Between your house and home
"Justin. Where have you been all night?" a sleep-deprived Adam greeted him and Daphne.
They moved towards the truck, Daphne carrying a duffle bag full of clothes and other mysterious stuff she had said she couldn't possibly survive without for a weekend.
"Tour of the city…" Justin replied cryptically.
"And who are you?" Steve asked.
Daphne looked at him for a few seconds, mystified that he didn't even remember her, but snapped out of it quickly. "Daphne Chanders" she introduced herself, with a little wave to everyone.
"Yeah, Daphne insists she comes with us for the weekend." Justin explained. "We have another gig here on Monday right? So I thought she can come with, and we'll drive her back Monday morning."
Liam groaned from somewhere in the background.
"And where the fuck is she supposed to sleep exactly? There's barely enough room for the 5 of us." Steve said glaring at Justin, while Liam and Adam looked at each other, nodding furiously in agreement.
"Well… uh…" Justin hadn't thought about that.
"Doesn't matter." Jake said smiling, and moved to take Daphne's bag off her hands. "Because we are staying in a hotel this weekend baby!" he added excited, kissing Justin's cheek.
"What? When did that happen?" Adam asked confused.
"I, being a master in the field of mathematics" Jake started, ignoring Liam's snort "have cracked up the numbers and figured that with all the money we made from the gigs these last 4 days we can afford sleeping at a hotel if we want to." He sighed content. "Think of that, a nice hotel bed…"
"Well if that's the case, hop on kid." Liam told Daphne, who eagerly obliged.
"That's so great." Adam said, looking at Daphne like she was the most delicious looking chocolate dessert. "Our first groupie!"
"I'm not…"
"Yeah, first groupie ever!" Justin confirmed, smiling, with a warning look Daphne's way. He knew that would increase the chances that the others would accept Daph with no complaint.
"How old are you?" Liam asked, looking her up and down.
"17…"
"And your folks are ok with you going away with a group of older, possibly extremely dangerous individuals?" he said, moving closer and looking at her suggestively.
"He's just messing with you." Jake appeased her. "I'm Jake by the way" he added shaking her hand. "And that's Adam, Steve and Liam" he said, introducing everyone.
Adam took his place behind the wheel, with Steve next to him, and the rest of them poured into the open back.
"Your parents are ok with you leaving right?" Justin asked her as a last minute thought.
"Yeah of… Oh shit." She looked with wide eyes at a middle aged man in his pajamas that was quickly coming toward the truck, flip flops clanking on the asphalt ominously.
"Daphne Chanders! Where do you think you are going?" the man yelled, quickening his pace.
"Crap." Justin got up and hit his palm against Adam's window. "Go, go!" Daphne's father did not look happy, and Justin was not too fond of the thought of the man's humongous fists making contact with his face, if the man caught up with them.
"It won't start!" Adam called out anxiously, trying to start the engine over and over with disappointing results.
"Oh fuck." Liam got up and started banging along with Justin on the side window. "Come on Skills! Just go already!"
"You are not making it any easier you know!" Adam informed them, trying desperately to get the car going.
"Get here right now young lady!" the man exclaimed, out of breath.
When he was less than 10 feet away from them, the engine finally made a gargling noise and Adam stepped down on it, tires screeching, as the man broke into a sprint.
"I'll be back after the weekend dad!" Daphne cried out, as the car accelerated, leaving him behind.
With a respectable distance between them and Daphne's father, who was still running after them, but quickly falling behind, Liam sat on his ass soundly; breathing rapidly and bringing a palm over his heart, as if afraid he might have a heart attack. "I'm too old for this shit."
Justin plucked down on the twin bed he would share with Daphne, hoping up and down on it, and checking the pillows for fluffiness. It wasn't a five star hotel, but it beat sleeping in the car any day.
"So… are you and Jake a couple?" Daphne asked.
"What gave you that idea?" Justin replied confused.
"Oh come on! You two are obviously attracted to each other. Not to mention he almost popped a vein when you told him you would share the room with me instead of him."
"He did, didn't he?" Justin laughed.
"Yeah. I am positive this whole "lets sleep at a hotel" thing was just a way to get into a genuine bed with you. So, how come you haven't hooked up yet? I mean, you like him too right?"
