I shouldn't but that's what old Matthew would do."

Neela looked around the room and noticed that it looked like Darren still lived there. His keys and hat were even still in the same place as if he was going to come downstairs, take them and walk out.

"Sweetie, I know it's the hardest thing in the world to lose someone, especially someone you were so close to and loved so much but you have to let go. It's been four years and it still looks like Darren lives here."

"I know but I just can't bare to take some of this stuff down."

"... Are all of his clothes still in the bedroom closet?" Destiny nodded. "What did Matthew say when he saw your room?"

"He's never been in my room. It just feels wrong."

"You feel like you're cheating on Darren?"

"Sort of... It's like I cheated on him and got knocked up while doing it. After Evan was born, Darren and I decided we wouldn't have another baby. We talked about it for years but the next thing we knew, DJ was eight years old, Miry had a baby and we were in our mid-thirties so we decided not to have a baby after all. Then I go and have Matthew's baby, it feels so wrong!"

"You shouldn't feel guilty about all this. Things change, circumstances happen."

-v-

The next day...

Miracle answered the door and surprisingly, it was Sam.

"What a pleasant surprise. Did you come to see Evan?" Miracle asked.

"I'd love to see my nephew but actually I wanted to know if you've seen Izzy and Liam." Sam said.

"No. Why?"

"I have reason to believe that Izzy killed Martin Moreno and I think Liam is helping her cover it up."

"That's ridiculous."

"Why is it? She had motive, he abused her and stalked her."

"Then it was self defense."

"I would agree with you if he wasn't killed at his own apartment. You can't stalk someone at your place. All the evidence points to her. You're her best friend and Liam's cousin so I thought you may know something."

"She's your niece and he's your cousin too. Izzy is also Sierra's best friend."

"But you're closer to both of them."

"Are you going to arrest Izzy when you find her?"

"It goes against my morals I guess but no. I want to help her. She is family like you said. The LPD is close to figuring out this case and I want to clear her name, help her cover it up before there's no way out."

"I'll call her. This will stay between us."

-v-

Matthew was at the bar of Infinity thinking heavily.

"Give me a shot Patròn." Matthew said to the bartender.

"No! No Patròn or any other alcoholic beverages for Mr. Buchanan." Jason said as he walked over.

"You work for me." Matthew reminded.

"I know that but I'm not about to let you throw your life in the gutter."

"Why do you care?"

"I care about Destiny, Miracle, Noah, Evan and Del. Are you about to drink because Destiny rejected your proposal? Don't be stupid. You're not twenty years old anymore, you're forty and you have seven children and a grandson. You're hurt, I understand. Dani doesn't even want me but you don't see me taking it to the head. You need to prove that with or without Destiny, you're not going to turn back to the bottle. You better double up on those AA meetings. Destiny and Miracle just started trusting you. Noah, Del and Evan are young enough that they will only know the good in you if you let that prevail. You just got your other daughters in line so I heard."

"... You're right... Don't try to suck up to me by giving me advice."

"Let's get one thing straight, I'm not sucking up to you! I appreciate the job and I'm very sorry I stole from B.E but don't get it twisted. I've apologized to you so many times but you haven't apologized to me once for sleeping with my wife, bragging about it, knocking her up and then kissing her while I was in prison."

"Well you beat me up for it so we're even."

"I went to prison for stealing from your company, didn't stop me from apologizing."

"I gave your ass a job, that's not enough?"

"Everyone said you were no longer an ass but I don't see it. Speaking of me whooping your ass, I don't think drinking would help those problems you have with your head. Heard they've gotten worst."

"Who did you hear that from? Destiny?"

"No, I heard it from Miry. She's concerned about you. I'm like her uncle, we talked."

"Why are you so close to Destiny anyway?"

"Are you implying something?"

"You want Destiny."

"Destiny and I are friends. We've been friends since college. She's the best friend I have right now. I was a groom's man in her wedding. Darren was my best friend in the world. Get your panties out of a bunch."

"I could fire you."

"On what grounds?"

"Insubordination. " Matthew stood up.

"I just did five years in the slammer, you think I'm afraid of you? I already whooped your ass once. I'm even buffer now. Besides, I'm trying to help you out."

Matthew and Jason stared at each other in silence for a few moments. The bartender couldn't help but look between the two.

"I'm going to start my shift. Goodnight boss." Jason said with a touch of sarcasm.

Matthew may not like Jason but he knew he was right about everything.

The next day, Matthew was in the living room with Nicole.

"Nic, I've decided that you can go to school in London when school starts." Matthew said.

"Thanks so much, dad! I really need this." Nicole hugged him. "Where's Del? It's quiet."

"She started her ballet lessons today."

"That's nice. Maybe she'll be the next... whoever is a famous dancer in history. Is it ok if I go over to Llanfair to hang out with Faith? (Jessica and Antonio's daughter) She's a year younger than me, she's no trouble and she's family."

