Ranma the Forever Man
"Ehee, eheee, huhhhhh," the immortal woman wound down, then turned to look at her husband again, "BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
"Are you *done* yet?" the Forever Man asked with acid malice dripping from his voice. Akane, the bunny maiden of Hell, sobered up quickly before replying.
"No."
The immortal man sighed as his wife went into a new series of hysterics. The Tendou family, Genma, Nodoka, Ryoga, Ukyo, Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne stared wearily at the girl laughing her ass off while rolling around on the ground. They have all come to, or reaffirmed their conclusion. She was completely, utterly, beyond a doubt, far more insane then a lifetime could compile. She seemed not to care about the fact that her head had been cleanly detached from her neck by her husband, and more interested in the fact that...
"You got your ass KICKED!" the immortal woman shouted, before continuing into her hard laughter.
The other immortal's eyes narrowed even further, signaling he had enough of it, "Shut... up... ''K-Chan'."
Akane, the Handmaiden of Death, shut up quickly. Her face grew seriously cold, malicious, and far more intimidating than an Amazon matriarch or a pissed off old lecher on their worst days, "Do. Not. Ever. Call. Me. That. Again." Everyone but her husband backed up from the chill she radiated that made Ranma's Soul of Ice seem like a lengthy stay in a sauna.
"Then you quit laughing, 'Little K..." Those who were standing by the exit in order to make a immediate bolt from the scene in case the crazed immortal woman turned her attentions to them (which happened to be everyone present but the crazed woman's husband), cleared out of the way, as one immortal slammed into the other one, beginning a savage maiming session which was only rivaled by their heated foreplay.
"They do seem healthy for their age," Nodoka commented, staring with great concern at the blood and dust cloud with fists and swords, and nasty looking blood colored sledgehammers, and something unidentifiable but nonetheless extremely painful looking.
"And how old are they? Kajillion?" Nabiki asked, chipping at the thin layer of frost on the dining table that the immortal woman caused with her spoon, and observing the couple trying to disembowel each other in most creative and vogue fashions far ahead of the times.
"Have you discovered the reason for their being here?" Cologne questioned.
"Hmm, no, they haven't told us yet," replied Akane. She was the only one brave enough to interrupt their 'domestic dispute', "Hey, you two, why did you travel back in time?"
The two immortals froze in place; Ranma holding his sword ready to drive it through the top of his wife's head, Akane hadn't stopped yet, apparently not hearing her younger self, as she continued to shake her husband's throat wildly... with her teeth.
The immortal grabbed his wife's head and held it still so he could reply, "Hmm, no idea," the Forever Man replied, before turning back to his wife with a questioning look.
Akane let go of his throat, licking the blood from her lips, "Beats me, one minute we're doing wholesale slaughter, the next my husband's catching a beat down from a wet-nosed punk."
"SHUT UP K-CHA-URCH!"
"Give it a rest, will you?" Akane, the Simnorgus velsam, interrupted with a tired voice. Actually, her thumb punching into her husband's throat interrupted him, really. Semantics...
"Hmm, it's best we consider this then," mused Cologne, "as much as your company is... enjoyed... there has to be a discernable reason for your visit."
Akane, the Carrion Abyss, pushed the sign away that her husband was waving around in her face, "Oh dry up, it's just a small hole!" Ranma started to get annoyed with the inability to voice his frustration. He pulled out a straw and shoved it in the 'small' hole in his throat, and then pulled out an elixir and poured it down the straw, "I guess there is, but I'm not in a hurry to go back," the immortal woman smiled brightly, "I like ice-cream!"
The Cologne looked around, noticing something, "Uh, where did Son-in-law go?"
"Son-in-law?" Akane, the Soul Harvester, asked in a flat voice, that reflected her flat eyes, that reflected the flat ebony blade that her hand twitched to grip.
"Uh, Son-in-law meant in the endearing fashion," Cologne quickly placated, the infinitely older girl's sudden mercurial change in attitude not going unnoticed.
"I know where the idiot probably went to," the younger Akane replied, "I think he's still sulking."
"Well, he *did* see you get beheaded," Nodoka stated matter-of-factly.
"But I wasn't *really* dead." Akane replied huffily.
"You tell 'em, 'Kane-chan!" the immortal woman cheered, hugging one arm around an extremely nervous Shampoo in a buddy-buddy fashion, "You know Conditioner..."
"Name Shampoo," The lavender haired girl whimpered.
"You know Shampoo, I think my interest in you is somewhat sexual."
Almost everyone turned towards the younger Akane with contemplative looks, while the youngest Tendou daughter was blushed furiously and was looking in any other direction.
