"Oh? Meiling, this is rare, what's the matter?"
Meiling shakily replied, "You have received this."
She handed Remilia a note.
Remilia read, "...yadda yadda yadda...we're gonna kill you...blablabla...we're the best...blablabla...," she threw it away onto the table, rolling her eyes.
Patchouli cocked her head, "Remi? What all did it really say?"
Remilia waved her hand, "Yet another vampire hunter and inquisitor duo want to take us down."
Patchouli sighed, "I thought of all places we would be done with this in Gensokyo."
"Still."
Patchouli raised an eyebrow, "Still?"
Remilia took on a very Genma-esque stance, "It has been a while since you, me, and Flandre have been able to have a right proper good old fashioned Hellsinger like battle like this."
A rare smile even began to creep against Patchouli's face, "Maybe we should even give handicaps?"
"Ohoho, feeling cocky Patchy?"
"Me and you against Sakuya, Meiling, and the duo."
"And, of course, my dear sister as the secret boss."
Patchouli actually put down the book she was reading for once, she was so excited, "Oh, I love the ignorant ones. Who come practically dressed in garlic and holy water and silver and stakes and crosses during a new moon with escape routes planned to the nearest rivers-as if we hadn't already made counter-strategies to such silly follies. That or the ignorant mobs with crucifixes in hand."
She paused to look off wistfully, comparing the two like fine wines, "I'm not sure which one I prefer..."
Remilia was rubbing her hands together in a greedy delight, "No, Patchy, better the prepared ones, that way we can make up some little bogus plot about they have to defeat us to save the world or something."
In unison, they squealed, and said with glee, "Oh, it's going to be a good. Old. Fashioned..."
They clasped their hands staring into the other's gleaming face.
"Witch Hunt!"
"Vampire Hunt!"
Patchouli looked excitedly over at Remilia, "Oh, the closest new moon is just three days from now, right? We should probably prepare a sequence of interesting mini-bosses for them to fight, and-"
"Ah, no Patch, they're coming tonight."
Patchouli blinked, "Tonight? But...tonight is of no celestial significance. No comets. No aligning of the planets. Not even a new or full moon. May I?"
Remilia passed the note over.
Patchouli took the note and held it up,"
to the bad sattan worshipers,
u r really bad and wer gonna stop u
no spell card we do dis rite
sinserlee
~youre worst nitemair"
Patchouli gave herself a moment to recover.
"...This is the worst penmanship and grammar I've ever seen."
Remilia sighed, "I know, and vampire hunters used to handle themselves with such dignity and grace. It's as if...ever since the Belmonts, people forgot how to hunt vampires properly."
Patchouli sighed, "Witch hunters used to handle themselves with such dignity and grace. It's as if...ever since Salem, people forgot how to hunt witches properly."
Both Remilia and Patchouli sighed, looking particularly glum.
Sakuya...wasn't exactly empathizing at the same level as the other two present...they did realize they received a death threat, right? Nonetheless, it was Sakuya's duty to cheer up the master.
"Ah, Mistress...maybe you should at least wait and give them a chance?"
Remilia stood up, and then took a deep breath to refresh herself, "Sakuya's right, Patch. Besides, it's been so long since there's been a right proper hunting that we might as well take what we can get."
Patchouli got up, "Well, shall we prepare?"
Meiling interrupted, "Actually, they're already here."
Patchouli and Remilia swung around in surprise, "What?!"
There was a slight pause.
Remilia, Patchouli, and Sakuya yelled in unison in reply, "Then why are you here?! Get out their and stop them!"
"A...actually, they waited quite nicely when I said I would deliver this note..."
Remilia groaned, "Haven't you ever heard of a ruse?!"
Patchouli looked out the window, "Actually, she's right. There's two of them. And they're waiting quite patiently."
Remilia crowded next to the window beside Patchouli, "They're fighting with pitchforks?"
Patchouli sighed, "They aren't even wearing anything special. Like inquisition clothing."
Remilia continued her train of thought independently from Patchouli, "That's a weapon you use if you're in a mob. Two people hardly consists of a mob."
Patchouli continued likewise, "Don't they know that you're supposed to kill a witch by burning them at the stake?"
"The pitchforks don't even have any silver in them!"
"They don't even-!"
Patchouli and Remilia angrily looked at each other before simultaneously open the window and floating over to the intruders.
"Ah! So you've finally came to face us I see! Tremlin' in your quakers?"
The two landed, with very disappointed looks on their faces.
"Oh, what's this? Cats got your ton-"
Remilia interrupted, "Shut up! What is this!"
"W..well it's a right proper-"
Patchouli interrupted, and was quite furious, "No! No it's not! You haven't done anything right! It's not even a new moon! It's gibbous for Christ's sake! Do you know what you're doing?!"
She was nearly in tears. It was like finding out there were no Christmas presents for you.
Remilia took her turn, "You aren't using magically enchanted or silver plated weapons-"
Patchouli added, "You don't have anyone prepared to preform exorcism rituals-"
Remilia again, "I can't even smell any garlic-"
Patchouli again, "No holy water-"
Remilia again, "No flashy mob-"
Patchouli again, "No gaudy outfit-"
Remilia again, "No weird weapon choice-"
They both sighed, depressed.
By then, Meiling had already taken her post.
Remilia looked over to her, "Meiling. Only give me serious notices in the future."
She nodded, "Yes ma'am."
The two turned away from the 'invaders', ignoring them as they went back inside. Meanwhile, Meiling patiently convinced them to go away.
The two mumbled in unison:
Remilia shook her head, "Back in my day, vampire hunting used to mean something."
Patchouli shook her head, "Back in my day, witch hunting used to mean something."