"Yeah… I dunno…" Justin shrugged. "He is pretty hot."
"And a very nice guy." Daphne added.
Justin pretended to thoroughly check the hotel mirror. God, he needed a haircut.
"So…?" Daphne insisted.
"Jake is great. I just…"
"Spill it."
Justin sighed. "There is this guy…"
"Now this is getting interesting!" Daphne rubbed her palms together excited.
"There's not much to talk about really. It's over with him. I'll probably never see him again."
"Go on…" Daphne urged him.
Justin looked at her eager face and tried to put the whole messed up story into words. It proved very difficult, but half an hour later, Justin had at last shared it with someone besides his own mind, and Daphne was informed and looking a lot less hyped about it.
"He still might find the jersey and decide to follow you."
Justin scoffed. "I doubt that."
"Well, from what I've gathered… I don't think he meant those things he said at the park."
"And what makes you say that?"
"Look, he was just pressured and confused. And he sounds like he has some serious denial issues to work through. But other than that…" she looked around as if expecting the furniture to inspire a profound speech in defense of Brian. "You were his first and all. He can't have just gotten over you in a day."
"I don't know…" he sighed. "I keep replaying everything in my head and coming up with a million reasons why he said those things… Making excuses for him and telling myself that he didn't mean it. But what if it is all just wishful thinking and I keep obsessing over a guy who doesn't care even a little bit?"
"What does Adam think?"
"I haven't told him anything."
"You should. He's your best friend, it's only fair."
Justin shrugged "Telling him would make the whole Brian turning me down without a second thought issue more painfully acknowledgeable, you know?"
"I still think you should tell him. He has to know you are head over heels in love with this Brian."
"I am not head over heels with him!" Justin exclaimed annoyed.
"Yeah right."
"Will you please stop disagreeing with me over everything?"
"You mean that if this very door opened right now, and Brian came through it, you wouldn't run into his arms?"
"Maybe…" Justin sighed. "Or I might just slap him. I've been meaning to do that forever."
Daphne laughed. "So, what are you going to do now?"
"I have no idea… The one thing I do know, is that I want to put Brian Kinney behind me. I'm sick and tired of thinking of him every day. It doesn't lead to anything."
"Well, if that's the case… You know what they say. The only way to get over a love is to find a new one."
"For the last time: I am not in love with Brian!"
"Ok, ok, if you say so… I'm telling you though, in love or not, the only way to stop thinking of him is to fuck someone else. Jake would be more than happy to help you with that." She giggled.
"Oh then I should just use Jake?"
"You wouldn't be using him!" she exclaimed heatedly. "As long as you explain to him that you don't want a relationship or anything, you are covered. He doesn't seem like the relationship type to me anyway."
"You got that right…"
"See? And anyway, he wants you-desperately I might add, and I've only known him for half a day. Just tell me… aren't you dying to know what it would be like to have sex with him?"
"I may have thought about it once or twice…" he admitted finally.
"I knew it!"
"Anyway, it is not that simple. We are in the same band; things might get awkward between us."
"You know that is just a flimsy excuse just as much as I know it." Daphne contradicted him. "And anyway, what is not simple? You sleep with him and get the sex you so clearly need..."
"Thanks…" Justin replied sarcastically.
"Don't interrupt me, I was making a point here." Daphne told him annoyed.
"Fine. Go on."
"What was I saying?"
"Something about me being clearly sex-deprived."
"Oh, yeah. So, I was saying, you get to have sex, Jake gets to have sex, you both get to know what it's like and if it might work between you two. And if it doesn't, it won't make a difference, because you will have explained everything beforehand. It's a win-win situation." She declared grinning.
"But…."
"Stop it. My plan is impeccable."
"Fine… God, you have it all figured out in your little head haven't you?"
"A woman's thinking my friend. You've been missing out on it." she told him.
"It's no wonder I'm gay. Women's minds are plain evil." He replied jokingly.
"Fuck you!" she laughed and threw a pillow his way half-heartedly. "You would be lucky to have me!"
"What are you guys laughing about?" Adam asked, entering the room.
"It's a secret." Daphne whispered, putting her index finger on her lips.
"Ok, whatever you two have been drinking, I want in on it."
