Over the next week, things between John and Rose smoothed out. John seemed to make an effort to help Rose know him, opening up to her and talking a little more about his mysterious past, though Rose made sure not to ask him anymore about his family. After the startling incidence with the mind technique, Rose had forgiven John and they had begun to experiment with it again. Every day, they worked a little more on the strange haze that was clouding Rose's memories. Each day, the cloud got smaller and not as bright; at night, Rose would catch snippets of her memory, often with John in them. Rose shared each new memory with John and they were really encouraging. John told her that she was getting close to regaining her full memory and Rose was excited.
With Christmas nearly here, Rose was busy splitting her time between John and Jackie. It was nearly time for the big Christmas party that her grandmother Prentice would throw every year and Rose was excited about seeing her family that she didn't often get to see. She hadn't told John about it yet but she wanted to ask him to go with her. He didn't exactly seem like the formal party kind of guy and she didn't know how he'd react. She was also a little reluctant to ask because it sounded oddly like a date. Rose's face blushed when she thought about that. She couldn't deny to herself that she was growing deep feelings for the man in leather who said he wasn't her boyfriend but acted much differently than a friend. Rose enjoyed the time that she spent with John and when they were apart, she found herself looking forward to when she would see him again. When she would get ready in the mornings, she felt her palms get sweaty and her heart begin to race at the thought of seeing him soon. She knew well enough to figure out what that meant. She liked him more than just as a proper mate, even though she knew that she shouldn't. He was older than her, much older and he said that they were just mates. He didn't have feelings for her; mostly likely his deep caring for her was because he was acting as a protector over her.
Rose was quite sure that a lot of her growing feelings for John had to do with their daily memory techniques. It was a strange thing and Rose should have felt scared by it, scared like she had that one day he had pushed too hard. But every day she found herself wanting to start their sessions more and more. Though it was supposed to only help her with her memory, she found herself longing for the nudge of John's mind against her own. It was like a warm touch that she hadn't eve known she needed until she had had it. Now it seemed as necessary to her as physical touch. She hadn't expressed this to John; she didn't know if this was normal and she didn't want to voice such an embarrassing need if she wasn't supposed to have it.
That was where she and John found theirselves, two days before the Christmas party. Rose was gearing up to ask John to accompany her to the party but right now they were knee deep in their mind methods.
Rose could see the bright cloud blocking her memories ahead of her; right now it was like a fog that she could see beginning to dissipate. John nudged her mind toward it and Rose gasped involuntarily; the cloud was becoming incredibly thin.
"Do you want me to stop?" she heard John ask as a question to her gasp.
"No…..no don't stop" Rose said, slightly out of breath. "I feel like I'm getting close to remembering. Keep pushing"
"Alright" John said. A second later, Rose could feel John push her even harder. The bright yellow cloud fizzled out. She could see swirling of colors and flashes of light behind it, like a television cycling through channels and she urged her mind toward it. The images were moving too fast for her to see but she was getting closer and closer…if only she could get close enough that she could see…
"Ah!" Rose called out, gripping her head as a terrible pain shot through it. She cursed as she opened her eyes and looked John. She was breathing heavy from the exertion and when she looked at John he was too. "I was so close!" Rose bemoaned. If only she could have kept going….
"You were almost there, Rose" John said out of breath, giving her a smile. "That was so good"
"Can we go again?" Rose asked. She felt so tried, weary in her mind. She knew she shouldn't push it but she wanted so much to remember.
But John knew better. "No" he said. "I think that's enough for now. Let's take a break"
Rose and John walked into the kitchen, grabbing a drink of water before sitting down at the table.
"You're doing really well, Rose" John said as he sipped his water, looking tired himself from the memory work. "I can't believe how quickly you're moving"
Rose smiled, her mind still bristling from the touch of John's. "It's all with your help…..I might still be hopelessly lost without your help" Rose said shyly. She took a drink of water to hide her blush and then glanced at the clock. " Mum will be home anytime now" she said. She had plans to do some Christmas shopping with Jackie so she and John would be cutting their day short.
"Is that a hint I should show myself to the door?" John asked with a cheeky smile.
"No…..you know mum doesn't mind you being here" Rose said. She didn't think Jackie was fully aware of how much time she was spending with John and she didn't know anything of their memory techniques, but what she didn't know wouldn't always hurt her.
"All the same, I think I'll show myself out before she gets here" John said with a smile, his mind obviously going to where hers had.
"Alright…..if you want to be a chicken, go right ahead" Rose teased.
John looked offended. "I am anything but chicken" he said. "I just think your mum might prefer to be a little in the dark about how much time I'm here. She might think I'm a freeloader or something"
"And you're not?" Rose teased, tongue in her teeth.
