First of all: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE MASSIVE HIATUS!

It had been a LONG time since I updated it and I'm truly sorry guys.

Unfortunately this chapter isn't very long, however I promise I'll keep writing this story.

I hope someone still wishes to keep reading it.

I'm sorry for the errors, I hope you like it.


CHAPTER TWELVE: Hard decisions

Merlin was still confused about what happened the day before. He had the chance to hold her Freya in his arms, and his heart was still aching over the fact that it would probably be the last time.

However, even with all that pain, he still had to decide what he would do next about Arthur and Morgana. He needed both of the siblings trusting him, but how would he gain their trust when Merlin was always having to choose between one of them?

Merlin thought about that the whole night, even though his heart was still aching over Freya. After a whole night of hard thinking, he decided he'd find a way to convince Morgana to tell the truth to her brother.

He had his breakfast, took his jacket, and crossed his apartment door ready to start his day of work. He had a lot of work to do, and it didn't necessarily had something to do with the company's papers.

Merlin was not sure about how he would convince Morgana to tell the truth to her brother; she seemed quite reluctant about it, and he still had to find a way to talk to her alone before Arthur come to the office. If his boss went there before he convinced her, things would get even more complicate, perhaps impossible to deal with without causing a certain damage in his relationship with one of the them.

A few employees were already in the office when he walked in, and he was glad to see Morgana and Gwen resting their coffees in their respective tables. Apparently, they had just arrived as well.

'Good morning' he said nicely approaching the two young ladies.

Gwen answered him with her now typical energetic smile, while Morgana only nodded with a brief smile while sitting in her chair. It seemed like even though they were getting closer, his presence still seem to feel unpleasant for her, and he feared what consequences it could bring to her memories and magic.

'Uh, Morgana, can I talk to you for a moment?' he asked ready to start with his plan before it was too late 'Alone?' he add wishing to her understand the subject of the conversation.

She finally looked up at him, her gaze bringing a slight of awkwardness. The woman nodded before standing up.

'Follow me' she said not looking at him and he followed her to somewhere he presumed it was her office.


.

Morgana couldn't help but feel uncomfortable about that situation, not that Gwen arch smile had made her feel any better. Even though she was getting used to that guy presence, some part of her still felt something unpleasant when she was close to him.

They entered the office room and she closed its door a little slowly. She was still hesitant about being alone with that guy, and the fact she had seen him kissing Agravaine's assistant in that very same place the day before brought her even more embarrassment.

Still, no matter how much awkwardness the mention of that moment could bring to both of them, she was deeply wishing that that would be the subject of that talk. Help the clumsy guy with his romantic life was definitely more welcome than talk about her attempt of murdering.

She froze over the memory of that disturbing event.

'I was thinking about what you told me last night' he started, and she was still not sure what was he referring about 'I'm glad you had hired a personal security, but I believe it's still risky to not tell to the people close to you what is going on'

For some reason, his insistence was irritating her. She steeped closer to him, impatiently.

'I'm sorry, I know you saved my life but it gives you no right to tell me what to do with my life' her words were harsh, and she suddenly felt like perhaps it was too much.

What annoyed Morgana the most was not the fact that she was simply mad at him for something that was clearly for her own sake. What made her feel even madder, not with him, but with herself, was the fact that she had no reasons to feel all those bad feelings towards that guy. She tried to shake those terrible thoughts off, but deep down she could feel a very dark side of her wishing to see that assistant head off his neck.

Her whole body froze for a moment, and she could swear she would faint. How could she think such a terrible and disturbing thing? How could she find in herself to wish something so cruel? What sort of monster had locked inside of her?

'Morgana, are you okay?' he asked in a tone of concern.

She was still standing, but she noticed that her hands were shaking and she felt tears falling down her face. When had she started crying? For how long she was looking at him?

'I'm sorry' she whispered while a tear fail from her eye 'I didn't mean to be so cruel'

He frowned, and she noticed a confusion in his eyes. She was not apologizing for her harsh words, but for her awful thoughts, and it was obvious he had no clue about it.

'Morgana, it's okay. It's completely understandable for you to get mad at me for I be intruding your life like this' he said, carefully.

