Awkward

By the time we had left Sawyer's home, it was 10:30 in the morning. We went through the back of the house and started to walk into the forest. It was kind of chilly, but the warmth of the sun and the fact that the trees trapped in heat made it a little better.

We were walking for about 15 minutes when I asked Sawyer:

"When did you find that place? Were you like, exploring the woods or something? Or were you and Graham playing Robin Hood?" I thought it was kind of odd how Sawyer found that beautiful place.

He chuckled while moving some of the branches out of my way. "Hmm, wouldn't that be fun, playing Robin Hood. In the Caribbean, nonetheless." I laughed. We really were getting along. "I would always go by myself to places. And then one day I thought 'Why don't I explore the forest?' I remember it was really hot that day, so I spent the whole day swimming in the lake." Sawyer shook his head and chuckled quietly. "When I came back, my parents were so mad at me. I got grounded for a month; I was 11 at that time, so it was about 6 years ago" he mentioned.

6 years ago? That meant he was 17, my age. He really did look a lot older than he was. We continued to walk for another 10 minutes. My feet were starting to get a little tired. Far away, I heard some water flowing; we were probably close to the oasis. Suddenly, Sawyer turned to me. He looked at me as if he was contemplating something. "Uh…close your eyes?" It sounded like a question to me.

I smiled and asked "Was it was question or a statement?"

He rolled his eyes, smiled and said "Statement. Um…I'll help you get your way around…" trailed off Sawyer.

So I closed my eyes, anticipating what was next. I felt Sawyer's hand gently hold mine and help me walk forward; it was warm and soft. But that's not the main problem- when he touched me, I felt a million tingles in my skin. I started to feel hot and I knew for a fact I was blushing.

Holy shit. Oh God, this was not how I expected it to be. Josh was the only one who could do that to me! He was the one and only one!

But…did it really matter? Why was I still fussing about Josh when we were no longer together? Most importantly, was it wrong? Just thinking about those questions started to make me head hurt.

"Reed." I jumped, but my eyes were still closed. I felt Sawyer's lips against my ear; again, another wave of tingles. Both of his hands were on my shoulders and he was standing very close to me. "Look." I practically heard him smile. And boy did I look.

It was even more beautiful than the actual picture. The lake was crystal clear and it was huge. There was a main waterfall and beside it were two more. They weren't that tall, but they were something to look at. The trees and some of the native leaves made canopies around the lake. It was eternally beautiful and full of life.

I was speechless for about five minutes straight. During that time, Sawyer had already sat down by one of the rocks and was leaning up against it. I could stare at it forever. It certainly was something.

After a while I went and sat down next to Sawyer. My thoughts instantly went back to the sensation I had felt after Sawyer touched me. It was very…weird for me. Why? I have no idea. Was it because I was so used to Josh? Or was I still clinging on to some hope that Josh and I would get back together? And why was I liking the feeling anyway?

Then it hit me. The time that Josh and I were apart, I had grown accustomed to the sheer memory of what had been. I had accepted the fact that everything was over for me. But I didn't think about what could've happened. Even if I wasn't drugged and nothing at Legacy happened, Josh was still growing somewhat distant towards me. He obviously detested of anything associated with Billings. So maybe the fight or the break up was sort of inevitable. We were on the rocks; because of that, I had consoled to Dash. It was supposed to happen. Maybe not the sex, but defiantly the break up. And that made me sad.

Sad that it was actually coming, Sabine or no Sabine. Did that mean things were over? I still had no idea. Maybe Josh was right about getting our thoughts straight. I was still lost. At least I had two to three weeks to think about it.

…But it was going to be hard with Sawyer around.

Grrr, what was up with me? Why was I crushing on Sawyer, when I was still in love with Josh? I barely knew Sawyer, and yet I had already felt a major attraction towards him. I shook my head. My head was getting to be…unlivable.

I felt Sawyer nudge me on the shoulder. I looked up towards him. The light reflected off of his hair, giving it a gorgeous golden look and his eyes were twinkling. Stop now, Reed. "You seem deep in thought, and a little…sad." He glanced down when he said that. I sighed. I hated the fact that my face was an open book.

I stayed silent for a few moments. For some reason, I had an urge to tell Sawyer everything. I took a deep breath; the calming sound of the waterfall made me want to spill my guts out. "It's Josh. It's the fact that there's probably no hope. I had it coming; it could've been like this or something else, but it was coming. Even after forgiving each other, it was just weird. I felt so distant from him. The two months that Josh and I were apart…" I looked down at my hands, and starting throwing rocks into the lake. "A lot of things happened. I felt so left out and alone. And it wasn't right. It sucks that I have a lot of time to think about it…" I gave a hard laugh. I quickly realized that I was jabbering. I looked at Sawyer. He was staring at me intently, as if he was trying to understand. "It's a load of crap, and I can't take it." Here, my voice cracked.

I was silently crying. I knew it was very awkward for Sawyer, but I couldn't stop. I had no idea as to why I was crying, but it was probably the ones I had locked up for the past three days. I felt him near me, but he didn't even attempt to soothe me. This was fine, because I would probably have a heart attack just by him touching me.

Suddenly, I felt Sawyer come closer to me and wrap his arm around me. Of course, it didn't help I felt a million electric sparks go through me. He was slowly stroking my arm, and I leaned my head on his chest. Boy, was it a chest. It was perfect for me to cry on. I don't know how long we stayed there, but I continued to sob quietly. Gradually, my sobbing subdued. I looked up, a little ashamed of my crying. He pulled his head back a little and moved some of the hair sticking on my face and pushed it behind my ears. His face was just inches away from mine.

My breathing stopped. He really was handsome. Reed! Stop being stupid! You were just crying your ass of about Josh, and now you're thinking about how hot Sawyer is?

I decided to forgot my warning and just do it. I was already broken, so why not rip myself even further? Slowly, I started to lean in. I looked at his eyes and then his lips. I realized that they were curvy and were lovely. I then started to trace his lips with my index finger, going back and forth. I began to trace his jaw, and I brought my finger down to his neck. I started to lean in even more. Could I really do this? My heart started to beat frantically. All this time Sawyer didn't move an inch.

"Reed, you can't do this."

I froze. God dammit Sawyer! You just killed the moment! Why?!

I swallowed. I pulled back a little so I could see Sawyer's full face. There was pity written all over it, but his eyes were soft. But as I thought about it, he was right. I was still preoccupied about Josh, and I knew that by betraying my absent heart, I would really fall into pieces. Reluctantly, I got up. Oh God, I was mortified. Sawyer kept staring at me; not in the pity way but making sure I wasn't going to cry again.

He kept stealing glances at me, but Sawyer would always look down when I found him spying me. I could feel the heat radiating from me from sheer embarrassment.

The walk back was silent and uncomfortable. All I could think was, what the hell did I get myself into? And what does he think of me now?

That night, I cried myself to sleep. I cried for Thomas and Cheyenne, and I cried for my stupidness this afternoon. But I was mostly crying because of the epiphany I had this afternoon, which Josh and I had it coming, and there was no hope. I knew it was true. As much as I hated it, it really was.

And the worst part was, I'm sure Josh knew too.


thanks guys for the reviews! i know the last chapter was kind of boring, so sorry :)

ok so what do you think? i'm not sure if i like this chapter that much; i felt like i rushed in a bit with reed and sawyer? again, tell me what you think

also, what do you think of the epiphany i had for reed? do you think its right? i mean, i remember reading legacy and feeling that josh was being a jack-ass for not supporting reed and being all moody.

reviews please! and thanks again for those who have reviewed!