"Hey, I surely am not" John asked in exaggerated offense. There was a long stretch of silence and felt that for some reason it was uncomfortable. John was shifting in his seat a lot and avoiding eye contact now.
"Rose, can I ask you something?" John asked finally, looking down at the table.
Rose felt her stomach stir; usually when someone asked that, it wasn't a good thing. "Sure" she said, trying not to sound worried.
"What are you doing for dinner tonight?" John asked.
"Nothing I guess" Rose said. At least she was fairly sure that her mum didn't want to have anything special for dinner.
John shifted a bit more. "Would you…like to have dinner with me?" he asked. He looked up at her for a moment and then backed down. His ears were turning red.
"I have dinner with you almost every night" Rose said with a smile. She had a feeling where this was going but she wanted him to say it.
"No…..that's not what I mean" John explained. "I…..I mean like…you know…..a proper dinner. Out somewhere"
Rose felt like her stomach was turning and twisting so much it felt like a swarm of butterflies were in it. John wanted to have a proper sit down dinner with her…..in a restaurant. Like a date. She had been so sure that he didn't share her feelings but now she had to wonder. The idea made her squirm in her chair with excitement. "Yeah…yeah…..that sounds good" Rose said, trying to contain the excitement that she felt.
John looked up at her finally and he was smiling one of his biggest and goofiest grins. "Good" he agreed with a simple nod.
….
Rose looked through her closest, tossing various items out and on the floor in frustration as she tried to figure out something to wear. Even though she liked all of her clothes well enough, right now they all seemed inadequate for what she needed. Everything either seemed too laid back, too dressy, made her look too fat…everything was just wrong in one way or another.
That's because this is a date…..her mind screamed at her when she wondered why she felt so invested in this going alright. She kept trying to push the thought out of her mind. It wasn't a date….even if it was she couldn't allow herself to think about it as if it was. If it turned out that it wasn't, it would be too much of a disappointment. Right now, she was just going to play it by ear; if only she could find something to wear…
"Have a bit of storm in here? Or are you just redecorating?" she heard Jackie ask behind her. Rose tossed a jumper behind her as she turned around and found her mum leaning on the door frame, arms crossed and looking at her with a look of veiled concern. She hadn't exactly been too thrilled with the idea that Rose was 'going out' with John. She hadn't told her not to, but she hadn't exactly but up for the idea either. It had put a bit of a damper on the afternoon Christmas shopping.
"I can't find anything to wear" Rose said, bending down and rifling through clothes she had already discarded. She was avoiding looking at Jackie's piercing gaze. She didn't want to hear her talk about why she shouldn't be doing this.
"Rose, are you sure that this is something that you want to do?" Jackie asked, walking further into the room.
Here we go…Rose thought in frustration. She could feel a headache starting and that was the last thing that she needed right now. She didn't want her head and her lack of memories to ruin something good that was actually happening to her. "Mum, don't" Rose warned, keeping her back turned toward her mum as she looked through her clothes.
Jackie reached out, taking Rose's hand and pulling her so that she had to look at her. "What?" Rose demanded in a slightly frustrated voice.
"I just want to make sure that you know what you're doing" Jackie said, concern on her face. "You and John are friends…are you sure that you want to change things by going out on a date with him?"
Irritation boiled under Rose's skin; for as long as she could remember, she had seen her mum bring home an interesting mix of unsavory dates home. Half the time, she had felt like the parent in this relationship; and now she wanted to give Rose relationship advice? "Really, mum?" Rose asked in annoyance. "You want to give advice on relationships? Fine luck you've had of them, why would I want to take your advice? So I can bounce from guys every couple of weeks?" Rose knew it was a low blow but she didn't care. Jackie had given her plenty of grief through her sketchy dating history and she really didn't care what she said because she felt like it was the truth.
Jackie's face showed the visible hurt the statement caused. "I just want you to be careful" she said, her voice saddened and her eyes full.
Normally Rose would have felt sad at Jackie's sadness but now it just felt like a weakness and it spurred her on. "What? Are you going to try and give me the sex talk now?" she asked sarcastically, selecting a dress off of the floor and sitting it on her bed. When she turned around and sat down on her bed, she saw Jackie still staring at her, eyes full of tears.
"That's not what I meant. I think we both know you know what to do in that area" Jackie said, her own malice tinting her hurt tone. "I meant I want you to be careful when it comes to getting hurt. John might not be everything you think he is"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rose asked defensively.