Justin looked at Daphne knowingly, before asking Adam "So, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"
"I came to tell you to get ready for the gig. We have to get going soon." Adam answered, still looking between the two of them baffled.
It turned out to be one of their best gigs to date. Justin was trying hard not to think about Brian at all, and was actually succeeding beautifully. Although, Daphne's speech had made Jake's behavior, that screamed he wanted to be with him, all the more obvious to Justin. As they were singing together, sharing a microphone, with Jake's lips inches away from him, Justin couldn't help but wonder if Daphne was right. Maybe that's all he needed to get over Brian. A man who actually wanted him no glitches and no questions asked.
He had found himself with Jake sprawled across the bed in the room he shared with Daphne about an hour after the gig had ended. They were laughing and having a good time, and Justin figured that this is how it is supposed to be: easy, no drama and doubting and always looking behind your shoulder to make sure no one was watching. Jake was older and mature –well as much as Jake could be considered mature – and he knew what he wanted from his life. Maybe he was just had the doctor had prescribed.
"Hey, take a look at this." Jake told him, pulling a joint from his back pocket.
"Where did you get it?"
"Around… You want a hit?"
"Sure."
Jake lighted and after inhaling deeply once, passed the joint on to Justin. "You know we might not even have enough food to eat most days, but all these parties… there is everything a man might need to get high."
Justin laughed at that. "Ever wonder if people just like listening to us because they are too high? Or too drunk?"
"No. It's because we are awesome." Jake replied confidently, taking the joint back. He let his fingers linger a bit too much on Justin's palm. "Plus we are hot."
"Good to see you are modest."
Jake smiled but didn't add anything. They shared the joint in silence for a minute or two, Justin feeling increasingly more relaxed. He knew it had less to do with the weed, and much more to do with being in the same room with Jake.
"Daphne says we should fuck."
Jake chocked a bit on his own spit, and started coughing harshly. "You and Daphne? I didn't know you play for both teams."
"No you idiot. You and me."
"Well, Daphne's a smart girl."
Justin contemplated him for a while. "So what do you think?"
"I take it that is a rhetorical question, and the answer won't make a difference right?"
"It might very well make a difference, depending on what you'll say." Justin informed him.
"Are you hitting on me?" Jake asked amused.
"Forget about it." Justin replied, moving a bit away from him.
"Wait." Jake caught his hand. "Let me try something."
He tilted Justin's head up a little, and brought his lips slowly down on the boy's mouth, all the while looking at him closely, ready to stop the minute Justin would say so. Justin found his eyes closing immediately, his mouth opening with ease. As the kiss deepened and he moved on top of Jake, straddling his lap, he could still see Brian behind his eyelids, but the image was becoming increasingly blurry and fading away.
He stopped and pulled away to look at Jake. "Before anything happens, let's make one thing straight: no strings attached ok?"
"Straight is a weird way of putting it."
"I'm serious." Justin looked at him intently. "There will be no awkwardness, no expectations… I love this band, I don't want to see us turning into the Beetles."
"I'm pretty sure they didn't break up because Paul was sleeping with John you know…" Jake replied.
"Can you stop joking for a second?"
"Fine…" Jake sighed. "No strings attached. Now stop talking." He said pulling Justin closer to him.
Jake proved enough to almost abolish any thought of Brian from Justin's mind that night.
Almost.
He didn't know what he expected to hear when he put the record on. Maybe that it would be Justin's voice that greeted him or some shit, however impossible. But Trip's singer was definitely not him.
A couple hours later, having listened to the demo, he got why Adam liked this band so much. There was room for improvement, but some songs were pretty cool. There was this sick drum solo on track 5 that Brian's fingers itched to grab the brackets and perform for himself. So he did.
Brian could not believe he hadn't practiced the drums in so long. Getting reacquainted with his drum set was seriously liberating, especially with all the pent-up frustration. He could just beat the brackets hard and everything seemed to disappear.
He didn't care about what that git Adam thought about guitars and bases. It was the drums that set the rhythm, that made a song come to life. Raw hard sounds and loud noise that cut through to your soul.
The minute he would stop, the loud voices coming from the living room would pierce his ears. Saint Joan and her loving husband arguing about some thing or other. Brian didn't care. It always was the same damn bull crap.
