Title: Pride and Prejudice


Disclaimers: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

Herbie's note: to Peggy47's lovely cat

Dear Ches,

I also was surprised to see that this big hairy man brought this awesomeness here. This was the minimum he could do; he stole my mouse after all. He says the miracle is mine but I bet he only wanted to make my girlfriend happy. I can tell you that he is up to something. My lady was a little bit angsty, I don't know, maybe she doesn't like this condo that much but the furry human told her something and now, she seems calmer. I don't know what her problem was; I would let her sit on it or sharpen her nails on one of the poles if she wants to. I'll ask my girlfriend if I can have a party, and you are definitely invited. We will have a good time. This guy is pretty nice; you would love him, too. He can massage adequately, I'll let him pamper you too.

With love,

Herbie


Chapter Twelve

Dreams are free, so free your dreams. – Astrid Alauda

Grissom surfaced naturally for the second time within hours. He remembered the dream he had fought through and Sara's loving words that had comforted him afterwards. He remembered the feeling of her arms around him, the sweet scent that had been radiating from her hair. He glanced at the bedside clock and noticed that they still have some time to wake up for the next check-up.

For some time, he was just watching Sara sleeping. Then Grissom wondered where Herbie had gone. He found his absence strange as the cat had seemed to be a perfect shadow of this woman.

Once again, he looked at the clock and saw that only a few minutes left before the offensive sound started, so Grissom decided to spare Sara the scare and instead of waiting for the alarm-clock to wake her, he leaned close to the young woman. He touched her arm and horror struck him. Her soft and velvety skin was deadly cold and her body was alarmingly rigid. All sleepiness left his eyes as he jumped.

With trembling hands, he turned Sara onto her back but she was very still.

"Nooooooo! Sara! Open your eyes!" he screamed but Sara never stirred or move a muscle.

No matter how hard he shook her body, it remained motionless and had almost waxy complexion. After the initial shock, the next reactions branched off from there. His frantic behavior turned into shortness of breath, then dizzying thoughts were on duty that were soon followed with sadness, nausea and finally confused acceptance.

Grissom did not understand why it was happening to him, why it had happened to Sara. He had been here with her, she had been alright or at least it had seemed that way. He looked down at her beautiful face, and if he did not know that life had left her body, Grissom could have believed that Sara Sidle was just sleeping.

He looked around in the room, it felt empty and unfriendly. The flowers that he had not noticed until now were all dry and lifeless. Everything seemed dead, even the air he was inhaling. He closed his eyes not knowing what else he could do; he touched his own cheeks and felt the moisture that coved his entire face. Grissom had never realized that he had been crying. He was watching Sara and saw only darkness where there should be light, he saw frown where should only be smile; he embraced her body and felt only loneliness when she should not be alone. He cried for help but she could not hear him. Grissom sobbed in silence for grief that had no mercy.

Ever so gently, he laid her body back down with loving care, and then Grissom lay down as close to her as he was able to and closed his eyes. He had not been with her when she had been alive because he had been a coward and now he was really too late, Grissom wanted to be with her in her death at least. The air that kept the living alive could not find the way into his lungs as the grieving man refused to take it anymore.


GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR


In the Lab, Catherine informed Sofia and Greg that for two days, she was going to be their boss as Grissom had some private errands to run. Sofia was not impressed by the news; her theory of being the only woman in the team had just ripped to pieces. So she asked for her assignment and left. When Catherine had paged Warrick, he had accepted without any complain that he would have to pull a double, Grissom had also helped him out many times, so it had not been a question if he would stay or not. Nick had not been that cooperative at first, he had had other plan for the day but after a short snort from Warrick, he had nodded and stayed, too.

"So, what do you think they are doing together?" Nick asked Catherine.

"Who said they are together?" Greg interjected.

"Well, Sara is off for a week, and all of a sudden, Grissom has unpostponable things to do…and he never takes a day off…let alone two."

"You don't have any evidence that proves your assumption, Nicky," Catherine said but Nick definitely planted the idea in to her head.

