Hello again dear constant readers. I keep thinking I know what I'm going to write but then it becomes something else. I guess there's a lot of charcter development to do.-J

"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider"-Lee Ann Womack 'I Hope You Dance'


Claire woke the next morning and nuzzled her face deeper into Derek's neck. The silk chemise had been rather unceremoniously cast aside when he had returned from showering. There was more to the emotions he was dealing with than just the story that he had filled her in on last night and those would be things she would have to delve into eventually if they were to make this work. She could surmise some things from the aggressive nature of their lovemaking the night before. She could tell he felt he had something to prove, if not to her then to himself. But right now wasn't the time to analyze such thoughts. Right now was the time to delight in the feeling of his skin pressed to hers, to listen to his even breathing and feel his warmth seep into her own flesh. There would be time to drag all of those horrible feelings out of him and time for her to weep for the little boy who endured such pain in silence. After all, they were still relatively young and had all of the time in the world, right? And there were much more pressing issues at hand. Claire needed to learn how to deal with the separations that would come without notice. She couldn't wait for Maggie to return from Italy. Maggie was never really herself while Spencer was away but she had obviously found a way to reconcile the separation and the fears. Hell, Maggie had dealt firsthand with the danger after only dating him a couple of months. Claire didn't know all of the details but she knew that Spencer had been kidnapped and injured. Claire's heart seized up at the thought that someone could try to take her Derek from her. Your Derek? Getting a little possessive aren't you, Claire? But he was hers. Possession being nine tenths of the law and all of that. Whose arms held him right now? That's right, Claire Turner's did. Claire spent the time that she knew she should be reveling in his presence worrying instead. Was it too soon to know she loved him? He said it first but they hadn't been dating all that long. Could this really happen this fast? Claire thought back to every other time she had been in love, or thought she was in love. It seemed love at first sight with Wayne and she supposed on some level she did really love him but that soured so quickly. Oh if Derek knew all that he had done to her, well, she just couldn't ever let him know all of those things. He looked at her with such pure love and even a bit of admiration, if he knew all of those disgusting things that Wayne had done. She just knew he'd think her sullied and ruined. She knew it wasn't right to feel that way about something that wasn't her fault but still the reality was how he would see her and that wasn't his fault either. She could never hold that against him but she'd also never be able to let him know.

Had she ever really been in love? She thought she was on the verge so many times but never seemed to fall into it. Perhaps she never let herself fall. Control freak much, Claire? And in strolls SSA Derek Morgan and control went right out the window. Claire had never felt this vulnerable in her life. Love was a scary damned thing. Was he this scared? He didn't seem so when he told her he loved her but then she was crying like someone ripped her soul right out of her body at the time. And when she had lost the baby that's what it felt like had happened. But, oh God, when he said those words to her, he put it right back, didn't he? Did he know he had her soul in his hands? Would he want to know something like that? Oh she sounded crazy. She thought of all of the strong women whose words she taught so lovingly every day. Sure, some were seemingly immune to love or at least to men but many were just as weakened and overwhelmed by the love of a man as she was right now. Mary Shelley was such a crusader for women's rights but then crumbled and fell apart when Percy died. Claire tried to get even closer to Derek at that thought although the only way to be closer would have been to climb into his skin with him. And that would have been fine with her, at least then if anything happened to him it would also happen to her. She was trembling at the thought that something could happen to him and she'd be alone and only have the memory of this perfect feeling.

"Morning baby, oh hey, what's with the tears?"

"As Maggie would say, I'm running around in my mind without adult supervision."

"So what are you thinking that has you so upset?"

"I don't think I've ever been in love before. I think there are times when I thought I was; I did get married, after all. But I don't think I ever was. I certainly have never felt like this before, something this strong and totally all encompassing."

"And that's got you crying? I will never understand women."

"We like it that way. It's better for us if you men are always a little off balance."

And Derek thought to himself that he was more than a little off balance from this woman. He wasn't sure how he managed to stay upright around her. She had thrown him for a loop and to be perfectly honest, he hadn't really ever been in love before either. He had those he loved but those were family. Was it wrong to hope that Claire could be family too someday? Oh he was totally jumping the gun on that one. It was way too early for thoughts like that, wasn't it? Wasn't it? He tried to tell himself it was but all he could see was her in white lace and clutching flowers and smiling brightly at him and saying "I do" and his mother dabbing her eyes. Okay Derek, get out of your fantasy world and when did you start fantasizing about your wedding anyway? But the thoughts persisted and became a little mocha skinned boy with Derek's own smile wobbling as he learned to ride his bike and Claire with a pink frocked girl on her hip. A girl with long ringlets and those chocolate brown eyes he had already learned led to the bottom of his own soul. Oh this woman was certainly the end of Derek Morgan, player.