'You don't understand' she shook her head 'I can't tell them the truth, not yet'

Her words almost didn't slip from her mouth. She hated how she looked like this to him so many times. How fragile and weak she was always acting close to that strange man. Yet, she had no choice when everything seemed to fall apart every time she was close to that guy.
He stepped closer, his face caring a gaze of sympathy and hesitation.

'They love you' he said, and she could clearly remember he saying those very same words to her two days before 'I know they would rather get worried than leave you alone in a situation like this'

His words sounded so full of wisdom, and he sounded a lot older than he usually sounded. However, it was still hard to her believe in the honestly of his feelings, even though she knew this sensation came from a cruel and dark side of her confused mind.

She stepped closer, and the magnet feeling seemed to had returned to her a bit. Her breathing got heavier and she deeply wished to not have another breakdown. Why she always had to fell those strange feelings when she was near to that guy?

The magnet feeling made her give another step forward, and once again she was not sure what her mind would come up with next. Her eyes were fixed on his, and she could feel an unbearable pain crossing her stomach again; it was not a physical pain though, it felt more like a memory, a painful memory that she was not sure from where it came from.

'I'm not alone' she said trying to ignore all the battles happening in her mind, and focus in their conversation 'I have Mithian, and I have you'

There was a certain puzzle in his eyes, and he seemed surprised over her statement. She was not sure why he was looking at her like that, she could understand that he was confused about who Mithian could be, she didn't mention her friend's name the night before anyways, but why were his eyes so sad and wet?

'Please, don't tell anything to Arthur or Gwen. I can't worry them about it for now'

It sounded more like a pleading than she wished it to sound, and she could see an almost painful look in the guy's face. Whatever was going on there, both of them seemed to be feeling a certain familiar sensation over that confidence moment.

Deep down Morgana knew it was a bad idea trusting that man, but she tried to shake off those bitter feelings and give the poor guy a chance. He hadn't done anything to give her a reason to not trust him. Actually, all he had done only proved that opposite of it until that moment.

Morgana was feeling slightly better, but now it was her brother assistant who seemed to be about to cry.

'I promise' he said, and she noticed the strength he used to utter those two words.

Morgana did her best to give him a comforting smile. She had no clue why he was acting like that, perhaps that conversation was bringing him some painful memory. Who knew? She knew so little about that guy.

'Merlin!' a voice yelled from outside the office.

'I think my king is calling' he joked with a brief smile, but she noticed how sad he still looked.

'I can ask him to give you a break' she said over the fact that he didn't seem well.

'I'm okay, don't worry' he smiled shaking his head a little casually 'I'll be okay as long he don't sees me here with you'

Morgana frowned. What was he talking about?


.

Merlin was completely fuzzy. His body was feeling numb and he was not sure how his tears hadn't fall from his eyes yet. Morgana was there, once again asking him for confidence, and once again, he was not sure what to do. She trusted him her secret, but this time he couldn't hold this to himself. It didn't matter if she was safe or if she had a friend that she had already confide her secret, even though Merlin was finding it incredibly odd how Mithian and Morgana were such close friends in this life. Still, Merlin had to tell the truth to Arthur. He was his friend, his best friend, and he had a deal with him. Merlin feared the consequences it could bring, and deep down he knew the damage it could bring. However, if he managed to tell Arthur the truth without Morgana's knowledge, he would be able to keep both of the siblings trust. No, Merlin. It won't work. You know it won't. Merlin could feel his conscious yelling at him inside his head, but he had no better option to take in such a small time. If Arthur discovered he knew about Morgana and hadn't tell him, his destiny and his friendship with his boss and once king would be in great risk. He knew that the same thing suited Morgana, but his mind was made up. He had to take the risk, he would take the risk and he would have to convince himself it his better option.

Merlin looked up to see a slightly confused Arthur looking at him with a frown. Apparently, he had unconsciously walked out from Morgana office and made his way to his boss one, without paying much attention to his presence.