Greg saw the speculative expression on Catherine's face and he became very angry at Nick. When it came to gossip, Nick was not better than Catherine. Sara had been struggling with some invisible demons for months now; and no one had taken the time to ask her if she had been ok. Greg wondered if any one of them had tried to call her at all to ask if she had needed something. He doubted. And what was the first thing Nick could think of? That Grissom was at Sara's place and having fun. If Greg wanted to be honest with himself, he had to admit that it had popped into his mind too, and if he wanted to be completely sincere, he hoped that Grissom was indeed with Sara. The woman loved Grissom, everybody could tell, and Grissom loved Sara, Greg could tell. So, yes, the youngest CSI hoped they were together and finally sorted their complicated feelings for each other out and at last, they would confess their loves to each other that had been as crystal clear for Greg as a diamond.

Maybe the others considered Greg the youngest and the least trained CSI in the team, they were all blind to the obvious as far as Sara and Grissom were concerned. Even though Greg Sanders had no evidence either to prove his theory, he was up to the mission to keep their little secret.

"Sara isn't in Vegas, so your theory failed, Nick!"

"Damn, but…"

"Grissom wouldn't let that happen anyway, Nicky, so we better go to work," with that Catherine closed the conversation.


GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR


BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Awww…makeitstop…makeitstop…hitthatdamnclock," Sara murmured into her pillow.

It took some time for Grissom to wake up and realized what was really happening around him. He took a breath so forcefully; it looked like he had just surfaced from a deep diving. He looked left and right to see where he was.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Griss! The clock!"

With the speed of light, he unset the antipathetic device and checked his environment. He was still panting when he slowly turned toward the woman he had been so sure was dead. Reality and the insanity of his dream messed up his senses. He sat up looking back to the clock. It said 1:02 am, Saturday.

"Give me ten more minutes, okay," Sara asked startling the man next to her.

He could not form any other word, only a subtle 'uh-hum'. While Sara sank back into a nice slumber, Grissom wiped his face that was still wet from crying. He wanted to touch and hug Sara so much, so badly but he feared he would scare the woman, so he decided to escape with his own demons from this bed. Silently, he got up and was about to leave the room when he noticed that the window was still open. Knitting his brows, he glanced around the room but he did not found the flowers or any plant in the room. Even though the room was pleasantly warm, he went to the window and closed it. He then turned to leave the bedroom only to look back for a moment. He saw the woman in bed breathing, evidently alive. He saw the cat snoozing and most definitely being there. Emotions flooded through his veins, he could not stay any longer there, he needed time to sort his feelings and experiences out.

In the bathroom, he lumped down onto the toilet-seat and only then did he let the emotions surfaced from his troubled heart and mind. Grissom was so confused; he was not sure what was real and what was only a dream. Somewhere he had read that dreams were only thoughts one did not have the time to think about during the day but he knew the truth. His dreams had been thoughts he had not dared to think about or name them. Grissom could not describe how grateful he was for Sara's well-being, for that she was alive. But he still remembered the extreme pain he had felt in the middle of his stomach when he had embraced her body. And the cruel feeling of hopelessness. He had had to experience this horror to realize how final her death could be. It scared the hell out of him. What surprised him the most was that he had been perfectly ready to die with her. At the same time, what saddened him was that his confession of love for her - no matter how lame it had come out – had been also just a dream.

Gil Grissom had not believed in signs or such vague terms as hunches, sixth sense or instincts. Simply, he had not wanted to…until now. Debbie Marlin's words were repeated in his head, her looks had been burned into his memory.

I didn't have you then, you couldn't save me then, now save Sara, do something!

