"Ok, that's the last of it," Penelope said to the Morgans. She then turned to big burly movers and said thank you as Derek directed the last box upstairs.
She was 24 weeks and her belly was finally showing. She was carrying a mini-basketball that liked to move. Lil Mo wakes up from naps just like her momma – arms stretched wide. The first time it happened Penelope thought it was indigestion but when it started happening more frequently, she realized it was her baby's little hands. Derek loves to pretend that he's giving Lil Mo high fives.
At their last check-up, they decided that they didn't want to know the sex of the baby- they wanted to be surprised – so they alternated pronouns depending on the story … which drives Fran and Sarah insane.
"Penelope, you've been on your feet all day sit," Fran ordered nicely.
"I'm fine—in 8 weeks I'll be sitting and rolling everywhere but I want to enjoy standing while I can," she teased. She noticed Fran and Sarah taking in the new shades of Derek's walls and asked, "Do you like the colors?"
They painted the foyer an off white color with serious hints of gray and blue. Once past the foyer living room/dining area was a unique color of sunburnt orange meeting the pastel family and dancing. The colors complimented his leather couch and chairs. She got rid of her couch but now they used her accent pillows, throws, and knick-knacks in the space. The room was warm, mature, and fun all in one.
They shared the office; her wall was bright bubble gum shimmery pink. Derek went all Geek squad and installed her screens on the wall so when she played her games it felt more interactive.
The movers brought the last of her clothes and books—she and Derek purged their apartments. What was left truly complimented each other - she was amazed how easy it was to merge their lives. The only thing left to do was the baby room.
She looked around and said "God, I want a nice tall glass of sangria!"
Sarah laughed.
"I do," Penelope said, "Derek makes me the virgin ones but it's just a fancy glass of fruit juice. Once little morgan is evicted I am going to have the most epic ladies night ever!"
"Send me the dates," Sarah said, "I will make it down – maybe we can make it a bachelorette party too."
She couldn't roll her eyes like she would at Derek for the un-subtle hint, so instead she said, "maybe," then proceeded to talk about the night out, "You know I will—it will rival the hangover." She giggled
Sarah was happy that she got a maybe out of her that her face lit up and she couldn't wait to tell Fran.
"What's so funny?" Derek asked as he and his mom entered the room.
"Nothing," they both said simultaneously, which made Derek suspicious.
Penelope walked over and kissed his cheek and said, "nothing… really".
"I think I'm a bit tired—Fran you were right. I'm going to nap but Derek could you wake me up for class?"
"Sure," The Morgans replied in unison.
She made her way upstairs as team Morgan left the living room.
"Thanks for coming early," Derek said as they entered the kitchen.
"No problem baby boy… your baby is going to be gorgeous. I have my money on it being a boy."
"I think so too because she's holding high," Sarah added.
Derek covered his ears, "I don't want to hear these wives tales," he said as he poured them a double brewed iced tea.
"How are things going?" Sarah asked
"Pretty good," he said smiling
"And are you all set for tonight?" his mom asked.
He nodded, "Do you want to see it?"
He opened the cabinet and pulled a velvet box out of an empty coffee container.
"Great hiding place," Sarah chuckled.
He opened the box and they ooohed and aaahhhed.
The ring was a pale blue sapphire hugged by 2 baby diamonds on each side. "Gorgeous, right?"
"Beautiful," Fran said and Sarah nodded – Sarah couldn't believe her baby brother was so in love.
He snapped the box shut, "but she's not going to say yes tonight… probably either a bit before the baby is born or after."
"She'll say yes," Fran said a bit too all knowing.
"Romantic dinner, stroll through the garden with Christmas lights and paper lanterns. You got her," Sarah said encouragingly.
He smiled, "you don't know Penelope, she's slightly irrational and it may take her 10 years to say yes." He glanced at the clock on the microwave, "Damn, I gotta go to the garden and give them the speakers. Wake her up at 2 – please she likes to be gussied up for cooking class."
A few hours later…
Derek, Penelope called through the house.
He came to the bedroom and there stood Penelope in an electric blue sweater dress with low mechanic boots.
"I'm so not a pregnancy fashionista…. How fancy is this place?" she said as she laid down in the bed… giving up on putting a look together, "I can't wear heels because I did so much standing in class and I really want to wear the boots because they feel like sneakers and are totally bad ass but I don't think a sweater dress goes and I know… I know we have to be in the car in 15 minutes. I wish my belly would've popped next week so I could at least look cute for our first date night," she finally took a breath and said, " this place, is like, a real fancy place…you made reservations… this is like a real date night... right?
"Yes," he said smiling, lying next to her - amazed that her brain could work that face… even when it was stuttering.
"You could wear a pota.." Derek began.
"I know, Derek… wear a potato sack and look good…. same thing Chef Roche says," she looks over at him suspiciously, "is there a how to talk to a pregnant woman book out there?"
He propped his head up on his hand and looked down at her.
"You're so not beautiful," he said smiling at her.
"Ouch," she said "reverse psychology hurts."
He leans in to kiss her, "I can't reward such behavior with a kiss – kind of anti-Pavlovian method," Penelope said sitting up.
He laughed, "Did you just call me a dog?"
She laughed and shook her head, "I think you did and you deserve a spanking," he said giving her the naughty bedroom eyes, "– a reminder not to do it again."
As he grabbed her hips, she started to laugh, "Stop!" she said wiggling out of his grasp, "we're going to be late and you still haven't fixed my outfit… I need something where I can where these boots while looking cute and dressy."
