Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair and protected usage.

The Road to Mandalay

Drakken and Ron pooled their money and discovered they had a total of thirty-seven dollars. "How could you leave the country without more money?" the blue man demanded.

"Hey, you didn't bring much cash either."

"I had a credit card. Did you have a credit card?"

"Did yours do you any good? I had Kim, she's better than a credit card."

"Well, I had Shego… They both let us down."

"Don't say that about Kim."

"I can say what I want about—"

"No you can't. Right now we are working together to get out of here. Wherever here is… You got any ideas?"

"I think we're north of India. Maybe in northern India. If we can get further south we're sure to find civilization. Do you know where Bollywood is?"

"What's Bollywood?"

"Indian film industry. It's huge. But I don't know where Bollywood is. We're foreign - that always has appeal, maybe we could work on a film and get a little fame before we go home."

"What do you mean, we're foreign? I mean, you almost look alien, but I'm not a foreigner, I'm pretty much normal."

"Almost sub-normal. But that's in the US. You won't find a lot of guys with blond hair here - you're foreign."

"I just want to get home."

"And I sing! They make a lot of musicals. I—"

"Why do you keep going on about movies?"

"You've never wanted to be in the movies or on television?"

"Me? No way! Who'd want to watch me in movies or on TV? You'd really like to be in the movies?"

"Of course… Who do you think runs the world? Politicians? Generals? Bill Gates? I tell you, celebrities run the world… That's an idea, no more death rays and climate bombs. I can—"

"Can we get home first?"

"Oh, right. Sorry Rod."

The two were not walking through one of the better parts of the cities, so they missed seeing the larger homes with the satellite dishes. Even on the narrow twisting streets they were on they might have caught the hum of electrical generators if they had not been talking with each other and there had been less background noise.

A fast walk through the city produced nothing of obvious advantage for them. There was no building with a sign "Lost Americans welcome here" or "Free tickets home." One dinghy building they passed was an Internet café. But without large windows to show them the interior, and with the sign in a language they could not read the two had no idea what it was. They discovered a river on the west side of the city.

"Mankind's original highways," Drakken remarked. "If we could steal a boat of some kind there would be larger cities downstream."

"How do you know that?"

"Cities were usually built by rivers for water and transportation. The biggest cities were near the mouth of rivers where they ran into oceans and seas."

It didn't take long to find a place with boats, apparently for sale or rent.

"Wonderful. Now I need you to steal a—"

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'? You don't expect me to steal, do you? That's why I have Shego."

"Kim and I are heroes, remember?"

"You and I are partners, remember?"

"I don't steal. Let's see what things cost."

Fortunately the man with the boats spoke eight languages – three of them well, although the three did not include English. He had a fiberglass canoe used for fishing on the river that was so old and battered he was willing to part with it cheaply when they told him they wanted to buy something for a one-way trip. He wasn't sure why they wanted a boat. If they wanted to leave town two tickets on the next day's bus would have been much cheaper. But they hadn't asked him about how to leave town, they had asked about buying a boat.

Although they were quoted a very good price it was still more than they had after returning to the market area in the center of town and exchanging their American money for local currency. And Ron bought some chhurpi for Rufus, which reduced their cash on hand even further and reminded both men they needed provisions for the trip.

"If only we had something to sell," Ron remarked as he looked around at the various vendors in the market.

"Or we could go back and you could steal it," Drakken suggested.

"Or find work we could do."

"It was an old boat. We'll leave whatever money we have left after buying food if you want."

The two slowly circled around the market, looking for fruit that would be good for a couple days as they worked their way down river. In addition to the sellers of food there were vendors offering clothing, rugs, and handcrafted items of all kinds. Besides those selling their variety of goods there were occasional entertainers. Two men demonstrated acrobatic skills, while a handful of singers and musicians performed. The two men briefly joined the crowd around a tiger playing a violin.

Ron stared in awe at the tiger, "That was really amazing."

"It isn't that amazing," Drakken argued. "He's missing a lot of notes and his rhythm is off."

"He's a tiger!"

"That's no excuse for abusing Mozart."

"He doesn't even have thumbs!"

"And that's an excuse for poor technique?"