These horrible waves of dreams opened his eyes; the man was convinced that he was given a second, the final chance. The Gil Grissom – whom everybody had known - had been died with his love in that dream but a new man was born in this bathroom. Grissom washed the tears off of his face, rinsed his mouth out and with newly-gained energy, he stepped out of that tiny room. The first thing he saw was Sara's laptop on her desk. Without thinking, Grissom walked to the computer and impatiently waited for the device to boot up. His enthusiasm soon died when he was asked to type the password that was needed to log into the system. He disappointedly closed the cover to shut it down. Grissom became agitated again. He needed the internet to check those two transferees out that he had found in Sara's official letters of account statement but obviously, he would need the password to do so. Giving up for now, he glanced at the bedroom door, and he knew that he had to take care of the woman in there first. Everything else could wait.

He went to the fridge, poured two glasses of orange juice and after he drank one of them, he brought the other one into the bedroom for Sara. The clock showed 1:22, so Grissom thought it was time for Sara to wake up. Now, the only problem he faced was the 'how to wake the woman up'. The first one that hopped into his head was pretty inappropriate but definitely the most enjoyable. To shake her would be quite rude. Grissom did not want to scare her, so he made some noise, not too loud but in his opinion just enough to wake her up. Nothing. Only Herbie looked up and his face suggested that Grissom should stop whatever he was planning. Clearly, the man in question did not get the message as he carefully sat on the mattress and was contemplating his next move. For a while, he was just watching the woman who was breathing in and out rhythmically. Grissom remembered what the doctor had told him about it. Sara should be woken easily. Well, easily was not really an exact term. To grab the mattress and rotate it would be considered an easy way to wake anybody up and surely effective. To touch her peaceful face and caress her into wakefulness seemed very appealing. Intimate and still appropriate. So Grissom reached out to gently brush a loose hair-lock from her cheek.

"Hey! I thought you got lost," Sara said with her eyes still closed.

"Jesus, Sara. Don't do this to me," he told her and immediately pulled his hand back. "Herbie took my place in your bed."

Opening one eye, Sara smiled at him, "He's used to being the only man in my bed. Jealous?"

"Herbie? Probably."

"No, you."

"I could easily take command," he played along.

"Really? How so?"

"I'm full of surprises Miss Sidle. Now, get up."

"Can't we just do it in my bed?"

"Dear, the sooner you get up, the sooner you can go back to sleep…if you meant that."

"What if I didn't?" she knew that she might go too far with teasing but she loved the playfulness between them.

"First I have to see how strong you are, my dear."

"Are you ill? Or am I that sick to be in a delirium?"

Laughing, he took her hands and tenderly pulled her out of the bed. In the same flirtatious spirits, Sara proved Grissom that she had not suffered severe head injury and most probably, her new MRI scan would show the same image: healthy. Satisfied, Grissom let her crawl back into her bed and did the same himself. Again, he set the alarm-clock but somehow, he hesitated to fall asleep. For long minutes, he was watching her, listening to her respiration, and for one or two occasions, he dared to even touch her face or arm just to be sure that she was warm and soft…alive. Gil Grissom was a strong man but his exhaustion was stronger this time. After about half an hour, he finally sank into a deep sleep.

Sensing her time had come, Sara slowly, almost tentatively opened her eyes. She was satisfied by the fact that the stubborn man next to her was fast asleep at last. She carefully uncovered herself and got out of the bed. Herbie moaned a little to indicate that he knew what she was going to do and he did not like it a bit but Sara shushed him silent. She went to the other side of the bed and re-set the alarm. Four in the morning would come too soon and Grissom needed the rest as much or more as she did. 8 am sounded much more reasonable. She tiptoed back into the bed, and just adored him sleeping. Sara was so in love with this silly man, she could not resist the temptation and snuggled closer to him, then pressed a feather-light kiss onto his lips and breathed a 'thank you' onto them. She went very still when a small smile formed on his lips, she feared she might get caught but Grissom was definitely asleep. With love and joy filling up her heart, Sara herself closed her eyes and within moments, she nodded off.


GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR


When the alarm clock rang at eight in the morning, Grissom blindly reached for it and unset the irritating thing. He wanted to get up immediately with a smile on his face; he did not want to give in the desire to stay some more minutes in bed, no matter how tempting it was. He decided that he would not listen to his mind, which persuaded him to spend more time with the woman he loved in bed just because it was too early. The feeling of pleasure and power he had gained hours ago demanded him to drive out of bed and start to make a nourishing and tasty breakfast.

Knowing that Sara would not wake up to the noises, he whistled for Herbie to follow him to the kitchen. For sure, Herbie peeked up and mirrored an 'I'm not a dog, so leave me alone' expression, and then he curled up more tightly.

Ten minutes later, Grissom entered the room with a full tray in his hands. He was surprised to see that both the cat and his lady were wide awake.

"Griss, you don't have to do this. I'm not disabled."

"You have to regain your strength, and I don't mind spoiling you a little."

"But I'll get used to it and then what?"

For a nano-second, the air stilled in the room. Grissom was frantically searching for the best answer to her platonic question. The memories of his twisted dreams were still painfully fresh in his mind; he well remembered the feeling of infinite loneliness. And then the determination he had felt when he had vowed that he would not let their second chance he had been given slip.

"Then, you can…you can adopt me…" he said shyly, and so, he looked down.

Taken aback by the insinuation she was sure she had just imagined, she coughed a few times but stared at him nonetheless.

"…and Hank."

"Hank?"

"Oh, my dog, he's name is Hank…" and looking up at Sara's stunned face, he got it. "Oh…"

"You call your dog Hank?"

"Um…he was already named that…Hank…before I brought him from the shelter, I…I didn't name him that way…I…"

"Hey, it's okay, it's just a little weird …I…I don't think you paid any attention to my…um…affair…so you…um…you know…"

"I did pay attention so you know. And my dog's name has nothing to do with that rotten ringworm. I tried to make him forget that name, but it was useless."

"Ringworm?" she laughed. Hank Peddigrew had earned some not so flattering nicknames but ringworm was new.

"Or worse. How could he…"

"No. Don't judge him, Griss. You don't know him…and evidently neither did I. Yes…he…um…cheated on me but I wasn't better than him."

"How could you defend him after what he did to you?"

"Look, I…I am not defending him. You and everybody else only know what he did, but believe me, I did the same to him. Yeah, he had a fiancée when he started dating me but…I also…ah…never mind."

"Please, tell me."

"It's funny how much easier to find excuses for those whom you like and throw stones at someone you don't. I already was in love with someone else when I went out with him. Yes, he used me but I also used Hank in order to forget that one man I really loved because he didn't love me back, so how much better of a person am I? I was a cheater, too or worse. A pretender."

Grissom was just standing there. Was Sara talking about their complicated relationship back then or had she been in love with another man? Perhaps it would have been easier and safer to think that Sara had loved someone else and not him but Grissom knew better. He felt terrible because he had known that Sara had loved him and still, he had turned her down and chased her into another man's arms. So what kind of a man was he himself?

"What kind of a dog is Hank?"

Grateful for the mercy, he took a deep cleansing breath and tried to double back to their original topic, "He is a boxer."

"Wow, a boxer. They are so adorable, when I was a young girl, I thought that their faces were like that because they ran into a wall when they were a puppy. I even cried for them."

"Have you ever had a dog?"

"A German shepherd. I loved his intelligent face."

"Full-blooded?"

"No, until there is even one animal left in shelters, I won't have a full-blooded pet."

"Hank is also from a shelter," Grissom said quickly.

"Can I see him…sometime?"

"If you wish…but now, get up, you know the routine by now. However, your communication is pretty adequate."

"Adequate?" she laughed but without complaining, she did the exercises Grissom expected her to do.

Sara once again proved that she was alright; she could walk straight and could lift her legs when Grissom tried to push them down. Both were satisfied by the results. Grissom brought the tray back to the kitchen and Sara with her cat followed him.

"Hey, it's still very early, go back to sleep!"

"Um…8:30 isn't that early," she tentatively said.

"Eight thirty?" his face was a picture when he looked at the clock on the wall. "You re-set the alarm-clock?"

