AN: I do apologize for the long delay in updates. I have the next couple of chapters written and the end plotted out (then I can finally go work on my other unfinished stories!).
Thank you all for the reviews and feed back. It is greatly appreciated. :)
For the love of two women
Part 12
Emily lay on her back in Myka's bed staring up at the darkened ceiling as her hands idly played with a stray curl on the head resting heavily against her shoulder. Their night had not gone as she had predicted. Not even remotely. When Myka had returned from the garden, without Mrs. Fredrick, she had tried to ease into the jovial group in the kitchen but absolutely everyone could tell that something was wrong. After watching her lover pushing around her piece of pie for the better part of an hour Emily had finally let out a yawn and pushed them both to make it an early night. The rest of Myka's friends had seemed almost relieved when they left the room.
"I'm sorry." Myka's voice broke the silent darkness.
Hand pausing in its idle movement, Emily let out a sigh. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"No. Yes. I'm not sure what to do yet."
Emily resumed her gentle stroking enjoying the weight of Myka's body pressed against her side. Determined that this wouldn't be the last time it happened she tread carefully trying not to push too much or let the other woman hide either. "You tell me how you are feeling. That is the deal Myka. I accept all your secrecy. But you promised you wouldn't hold your feelings back from me."
"I love you. Your heart. Your soul. Your brain. Your humor. I'm in love with you."
Emily frowned into the darkness at the sad heavy weight of her girlfriends words. "Why do I feel there is a but in there?"
Myka sighed. "But I'm afraid there is something I have to share with you that you will not forgive me for."
Emily thought about those words before answering carefully. "I can't imagine anything I wouldn't want to forgive you for Myka. Yes I may get mad, but you must know that I want to be with you. Which kinda stacks the deck in your favor when it comes to issues of forgiveness."
Myka quickly sat up and reached over to click on the lamp on her bedside table watching as the other woman blinked up at her in the sudden illumination. "Really? You are sure you want to be with me? I mean you have repeatedly said you are rebuilding your life. What if I'm just a stepping stone in your recovery and development and I'm taking advantage of you?"
Emily stared in surprise at Myka's intense face for a moment before a small chuckle began to sneak out.
Myka's mouth dropped open as Emily began to laugh at her. "This isn't funny. Why are you laughing?"
Wiping at a tear that had slipped out the corner of her eye Emily let her mirth die down though the appalled look on Myka's face was still quite amusing. "Taking advantage of me Myka? Really? Who seduced whom on my living room sofa?"
Myka frowned. "That wasn't..."
Sitting up, Emily took a hold of the other woman's face before slowly and deliberately bringing their mouths together in a deep kiss. Not letting up until she felt the other woman give in to her advance. When she pulled back she smiled, "Yes that was. I want you. I'm in love with you. Perhaps I'm a tad reckless jumping in so quickly but I find life is far too short and precarious to waste time." Leaning in she planted a series of kisses from the corner of Myka's mouth till she could whisper into the shell of a delicate ear. "I love you. Please believe in that."
Myka closed her eyes and leaned against the woman who wrapped her in a tight embrace. "You are my one."
Holding tightly Emily let herself absorb those words. After a few minutes of continued silence though she got curious and pulled back slightly till she could meet Myka's gaze in the soft lamp light. "I'm your one?"
Giving a lopsided grin Myka clarified. "In our line of work we are allowed to grant security clearance to One person in our lives. You are my one."
Emily caught her breath her eyes darting up from where her finger had been tracing against that crooked smile she loved so much to meet caring green eyes. "Oh... Well, I don't have any security clearances to give you, but you're my one too Myka." After she said the words Emily felt them settle into her bones. This woman was just right for her. She wasn't entirely sure how or why she was so confident but she had no doubt.
Carefully taking Emily's hands in her own, Myka cleared her throat. "Please remember that after I tell you something. Please remember that you love me." Stopping the other woman before she could protest Myka blurted out her secret. "I know who you are. Who you were before."
Emily's mouth dropped open in surprise and confusion. "Wha... what do you mean?"
"I mean I know your past... I can, if you want, tell you..." Myka's voice trailed off at the completely blank look being leveled at her. As she felt the hands in hers loosen their grip she quickly dropped them and stood up from the bed and began pacing. "I know, this is horrible. I've always known. Thats... thats why I came to you... I needed to see you."
Watching silently as Myka paced in agitation Emily let the words repeat in her head until she could formulate them into a coherent sentence. "You know who I am? You've always known?"
Stopping in her tracks Myka stared down at the other woman who still sat on the bed hands resting limply in her lap. Dark hair mussed, eyes wide, pajama top oddly dipping to one side exposing her collar bone. Myka swallowed hard. This was the moment that could turn the woman she loved against her. Feeling tears start to fall Myka sat carefully on the edge of the bed reaching out to grasp one of those slender hands before thinking better of it. "Your real name is Helena G. Wells."
Emily felt like she had been punched in the stomach. "The woman you..."