'Are you okay, Merlin? First I can't find you in the office in the right time, even though it's pretty normal coming from you, and now you open the door with a face of someone who seem had seen a ghost' his boss mocked, but Merlin could feel a slightly honest concern coming from his words.

The assistant closed the door behind his back. He had to tell him the true before thinking too much about it. He knew it was a subject that needed to be thought carefully, but he'd get crazy if this doubt hunted him for much longer.

'I have something to tell you' he said, ready to start his speech.

Arthur almost comical frown changed for a concerned one. He stood from his chair carefully not changing his gaze from his tense assistant.

'What happened?' Arthur asked.

Merlin swallow, he had forgot how hard it was to make his own hard decisions. During the years, he was the one who advised, not the one who followed it. Even though this time he was not sure if he was following his own advices.

'Merlin, you're scaring me, what happened?' Arthur's tone was a mixture of concern and anxiety 'Did something happened to you in your way to the office?'

Merlin couldn't help but feel a bit of gladness warming his heart. It seemed like even though they were not close yet, Arthur already cared about him and he couldn't be happier about the fact that some part of his king heart there was still a brief memory of his clumsy servant.

'Say something, you idiot!' his boss yelled loud enough to wake him from his thoughts.

'No, sir; I'm okay' he hurried to say 'It's not about it I wish to talk to you'

Arthur leaned back, and sighed briefly.

'It's about your sister'

His eyes wined a bit, but soon he changed his eyes to the table where he started organizing his papers a bit absently.

'Morgana is already in the office, whatever you have to say about her... Why the hell you're so pale?' he asked, comically frowning at him.

Merlin gave a careful step forward. He had to be careful to convince his boss to not tell Morgana about anything he was about to say.

'Your sister asked me to not tell you this, but we made a deal and I own you my honestly, and mostly importantly, it is her safety on the line, so unfortunately I have no choice but-'

'Stop blabbing, Merlin, tell me what's going on'

Merlin only hoped Morgana could not hear her brother yells from the other side of the office. He had to be quick or it could be too late.

'Someone is trying to kill your sister'

Arthur's eyes wined more than ever. His face caring surprise, but also concerned. Merlin took time to notice that his confused frown was not for him, but for something behind his shoulder.

He turned his back to the now opened door to face a devastated but still bitter Morgana.

'You lied to me' she said greeting her teeth, while there was a tear rolling down her face.

Her gaze was harsh, but also full of disappointment. There were a mixture of feelings in her features that made Merlin feel concerned and guilty at the same time.

'I knew I couldn't trust you, I knew you didn't care about me'

His body was frozen over the memory all of this was giving him. Soon as she noticed his agape and speechless reaction, she turned back and practically ran to the office entrance. Her hand in her hair, a familiar sign of confusion that not even a thousand years allowed him to forget. No, it was exactly like the night she left Gaius chambers so many years ago, and no matter how many times he tried to convince himself otherwise, deep down he knew that that was the moment he had left Morgana run off from his fingers forever. They could've been friends instead of enemies, but he couldn't find strength enough to tell her about the true, to pull her closer instead of letting her go.

'Morgana, wait' he yelled, apparently not loud enough, his throat was holding it too tight.

That was it? He would lost the chance to make it up to her again? Merlin didn't think that her loss of trust on him could turn her evil like the last time, by the way he was only one of her deceptions, perhaps the only the one who could had have helped instead of hurt, but he was. However, he couldn't take the risk, he would not watch her leaving without a try, not again.

'Wait, Merlin, perhaps it'd be better if...'

He would not wait to hear his boss advice. He knew that not run after Morgana could be worse. And even if it didn't make any difference, this time he would not let her go without really trying.

The elevator was already closing, and he'd never reach it time. Luckily, the other elevator opened, and he ran the most that he could to enter it in time. There were a few persons inside it, and he noticed it had a lot of stops before the bottom floor. Merlin knew what use magic could cause on Morgana, but he needed to reach her in time.

Thanks to his magic, he got in the bottom floor fast enough and left it while leaving the elevator people a bit confused about the possible elevator "damage". Merlin deeply wished to her had gone to that floor, and couldn't help but feel relieved after seeing a dark haired woman walking with fast steps to the outside of the building.

