(I know this has taken me ages... sorry!)

Tantalising Toenails

Alone in the new hideout, Cery clipped his toenails.

It was times when he was alone like this that he took the time to think, to really get to the bottom of all the biggest problems in life. How could he catch the Thief Hunter? How could he help Sonea? Why were there no suspects except Skellin? When would Gol get here with the takeaway?

The secret alarm shocked him out of his thoughts and he jumped up into a kung fu style position, arms raised.

"I got the sweet and sour chicken, but they didn't have any spring rolls so I just got the... prawn... crackers... instead... why are you standing that way?"

"Sorry Gol." Cery sat back down. "I was trying to be on my guard."

"Right."

"Fancy a glass of wine?"

"It's nine in the morning. This isn't Elyne, you know. And you don't even like wine."

"I know." Cery poured two glasses. "But I'm still drinking it for some reason."

"Bizarre."

"What did you get up to today?"

"It's only nine, I haven't really had a chance to-"

"I assume you put our brilliant plan into action to try and lure the thief hunter here to kill me?"

"Yeah. I've still got some qualms about this brilliant trap of yours, Cery."

"Yeah?"

"Well, in what way this is trap? Are you not, in fact, just waiting in a hideout built expressly so a rogue magician who clearly wants to destroy you could break in, without any actual idea of what you do when they do break in? I mean, sure we could tell the Guild, but there's no way we can be certain they'd be here when the hunter arrives and-"

Cery smiled and chuckled at the praise. Gol was right, this was a brilliant and foolproof plan. And yet, it would take a long time. Perhaps there was a way he could lure the thief hunter to show he was magical without having to sit in a hole for months.

"Gol! I have just had a cunning plan!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Forget this hideout you spent weeks designing and planning. Instead, we're gonna lure the thief hunter to show himself with the promise of books on magic."

"So just... forget this hideout?"

"Yeah."

"This has been a total waste of time?"

"Kinda."

"After all that time and effort I put into it?"

"Yeah. Get me some copies of magic books made."

"Okay, but it'll take time and-"

"I don't care. Do it quickly!"

"...sometimes I hate being a main character."


Dannyl finished his meal happily. He was starting to like Sachakan cooking. It was really rather nice once you got over the fact it was so salty and bitter every mouthful made you want to vomit.

"So, what shall we do now?" asked Ashaki Itoki, the guy whose house this was, or something. "My slaves are trained in the art of massage." He winked pointedly at Dannyl and Achati.

Dannyl wondered why Itoki's eye was twitching like that.

"I think," said Achati, looking warily at the scantily clad women around them, "we should go look at some history instead."

"I haven't ever met a man who would turn down a beautiful woman to learn about history..."

"Really?" Dannyl looked surprised. "I meet them all the time!"

In the library, Itoki unrolled some maps and after making a huge fuss about weighing down the corners which inexplicably lasted several paragraphs, Dannyl gazed down at the beautifully drawn maps.

"Gosh, look at the contour lines. And the nice colours."

"Blue is for the rivers."

"Indeed, indeed. What part of Sachaka is this of?"

"Doesn't really matter, does it?"

"Not really, no."

"Didn't think so."

Itoki put the maps away again.

A dust ball rolled by.

"What kind of history are you interested in?" asked Itoki.

"Oh, you know... stuff. There are some gaps in Guild history I've been trying to fill."

"I don't have anything about that. Oh, except this huge collection of rare and valuable letters from when Kyralia ruled Sachaka, one of which confirms Imardin wasn't destroyed in the Sachakan War."

"It wasn't?"

"No no. In fact, the battle took place outside the gates, and-"

"Just read The Magician's Apprentice!" screamed a passing fan, tearing at his hair. "Just bloody read it!"


"I've arranged a room for us to chat about your roet concerns, Sonea," said Healer Nikea, dragging Sonea through the hospice.

"Great. A secret room, right?"

"Oh yes, secret. Just me, you, a couple of healers, everyone else who works here, their families, their friends, their families' friends, and their pets."

"Oh. Great."

"All your suspicions are right!" everyone started yelling the moment Sonea came into the room. "Please, please save us from the evils of corruption and evil!"

"Woof!" added someone's pet dog.

"I will, don't worry," chuckled Sonea, sitting down. "But do you have anything to substantiate your claims the Guild is rife with evil?"

"I heard my brother's best friend's sister's mother's son's grandpa's cousin's friend was addicted to roet, and he can't stop taking it."

"That is the general idea of an addiction..."

"My cousin's husband's best friend's shoe shiner's son is involved in organised crime even though he's a magician!"

Sonea gasped. "And if we got rid of the rule about magicians associating with people of low repute, would more become involved in organised crime?"

"Well, yeah."

"No."

"Maybe."

"I dunno."

"Woof."

Sonea sighed. Saving the Guild and the world was going to be more than the weekend project she had originally planned for.