"It just means…you and he could have very different ideas about what you are" Jackie said. "What he means to you and what you mean to him might be different things"
Rose shifted uncomfortably. She was waiting, hoping, for Jackie to make some joke about how she'd slap John if he had impure motivations but she didn't. She looked completely serious and that's what made it worse. Rose was so confused about everything as it was she didn't need her mum adding doubt on top of it. She just wanted this to be a good thing; she couldn't imagine John would have bad intentions. He was mysterious and a little strange but he had been nothing but sweet and kind to her.
"Mum, it doesn't mean anything" Rose said, trying to sound nicer but still sounding annoyed because she was. "We're just going out. It's not serious so just relax"
Jackie looked reluctant but she knew she'd lost the battle. "Fine…..whatever you say, Rose. I'm just trying to look out for you" she said, crossing her arms and walking towards the door.
Feeling finally that stab of guilt, Rose said, "Mum, wait" Jackie turned around, her face red. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell at you. I just…I know you're trying to take care of me, especially after all this stuff with my memory. I really just wanted to out and have a good time"
"It's okay, don't worry about it. Have fun" Jackie said, trying to put on a happy face but it was unconvincing. As Jackie walked out of the door, Rose lay back on the bed, rubbing her throbbing head and trying to sort out her thoughts.
…
Rose finally settled on a black dress that, upon putting it on seemed to be sexy-but-not-too-sexy but that felt strange after a few minutes. She was debating on whether or not to change when the John showed up and she found that she didn't care what she was wearing as much; the grin on John's face and his eyes, obvious travel over her made her feel like she had made the right decision. She had to admit that her own eyes did quite a bit of traveling; John dressed in pair of slightly too-tight jeans and a button down shirt, so different from his normal attire did a flutter in her stomach.
Now, as they walked along the street, the air cool and pleasant as the night sky came alive with stars, Rose resisted the urge to reach out and take John's hand. They had had dinner and while it was as easy to talk as it had been before, Rose could tell that something felt different. She didn't know what it was but it felt exciting. She had even managed to ignore the pounding in her head most of the night; now, though, it was catching up to her.
Her eyes focused on the stars up above, her eyes growing slightly blurry from the pain. "You ever wonder if there's anything else out there?" Rose asked, seeing John's gaze on her out of the corner of her eye as she studied the stars. She hoped that he didn't think it was a strange question. The stars had actually been on her mind quite a lot of time since she had had her accident. She dreamed about them nearly night and when she looked up at the night sky, she felt a connection with them. It was strange to her, seeing that she had never paid them much attention before.
"Oh, I wonder that a lot of time" John said, his own gaze looking up at the glittery dots in the sky. "You only have to look at the vastness of space and think there must be something out there besides us"
Rose looked at John, expecting him to make a joke but he didn't; he was serious. It was the kind of strangeness about him that might put people off but made her more intrigued. It seemed he believed in everything from werewolves or mermaids and now apparently aliens. "So, you really think aliens are real? You think we might one day be visited by little green men?" Rose asked with a laugh.
"Maybe not green….they could be blue or yellow, maybe polka dotted or covered in fur. They might surprise you" John said with a wide grin. "Might even look like just like you"
Rose looked at him fully. He was completely serious. "Oh no, don't tell me you're one of those alien hunters" she joked.
John held up his hands in mock surrender. "You caught me…..alien hunter. That's me" he said with a small laugh.
They walked along the street in silence for a little longer, gazing up at the sky. "I dream about the stars nearly every night now. Seem a bit strange to you?" Rose asked. She was surprised when she felt John's hand against her own. His skin felt cool and yet somehow it made her warm up at the touch.
"That doesn't seem strange at all" John said, his face serious. He gave her hand a squeeze, making Rose's heart do a flip flop.
They had nearly reached her flat when the pounding in Rose's head was beginning to grow unbearable.
"Rose, are you alright?" John asked, noticing Rose's spare hand rub her temple.
"I'm….fine" Rose said. She thought that she could make it until she got home, that she could stave off her pain until she could crawl into her bed and collapse. The night had been so nice and she was reluctant to break the contact with John that she didn't want to give into the pain quite yet.
But it seemed that Rose's head other plans; a sharp, knife like pain shot through her head, from one temple to the other. She felt her knees buckle, hitting the hard pavement. Her hand broke contact with John's as she grabbed her head. It felt like a fire raged through her head, burning up her brain and even her very thoughts. She gripped her head as if by some miracle doing so would help.
"Rose! What's wrong?" John said somewhere close to her, his voice full of panic. She was in so much pain that she couldn't open her eyes to look at him, couldn't speak. She felt her body curl in as another wave of pain wracked her head. Another and another until Rose was sure she was screaming. Just when she thought she might die from the pain, everything finally went dark.