'Morgana, wait! Let me explain it' Even if she had heard him, she paid no attention, and that not impressed him even a bit. Morgana was fast, and he still was not sure how she had got so quickly to the bottom floor. He was already running down the short stairs when he reached an enough distance of her.

'Morgana, please'

Merlin felt his heart stopping while a random car invaded the sidewalk hitting Morgana away. Everything happening in slow motion in front of him.


They were seating while waiting for any new about Morgana state. Three of them in an apparent eternal silence while visibly drowned by concern.
What the hell had happened? Morgana was not even crossing the street to be hit like that. No. It was not an incident, it was Sarrum doing, that Merlin was sure.

The warlock was completely cloudy by anger and guilty, all of this was too much to his heart and mind. It was not like he was not used to it though.
He knew something bad was about to happen, deep in his heart he knew that break Morgana trust could cause terrible consequences, but he didn't know it'd happen so fast and which consequences it could bring.

Now, not only his destiny could be ruined, but the chance to make it up with the woman he caused so much pain as well. It was not like she hadn't cause him a lot of damage as well, after all, she was the reason why so many of his friends died; she was the reason why Arthur died. I didn't matter if it was Mordred the one who crossed the sword into Arthur's body; she was the one to truly blame. She was the villain of this story after all, right? No. If there's something Merlin learned after so many years was that life was not so black and white, that every human being (or so) brought good and bad inside their heart, and it was their life choices who truly defined them, no matter how sometimes other people decisions also had a big part on it. Taking those facts, Merlin felt no better than Morgana, she let darkness coming in, but he did as well, and he could remember clearly the moment when darkness seemed to find a better place in both of their hearts. The venom not only poised Morgana's body in that tragic day, but both of the sorceress hearts as well.

Merlin held his grip over the memory of Morgana body's being thrown away. It would be the third time he would see her dying, and even though this time he was not holding her in his arms after he poised or stabbed her, he could still feel blame crossing his heart. This time he had no excuses, no reasons to see her dying. No, this time he needed her alive, this time he could accept the fact that he wished her alive. It didn't change the facts though, her life was in danger, and even though it was not as direct as the other times, he still felt blame crossing his already tired heart.

Merlin spied through his shoulder wishing to shake off his thoughts a bit by noticing the world around him. It didn't helped though, his two companies seemed even more cloudy than him, and by dry and silent tears he noticed how bonded they were to the dark haired woman. It was more than clear how much they cared about Morgana, and how she cared about them as well; it warmed Merlin's heart, but it also made him feel even more guilty and concern. Lost their bonds with Morgana was something very painful to the once and future king and queen so many years ago, even though they never really said it out loud, just like Merlin himself, they missed the old and kind Lady Morgana, and they would give almost anything to have her back. They had her now, even though her memories had a risk to come back, they had her, but now the chance to them rise together, to be happy together, was about to fade. No, Merlin couldn't let this happen, he had gave up on Morgana too many times, and he could not do that again.

After long minutes of waiting, the old image of Gaius approached them with slow steps. His eyebrows typically raised, but Merlin could notice a certain gloominess in his eyes.

'How is she?' Gwen almost jumped from her chair, her voice fading in an almost whisper like her throat was too tired of crying.
Gaius gave a brief gaze to Arthur, who was still sitting with his elbows rested on his knees and hands hiding his mouth; his wet and red eyes never leaving the ground.

'I fear Morgana's situation is really delicate' Gaius started, making Merlin's heart tight by what could come next 'she got a head trauma, we're not sure what sort of consequences it will bring but we're trying to maintain our focus on her surviving. All I can say is to keep hope'

The news about Morgana's state had got all the three of them. Arthur was still quiet and silent but soon as he heard about his sister condition he managed to walk away from them, and Merlin knew exactly for what. Gwen's reaction was not very different, she didn't hide her crying as his blonde friend, but she remained quiet and shocked until a little after Gaius give them a warm glance and walk away.

She turned her face to him, and her eyes cracked his heart even more, not that he thought it was possible.