"That's fine."

"You trust me?"

"If you had something to hide you would have done it anyway but without asking."

"That's true. I'll see you later." Nicole left as Destiny was walking in with Noah in a baby carrier.

"Hey, Matt... Can we talk?" Destiny asked. Matthew just nodded his head.

"Hey Destiny!" Drew exclaimed after walking in from the kitchen.

"Hi Drew. Could you babysit Noah for a little while, while your father and I talk?" Destiny asked.

"Sure!" Drew replied happily then took Noah upstairs.

"Why didn't you want to name Noah after me?" Matthew asked.

"I didn't come here to talk about that." Destiny replied.

"I want to talk about it!" Matthew retorted.

"We already went through this. What does it matter? He already has a name."

"It matters to me. I want the truth. You named DJ after Darren."

"You're not Darren!" Destiny impulsively blurted out.

"And there it is... I'm not good enough to name our son after? Say it."

"I don't want him to be like you. Not the you you are now but the you used to be." Destiny couldn't believe she said it.

"Wow. Good to know... No wonder you won't marry me."

"It's not what you think. All of this is hard for me."

"Do you even love me?"

"Of course I do! I love you so much... it scares me. I never thought I'd love anyone as much as I love Darren but I do love you that much. It's different but I love you just as much. I feel like I'm betraying him somehow. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place with my feelings. I love you but I can't fully let go of Darren.

"...Maybe we need a break so that you can figure out what you want."

"I'm sorry I hurt you...I'll leave Noah here so that you can spend time with him, just bring him home later please."

-v-

That night in Destiny's dreams... She walked into her house and there were rose pedals leading from the front door to her room. She entered her room, there was a man holding a huge bouquet of red roses in front of his face then moved them to reveal that it was Darren. He set the flowers on the dresser.

"Welcome home my queen." Darren said. Destiny smiled.

"I've missed you." Destiny said then they kissed passionately. In a dreamlike way their clothes were suddenly gone and they were on the bed. They made love, it was slow, sensual, passionate, sexy and heated.

Destiny suddenly awoke burning up in a sweat. She threw the covers off her and sat up in the bed.

"Oh my... God." Destiny said aloud. She looked over surprised Miracle wasn't there. At least she could deal with this alone. This just made her feel even more conflicted.

"Dreaming about me, huh?"

Destiny was startled. She slowly looked up to the familiar male voice.

"Darren?"

"Hey, sugarplum."

"Am I going crazy or are you really here?"

"I'm as much here as I was the last time you saw me... four years ago at the red ball."

"I thought spirits couldn't contact people after they moved on or something."

"I haven't moved on yet and I have my reasons. It's not just because I have a hard time letting you all go because I do, like you all do but I know that once I go through that light, I'll have peace about it all. You may still struggle with it but that may have something to do with the fact that I'm still attached to you."

Destiny looked over at some of Noah's things and felt a bit guilty.

"Of course I know about the baby. He's adorable. It's alright, you know."

"How can it be?"

"It just is. I'm not there. I told you to move on. I meant it. I do not want you to be alone or sad, do you hear me? I want, I need you to be happy... even if it's with Matthew. I had a feeling you'd move on to him anyway. It doesn't mean that what we had wasn't special, nothing can change that. If he makes you happy and I know he does then let him. It's time to let me go, baby."

"I can't!" Destiny began to cry.

"You have to. It's alright. You've grieved. I'm alright. Be happy like you deserve."

Destiny cried harder, Darren wanted to touch her but he couldn't. He went right through her.

"Get it all out." Darren said.

"Why are you just showing up now?"

"I had to let you live your life."

"How come you never appeared to DJ and Miracle?"

"They weren't ready, they would have freaked out, it would have made things worst for them. I'll talk to them soon. Don't worry about DJ with the Matthew situation, I'll handle it."

"How?"

"Just trust me."

"I miss you. I love you. I always will."

"I'll always love you too." Darren took a long pause to savor the moment before he ruined it for himself. "But it's ok to love Matthew and have a life with him... I want you too... Goodbye my love. Be careful."

The way he said, "Be careful," made her nervous like there was something she needed to look out for.

-v-

Nicole and Drew walked into the living room with tote bags, they were on their way to the country club. As they walked in, Kory walked in through the front.

"You two look nice." Kory complimented.

"We're going to the country club to go swimming." Drew said.

"Isn't there a pool here?" Kory asked.

"Ever heard of getting out to socialize, brother?" Nicole asked sarcastically.

"Thought you weren't interested in socializing." Kory said and Nicole rolled her eyes.

"Let's go." Nicole said.

"Wait, what have I ever done to you?" Kory asked Nicole.

"Interfered with my life, didn't mind your business and have this goody two shoes act going on. At least when I was bad I kept it real."

"You're upset because I interfered with you dating my cousin that's too old for you and no good for you? I'm not sorry."