"I got just the thing." He pulled out this sparkly brocade dress –black wool like material with gold circles through out, they looked like little stars. The dress had an empire waist and A-line structure… so it looked super cute, yet she could wear it with her boots and looked dressed up.
"OMG, you have an inner Tim Gunn" she squealed with happiness.
"A who?"
"Tim Gunn, one of the host of Project Runway."
He shook his head, "I'll be downstairs."
As their dinner was wrapping up, Penelope felt overwhelmed with happiness. But just like clock work the happiness she was feeling was surround by grey clouds. How can she believe that Derek loves her when she couldn't even tell him about the crevices of her soul? She wanted to him to love her… like all of her not just the Penelope she showed him. Whenever she thought of Josh or their baby she felt guilty and undeserving… like she failed a test. No matter where she went or how happy she was … this dark cloud would come and remind her who she really was—but she knew if she shared it with him maybe it wouldn't have so much control over her. Maybe she would feel differently when she looked back on it. Maybe she could let herself be truly happy.
I'll tell him on the way home. She'd tell him about Josh and what brought her to the BAU. If he felt the same way she promised herself to embrace the happiness.
"Do you mind if we go for a walk?" Derek asked taking her hand, "that pasta was kind of heavy and it's a nice night."
"Sure," she said, thinking of a way to broach the topic.
They walk a block in silence and then they both speak-
"Luca never fails," Derek began
"I've been meaning," she began.
They turned to each other and smiled, "it's like our first date," Penelope said bashfully, "awkwardness and all."
"I think it maybe our official first date but we've had millions of unofficial ones," he said pulling her closer to him.
"I've been meaning to tell you something," she began but then she was distracted by the lights coming from the garden and said, "oh wow, they're having a party ...Let's crash."
She lead Derek across the street to the community- when she saw it was empty she took it as a sign that the universe wanted her to put her heart on the table. Since her parents died she often looked outside of herself for hints that she was on the right path. This sparkly place was a hint from the universe – she assumed.
They sat on a bench in the midst of the lights and lanterns.
"Derek, tonight has been amazing and I know sometimes my reactions to the simplest things are weird.. well beyond weird. I mean you've asked me to marry you like a thousand times and it's not simply because I don't believe in it… because I used."
She looked up at him, "I mean other women would swoon to be Mrs. Morgan—I mean sometimes I swoon, but then I say no and I know you must think I'm partially mad – but I'm not. I've just been here before. I was just so full of happiness and all of the good things that you should feel when you embark on such a journey and it was taken from me."
"Is this about Kevin?"
She tucked her hair behind her ear and said, "No, he was sweet and I did love him but... he just wanted things… that I couldn't give him— you kind of want those same things and I'm trying but I don't want you to give up on me—because I am," she said looking up again, "trying."
She exhaled and the cadence of her speaking became more relaxed, "I just carry a lot around and don't share - but since we are living together and having a baby with love sprinkled on top I feel like I should tell you that I've been here before and it ended horribly which is why I promised myself that I would never be here again."
He squeezed her hand and encouraged her to continue via caresses.
"I was in love with a professor at Caltech, Josh Petterson—we dated after graduation and were engaged like 2 years later. We were happy or so I thought. I wanted to create this family – trying to replace the one I lost—because my brothers and I weren't even talking at that point. And here was a man that loved me and made life fun again. Any way, he was older and wanted kids and I wanted a family – so, we decided to start trying as we were planning the wedding—if I got knocked up.. we would have a small destination wedding. I think I had a dress picked out and everything."
Her gaze returned to her hands, "Basically, I got pregnant and the day I was going to tell him – he beat me to it and told me he was with his ex …another professor at the college. They'd been together since the proposal - which didn't make sense to me. He propose because he was trying to make it work," Penelope shook her head as a tear streamed down, "but I didn't know anything was wrong."
Derek brushed away the tear as more came.
She shrugged trying to regain composure, "I couldn't – I was 23 and I couldn't imagine doing it alone—being a single mom without a family."
The tears stopped and her amour came up … automatically, "So, I had an abortion and it changed me. I didn't think it would … but it did. I try and try but it's so hard to let people in—eventhough people may think I'm an open book – I'm not and since we are doing this – in this together—I thought it was only fair for you to understand the why. The why I don't want to be married or why I didn't want to move it. Things were just happening so fast and I didn't want to end up alone with a bunch of broken promises – so that's why I don't make them. I care about you tremendously and I know we are going to be amazing parents," she said trying to end it on a positive note.
"I'm telling you all of this because I don't want you to give up on me— Kevin did and I just don't want you to feel like I don't care – but it's just so hard to leave that part of my past in the past." She leaned over and kissed him and he returned her kiss.
"Thank you for sharing —I know that must've hard, baby girl. But I need you to know I love you and I'm never letting you go – no matter how hard you try to push me away-"
"I don't mean too,"
"I know." He said smiling at her, "One day I'm going to ask you to marry me and you will say yes because we love each other—and the promise of the future will out weigh shadows of the past."
He turned to her and gave her that signature smile, "But, I don't mind waiting."
As if on queue the music started playing and Derek asked her for a dance. Labyrinth and Emelie Sande's Beneath Your Beautiful wafted through the air.
Yah, She finally told him! (hehehe, but she didn't say I love you! but that's coming)
Thank you sarahsammom for introducing me to this song Labyrinth and Emelie Sande's Beneath Your Beautiful