"Don't you see, the point is the novelty. You don't expect a tiger to be playing the violin at all so the…" Inspiration hit and Ron pulled Rufus out of his pocket. "Rufus, ol' buddy. We need some kind of an act. Can you play a musical instrument? Any musical instrument?"

The naked mole rat looked over at the tiger, then shook his head no.

"C'mon. We need to get home. We've got to raise a little money. Any sort of tricks you can do?"

The mole rat seemed to think for a minute, then gestured for Ron to put his head down near the animal's face. The rodent whispered something to Ron, who turned pale.

"What is it?" Drakken demanded.

Ron explained the plan.

"No way," Drakken told them firmly. "I will not, under any circumstances, have a part in this."

"Don't you want to get home?" Ron asked.

"I think dying in obscurity holds greater appeal for me."

"You wanted to be in the movies. Do you think every actor gets the exact part he wants?"

"The stars do."

"Well, they didn't start out stars. C'mon, Doc. We're out here in the middle of nowhere. No one either of us knows will ever see this. We do this because we have to, but once we leave it never happened. Neither one of us will ever mention it again for the rest of our lives."

The blue man hesitated.

"We don't need much money," Ron reminded him. "It'll get us down to where we can find Americans and go home."

Drakken sighed, "All right. I'm in."

Leegreg and Winsel wandered into the market with some cash their father had given them. The yaks would spend their night in a corral and the family would start home at dawn the next day. The younger brother planned to find candy for himself, and the older brother wanted a silk scarf for the daughter of another family in their village. They were under orders to look for ideas for a gift for their mother, which their father would buy. Both young men made their own purchases quickly and began to take in the sights of the market. An unhappy looking tiger played his violin for a rather smaller crowd than the trainer felt the animal deserved. A large crowd of laughing spectators had surrounded something, but the boys could not see what.

The teenagers pushed their way through the crowd, and found the strangers they had traveled with for the last two days.

Rufus stood on an empty crate. In one paw he held a length of discarded plastic tubing which had been curved around to make a large hoop. In the other paw he held one of Ron's leather shoelaces, which he cracked as an improvised whip.

As Rufus cracked his 'whip' Ron and Drakken dove through the hoop. The mole rat tossed them pieces of chhurpi for 'treats' when they performed well - despite the fact Drakken hated the taste of smoked yak cheese. "C'mon, Doc," Ron had begged. "Great actors have to do things they don't like for parts."

In a trick Drakken had absolutely refused to participate in Rufus dropped the hoop and cracked the whip twice. Ron knelt down beside the crate and opened his mouth wide - and Rufus fearlessly stuck his head in Ron's mouth, drawing laughter from the crowd.

Winsel tossed a few coins onto the crate and Rufus picked one up and bit it - as if testing to see if the coin was genuine. Pleased to discover the coin was real, Rufus bowed deeply to the older of the two boys.

Others in the crowd, eager to see if Rufus would repeat the 'test' and bow, threw more coins. Rufus continued his part in the entertainment, at one point suddenly turning and cracking the whip at Drakken who had come closer in order to help gather up the the money. The blue man moved back, and Rufus shrugged in a 'you've got to watch them every minute' manner - earning more coins.

"Whoa, we made out like bandits," Ron confirmed as he counted the money. "We can get more food than we planned. We're in great shape!"

"Every time you say that we suffer from bad luck," Drakken pointed out gloomily.

"Hey, we suffer from bad luck even when I don't say that."

Drakken reflected briefly, "I guess that's true. But let's find some way to contact Shego and get home."

"We should contact Kim."

"Shego has the hovercar."

"Kim has… She can get rides."

"Shego will take you home if I order her. Will Kim bring me back?"

Ron changed the subject, "I wonder why they were together?"

"Very peculiar," Drakken agreed.

Back at the river they completed their purchase. The man selling the boat helped them in, then handed them their provisions and oars. As he pushed them off he called, "Water very fast," as they paddled into the current.

"Thanks," Ron shouted back. "Hear that?" he asked Drakken. "Your idea was right. A good current and we'll be down somewhere we can call for help in no time."

Unfortunately the man's limited English skills had prevented him from expressing what he had really wanted to tell the two men. Had he been fluent he might have expressed his thoughts with, "You need to be careful, there are white water rapids downstream."