_____________________________________________________________
Ranma looked across the canal sullenly. Even after it had been proven to him that Akane was still alive, he felt a great emptiness inside. He had to get away before he fell into a balling fit in front of everyone. What's worse was Akane didn't appreciate the feelings he went through when he saw her head roll onto the ground. He willingly pushed himself towards death's door, fully intent on taking himself and his older self out in his final attack.
A wistful smirk appeared on his face, he guessed it was good that he didn't succeed, since it would have been in vain. But still...
"You doing okay?" Ranma turned to see Akane approaching him cautiously.
Ranma scowled, and then turned away, "Go away."
Akane's face turned into a slight pout, before hardening into defiance, "No."
"Fine then," Ranma turned to leap away so he could be alone, and found a restraining hand on his arm.
"Please, don't," Ranma couldn't resist the pleading look on Akane's face, and begrudgingly sat himself back down. Akane sat next to him, "You're upset."
"No, I'm just peachy," Ranma replied coldly, while staring across the canal.
Akane sighed, "Why are you so mad?"
"S'noth'n"
"Oh yeah, nothing alright. You nearly level all of... Nerima, and you think it's something to just blow over?" Akane looked towards Ranma with a half lidded gaze.
"No, it's nothing. It's nothing all right, NOTHING compared to seeing your body fall lifeless without your FREAKING head attached. NOTHING compared to the realization that you would not be getting up. NOTHING COMPARED TO THE FACT THAT I *FAILED* YOU!!!!" Ranma's voice had been steadily rising, and screeched with every punctuation. He gulped before continuing quietly, fighting back tears, "Nothing... compared to the feeling that I... that I, lost you forever." The last part was barely audible.
Akane's face softened when Ranma turned his tear glistening eyes back to her. Ranma felt himself want to cry more than he had ever before, looking into Akane's beautiful face. She seemed even more youthful than before, not a single blemish on her lovely face, her hair slightly...
Wait a minute...
"Youuuu...." Ranma growled, realizing he was looking at the one other person, besides his future self, he did NOT want to talk to.
The Immortal woman's face grew a slight smirk, "Me."
"Get... go away," Ranma commanded in a low, menacing voice, the eternally young girl wasn't intimidated.
"My husband went extremely easy on you, don't think I'll be as gentle, boy..." Akane replied with a steel in her eyes and voice, her expression softened before continuing, "I don't think I remember when I had seen you give me such selfless concern," Akane, the Saint of Cannibals, amended the fact that she didn't remember many of the nice things Ranma had done for her, past or recent for her, "and, I just want you to know, it's appreciated, thank you."
"I didn't do it for you," Ranma replied in a stony voice.
"Just as well, seeing you so selfless, so driven, so focused for me..." the immortal woman used a gentle hand to turn Ranma's face back to her, "I remembered, why I love you so much. Why I stayed with you for so many millennia," Akane didn't finish, as she brought her lips to the slightly dazed pigtailed boy's.
They stayed frozen in the kiss, as the Setting sun painted the sky in soothing pastels that bathed the two in soft light. After a few moments, they separated, "Plus, it REALLY got me hot."
"Hah?" Ranma intelligently replied. Akane had to giggle, he really was cute when her husband was young, and he defiantly tasted like a virgin. She briefly contemplated getting fulfillment from him, already rearing to go from the fight earlier and holding Shampoo's body next to her, but thought against it. It was something her younger self deserved. A gift that Ranma willingly held for the almost seventeen-year-old girl, to be given unconditionally.
Regrettably, she turned, and started to walk away, leaving Ranma standing there with a pole axed expression his face. Akane sighed, turned around, and grinned ferally.
The gift of virginity was highly overrated.
_____________________________________________________________
The Forever Man crushed his teacup in his hand.
"Uh, is something wrong?" Soun asked, concerned that the immortal man was about to become temperamental.
Ranma turned to look towards the canal, and growled. He couldn't do anything about it this time, though he so much wanted to add a couple more to his pickle jar, "No, nothing's wrong. Everything's just peachy." Ranma went to take a drink, and found his cup in shards, "Dammit, gimme something harder to drink..."
When he got no response, "NOW!" Kasumi jumped, then scrambled to retrieve her own stash of Canadian Mist. Must never keep the guests waiting or wanting.
______________________________________________________________
Kodachi staggered through the streets, still hurting from the blow, and feeling nauseous from the slight concussion she was experiencing. In fact, she felt the need to relieve herself immediately. The gymnast bent over the rail to relieve herself of the exquisite meal she had for lunch, when she was greeted by a sight that instead relieved her of any ailment, except for outrage...
"You... VILE... HARRIDAN!"