But here, locked in his room, he could just ignore everything, feel the beat of the drums, his body shaking and his head moving in tempo. The muscles of his arms and feet were strained, burning with the sudden movements of the last few hours. The sun was descending in the sky, painting the surrounding little houses with their white picket fences and perfectly mowed lawn in orange and pink but Brian, his back turned to the window, didn't notice.
It was late at night when he stopped. He stopped the record, and put on a shirt to protect himself from the chill coming from the window. The arguing from downstairs had ceased, and Brian made his way to the kitchen to eat something.
Joan was sitting in front of the TV, oblivious to the dramas of the soap opera characters unfolding in it. She was clutching a bottle of cooking cherry wine, and falling asleep on the chair. The fingerprint-shaped bruises on her wrist didn't seem to bother her anymore, but they were enough to make Brian lose his appetite completely. He didn't even know if they were new or not.
"Brian…" she called out to him. "Why aren't you at school?"
"It's not morning. And it's a Sunday." he said, sitting in the old couch next to her armchair. The blond bimbo in the TV was crying her pretty eyes out, ranting about the treacherous ways of men, her makeup remaining flawless.
"What? Didn't you go to church today?" he asked, concentrating on the TV, not willing to stomach the sight of whatever else marks were visible on the few uncovered parts of her body.
"Oh… yes, yes I did…" she slurred. "Father Tony delivered the most wonderful preach today, about how God is omnipotent and always watching over his children… You should come next Saturday, you haven't been with me to Mass in so long…"
"I am busy." He said as an easy excuse, watching the sequence on the screen with little interest.
"You always are…" she sighed. "One would think you are the adult in this house, with all those things that keep you busy…"
"I am the adult in this house." He replied. "The adult is the one who takes care of everything right?"
"Such sharp tongue…." She answered, smiling slightly even through her scolding look. "Pride is a sin Brian, remember that."
"What isn't?" he murmured, but she didn't notice, or she decided not to comment. The woman in the television was now having a heated, tearful argument with a tall ebony-haired man, who Brian could have sworn must be cheating on her with another man, whatever the delusional housewives were thinking. "Where is Claire?"
"Out… with her friends… You are all always out somewhere…no one spends any time in the house anymore… Father Tony was talking last Sunday about the importance of family union, how families should all gather around the dinner table like old times… But no one cares about that anymore…"
Brian suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Yeah that was really the root of their problem. They weren't gulping down gallons of food together every day.
"That Taylor woman was asking around about her son today again." she went on. "Such a sad story… But what could anyone expect? She and her husband are getting a divorce after all… It's no wonder her son ended up the way he did. It's all over the news… All these poor children, always products of broken homes…"
"Why are your children so messed up then mom?" he asked scathingly.
"You are so much like your father… He always ridicules me too." Was her only response, before focusing on the TV again.
Brian felt like he was chocking. Every extra single moment he spent in this house was like another bullet to the head. He thought of the drums and the booze he had hidden under his bed, a mix from everything in his father's cabinet. It was the Kinney way after all.
In two weeks he would leave everything behind. He had made his arrangements with Robbie, the happy hippy. The very same day he graduated from high school they would be leaving. They would search for Trip, but even if Brian never found them, or Justin either, there was no way he was coming back.
If he did find Justin… He had no formed plan in his mind for that. He'd have to wait and see what happened.
Justin will most likely laugh at his face the second he sees him. He will smile brilliantly the way only he knows how to, and ask why Brian came after him. He will say that Brian must be really pretty pathetic to have gone looking for an old flame, and that he had only left that message on the jersey to say goodbye.
But Brian was willing to take that risk. If that's the way things turned out, and he was very certain that they would, Brian will gather what pride and dignity he has left and find a way to survive on his own. At least he will be far away from here.
The bimbo on the TV and the black-haired man were now kissing passionately, reuniting and forgiving each other for every fault of the past, laughing and hugging and swearing to love each other for all eternity.
A/N: title is from Far beyond the wheel, by Soundgarden
Thank you to Lupin 111, for helping me out.
and to anyone who reviewed on the last chapter.
Thanks for reading and/or reviewing ;)