"Yeah…you also needed the rest, Grissom."

"You shouldn't have risked your health for my…"

"I wouldn't have risked anything but your health…if I hadn't let you sleep longer, and I don't want you to get ill because you are playing nurse."

"Thanks but I'm fine," he said but was really touched by her concern.

"Yeah, it shows. Now, I'm in the bathroom."

But before she could enter the room, they heard a strange noise coming from Herbie's new mansion. Both Sara and Grissom looked at the direction of the noise and saw that Herbie was busy with playing with a kitchen roll…or with its remnants. Neither noticed when that naughty cat had stolen that from the kitchen counter but one thing was sure: Herbie started to furnish his estate. While Grissom was chuckling at the sight, Sara was not that impressed at all.

"Now, this is new, he has never done such a thing. And now, that he has a castle, he is insatiable."

"Sara, Herbie's here for a few days, you can't know his habits."

"Now, this is not helping, you know."

"He's just playing, he feels home here, and he's just making his home more cozy," Grissom told her.

Sara was not really angry at her little boy, she simply felt embarrassed by the present the cat had received. She did not need to look it up in the internet to know that that climber had had to be expensive…very overprized and the fact that Grissom had spent so much money on her, even in the disguise of "I just bought a gift for Herbie", bothered her dearly. Perhaps, he thought this was her standard of living as she had been working day and night – just like him - so he probably believed that she had a pretty nice amount of money on her account. Sara thought that Grissom had bought this costly furniture because he thought she expected the best. You should know me better, Grissom, she thought. Herbie had loved his small gray toy mouse, and most cats also played with small toys and kitchen rolls or had pillows or small baskets as their beds.

"Something wrong?"

"Um…Griss. This climber…this is just too much. We can't accept it."

"Nothing is too much for you…um…for Herbie."

Grissom had the brain that worked differently than others'. Even though, Sara usually understood his intention, this time she was completely in the dark.

"If you wanted to make him happy, a basket or a toy would have worked just as well, don't get me wrong, I appreciate your kindness and as you can see so does Herbie but it is too much."

Grissom initial intention had been to make Herbie - and Sara - happy indeed but his other motive had been to show Sara that she had a friend who had enough money to help her if she wanted to. He wanted to demonstrate that for him it would not be a problem to get her out of that deep hole she had gotten into. Evidently, Sara did not get the message.

"Look Sara. This animal was thrown out and he almost died. No one deserves this, no one. I'm sure he suffered enough for having a better life now, and he was able to shout out for help when he met you. And you gave him everything you could. He deserves everything and more, don't you think? He trusted you with his life and heart; sometimes I think animals are cleverer than humans. They are not ashamed of being in need of help."

Sara became utterly confused. Grissom's words sounded like a message she was too afraid of comprehending. As if he knew something about her problems. Sara did not know that Grissom had seen her letters from the bank but still, the woman had a distinct feeling that Grissom was offering his money to her.

"So you think if someone doesn't ask for help, they don't deserve it?"

"I believe that someone has to know who to trust, and that someone should know that they can count on them."

"What if that someone is too coward or proud to tell the truth to that trusted one?"

"Then I think she doesn't really trust him."

"You couldn't know that."

"What would have you done if Herbie had refused to climb down from that tree and you would have known that he was in trouble?"

"I'd have climbed up for him."

"But he would have gone higher because even though he would have wanted to trust you, he would have been afraid of you."

"I'd have followed him higher," Sara responded.

"Even though he'd have shown major resistance?"

"When animals are in stress, they do just the opposite what is right. It'd have been my responsibility to save him. Want it or not."

"And if Herbie had scratched you in return for your well-meaning?"

"Scars heal, so I still would have climbed to Herbie and forced him to accept my help."

"Exactly! Remember this, Sara!"

TBC


Author's Postscript: Well, I think Grissom is ready for the investigation he has to do. It's time to know more about those destinations where Sara's money went, right?