"I get why everyone feels he's too old but he's not a bad influence. No one can influence me to do anything I don't want and he loves me. I know he does. It's not for you to interfere. You're not my father. I don't even know you. Dad can interfere, you can't. I don't like you. I don't like fake ass people. Maybe I wasn't crazy about my dad or Destiny for my own stupid reasons but I could respect that with them what you see is what you got. Your ass on the other hand is so full of it. You keep up this good boy act when you're nothing but a little mob thug trying to follow your granddaddy's footsteps."

"You're in the mob?" Drew was shocked. She couldn't believe it.

"And so is Dan but I always knew that because Dan may be bad but he's honest. That's more than I can say for big brother here." Nicole said before she noticed Matthew standing behind Kory. "And he's killed someone too, something you two can bond over. We're out." Nicole and Drew left. Kory turned to Matthew and disappointed that he was busted.

"You're in the mob and Dan too?" Matthew asked.

"Yes." Kory replied before they sat on the couch.

"That explains some things... Why?"

"... I guess I have a thing for danger and control... Don't tell my mom. This would break her heart."

"I won't..." Kory was relieved. "... if you get out." Kory shook his head in disappointment. "What's it going to be?"

"Fine."

"Don't lie to me. I'll find out."

"... Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"How did you get over taking someone's life then getting away with it?"

"... I never did. I don't think I ever will. Everyone thinks I started drinking because I couldn't be with Destiny and yeah, that's half the reason but the other half is because I always felt the guilt for killing a man... That's a demon I still deal with." Kory began to cry.

"I don't want to feel this way forever. I can't hold on to this pain and this secret too much longer. Dan was the only one who knew then Nicole found out, now you know. " Matt hugged Kory. "I lied before but I'm really going to get out now."

-v-

Miracle and DJ fell asleep watching a movie then they soon heard their names called. They began to wake up and were in shock to see Darren in front of them. Miry pinched DJ, he pinched her back.

"We're really awake." Miracle said.

"How is this possible?" DJ asked.

"Anything is possible, son." Darren said.

"It's really you." Miracle cried.

"Yes it is. I want you two to know that I love you and I know you love me but it's ok to let go and move on. I've been watching and I'm so proud of both of you. DJ, don't be upset because your mom has moved on to Matthew. He makes her happy. That's what's important. I know you don't want part of any of that family but you all need each other."

"I don't want to be a family with Matthew."

"Just talk to him."

"No." DJ caught Darren off with that response.

"I'm gone four years and now you don't listen to me? I said talk to him!"

"Fine but why do you want him and mom together anyway?"

"Because I love your mother and I don't want her to be lonely just because I'm not alive and because I'm not alive I know things that you don't know so just trust me."

"Ok."

"You died too soon." Miracle said.

"Miry, it was my time. I served my purpose, fulfilled my destiny. It was not your fault that I died, don't ever think that. I was supposed to save you and Izzy. That's just how it was meant to be. Don't be afraid to live princess, just don't be afraid and don't worry. You are not alone and you never will be... And tell Izzy that she is special and that it's ok to love, it's ok to be loved. Tell her to let go of everything, tell her that I told you to tell her."

"Ok." Miracle said.

"I going to go now. I'll love you both forever."

"Love you too." Miracle and DJ said in unison before Darren disappeared.

-v-

A couple days later...

It was pouring down raining. It was horrible, the hurricane was coming and all Destiny wanted to do is get home to Miracle, DJ, Noah and Evan. She was halfway home when she saw Dani pulled on the side of the road and getting out of her car. It looked like she was having car trouble.

"Oh great. I can't just leave her there. Ugh! Fate, is making me help and talk to Dani. How cruel?" Destiny pulled over and rolled down her passenger side window. "Need a lift?" Dani was relieved and got in.

"Destiny, thank you so much! Gosh, I'm soaked."

"Yeah... Don't ruin my seat." Destiny continued to drive until the rain got too dangerous to drive in. "I can't drive in this."

"My aunt Vicki's cabin is right up the street. We can wait there."

"Not only did I have to talk to her but now I have to be stuck with her?" Destiny thought to herself. She pulled over once they got there. Dani let them in with the hidden key.

"I'm going to get dry." Dani said then went upstairs. Destiny got comfortable then tried to call Miracle but there was no signal.

"Wonderful." Destiny said annoyed.

A little while later, Dani came back downstairs then looked in the refrigerated.

"Are you hungry? We can make a sandwich."

"No." Destiny replied.

"Suit yourself." Dani made a sandwich then got comfortable and put her feet up on a chair while she ate her sandwich. "Looks like we're stuck together for a while." When Dani finished her sandwich she went back over to the kitchen but as she was heading back, the lights went out and Dani bumped into a table. "Ow!"

"This just keeps getting better and better." Destiny said sarcastically.

To be continued...