Disclaimer - I do not own D Gray Man

Chapter Twelve - The Unfairness of Life

Mana and Allen were standing out in an open field, away from the grounds of the circus that they were temporarily calling their home, and the two clowns were working on a new routine for their act. They had been a part of the show for a couple of weeks and Mana knew that they needed something new and exciting to spice up their act. Their livelihood depended on their ability to keep the crowds happy.

The older of the two clowns had borrowed a springboard from the acrobats and he was currently standing a few feet away from his young charge. For his part Allen was mentally prepping himself for the stunt that Mana had thought up to end their act. He was supposed to do a series of flips onto the springboard and then land on Mana's shoulders.

Or at least that was the plan.

Allen was still a little apprehensive about the actual execution of the move. His self preservation instinct had surfaced in full force and he couldn't keep his legs from shaking as he prepared himself for the move. From his position Mana offered the child an encouraging smile.

"You can do it Allen," he called out. "Trust me. I won't let anything happen to you."

Allen did trust his guardian, the only adult who had ever offered him kindness, and after taking a couple of deep breaths the boy launched himself into the series of flips. He landed squarely on the springboard and sailed through the air, his face set in concentration.

Mana kept his eyes focused on the child and he could tell that Allen's takeoff had been slightly off. This meant that Allen wasn't going to hit his target. Reacting instinctively he leapt forward and caught the little boy before he crash landed on the ground.

Allen had known that he was going to come up short the moment he launched into the air and he quickly clenched his eyes closed, as though that would shield him from what was about to happen. The child braced for impact but the impact that he was expecting never came.

In stead of hitting the ground he crashed into something infinitely softer.

Slowly opening his eyes Allen gazed up into the smiling face of Mana. Glancing around the child saw that he was lying in Mana's arms and that Mana was now sitting on the ground. The clown had caught him and the force of the impact had knocked him to the ground.

"I'm sorry Mana..." the boy said, looking guilty.

"Don't worry about it Allen," Mana said, shaking his head as he placed the child onto his own two feet. He could tell that Allen felt bad about messing up and he wanted the child to know that it was okay. "You just need a little practice, that's all."

"Right," Allen said, holding out his hand to his foster father.

Mana accepted the hand that the child was holding out to him and as he did so his thoughts flashed unbidden to the fact that Allen was doomed. And it was by his brother's hand that the little boy had lost all hope of having a life of his own.

When he had first discovered that Allen was the host that Nicholas had chosen he had been resigned to this fact; had even been happy at the prospect of seeing his brother again. But now that he had been caring for the child named Allen, Mana found himself constantly thinking about how unfair the situation was to the boy. Allen hadn't even been given a chance to make a place for himself in the world before his future had been stolen away from him.

"Why did it have to be him?" Mana thought to himself, clenching his hands into fists.

Noticing that a strange look had appeared in Mana's normally caring brown eyes, Allen gazed up at the man in confusion. It wasn't like his foster father to stare off into space and he was somewhat concerned. Reaching up he grasped Mana's shirt with one little hand. "Are you alright Mana?"

The sound of Allen's voice brought Mana back to the present and he stared down into a pair of concerned gray eyes. He could tell that the child was worried about him and he quickly forced a smile on his face so as not to worry Allen. "I'm fine Allen. I was just thinking is all."

"I don't think you should do that," Allen said, a grin spreading across his face and a mischievous light appearing in his eyes. "It doesn't seem to be turning out so well for you."

"You're right," Mana said, nodding his head. Most people would be highly offended and deny such a claim but Mana was not most people. He was in complete agreement with the child. "I shouldn't. So, are you ready to try that stunt again?"

Allen's eyes widened but he nodded none the less. Having missed the target the last time he wasn't in any big hurry to try it again but he wanted to please Mana so he would swallow his fear and force himself to do it. He would get it right, no matter how many times it took.

Mana found that he couldn't help but admire the boy's determination as he slowly made his way over to the starting point. He could tell that Allen was scared but that only made it more admirable that he was pushing forward anyway. Despite his fear he was willing to try again.

Everyone had fear, no one was immune. It was the true mark of bravery to push forward and do something, even when you were afraid. Very few people could do this and the fact that Allen, even at his young age, could was truly admirable.

"Keep moving... never stop... until the day you die."

Mana could hear Nicholas' words echoing in his head as clearly as the day that his brother had imparted that little piece of wisdom to him. This had been his mantra ever since he lost his brother; it was what had kept him going when all he had wanted was to quit.

"I'll have to share that advice with Allen," he thought as he watched the boy once again launch himself into the series of flips that would take him to the springboard. Mana drew in a quick breath as he realized that Allen wouldn't be able to move forward... at least not the Allen that he knew. "It's not fair," the clown thought as he watched the child fly through the air toward him. "He's just a child."

Allen's aim had been better on this second attempt and he managed to land on Mana's shoulders. Unfortunately he couldn't regain his balance and he felt himself begin to fall backward. Mana felt the boy falling to and he instantly dropped and jumped back, positioning himself so that Allen would land on his stomach.

"Umph," he said as the boy hit.

"I'm so sorry Mana..."

Mana opened his eyes to see a pair of gray ones gazing at him. Chuckling softly to himself he pushed the boy aside so that he could sit up. Allen quickly climbed from Mana's stomach and stood staring at his foster father. "It's alright Allen. No harm done."

"I'm so useless," Allen moaned.

Whirling around Mana grasped the boy by the shoulders, forcing the little boy to look him in the eye. He wanted to make sure that the child took the words that he was about to say to heart. "Don't ever say that Allen. You are not useless."

Somewhat surprised by the force of Mana's words all Allen could do was stare at the clown with wide gray eyes. He had never had anyone tell him that he wasn't worthless and the words meant more to him than he would ever say. Completely forgetting that he was supposed to be stoic and detached the child flung himself at Mana, burying his face in the clown's shirt.

Mana placed his hand gently on the boy's unruly mop of brown hair and allowed him to cry. And as he comforted the child by rubbing his back Mana was once again reminded of the fact that this child was doomed. And for the first time he found himself wondering if anything could be done to reverse what was done to Allen.

"Is there a way to save him?" he thought as Allen sobbed against his chest.

A/N - and now Mana's really beginning to have doubts about what happened to the little boy. He's attached to Allen and hates the thought of the child losing himself to the 14th. Hope that you enjoyed, please leave a review and tell me what you thought.