"Yes."
Quickly pulling her hand away from Myka's and clenching her fists tightly in her lap Emily shook her head still not fully understanding. "You said she died. Was taken from you..."
Myka began crying harder but made no attempt to hide it. "She, you, were taken from me. And when I found you, found out what had happened to you I couldn't stay away."
Emily tried to wrap her brain around what Myka was saying but just couldn't make sense of the words. Try as she might she couldn't focus past the knowledge that Myka knew who she really was all along. What did that make their relationship? Was she just a place holder for Myka who only wanted her because of the memories that might come back one day? Was she simply a pale imitation of the 'real' woman that Myka loved?
Sudden nausea brought Emily's mussing to an abrupt halt. Leaping off the bed she scrambled for the door trailing a still crying Myka in her wake.
"Emily! Wait!"
Myka made it to the hallway just as the dark haired woman slammed the bathroom door. She could hear the lock click into place immediately. Going to the door she touched the cool wood with gentle fingertips. As her tears continued to fall she could hear the sound of retching coming from the other side. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please..."
Pete stepped into the hallway having been jolted out of a sound sleep by a bad vibe. Seeing his partner resting her head against the closed bathroom door he carefully approached her. "Mykes? You all right?"
Pressing her forehead against the door Myka closed her eyes not wanting to see his sympathy. "I screwed up Pete. I screwed up bad."
Gently rubbing the tense back, Pete asked the obvious. "Emily in there?"
"Yeah." After a moment of silence the door suddenly swung open causing Myka to stumble forward slightly and would have probably fallen if Pete hadn't steadied her with a hand on her shoulder.
A slightly wild eyed Emily stood in the bathroom doorway taking in the sight of the two agents. Seeing Pete's concerned face it only took her a moment to extrapolate the implications of Myka's revelation. "Who else knows?" Myka and Pete exchanged a guilty look causing a more hardened one to cross Emily's face. "Everyone here knows? How positively humiliating for me." Pushing past the two stunned agents she caught Myka's arm and began pulling her toward their room but Pete quickly stepped in front of her to stop their progress.
"Whoa whoa whoa there Ladies-"
"Pete! Not now." Myka harshly spoke as Emily tried to push past him again.
Pete raised his hands in a placating manner. "Now tensions are running high and no one wants to do something they will regret later."
"Pete. This is between Myka and I. Please step out of the way." Emily didn't loosen her hold on Myka's arm as she all but growled at her girlfriend's hovering partner.
Not wanting Pete's interference at this point Myka was about to speak when Pete aggressively tried to step between them causing Emily to let go of Myka's arm and step back slightly.
"No way lady. I'm know you are upset but you can't hurt people because you are mad-"
When a shocked and slightly offended look bloomed on Emily's face Myka quickly grabbed the back of Pete's shirt and wrestled him away from Emily toward his door. "Not NOW Pete! This is between Emily and I and if she is still willing to listen to me after what I've done then please please don't interfere!"
"Mykes..."
"Stay out of it Pete!" Myka gave him another shove toward his door before turning back around to see Emily staring at them. Extending her hand she waited a long painful moment for the other woman to take it before leading them both back into her room. As she shut the door behind them she caught a glimpse of Claudia staring wide eyed back at her.
Emily immediately let go of Myka's hand and sat down on the edge of the bed staring up at the taller woman seemed to deflate back against the closed bedroom door. Taking a breath she sighed, "I'm sorry I ran off like that but I didn't want to... you know, here in the room."
Myka nodded her head in understanding. "Do you feel okay now? Can we... talk?"
Emily pressed her palms against her eyes trying to push back the headache that was throbbing behind them. "God." Before she knew it Myka was pulling her hands away from her face staring up at her from her knees on the floor.
"I love you Emily. Please let me explain." Myka felt no shame in begging at that point.
"Don't you mean Helena?" Myka flinched, but accepted the verbal blow without comment. Squeezing the hands holding hers, Emily frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that."
"Yes you do." Myka spoke quietly. Fully prepared to accept what ever form of retribution Emily thought she deserved.
"No, Myka I don't. I don't want to hurt you. I love you even though..." Shaking her head she averted her gaze toward the ceiling blinking a few times trying not to start crying hoping the moisture would disappear before it tumbled out. Speaking in a soft voice to herself, Emily added, "I don't know how to process any of this."
"Say it." Myka swallowed hard past the lump in her throat. Sitting back on her heels but still clinging to the hands in hers she stared at Emily waiting for the woman to look back down at her. Making no effort whatsoever to hide her own tears. "You love me even though?"
Finally looking down Emily extracted one hand from Myka's tight grip to gently wipe away the tears on her lover's face. "I love you even though what we have is a lie."
Myka gasped at the sharp pain in her chest those words caused her. "Its not... its not a lie. Our love is real."
Emily smiled sadly and stroked the damp cheek in her hand with her thumb staring into pleading green eyes. "I don't know if I will every believe you Myka, and that breaks my heart."