"Ehee, eheee, huhhhhh," the immortal woman wound down, then turned to look at her husband again, "BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
"Are you *done* yet?" the Forever Man asked with acid malice dripping from his voice. Akane, the bunny maiden of Hell, sobered up quickly before replying.
"No."
The immortal man sighed as his wife went into a new series of hysterics. The Tendou family, Genma, Nodoka, Ryoga, Ukyo, Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne stared wearily at the girl laughing her ass off while rolling around on the ground. They have all come to, or reaffirmed their conclusion. She was completely, utterly, beyond a doubt, far more insane then a lifetime could compile. She seemed not to care about the fact that her head had been cleanly detached from her neck by her husband, and more interested in the fact that...
"You got your ass KICKED!" the immortal woman shouted, before continuing into her hard laughter.
The other immortal's eyes narrowed even further, signaling he had enough of it, "Shut... up... ''K-Chan'."
Akane, the Handmaiden of Death, shut up quickly. Her face grew seriously cold, malicious, and far more intimidating than an Amazon matriarch or a pissed off old lecher on their worst days, "Do. Not. Ever. Call. Me. That. Again." Everyone but her husband backed up from the chill she radiated that made Ranma's Soul of Ice seem like a lengthy stay in a sauna.
"Then you quit laughing, 'Little K..." Those who were standing by the exit in order to make a immediate bolt from the scene in case the crazed immortal woman turned her attentions to them (which happened to be everyone present but the crazed woman's husband), cleared out of the way, as one immortal slammed into the other one, beginning a savage maiming session which was only rivaled by their heated foreplay.
"They do seem healthy for their age," Nodoka commented, staring with great concern at the blood and dust cloud with fists and swords, and nasty looking blood colored sledgehammers, and something unidentifiable but nonetheless extremely painful looking.
"And how old are they? Kajillion?" Nabiki asked, chipping at the thin layer of frost on the dining table that the immortal woman caused with her spoon, and observing the couple trying to disembowel each other in most creative and vogue fashions far ahead of the times.
"Have you discovered the reason for their being here?" Cologne questioned.
"Hmm, no, they haven't told us yet," replied Akane. She was the only one brave enough to interrupt their 'domestic dispute', "Hey, you two, why did you travel back in time?"
The two immortals froze in place; Ranma holding his sword ready to drive it through the top of his wife's head, Akane hadn't stopped yet, apparently not hearing her younger self, as she continued to shake her husband's throat wildly... with her teeth.
The immortal grabbed his wife's head and held it still so he could reply, "Hmm, no idea," the Forever Man replied, before turning back to his wife with a questioning look.
Akane let go of his throat, licking the blood from her lips, "Beats me, one minute we're doing wholesale slaughter, the next my husband's catching a beat down from a wet-nosed punk."
"SHUT UP K-CHA-URCH!"
"Give it a rest, will you?" Akane, the Simnorgus velsam, interrupted with a tired voice. Actually, her thumb punching into her husband's throat interrupted him, really. Semantics...
"Hmm, it's best we consider this then," mused Cologne, "as much as your company is... enjoyed... there has to be a discernable reason for your visit."
Akane, the Carrion Abyss, pushed the sign away that her husband was waving around in her face, "Oh dry up, it's just a small hole!" Ranma started to get annoyed with the inability to voice his frustration. He pulled out a straw and shoved it in the 'small' hole in his throat, and then pulled out an elixir and poured it down the straw, "I guess there is, but I'm not in a hurry to go back," the immortal woman smiled brightly, "I like ice-cream!"
The Cologne looked around, noticing something, "Uh, where did Son-in-law go?"
"Son-in-law?" Akane, the Soul Harvester, asked in a flat voice, that reflected her flat eyes, that reflected the flat ebony blade that her hand twitched to grip.
"Uh, Son-in-law meant in the endearing fashion," Cologne quickly placated, the infinitely older girl's sudden mercurial change in attitude not going unnoticed.
"I know where the idiot probably went to," the younger Akane replied, "I think he's still sulking."
"Well, he *did* see you get beheaded," Nodoka stated matter-of-factly.
"But I wasn't *really* dead." Akane replied huffily.
"You tell 'em, 'Kane-chan!" the immortal woman cheered, hugging one arm around an extremely nervous Shampoo in a buddy-buddy fashion, "You know Conditioner..."
"Name Shampoo," The lavender haired girl whimpered.
"You know Shampoo, I think my interest in you is somewhat sexual."
Almost everyone turned towards the younger Akane with contemplative looks, while the youngest Tendou daughter was blushed furiously and was looking in any other direction.