He was ready to cheer her up, to say that her best friend would be okay, but anything could get out of his throat. Merlin, as his other two best friends, was not being able to do much except give up on the insistence of the tears falling down his face. He could feel his expression stern, perhaps shamed, because he knew all of this was his fault. He had ruined Morgana's life so many times, and now he had done that once again. How could he be such an idiot? How could he betray her again? He knew he should follow his extinct, his own advices, but it seemed not even a thousand years were enough to stop his confusions and fears towards his destiny. He spent so many years advising others; why in the world he couldn't follow his own advices? Or was that indeed for the best? No. He thought shaking his head absently, and soon as he raised his head, he noticed that his broken friend was no longer there.


Merlin's head was too fuzzy to have a better vision of how bad the situation truly was. It was like his mind was too cloudy to pay attention to the actual reality. He decided to search for one of his friends in somewhere of the hospital, but his search (and his heart) stopped in the moment he saw a familiar pale woman sleeping serenely in a hospital bed through the room glass. It didn't matter how many years ago it was, he could still remember the many times he saw her weak, and even lifeless body laid down because of him.

'They said we should not lost hope' he heard Gwen's voice beside him, she was already standing in front the glass when he absently walked closer "They said the same thing before my father died'

Her eyes were glued on the unconscious woman behind the glass, and even though Merlin didn't know much about Gwen's life in this new time, he could feel how much impact her father's dead had cause on her.

'Morgana is tough' he said trying to not fail his voice 'She won't leave us so easily'

Merlin was not sure if Gwen would buy his words; after all, to her he only had met them for two weeks. However, Merlin decided to only leave it that way, aware that that was the truth. Friend or enemy, Morgana was always coming back to them, even now in this second chance. She certainly was a survivor, he had only met a few persons who could pass for what Morgana did the way that she did. Enemy or not, Merlin always admired her strength. He only hoped this would be only one more battle that she would survive. He only hoped he hadn't screwed her over once again.


The wait was long, longer than they could handle. Merlin was sitting in the hospital couch with an apprehensive Gwen by his side. She was visibly tired, her face still wet by her tears, and neither of them had strength or courage enough to utter a single word to each other. There was still no sign of Arthur, and Merlin was starting to get worry about it.

There were a few armed guards standing close to Morgana's door when they left the glass window, and Merlin presumed it had something to do with Morgana's apparent 'incident'. It was clear it was Sarrum's doing, at first he thought it was only a tragic coincidence the car had lost its control, but the driver didn't stop to help the damaged woman and thinking better it was quite weird how the car only hit Morgana and right after the driver seemed to had returned his control over the car. It was too early to get into concrete conclusions, but there had to be a reason for those guys be standing there.

'Mithian told me it wasn't an incident' said Gwen like she was reading his mind 'That car hit Morgana in purpose; there are people trying to hurt her'

'I know' he said observing the ground absently.

He didn't move his had to watch her, but he still could feel the surprised gaze she was giving him.

'How? I mean, no one knew. Morgana didn't tell anyone-'

'I was with her the first time they attempted to kill her' he said trying to cease a bit of her confusion.

Gwen's eyes wined, her mouth a bit agape.

'Why didn't you tell us anything?'

'I wished, I truly did, but Morgana made me promise that I wouldn't tell anything until she did that herself'

His friend watched him for a while.

'I broke my promise, though' he continued 'and now she's like this'

Merlin chest ached over all those painful feelings. Blame; his old friend, searching for embrace once again. Why he had to ruin the life of everyone close to him? Why was it so hard to not ruin everything every time?

He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, and only then he noticed he was crying.

'It wasn't your fault, Merlin' he heard Gwen's soft voice 'I know you only wished to do what was the best for her'
It would be the first time in times, then. He chuckled, bitterly. Dang it! He shouldn't be crying in front of Gwen, he was supposed to be tough for her, not the other way around.

They heard fast steps close to the corridors. Apparently, something had happened close to Morgana's room, and both of them jumped from the sofa after noticing it.


Thank you everyone who favorited, followed or left a review during this long hiatus! I'm so ashamed and sorry for the delay.

I'm also sorry about the cliffhanger, but I'll certainly update sooner this time.