_____________________________________________________________
Ranma looked across the canal sullenly. Even after it had been proven to him that Akane was still alive, he felt a great emptiness inside. He had to get away before he fell into a balling fit in front of everyone. What's worse was Akane didn't appreciate the feelings he went through when he saw her head roll onto the ground. He willingly pushed himself towards death's door, fully intent on taking himself and his older self out in his final attack.
A wistful smirk appeared on his face, he guessed it was good that he didn't succeed, since it would have been in vain. But still...
"You doing okay?" Ranma turned to see Akane approaching him cautiously.
Ranma scowled, and then turned away, "Go away."
Akane's face turned into a slight pout, before hardening into defiance, "No."
"Fine then," Ranma turned to leap away so he could be alone, and found a restraining hand on his arm.
"Please, don't," Ranma couldn't resist the pleading look on Akane's face, and begrudgingly sat himself back down. Akane sat next to him, "You're upset."
"No, I'm just peachy," Ranma replied coldly, while staring across the canal.
Akane sighed, "Why are you so mad?"
"S'noth'n"
"Oh yeah, nothing alright. You nearly level all of... Nerima, and you think it's something to just blow over?" Akane looked towards Ranma with a half lidded gaze.
"No, it's nothing. It's nothing all right, NOTHING compared to seeing your body fall lifeless without your FREAKING head attached. NOTHING compared to the realization that you would not be getting up. NOTHING COMPARED TO THE FACT THAT I *FAILED* YOU!!!!" Ranma's voice had been steadily rising, and screeched with every punctuation. He gulped before continuing quietly, fighting back tears, "Nothing... compared to the feeling that I... that I, lost you forever." The last part was barely audible.
Akane's face softened when Ranma turned his tear glistening eyes back to her. Ranma felt himself want to cry more than he had ever before, looking into Akane's beautiful face. She seemed even more youthful than before, not a single blemish on her lovely face, her hair slightly...
Wait a minute...
"Youuuu...." Ranma growled, realizing he was looking at the one other person, besides his future self, he did NOT want to talk to.
The Immortal woman's face grew a slight smirk, "Me."
"Get... go away," Ranma commanded in a low, menacing voice, the eternally young girl wasn't intimidated.
"My husband went extremely easy on you, don't think I'll be as gentle, boy..." Akane replied with a steel in her eyes and voice, her expression softened before continuing, "I don't think I remember when I had seen you give me such selfless concern," Akane, the Saint of Cannibals, amended the fact that she didn't remember many of the nice things Ranma had done for her, past or recent for her, "and, I just want you to know, it's appreciated, thank you."
"I didn't do it for you," Ranma replied in a stony voice.
"Just as well, seeing you so selfless, so driven, so focused for me..." the immortal woman used a gentle hand to turn Ranma's face back to her, "I remembered, why I love you so much. Why I stayed with you for so many millennia," Akane didn't finish, as she brought her lips to the slightly dazed pigtailed boy's.
They stayed frozen in the kiss, as the Setting sun painted the sky in soothing pastels that bathed the two in soft light. After a few moments, they separated, "Plus, it REALLY got me hot."
"Hah?" Ranma intelligently replied. Akane had to giggle, he really was cute when her husband was young, and he defiantly tasted like a virgin. She briefly contemplated getting fulfillment from him, already rearing to go from the fight earlier and holding Shampoo's body next to her, but thought against it. It was something her younger self deserved. A gift that Ranma willingly held for the almost seventeen-year-old girl, to be given unconditionally.
Regrettably, she turned, and started to walk away, leaving Ranma standing there with a pole axed expression his face. Akane sighed, turned around, and grinned ferally.
The gift of virginity was highly overrated.
_____________________________________________________________
The Forever Man crushed his teacup in his hand.
"Uh, is something wrong?" Soun asked, concerned that the immortal man was about to become temperamental.
Ranma turned to look towards the canal, and growled. He couldn't do anything about it this time, though he so much wanted to add a couple more to his pickle jar, "No, nothing's wrong. Everything's just peachy." Ranma went to take a drink, and found his cup in shards, "Dammit, gimme something harder to drink..."
When he got no response, "NOW!" Kasumi jumped, then scrambled to retrieve her own stash of Canadian Mist. Must never keep the guests waiting or wanting.
______________________________________________________________
Kodachi staggered through the streets, still hurting from the blow, and feeling nauseous from the slight concussion she was experiencing. In fact, she felt the need to relieve herself immediately. The gymnast bent over the rail to relieve herself of the exquisite meal she had for lunch, when she was greeted by a sight that instead relieved her of any ailment, except for outrage...
"You... VILE... HARRIDAN!"
